Dom/sub...what are you?

[Iris]

Just curios...there's some people I have pegged as one or the other and just wondering if I'm right.

Even if you're not in the D/s lifestyle (I'm not either) which way do you tend to lean? I'm submissive myself. I like light bondage, but that's as far with it as I want to go.

 

[Angelique]

I'm a switch here...I enjoy being both dom and sub, however, my preference is to be more submissive. Daily, I'm in charge of a lot of things at work...comes with the territory of owning your own business, I guess. So, when I become intimate, I prefer to let someone else take charge. But, I do have those days when I just like to take what I want.

A long time ago, I believe it was Nikki who started a thread like this...it was interesting to see how people viewed others on the board. Unfortunately, I'm not around often enough to have formed opinions of anyone here...a lot of new faces (so to speak) on the board.

 

[BiBabe:)]

I'm not either. I prefer to be equal with my girlfriend(or boyfriend at some times) during sex. The D/s lifestyle just isn't appealing to me. It's too wierd. How can pain and being forced to do something be a turn on?

 

[MysteryJKR]

I'm not either. I prefer to be equal with my girlfriend(or boyfriend at some times) during sex. The D/s lifestyle just isn't appealing to me. It's too wierd. How can pain and being forced to do something be a turn on?

its not forced, when both of the people are in that life style, both the dom and the sub work together and care bout each other, just in a diff way. The sub loves to take care and make her dom happy. There isnt just one way of D/s
where the dom slaps and does all that other forcefull stuff. you can be sweet and loving too. & for some even with the slapping, hair tuggin, clamps and all that its still a very loving environment.

Its very complicated and I still dont even get a lot of it,

I was a Dom in training so to speak but I dunno anymore.
& yes I was a sweet loving one. lol Pain=no no no no!

 

[MinkSoul]

I'm not either. I prefer to be equal with my girlfriend(or boyfriend at some times) during sex. The D/s lifestyle just isn't appealing to me. It's too wierd. How can pain and being forced to do something be a turn on?

um....i think your mixing SadoMasochism with Dom/sub....


S/m=hurt me... Hurt me...

D/s=I'm yours.....do with me what you will...


for me.... it depends on what mood i'm in.... sometimes i want to be in control, sometimes i want to be controlled...

mostly though... i Like the control...

 

[Iris]

Um, don't think I'm weird

But I guess that would make me a little bit of a masochist as well.

 

[MinkSoul]

Naaa... your not wierd....

a little pain never hurts...

 

[brazenblaze]

Without a doubt I'm a submissive.

I bust my ass during the work day...being in charge and running things for 40-50 people. I'm looked to constantly for decisions and leadership.

So, when it comes to my intimate relationship it is highly enjoyable to let go of the reins and allow someone I trust completely to call the shots.

It isn't about the pain at all..though that can be very satisfing as well. It is about surrendering control and letting yourself be free. A true Dom will never take you where you don't already yearn to go.

There are tons of strong women involved in D/s relationships. I think it is our way of turning our backs on the women's lib. movement for a short time without truly sacrificing our independance.

 

[Nicole]

Brazenblaze that was said so very well

I'm pretty sure you're all aware of what I am, I'm extremely submissive, I'm here to please my man, that is my purpose in life. Yes my life is mine, BUT my body belongs to someone else, for him to do with as he pleases, therefore making me pleased. Also the strength that a man can have over your thoughts, your words, your feelings, the power they have to control you fully, it's just what I want, and need.

D/s is best in an extremely trusting relationship, and a good Dom will listen to his sub, knowing what she wants and needs, reacting to her every move, just as she does to his. I think you'll actually find most Dom's are loving and caring, there is a difference between bullying and being Dominant. A good Dom is well aware of the difference.

Pain is another aspect, and people are correct in saying that pain doesn't come into the D/s relationship, once the pain enters then you've moved onto the next aspect of your relationship. To some that is good, to others that decide they don't want that, they continue on in just a D/s relationship.

So all in all, I'm a very happy sub, that couldn't take control if she tried ... in the bedroom. Away from the bedroom, although I obey the one I love, I am very much in control of two children. BUT that doesn't stop me (Like I said) from obeying ... although a good sub always keeps her Dom on his toes

 

[Earthgoddess]

As others have said-in my Daily life I am totally dominant-in the bedroom I am submissive. The ability to allow myself to let go, turning over my body to the whims and pleasures that will come-ahhh! But get me in the kitchen-or on a homeschooling field trip and I am in charge. Actually in the kitchen I am the ultimate Domme!

 

[Blackbich]

I'm not into the D/S lifestyle but I'm a submissive in the bedroom - I will do whatever you want as long as it doesn't involve too much pain.

 

[bluntforcemama]

I'm the one with the machine gun... enough said.

 

[scylis]

two words: Red October

 

[Iris]

I think it's interesting only 2 guys have posted on this so far. Men, c'mon, fess up.

 

[SpectreT]

Dom/Sub?

Both. I'm a switch, but haven't got a lot of experience either way, or anyone to gain more experience with right now. My close friends see the passive side of me and assume that means submissiveness. I guess they forget just how stubborn I can be when I have a will. On the Dom side, I really enjoy having a living, breathing human being who's volunteered herself as a sex toy, and make it my mission to see that she's not shortchanged in that bargain. On the other hand, being given a definite task and accomplishing it, surrendering myself, my will, and giving my skills and energy to another is a voyage of self-discovery I wouldn't trade for anything. I'm also a hopeless romantic, something you'll see quite often in D/S relationships.

brazenblaze, I like the symbol, and what it represents.

That's my two bits' worth....

 

[Cheyenne]

I'm pretty sure you're all aware of what I am, I'm extremely submissive, I'm here to please my man, that is my purpose in life. Yes my life is mine, BUT my body belongs to someone else, for him to do with as he pleases, therefore making me pleased. Also the strength that a man can have over your thoughts, your words, your feelings, the power they have to control you fully, it's just what I want, and need.

Please don't flame me, but I couldn't help but read some of these answers, this one in particular, imagining an abused wife doing the talking instead of a willing sub. One of the difficulties of getting an abused wife to leave her abusing husband is the devotion to the husband and the belief that he loves her and she is getting what she deserves/needs, isn't it? Isn't psychological control by the husband the biggest barrier in getting some of these women to go for help? I wonder how many of these poor women started out as subs.

Maybe some of you on the board who obviously have the psychological training that I don't have could address this.

 

[DarlingBri]

There is a difference...

Between whacking a woman upside the head because she overcooked the rice, and whacking a woman on the ass with a paddle because she wants you to.

The issue of control is key. Nicole *chooses* to give control to her husband. It is actually hers to take back. She hasn't had it beaten out of her. Women is abusive raltionships cannot take control back.

I'm not the expert you're looking for, but those were my immediate thoughts, for what they're worth.

I don't know what anyone would flame you; you've asked a question and asked the best suited people to give you information.

 

[Chaton]

I'm def. submissive~

I love having all of my decisions made for me, and being controlled completely. Occaisionally, however, I like to take control.Just for a change

 

[Juspar Emvan]

Hmmm, D/s? Well neither really, I usually take the lead in sexual situations, but don't dominate. I want to be lead at times and I want a strong and self aware woman to share with.

However I am very deffinately NOT a sub.

 

[Mustang Sally]

submissive tendencies

I think being told what to do allows me to ignore my stupid inhibitions and just act without thinking. I like that.

[Edited by Mustang Sally on 05-27-2001 at 02:33 PM]

 

[brazenblaze]

Re: There is a difference...

The issue of control is key. Nicole *chooses* to give control to her husband. It is actually hers to take back. She hasn't had it beaten out of her. Women is abusive relationships cannot take control back.

You are absolutely correct.

Cheyenne...no flaming for an honest and very good question.

Typical and true submissive women are very STRONG women. We GIVE the control to our Doms, and a true Dom recognizes that it is a GIFT not a ticket to abuse. It is very much about balance. A lot of Dom men are very laid back and non-controlling in other aspects of their lives, hence the balance.

I can see how "wannabe" submissive women could find themselves in abusive relationships, but the key to that is that they aren't true "submissives". A true submissive woman knows her limits and knows enough about herself to pick and choose very carefully. I know that I could never end up in that type relationship...the first time my husband or any man berated me in public or slapped me in the face... I would kill the bastard. Yet in the bedroom...I am totally and completely his to control (with established limits). Communication is the key like in any other style of relationship.

SpectreT...Thanks, very few take the time to know the meaning behind the symbol. I like it because to me it applies to all types of relationships as well as D/s and is a good rule to follow.

 

[cherrypop]

I'm fun. *g*

 

[SweetNick]

I'm fun. *g*

Yeah, but Pop, you've not answered the thread. As for myself, when I start getting some, I'll let you all know.

 

[cherrypop]

Okayyyyyyyy thennnn..

I'm fun. *g*

Yeah, but Pop, you've not answered the thread. As for myself, when I start getting some, I'll let you all know.

I love to both take charge, and be taken charge of. *g* I like it both ways..*g*. Depends on my mood. Hehehe
I love the partner that can be both strong and weak. Mmmmm...

 

[Iris]

I agree about the aspect of control. My lover and I have taken a lot of time to get to where we are now, into that familiar, affectionate groove.

He thought he was taking, when in actuality it was me giving. Sometimes I like to play a little rough with him, too, but 98% of the time I'm happy to let him do what he wants with me. For me it's an expression of trust. I trust him not to go too far, I trust him with my body and my feelings. He hasn't taken anything from me.