Domly types, have you ever bottomed?

[Stella_Omega]

How was it, why did you, and if you never have, why have you never?

I gotta tell you now, that if your answer is anything besides "I have a medical condition where my lungs will fall out of the hole under my arm if so much as a rabbit fur flogger touches my shoulder" I might laugh at you.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Go ahead and laugh; I've been laughed at for worse things.

No, I never have. I have, however, used just about every toy in my box on myself a bit before ever using them on another person, to ensure I had a fair idea of the impact/effect, and how different amounts of force, etc., affected that impact/effect.

Why? Because I have no desire for having pain inflicted on myself. I have enough pain as a natural part of the effects of ageing and years of mistreating my body (sports, umpiring, etc.).

 

[Netzach]

Go ahead and laugh; I've been laughed at for worse things.

No, I never have. I have, however, used just about every toy in my box on myself a bit before ever using them on another person, to ensure I had a fair idea of the impact/effect, and how different amounts of force, etc., affected that impact/effect.

Why? Because I have no desire for having pain inflicted on myself. I have enough pain as a natural part of the effects of ageing and years of mistreating my body (sports, umpiring, etc.).

I've gotten over laughing at people and everyone has their own reasons for not doing stuff and we are all on valid life paths and blah, but I will say

A. Different. Completely.

B. Different. Very.

Wouldn't have known that till becoming a sickie, but it is.

In the sports years, Sir W, was part of the appeal ever the high of pushing yourself, the feel of being part of a team and other people expecting/demanding your best?

Not trying to paint you into a corner, it's just my worldview that a lot of this stuff is very mundane, to the point where I think most people have some lens into the other perspective.

 

[Deeply_Twisted]

No. Never.

My stepfather was... violent. End result, just the thought of giving up control or letting someone beat me puts me... in not a good place.

Laugh if you want to. It is what it is.

 

[Netzach]

No. Never.

My stepfather was... violent. End result, just the thought of giving up control or letting someone beat me puts me... in not a good place.

Laugh if you want to. It is what it is.

Yes. That gives a person a total pass in my book, more or less from "you should try it with a fox you should try it wearing socks."

And a LOT of men have this very valid response, there's a lot of abuse in the world.

 

[JustaSCOUNDREL]

Nope, it has never happened and I'm pretty damn sure it ain't gonna ether.

Mike

 

[Netzach]

It's not just something that happens to you, like a rock falling on your windshield.

 

[Netzach]

I mean, ok. You're having a good time with a gorgeous woman. She giggles and says "shut your eyes, I have a surprise for you"

and instead of shutting your eyes, all you guys say "get off my dick!" and throw her out?

Flip her over and show her who's boss and do all the work?

Really?

My mind boggles.

I like the power and the final word, I don't like the control THAT much.

 

[the captians wench]

Every toppy type partner I've been with save 3 I know for sure had/have/do bottom in one way or another. And out of those 3, I believe one might have done something along the lines of letting some one do unto them nice happy soft stuff that they didn't specify and dictate each move.

The other two, one was a complete ass, and the other egocentric. It would make them "less of a man" to ever bottom to some one else. One fucked with my head good, the other just fucked good.

All of the ones who had bottomed in some way all said "if it made her(me) happy" and "if she were the right woman" well, except for the two switches I've had the pleasure of playing with, they just liked it both ways.

I do have a sadistic side to me, and there's that whole oral fixation thing. Once I bliss out with a cock in my mouth, I could care less if he's enjoying it or not. Rather toppy of me, I think.

 

[Scotsman69]

Yes, I have switched

because she wanted to know what it was like to domme; something she'd never done. I loved her, still do, though it's now finished. We discussed her needs and fantasies, and for two years she took me as her sub when she needed to. It didn't do anything for me sexually, but I enjoyed the intense pleasure it gave her.

And I think the experience has made me a better dom. I discovered that I have a much lower pain threshold than she has!

How was it, why did you, and if you never have, why have you never?

I gotta tell you now, that if your answer is anything besides "I have a medical condition where my lungs will fall out of the hole under my arm if so much as a rabbit fur flogger touches my shoulder" I might laugh at you.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

...

In the sports years, Sir W, was part of the appeal ever the high of pushing yourself, the feel of being part of a team and other people expecting/demanding your best?

The high of pushing myself, being part of a team, and ME expecting/demanding my best. For some reason, other people on my teams almost never seemed to be anything but understanding when I wasn't at my best... perhaps because they could see that *I* didn't accept it from me.


I've mellowed out in that regard over the past few years.

I'm thinking about getting back into bowling again this fall, for the first time since heart attack number five. (Or was it number six? Meh. Even the cardiologists aren't sure. One even said the last one ('07) might have been number seven, because he thought the first might have actually been the second, and the fourth might have actually been number six, from the changes he could see from EKG to EKG.) When that last one came around, I was averaging in the low- to mid-190s per game. If, after a month or two, I haven't seen noticeable improvement from the 150s or 160s that I'll likely be rolling after five years off, I'm not sure if I'll A) continue, B) just accept the fact that I've gotten too old, or C) think about getting a new, lighter ball to see if dropping down a pound or two from the max weight ball I've always thrown allows me to recover some control and power. Well, we'll see.

[/hijack] Sorry.

 

[Netzach]

The high of pushing myself, being part of a team, and ME expecting/demanding my best. For some reason, other people on my teams almost never seemed to be anything but understanding when I wasn't at my best... perhaps because they could see that *I* didn't accept it from me.


I've mellowed out in that regard over the past few years.

I'm thinking about getting back into bowling again this fall, for the first time since heart attack number five. (Or was it number six? Meh. Even the cardiologists aren't sure. One even said the last one ('07) might have been number seven, because he thought the first might have actually been the second, and the fourth might have actually been number six, from the changes he could see from EKG to EKG.) When that last one came around, I was averaging in the low- to mid-190s per game. If, after a month or two, I haven't seen noticeable improvement from the 150s or 160s that I'll likely be rolling after five years off, I'm not sure if I'll A) continue, B) just accept the fact that I've gotten too old, or C) think about getting a new, lighter ball to see if dropping down a pound or two from the max weight ball I've always thrown allows me to recover some control and power. Well, we'll see.

[/hijack] Sorry.

I'm a strange mix of internally driven and yet working very well with external validation from someone I actually respect, so I do understand the internal pressure factor.

I can't even bowl a 100 with all my body parts online. I totally respect that someone who's been through physical hell is not going to sign on for a spanking, also. I definitely found that needles lost their allure for me.

I guess I define bottoming in a D/s very general way, and now I remember you ID primarily as sado duh me.

 

[Kurokami]

No. Never.

My stepfather was... violent. End result, just the thought of giving up control or letting someone beat me puts me... in not a good place.

Laugh if you want to. It is what it is.

I'm in the same place with regards to the violent parental unit thing, though I guess it had the opposite effect on me. Or maybe I've just always had the subby thing going from time to time. Either way, I had my period of "what's wrong with me, how can I like this?" over it, and came out the other side figuring that it's just my thing. Actually, I should probably italicize: it's just my thing. It's pain, and a lack of control, for my own ends, not someone else's. I can stop it if I need to- I have done that more than once due to freaky flashback shit- but in the confines of the bedroom, my submission is equal, as weird as that sounds. It's consensual, not something someone else is taking from me. And I don't need to feel bad or guilty about enjoying it.

Anyway, to each his own, and I doubt anyone here's going to begrudge you for not trying out the bottom stuff. Just thought I'd share my own rationale for it.

 

[Stella_Omega]

No. Never.

My stepfather was... violent. End result, just the thought of giving up control or letting someone beat me puts me... in not a good place.

Laugh if you want to. It is what it is.

THAT is the kind of lungs pouring out thing I was talking about, no laughs here.

How did you come to being the beater, so to speak, after that background?

 

[Deeply_Twisted]

THAT is the kind of lungs pouring out thing I was talking about, no laughs here.

How did you come to being the beater, so to speak, after that background?

I just am. I'd like to tell you that it seems natural to head in the other direction, but it's not. I just seem to be hardwired this way. I'm going to blame my not real fun childhood for that. If you spend your formative years getting whaled on, you want to whale back.

Sometimes I really, really, really wish I was normal. And I didn't have violent, brutal fantasies. But I do. I... just like violence. I get panicky (Read: especially violent) when I'm not in total control of the situation and I don't think I'm ever going to be able to submit to someone else willingly. Just thinking about it puts my heart rate through the ceiling.

On the plus side, my hyper violent fantasies are mostly channeled into my writing now. Which I feel is a healthy outlet.

It's kind of a shame. I *would* like to know what it's like to have the shoe on the other foot. I just can't imagine any Domme that would be willing to take me by the hand, deal with my neuroses and the potential for a complete violent freakout when I start to panic.

(What a catch, hey ladies?)

DT

 

[FireKrystals]

I have recently discovered the joys of "switching" though it was extremely hard for me at first. I love being in control, because if I am in control no one can hurt me. I also come from several abusive situations in my young life (I'm in no way old thought I feel it sometimes) I'm 27. I was very nervous when I gave my husband total control for the first time. I had been tied down before, but had I wanted I could of gotten away. This last time I had no choice. I was gagged, bound by tape and cuffs and trapped with my arms up behind my back. I couldn't see walking was rough and I wound up hopping which was hard with my ankles bound. I take great pride in tying my husband up, but I gotta say that letting loose and actually trusting one hundred percent was scary and thrilling. To those who stated they couldn't let someone have that control because of abuse, I totally feel for you. I was abused by my ex, step father, in school etc etc. I think however when you find the right person, you should allow them that right and try it out. I have found since finally caving in I feel a lot more love for my husband. Hope this helps people considering switching

 

[KoPilot]

Yeah I just realized that there's a million threads and talking points out there about folk who are dominant out in the world are submissive in the bedroom, and that's all kosher and OK, etc. But nobody ever brings up the possibility that maybe D's like to D because they get bossed around all day and want to come home and be in charge after they clock out. It's like that situation is embarrassing or shameful or something and ay dios mio if a kinky D isn't a D in every facet of their life.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Yeah I just realized that there's a million threads and talking points out there about folk who are dominant out in the world are submissive in the bedroom, and that's all kosher and OK, etc. But nobody ever brings up the possibility that maybe D's like to D because they get bossed around all day and want to come home and be in charge after they clock out. It's like that situation is embarrassing or shameful or something and ay dios mio if a kinky D isn't a D in every facet of their life.

I've brought this point up before.

The only thing that makes me "dominant" is that I get my rocks off sexually pushing around those beneath me on the primate dominance hierarchy. There are plenty of men and women who could get the better of me, it's just that I don't find that sexy.

 

[rosco rathbone]

I had someone tried to handcuff me once. I half ripped the headboard off the bed trying to escape.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Yeah I just realized that there's a million threads and talking points out there about folk who are dominant out in the world are submissive in the bedroom, and that's all kosher and OK, etc. But nobody ever brings up the possibility that maybe D's like to D because they get bossed around all day and want to come home and be in charge after they clock out. It's like that situation is embarrassing or shameful or something and ay dios mio if a kinky D isn't a D in every facet of their life.

THIS.

A novel writing friend of mine had one of her characters lose respect for a top when the character ran into him in his day job as a cashier or something. I was beta-ing for her, and I pointed out how problematic that was-- I think I said "really fucking shitty"-- and she added in the character's top giving the character a lecture about his elitist notions.

In my world, which is all women these days, so many of us have crap in our weekdays. If we could only respect high powered exec types, no one would ever get laid.

 

[Redkate]

I don't need executives.

My favourite job type is tradies. Those rough hands, strong muscles, manly attitude... Oh so good (I know I'm stereotyping!)

 

[Madraykin]

My boyfriend has a similar background to many of you who posted. He was abused physically by family members, childhood bullies, etc. and he's mentioned sexual abuse as well. It's something I would agree doesn't get discussed enough - not necessarily that specific connection by why people end up identifying as dominant in the first place.

Meanwhile there's so many threads where female subs gather and rejoice about all the reasons they identify as subs... even as a female sub I find it a bit excessive, and can't help but be more curious about the other side.

Another thing I don't hear much about is the sub's responsibility in all this. One of the things I realized early on is that it's part of my role to accept and create an outlet for this dark side of my partner's personality. He is a sadist. He enjoys hurting women, he enjoys power, he likes to manipulate. These aren't exactly knight in shining armor qualities for a man to have, but they're there and it would be naive and irresponsible of me to romanticize them. And yet I see too many women do exactly that.

Incidentally he has asked me to try topping him, and I'm not ready to do that yet, but I know because of his past that pain/beating/humiliation would be out of the question.

 

[TheArcticFox]

About eight or nine years ago, when I was first discovering this thing called BDSM, I was a sub to this lean, mean, blonde machine. Only for about two weeks. That's where I learnt I was a horrible bottom, mostly in that I found pain to be a challenge, the source of which to be conquered or destroyed.

So, I found it informative, greatly shaping me to my current lifestyle, and it gave me a very definite appreciation for anyone who can submit.

In hindsight a good experience, but not one I'd like to repeat.

 

[Netzach]

Yeah I just realized that there's a million threads and talking points out there about folk who are dominant out in the world are submissive in the bedroom, and that's all kosher and OK, etc. But nobody ever brings up the possibility that maybe D's like to D because they get bossed around all day and want to come home and be in charge after they clock out. It's like that situation is embarrassing or shameful or something and ay dios mio if a kinky D isn't a D in every facet of their life.

Absolutely. Very taboo.

But I think this has to do with our obsessions with hierarchy. And money.

I really don't understand the zero-sum mindset that people have about power.

I've said it repeatedly, some are alpha, some are beta some omega, and some are lone. Lone is not always a respected position. I'm a respected person by those who meet me, but I can't even say what I do for a living out loud and expect respect in the mainstream.

 

[Netzach]

I've brought this point up before.

The only thing that makes me "dominant" is that I get my rocks off sexually pushing around those beneath me on the primate dominance hierarchy. There are plenty of men and women who could get the better of me, it's just that I don't find that sexy.

Said more concisely, this. I have to sit around and work hard like I'm working higher math to get that kind of girl boner going in an abstract way. Fuck, I'm not that motivated.