Dom voice and psychological domination.

[Betticus]

It has always felt to me that while BDSM is a kind of taboo within polite society but a reality that can not be dismissed... within the world of BDSM the topic of psychological domination is kind of the black sheep of the family that is kind of taboo even within the BDSM community.

I have my own experiences and thoughts about this but have never asked the community for their own opinions. I'd like to hear from everyone their own take on this subject and don't wish to color the subject with my own opinions.

Let us open up about this subject and explore it from good to bad to fantasy to reality and back.

There will be cookies and milk at the end of the subject!

 

[Betticus]

Also. I posted this in bdsm cafe on purpose so people can freely throw fantasy at it and toss the subject wherever it will go. Let us keep it light and not move it so we can all play out the whole subject

 

[gracie920101]

Novice here.

I consider cyber rife with psychological domination and that appears perfectly acceptable to the community as evidenced by all the personal ads.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[SissySalina]

Voice Domination

sissy believes in voice domination. In the deep dark past is my first love, her voice will never leave sissy and always bring a chill down the spine.

sissy now has a love that really loves sissy back and Her voice is soothing and calming. It can immediately bring a calm to sissy when herd.
Her voice can command sissy to do anything, even when it changes to it's heavy tone that sissy knows will be trouble for sissy. Then there is the light tone that makes sissy feel like being at the top of Mount Everest.

Would that be what you are talking about?

 

[cookiecat]

In terms of taboo, psychological is the black sheep in BDSM. Not that fet life is any standard to go by, however, the site has deleted any groups related to hypnosis and mind control.

I have a friend who was tranced for two years. It was a long distance relationship. They met a couple times a month in person. Each night, she said he'd "trance" her to sleep. She enjoyed the suggestion to sleep more peacefully, dream about being more confident.

We learned later he also made suggestions she couldn't make any decisions without him, her opinions didn't matter - only his, being a good girl meant following his direction only.

We noticed she was becoming more quiet, less social but it was such a slow change, our circle of friends chalked it up to wanting to be with her guy more. Once they broke up, it was freaky and devastating. That was 3 years ago and - in my untrained opinion - it's taken her this long (along with actual therapy) to get him out of her head.

More later... I wanted to throw this out there. I mostly think voice and its connection to what's in our head is a good thing.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[cookiecat]

^^^^ Agree with you elle, on the voluntary part. It can be a fun and powerful adventure! Also agree it happens in all kinds of relationships.

What was insidious in the example I gave is it was voluntary at first. She was excited to delve in to this with someone she trusted. She said she felt more calm because of his soothing voice making suggestions each night.

Later, when she was feeling more isolated and uncertain, it took some digging in to her psyche to understand he was saying much, much more than she realized. She didn't remember (or at least claims this) what he was saying.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[cookiecat]

I use self hypnosis from you tube a lot. It doesn't work for me But I find it soothing and relaxing.

One of the things many recordings say is that you cannot be forced to do something you do not want. I think you CAN be manipulated in all relationships. I do not know about the hypnosis/ control aspect, and whether it's true that you cannot be forced to do want you don't want really; people do all sorts of strange thing for 'love' but is it the mind control aspect? I don't know. I mean that I genuinely don't know, not that I doubt it, for clarity.

I'm glad you brought that part up - that you can't really be forced to do something you do not want. I've struggled with this regarding my friend. A part of me wonders how much she wanted to be what she considered more submissive to him, even more dependent. She saw it as him protecting her.

It's a fine line.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Luna2121]

It has always felt to me that while BDSM is a kind of taboo within polite society but a reality that can not be dismissed... within the world of BDSM the topic of psychological domination is kind of the black sheep of the family that is kind of taboo even within the BDSM community.

I have my own experiences and thoughts about this but have never asked the community for their own opinions. I'd like to hear from everyone their own take on this subject and don't wish to color the subject with my own opinions.

Let us open up about this subject and explore it from good to bad to fantasy to reality and back.

There will be cookies and milk at the end of the subject!

I'm still fairly new as far posting on lit goes and I personally identify as a sub but I think psychological domination and yes the use of a Dom using their "Dom voice" are not spoken about much because it happens so often in ways we don't always realize. For an example I personally can be a bit of a brat from time to time and my Sir allows it to a certain extent but when He decides ive gone too far His more strict side comes out and one word in His Dom voice is enough to tell me I crossed the line and depending on what I did He may punish me and before or after my punishment is over we talk to make sure I know what I did to cross that line.

As far as psychological domination goes I think it too is a large part of what happens especially when we play. Knowing He has full control over me and that He's in charge allows me to be free to be my submissive self. His control over me is something I don't have to question. And I think a few people on here might even agree with me when I say another use is when setting a scene for an example when a Dom is fully dressed standing over Their sub who's kneeling before them anticipating Their touch (at least in my experience as a sub) it reaffirms the feeling of being dominated. The mind is as much a sensory organ as our skin our tastebuds or even sight.
I hope this helps to answer your question
luna

 

[midwestyankee]

I'm all for using my voice for effect in the moment but I have always steered clear of intentionally creating an "only with me" environment. To me, that seems like the act of an overly needy ego.

 

[celticlady]

Voices can be like physical attributes and either enhanced or minimized in a situation (just like a parent using a mom/dad tone with a child to establish/reaffirm guidance). A Dom/Domme can naturally use a more dominant tone and a sub will gravitate towards a 'little' tone, and without consciousness. While I do not agree with deliberately manipulation of anyone's free will, there's definitely something sexy about being attracted to the sounds &/or tones of a voice!
"Sexy accent", anyone?
Our brains are centers of sexuality, & voice connects directly to that. I know I can be incredibly aroused to hear only a voice and not know the physical attributes that go with it; just to hear the tones & inflections, hear the emotions. We learn to read each other's voices over the phone/in person; it's another clue as to what the other person is feeling or wanting. So why should it be any different in a sexual situation? It can be no more manipulation than makeup/hairstyle/clothes/scent - it is only as much as we are willing to be manipulated by our own desires that these are effective.

 

[Primalex]

within the world of BDSM the topic of psychological domination is kind of the black sheep of the family

Is there a different kind? Beating the crap out of her before she submits is illegal where I live.

 

[Farawyn]

How can it not be psychological?

 

[Azuldrgon]

It has always felt to me that while BDSM is a kind of taboo within polite society but a reality that can not be dismissed... within the world of BDSM the topic of psychological domination is kind of the black sheep of the family that is kind of taboo even within the BDSM community.

I have my own experiences and thoughts about this but have never asked the community for their own opinions. I'd like to hear from everyone their own take on this subject and don't wish to color the subject with my own opinions.

Let us open up about this subject and explore it from good to bad to fantasy to reality and back.

There will be cookies and milk at the end of the subject!

Here's the thing in my opinion. The whole premise of the DS portion of this community is that the sub allows the Dom to dominate. As much as people want to say it's degrading and masochistic, the fact is that some folks want to be dominated and some folks want to dominate.

 

[Iamsubmissive]

I think a Dom voice or sub voice, in my opinion, is an automatic response to the change in atmosphere. When you think about it, you wouldn't use the same tone that you use all day with everyone else. (It might be different with 24/7 types) For me, you kinda take on a different persona when you slip into D/s roles. Try saying, "Go to the bedroom," in your normal voice. I might question why you want me to go to the bedroom right now. What's in the bedroom? But change the tone to more of a command and there's no question what time it is.

I also don't associate psychological domination with mind control or manipulation. Those can be abusive and imply non-consent. Psychological domination is more of a mental stimulation. Getting in the right 'mindset'. Your submission allows the Dom to influence how you feel about something mentally. I think it's a big part of submitting and sets you free from your normal self.

 

[Betticus]

In terms of taboo, psychological is the black sheep in BDSM. Not that fet life is any standard to go by, however, the site has deleted any groups related to hypnosis and mind control.

I have a friend who was tranced for two years. It was a long distance relationship. They met a couple times a month in person. Each night, she said he'd "trance" her to sleep. She enjoyed the suggestion to sleep more peacefully, dream about being more confident.

We learned later he also made suggestions she couldn't make any decisions without him, her opinions didn't matter - only his, being a good girl meant following his direction only.

We noticed she was becoming more quiet, less social but it was such a slow change, our circle of friends chalked it up to wanting to be with her guy more. Once they broke up, it was freaky and devastating. That was 3 years ago and - in my untrained opinion - it's taken her this long (along with actual therapy) to get him out of her head.

More later... I wanted to throw this out there. I mostly think voice and its connection to what's in our head is a good thing.

This is pretty much what I was thinking. Coming from the opposite side I see and feel it. It's something that I figured out that I was doing unconsciously but when I saw it I realized that it was something scary.

 

[Betticus]

I'm glad you brought that part up - that you can't really be forced to do something you do not want. I've struggled with this regarding my friend. A part of me wonders how much she wanted to be what she considered more submissive to him, even more dependent. She saw it as him protecting her.

It's a fine line.

Yes. You can.

 

[Betticus]

I'm all for using my voice for effect in the moment but I have always steered clear of intentionally creating an "only with me" environment. To me, that seems like the act of an overly needy ego.

For me, I know that this is something that I do and that is a part of me that is just part of me. When I first figured out that it isn't something that I can turn off.. and trust me, I tried for years. It builds up and comes out anyway and usually in destructive ways for me. I also realized that it was basically evil.. to my younger self.

It actually hurt me to think that my relationships may not have been because my partner really wanted to be with me but that I was somehow manipulating someone. I have no desire to twist people I actually care about and I want them to love me honestly and with psy dom there is the chance that the love is not true.

I also realized I can't turn it off so agonized over it until I came to a balance with myself. If it is going to happen at least I can steer it into something positive.

I consciously decided that I wanted every partner, lover, friend to have the very highest self esteem and confidence so that is where I decided that the only way I could be okay with myself is to build people up to the point where they can tell me to fuck off and walk away and be perfectly okay.

I still have to watch myself because it's just too easy to not think or to get too comfortable.

 

[Luna2121]

I think a Dom voice or sub voice, in my opinion, is an automatic response to the change in atmosphere. When you think about it, you wouldn't use the same tone that you use all day with everyone else. (It might be different with 24/7 types) For me, you kinda take on a different persona when you slip into D/s roles. Try saying, "Go to the bedroom," in your normal voice. I might question why you want me to go to the bedroom right now. What's in the bedroom? But change the tone to more of a command and there's no question what time it is.

I also don't associate psychological domination with mind control or manipulation. Those can be abusive and imply non-consent. Psychological domination is more of a mental stimulation. Getting in the right 'mindset'. Your submission allows the Dom to influence how you feel about something mentally. I think it's a big part of submitting and sets you free from your normal self.

I love this beautifully said hun

 

[Betticus]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1__918W3Eys

If anyone is interested.. this is what I'm jamming to. Warning... it's electronic music