Dom/me vulnerabilities in the D/s relationship

[Sabine]

aside from the vulnerabilities that may lie in any romantic relationship (usually much more magnified though in a D/s relationship..) there is a different dynamic in the building of the relationship.. sometimes the sub her/himself is a creation of the dom..
which can be lost..

 

[CavaliereScuro]

Me, I've been in a relationship that was pure unadulterated D/s. M/s. That was the whole point, purpose and drive in it. It was not "in love" it was not even love in more than a friendly, affectionate way.

It was fascinating. It was engaging. It was fulfilling, deeply so.

That said:

I'll take my at-times hard to manage, riotously romantic, pain in the ass not always perfectly ordered D/ssy thing over it any day. So sue me.

I've read all the posts in this thread and found the responses interesting - agreeing with some points made, disagreeing with others. Of all of them, this one seems a similar thought process as my own.

Life and everything about it is imperfect. Any relationship, whether vanilla or D/s, is imperfect - and any Dom who thinks he can create the perfect slave, perfect relationship, perfect life truly has had their head stuck in some fantasy cloud for far too long.

I've experienced both sides of the coin - the pure D/s, no love, no sentiment situation and one that closely mirrors the above. I too would take the latter over the former anytime. Maybe experience and maturity have shown me that no matter what kind of sex it is, it's usually better when there is an emotional connection between the participants.

What I am about to say does not apply to those whose only involvement in D/s is scening or playing.

To address the main point of this thread, I think that one of the vulnerabilities that a Dom can have is to NOT have any real emotion in their D/s relationships.

How many times have we heard about a D/s relationship falling apart because the slave (collared or not) asks to be released because they can no longer serve a Dom that has or shows no emotion at all? Or the Dom who believes there are no needs other than his own that have merit so woe the slave that exhibits a need for emotion from the Dom. The slave is branded as having failed.

It is human nature to nurture and/or be nurtured. A slave who is given no emotional nurturing will surely waste away from the Dom's life.

 

[KillerMuffin]

So, as a human being, the Dom/me has to be wary of loving his or herself out of their D/s relationships as well? In some cases? In a general sense of course.

 

[WriterDom]

So, as a human being, the het malefemale has to be wary of loving his or herself out relationships as well?

yes and no and perhaps and maybe.

 

[KillerMuffin]

Bad choice of words on my part. I apologize for offending your delicate sensibilities, bud bud.

 

[CavaliereScuro]

So, as a human being, the Dom/me has to be wary of loving his or herself out of their D/s relationships as well? In some cases? In a general sense of course.

Yes, I guess that would be true too. Another "vulnerability" for you to consider.

 

[cellis]

I am finding that as I walk this new line between submissive and Dominant, my number one fear is that I will not be able to give her what she needs... to be what she needs me to be....

It is much easier to just be submissive and let Himself make all the decisions...

 

[FungiUg]

So, as a human being, the Dom/me has to be wary of loving his or herself out of their D/s relationships as well? In some cases? In a general sense of course.

It does depend on the dominant and the submissive. Falling in love changes the dynamic of the relationship. If it's in terms of a monogamous relationship anyway, it isn't necessarily the end of the D/s part. But if it's not the traditional live-in monogamous relationship... yeah, that's often true.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Loving and D/s go hand in hand...there is a place for romance and soft moments.
The point I have always made is that *love* CAN destroy the dynamics when the Dominant changes their style of Domination through the eyes of love.
If the Dominant becomes the submissives snuggle partner the majority of the time and the whip is replaced by the feather duster the relationship is no longer what it was. It is now beginning to recreate itself and will often slide unnoticed into an almost vanilla mode. I have spoken on this so many times that I am sure I am sounding like a broken record.
My collared slave has been Mine in a 24/7 live in arrangement for over 3 years now. We love each other with every fibre of our beings. There is romance in our lives so deep that all around us envy what we have as a couple. We work hard at our relationship every single day to ensure that the seed that brought us together is not lost in that love. Why? Because it is the BDSM that is the core of our relationship..the love is the bonus. To lose the core would be to erode the magic.
Due to the training I do in this lifestyle I have wiped many tears of both submissives and Dominants who have woken up one day alone. Their SO no longer interested in the *new* relationship that has left them feeling empty of the BDSM they crave. I have watched deep depressions occur when one of the partners could not understand why the love created a deeper need in the submissive for harder and more constant Domination while creating a lesser and softer need to control in the Dominant.
There is no right or wrong opinion...each relationship has different goals.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Loving and D/s go hand in hand...there is a place for romance and soft moments.
The point I have always made is that *love* CAN destroy the dynamics when the Dominant changes their style of Domination through the eyes of love.
If the Dominant becomes the submissives snuggle partner the majority of the time and the whip is replaced by the feather duster the relationship is no longer what it was. It is now beginning to recreate itself and will often slide unnoticed into an almost vanilla mode. I have spoken on this so many times that I am sure I am sounding like a broken record.
My collared slave has been Mine in a 24/7 live in arrangement for over 3 years now. We love each other with every fibre of our beings. There is romance in our lives so deep that all around us envy what we have as a couple. We work hard at our relationship every single day to ensure that the seed that brought us together is not lost in that love. Why? Because it is the BDSM that is the core of our relationship..the love is the bonus. To lose the core would be to erode the magic.
Due to the training I do in this lifestyle I have wiped many tears of both submissives and Dominants who have woken up one day alone. Their SO no longer interested in the *new* relationship that has left them feeling empty of the BDSM they crave. I have watched deep depressions occur when one of the partners could not understand why the love created a deeper need in the submissive for harder and more constant Domination while creating a lesser and softer need to control in the Dominant.
There is no right or wrong opinion...each relationship has different goals.

I do admire your way to define your thoughts and words in ways which cut through the BS to reveal the truth of their wisdom.

Catalina

 

[CavaliereScuro]

Loving and D/s go hand in hand...there is a place for romance and soft moments.
The point I have always made is that *love* CAN destroy the dynamics when the Dominant changes their style of Domination through the eyes of love.
If the Dominant becomes the submissives snuggle partner the majority of the time and the whip is replaced by the feather duster the relationship is no longer what it was. It is now beginning to recreate itself and will often slide unnoticed into an almost vanilla mode. I have spoken on this so many times that I am sure I am sounding like a broken record.
My collared slave has been Mine in a 24/7 live in arrangement for over 3 years now. We love each other with every fibre of our beings. There is romance in our lives so deep that all around us envy what we have as a couple. We work hard at our relationship every single day to ensure that the seed that brought us together is not lost in that love. Why? Because it is the BDSM that is the core of our relationship..the love is the bonus. To lose the core would be to erode the magic.
Due to the training I do in this lifestyle I have wiped many tears of both submissives and Dominants who have woken up one day alone. Their SO no longer interested in the *new* relationship that has left them feeling empty of the BDSM they crave. I have watched deep depressions occur when one of the partners could not understand why the love created a deeper need in the submissive for harder and more constant Domination while creating a lesser and softer need to control in the Dominant.
There is no right or wrong opinion...each relationship has different goals.

Eloquently stated and very true in many cases.

 

[FungiUg]

[...] The point I have always made is that *love* CAN destroy the dynamics when the Dominant changes their style of Domination through the eyes of love. [...]

You are a joy to read!

I agree. If you change the basis of a relationship, you may lose the relationship. You could also strengthen the relationship. Just depends on the needs and requirements of the individuals involved.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Loving and D/s go hand in hand...there is a place for romance and soft moments.
The point I have always made is that *love* CAN destroy the dynamics when the Dominant changes their style of Domination through the eyes of love.
If the Dominant becomes the submissives snuggle partner the majority of the time and the whip is replaced by the feather duster the relationship is no longer what it was. It is now beginning to recreate itself and will often slide unnoticed into an almost vanilla mode. I have spoken on this so many times that I am sure I am sounding like a broken record.
My collared slave has been Mine in a 24/7 live in arrangement for over 3 years now. We love each other with every fibre of our beings. There is romance in our lives so deep that all around us envy what we have as a couple. We work hard at our relationship every single day to ensure that the seed that brought us together is not lost in that love. Why? Because it is the BDSM that is the core of our relationship..the love is the bonus. To lose the core would be to erode the magic.
Due to the training I do in this lifestyle I have wiped many tears of both submissives and Dominants who have woken up one day alone. Their SO no longer interested in the *new* relationship that has left them feeling empty of the BDSM they crave. I have watched deep depressions occur when one of the partners could not understand why the love created a deeper need in the submissive for harder and more constant Domination while creating a lesser and softer need to control in the Dominant.
There is no right or wrong opinion...each relationship has different goals.

Exactly. It is about time you jumped in and clarified things! <smiling>

 

[Ebonyfire]

I think that when love creeps into a relationship that was founded in D/s, they may feel the D/s is out of place, and find it hard to do the things that is necessary. Without the knowledge to balance things, they drop the D/s which may work for a time, but sooner or later it becomes a wedge between the Dom/me and sub.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Interesting debate.....

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Taking it back to the original question ...

and considering i almost yakked twice last night when Fabio popped up in a Remembering the '90s show, yadda yadda on the love debate.

Let's get back to brass tacks, or is that just plain tack (harness) for use with your toy?

Not sure if the story ever got finished/published, but what would happen if the Dom/me had problems with control? Beat too much/not enough, couldn't find the happy medium?

 

[garylee]

dom/mes easy prey?

maybe?.........you could set up storylines where dom/mes have the tables turned on them by vengeful subs'slaves and or other dom/mes for revenge?
or maybe a city's mayor or police captain or such???

just guessing
garylee

 

[Bandit58]

Interesting thread..... Just have to add my 2c worth:

Master and I truly love each other. I love His kinks and He loves mine. I've recently been away from Him for a couple of weeks and I felt so stifled because I could not be me - the bisexual submissive kinky lady He loves.

If I did not love Him, I could not trust Him to do the things He does to me and submit to His wishes. We have found that love has heightened our feelings not detracted from them in the least. Everything seems so much better when you're in love

 

[garylee]

love?

If I did not love Him, I could not trust Him to do the things He does to me and submit to His wishes. We have found that love has heightened our feelings not detracted from them in the least. Everything seems so much better when you're in love
-----------

i have heard a lot about this concept. i always wondered about it.
not being a smartass...or trying to be off topic....etc.---
but being solely a domestic service slave.....i have found,...for me,...it is best to be remain platonic,..it is one thing to luv the Mistress but another thing to be involved and love the woman.
so,..i choose only to luv the Mistress and not love the woman.

i guess i sometimes admire those able to love,....but for me mostly i feel it is not part of the package deal.
ya have a great day.
i enjoy everyone's input here on this site.
garylee

 

[Richard49]

bumped