Domination and NO desire for committment

[Shadowsdream]

Most of the Dominants I know in My day to day world have no desire for committment.
Several are only interested in play partners on an occassional basis, more partners for social events and casual entertainment.
It would appear that play partners can be as difficult to match perfectly as life partners are.
I thought it could be interesting to begin a conversation about the desires for NON committed Domination and submission.
Anyone care to join Me?

 

[MissTaken]

As a submissive, finding the right partner of any kind isn't easy.

There may simply be different challenges. I have been involved on both sides of the issue, BDSM with commitment and BDSM sans commitment.

In my own experience, one of the biggest challenges of having play partners is the risk of one or the other getting emotionally involved. That can be resolved with discussion and the two "checking" the other as they go.

Then, establishing a relationship with the level of trust necessary for BDSM without it being a "love" relationship can be difficult. Some affection and lots of communication are key.

Then, on the other hand, I have found that negotiating a potential play relationship is easier and participating is much easier. My focus is on submission, not doing all those silly little things I am prone to do with someone I am trying to work out into a long term relationship i.e. reading into what is said, trying to determine level of commitment and things of that nature.

Good topic.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I like both

My three part-time boys are no commitment relationships. I am also negotiating with a few boys to serve me in a 24/7 relationship.

I enjoy my boys, but they are busy with their careers, and I understand that cause they are very generous boys. It is not feasable for us to be together all the time, and quite frankly they are not the subs I would want ot live with.

However, our commitment to D/s is pretty close, so that when we are together we have fun.

 

[Netzach]

I love to play with interesting, vital, diverse people. I love to see what makes different people tick, how different bodies react, what tickles different people's sensibilities.

I like to at least be friends with them first. That adds a lot to a scene for me, having a more fully realized idea about who I'm playing with.

D/s is not something I could do without a sense of commitment, to a submissive, to an ongoing collaboration with them. And vice versa, if you are to submit to me I need to know that it's based on some kind of reason, that it's not because I'm a Dominant woman willing to do the job, thank God you've found one. Submit to *me* and that requires spending some time and effort learning me. It's something I undertake in turn.

 

[zipman]

I have had a few non-committed BDSM relationships, but most of it have had some degree of committment to them.

I think that it is more difficult in a committed relationship because you have to weigh your kink compatability against more additional factors. When someone is your SO as well as your play partner, you sometimes have to concede on things you normally wouldn't.

Having said that, I have never had a better or easier BDSM relationship than my current one, which is indeed a committed relationship.

 

[Shadowsdream]

It would seem by the responses that *committment* is more in the degree than in the complete absence.
Which makes much more sense than NO committment at all.
A certain level of mutual respect and friendship generally adds some depth to the experience for most.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

I don't think there can ever be NO commitment. My situation involves the understanding that a deeper commitment can evolve, but it is not the final goal.

 

[Shadowsdream]

I don't think there can ever be NO commitment. My situation involves the understanding that a deeper commitment can evolve, but it is not the final goal.

An example...real life example...
A Dominant meets a submissive online...makes the statement that She needs a driver for Saturday evening. She will be attending a private party and has no wish to take Her own car. The submissive is very happy to supply Her with this *service* and knows that all that will be required will be the chauffering. She pays little attention to him all night and he stands quietly in the background waiting Her pleasure. Both are content with the outcome as it has been exactly as stated.
Where is the committment?

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

An example...real life example...
A Dominant meets a submissive online...makes the statement that She needs a driver for Saturday evening. She will be attending a private party and has no wish to take Her own car. The submissive is very happy to supply Her with this *service* and knows that all that will be required will be the chauffering. She pays little attention to him all night and he stands quietly in the background waiting Her pleasure. Both are content with the outcome as it has been exactly as stated.
Where is the committment?

Ummm...I hate you?

I don't see any commitment there, at all.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Ummm...I hate you?

I don't see any commitment there, at all.

Now now now Johnny!
~~grin~~
As in all lifestyles *generalities* apply.
Most of the Dominants that I know that are in this NO committment satge have been there done that with the committment relationships both in lovestyles and playstyles.
Occassionally We can become burnt out and disillusioned with the incompatibilities that occur between what is presented as submission and our own needs as Dominants and will move out of the *looking* for the match and just fade back into enjoying the fringes.
I hope that made some sense!

 

[Shadowsdream]

satge = stage

 

[Ebonyfire]

It would seem by the responses that *committment* is more in the degree than in the complete absence.
Which makes much more sense than NO committment at all.
A certain level of mutual respect and friendship generally adds some depth to the experience for most.

I think that many times the connotation of commitment means there is romance involved. The person is a partner, a SO, and husband, wife or whatever. But that is a narrow view in my experience.

Just because you are not a romantic couple does not mean there is no commitment to the relationship. Just because you are not monogamous that does not mean there is no commitment.

 

[Shadowsdream]

I think that many times the connotation of commitment means there is romance involved. The person is a partner, a SO, and husband, wife or whatever. But that is a narrow view in my experience.

Just because you are not a romantic couple does not mean there is no commitment to the relationship. Just because you are not monogamous that does not mean there is no commitment.

Committed TO the BDSM or D/s relationship is a separation from committed to a SO or partner/wife/husband in My eyes...for Me...
Often that misunderstanding of what *committment* means to each is what can block the future.