Dominant or Submissive

[morewickedfun]

How does one know which you really are?
Is it something you are or aren't?

 

[Kajira Callista]

Is it something you are or aren't?

yes

 

[RJMasters]

(looks ) chuckles

morewickedfun,

3 options of answers for you

1. Do you want the comical answer with some truth attached to it so you can laugh and think about it?
2. Do you want the long drawn out, OOOH GAWD make him stop typing answer.
3. Do you want a short concise honest answer to your question?


Ps: option three is reallly the just the punchline from option 1.

 

[morewickedfun]

(looks ) chuckles

morewickedfun,

3 options of answers for you

1. Do you want the comical answer with some truth attached to it so you can laugh and think about it?
2. Do you want the long drawn out, OOOH GAWD make him stop typing answer.
3. Do you want a short concise honest answer to your question?


Ps: option three is reallly the just the punchline from option 1.

I want the truth.
I am honestly interested in knowing.

 

[morewickedfun]

yes

what if sometimes you are dominant and sometimes you are submissive given the situation? then how do you know?

 

[Kajira Callista]

what if sometimes you are dominant and sometimes you are submissive given the situation? then how do you know?

KC doesnt believe that anyone is a Dom or a sub....sometimes.

 

[crazybbwgirl]

Maybe you're neither?

 

[serijules]

How does one know which you really are?
Is it something you are or aren't?

Is this a trick question?

 

[morewickedfun]

KC doesnt believe that anyone is a Dom or a sub....sometimes.

well explain then please.

 

[morewickedfun]

Maybe you're neither?

maybe.
*shrugs*
i wanted to know.

 

[morewickedfun]

Is this a trick question?

no.
it's a question.

 

[serijules]

no.
it's a question.

I guess the answer just seems so obvious to me that I'm unsure of what more there is to say.

If you have dominant thoughts and desires and wish to express them by dominanting another person, you are likely dominant. If you have submissive thoughts and desires and wish to express them by submitting to another person, you are likely submissive. If you have a mix and match of both and wish to express them both at different times, you are likely a switch.

If there is more substance to your question I'm sure we would be happy to answer, but as it's stated, there just really isn't much to say.

 

[crazybbwgirl]

You left out "switch"

honestly it boggles my mind how some people get soooooo wrapped up and confused in these titles/ labels that really just amount to words.

Your BDSM orientation is much like your sexual orientation, it's truly a matter of preference, and although we can listen to you talk about what you've done or what you like, and then judge you based on that, it's really none of our fucking buisness... in the end it's your preference for you to choose.

But if you really can't make up your mind, there's lots of people here who are happy to read a paragraph about how much you like being tied up or love being served and then regurgitate some label without actually getting to know you.

I agree! There are so many people ready to lable you. I was a bit muddled at first - I felt like I had to fit in somewhere under some lable. But the more you get in to it the more you realize lables are just that - lables.

 

[bisexplicit]

Just stay away from the BDSM forum and you're all set, mwf.

*shrugs* For me, I just figure I like power play in any form. I like to be completely in control, or have absolutely no control. Both are incredibly hot to me - although, it seems slightly more natural for me to be powerless.

Just do whatever you want, and don't worry about it. Unless you're planning to post a BDSM personals ad.

 

[Blushing Bottom]

KC doesnt believe that anyone is a Dom or a sub....sometimes.

 

[Samuelx]

I think everybody has it in them to be both dominant and submissive at times. I'm a bisexual Black man living in Boston and I dont think of myself as a submissive at all. I've done football during my earlier years and wrestling during college. I dont like to take a back seat to anyone. With the women I've been with, I'm usually the chaser, though at times I dont mind being chased. In bed, I'm aggressive. One of the experiences I've enjoyed the most was taking a female teammate to my bed during my second year of college, back when I wrestled at BSC. She was a very aggressive, sexy Black girl. We were always jockeying for position. I convinced her to try anal sex with me and later, she admitted that I was the first male to penetrate her anally. She was a sexy lady with a hot bottom, so I felt especially proud to be her first.




I'm a top with men, as well. I tend to go for athletic-looking males of Latino or Middle-Eastern backgrounds. I'm emerging from a longtime relationship with a certain tomboy. Our relationship ended because her father, an Irishman, didn't like to see his daughter dating a Black male. Anyhow, I must say that I was disgusted with her for not standing up for me. I didn't want to be in a relationship with a female anymore. To me, she was the best that a woman could be : athletic, strong, open-minded, intelligent. Yet she still came up short in my eyes, for not standing up to her racist dad. So, I decided to try the fellas.



Guys usually give me less drama than females, so I'm cool. I'm seeing a young Black athlete from the school's Basketball team. He's great-looking and like me, he's bisexual. He's recently split with his high school girlfriend. We were both in the same boat and mutually attracted. I like this guy a lot and I've even tried bottoming for him. It's something I once swore to myself that I would never do but I had to admit that I was somewhat curious. Anyhow, I'm happy with this guy. I'm also out to a lot more people, though none of them are family members.


So, to answer your question, anyone can be dominant or submissive at times. That's just my take on these things.

 

[Bandit58]

I'm submissive and always have been. I am not a "take charge" person either in or out of the bedroom. However yesterday Master and I had a play session (vanilla) with a very shy younger woman. She had no sexual experience other than with her husband who apparently is no great shakes in bed. It was up to me to take the lead with her which I did.

Although it was something totally new to me I really enjoyed showing her and guiding her in her new experience She is very sweet which made it so much easier, and Master was there giving me cues which also helped in my first experience at "topping"

 

[submitter]

I think you can be both. Saying you are either dom or sub and thats it, like black and white, it like saying everyone is either hetero or homo and there are no bi's. I know that I personally am very dominant outside of the bedroom and CAN be dominant inside the bedroom, although I prefer to be submissive and out of control in bed. That said, there are very few people that I will submit to - I will not submit to everyone at the drop of a hat. So, I understand what you mean about being one way in one situation and being another in a different situation. I think in the end that it is a very natural way to be for some people and that it is just one more variation.

Don't worry about what to label yourself and just do what feels good!

 

[bisexplicit]

It's one thing to be grumpy, but that's just rude.

It was a joke.

Hence, the wink I threw in - in case one couldn't tell I was joking.

Next time, I'll make sure to say: Warning, this is a little joke. (And guess what, I was kidding there, too.)

 

[RJMasters]

morewickedfun,


Here is your answer: What serijules + KC said.

Why people are scratching their heads at your question and wondering if its a trick questions is.....because your question is much like the turkey who showed up at the table with a knife and fork in hand on thanksgiving as asked everyone what's for dinner?

Some questions are in and of them selves an answer, if you have to ask them.


I guess what is trying to be communicated, is that there is no secret magic decoder ring in order to discover the true meaning behind what it means to be dominant or submissive. I think serijules did a great job in explaining it. Usually those who are asking this question, are not really asking for what the definition of dominant or submissive is, they are really asking because they are trying to find out where they fit.

There is no limit to the human mind or the human heart when it comes to thoughts and emotions, they are infinite in nature. Therefore you can see the reluctance of anyone wanting to take that infinitely wonderful thing and try to cram it all down so that is somehow fits under a label of sorts.

Regardless of the negative stigma attached to labels, I happen to think they are useful to foster understanding. I know personally I am glad when I open the cupboard and reach for the salt, I am glad that someone somewhere wasn't so paranoid about the use of labels so I know I am grabbing the salt rather than baking soda. I am certainly glad that we can all agree on what an elephant is. I am glad we can all agree on what the color red is. I am glad we can agree what the value of the numeral 2 is. All of these this come with concrete definitions which have been properly labeled for consistency and commonality of universal understanding. However, once we start getting into describing and defining human behavior, we are immediately in subjective ground. The best that can be done is to create a basic fundamental definition of words like dominant and submissive, then by an associative process begin to compare and analyze our own thoughts, feelings and experiences to see how they may or may not line up with the basic definitions.

So why is everyone so resistant then to using labels? Because using my example of the cupboard above, what is often done is....... because both salt and baking soda have similar appearances, someone slaps the same label on both of them. This has and can be very damaging to a person and set them on an erroneous path based on false and narrow minded assumptions. So people are saying…..there are no tricks here, dominant means dominant and submissive means submissive, but I think what is also trying to be communicated here to you is that just because there are clear basic definitions of what these two things are, a human being does not, nor can be stuffed under such narrow definitions and be an accurate reflection of reality. Instead what is being put forth for you to ponder is that you are who it is you are whether you are neither or whether you are both, and regardless of where or how you might classify yourself, that is neither good or bad....and you fit in with the rest of us just fine.

The journey into D/s or BDSM in my experience is more about learning to accept who you are whether you are one or the other or a mixture of both.

So the answer to your question is:

No one can tell you what you are or what your not, they can simply offer you the basic definitions of the words, which they have. The rest is up to you to discover and accept for yourself. In part, it is the reason a lot of us are here, to share, to learn, to socialize with the hopes to get a better understanding of ourselves and others around us and broaden our horizons. “Perhaps” spending some time and reading some of the posts here shared by dominants and submissives alike might give you a chance to identify with some of the things they say, and help you in that journey of discovering.

Good Luck

 

[Thrall_67]

morewickedfun,



The journey into D/s or BDSM in my experience is more about learning to accept who you are whether you are one or the other or a mixture of both.

So the answer to your question is:

No one can tell you what you are or what your not, they can simply offer you the basic definitions of the words, which they have. The rest is up to you to discover and accept for yourself. In part, it is the reason a lot of us are here, to share, to learn, to socialize with the hopes to get a better understanding of ourselves and others around us and broaden our horizons. “Perhaps” spending some time and reading some of the posts here shared by dominants and submissives alike might give you a chance to identify with some of the things they say, and help you in that journey of discovering.

Good Luck

Oh, so eloquently put Sir.
Yes, this is a journey into self discovery............ it took me years to come to terms with my submissivity......... it took a Master to show me who i am inside. As a "I don't take no shit from anyone" kinda girl....... i could not deny what turned me on sexually and though i resisted at first - "Nuhuh, am i gonna do that!!"...... "Yes, my dear, you are and ask yourself why you are so aroused?'....... "er, uh, I DON"T KNOW"...sob, need, beg...
Looking back, i am glad that i had the strength to follow the path least taken and become who i am.............. welcome to Wonderland, little Alice

 

[jadefirefly]

If you wanna get really complicated, ask around about different -types- of Dom/mes and subs. That'll turn your socks around and put the icing on the confusion.

.....

Damnit, now I'm thinking about frosting. Yummy....

 

[RJMasters]

Oh, so eloquently put Sir.
Yes, this is a journey into self discovery............ it took me years to come to terms with my submissivity......... it took a Master to show me who i am inside. As a "I don't take no shit from anyone" kinda girl....... i could not deny what turned me on sexually and though i resisted at first - "Nuhuh, am i gonna do that!!"...... "Yes, my dear, you are and ask yourself why you are so aroused?'....... "er, uh, I DON"T KNOW"...sob, need, beg...
Looking back, i am glad that i had the strength to follow the path least taken and become who i am.............. welcome to Wonderland, little Alice

 

[BeachGurl2]

Basically, you've been given some good information. The library here has some good information that might be a good place to start doing a little reading. This link will take you to some discussions on switching. Maybe something there can answer your questions. Good luck.