Dom/Dommes? When there just isn't enough of you

[MissTaken]

When life's little intricities seem to require more time and energy than you would like, what do you do?

When there just doesn't seem to be enough of you to meet your obligations, commitments and desires as a Dominant?

Have you ever had to say to your sub, "We need to take it easy for a bit as I am just too flippin' busy?"

Then, once said, how do you feel? How do you manage those feelings? For me, even though I do the best I can do, I am left feeling like I am neglecting someone special every single day and I really hate that feeling.

 

[Netzach]

That life's little intricacies thing....get used to it, it's kind of how life is after the honeymoon phase of D/s, at least for us. Overt displays of D/s, for me, are occasional and sporadic, but pointed and meaningful, enough to drive the point and that old elusive feeling home.

My obligations commitments and promises? Not only am I the Dominant, I'm just someone in a relationship, too. I never promised anyone a rose garden, nor domme-on-demand. We're just making this thing work, we're pointed in the same direction wanting the same stuff.

If I want to NOT make a certain decision I simply say so. Apologies are not needed. I get to decide what I want to decide. If the sub went into the relationship exepecting to never have to make another decision again, they're with the wrong D and they'll figure that our pretty quickly.

If my sub is feeling out of touch with the feeling of losing control and they can't manage to articulate "I really *need* for you to decide this for me" then again, this is doomed to fail.

You're the driver, you get to decide where to go and make a few executive decisions, even if that means taking some time off. If you are the D maybe you need to decide what you owe and DO NOT owe your sub. Feelings of guilt and fear of neglect (with someone you see regularly, not with someone you've not seen in 2 months, where complaints may be valid) really don't go in the picture, and I'd review any possible attempts on the part of an S to induce them!

 

[Mr Blonde]

When life's little intricities seem to require more time and energy than you would like, what do you do?

When there just doesn't seem to be enough of you to meet your obligations, commitments and desires as a Dominant?

That is usually when I draw back from relationships and just remain single for a while. I am in that situation right now: single and not looking! You can also see my comments in the recent "Shelving" thread.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Interesting question.

i've got to ask for a little clarification, however.

Are we talking some type of Dominant "thing," whatever that may be, happening in a 24 hour period?

With a face to face relationship, i'd think simply asking the "pick your label" to kneel beside you while you did whatever you were doing would be enough for the pyl in question. The pyl gets the attention and control; you get done what you need to get done.

If it's an LDR, can a five minute phone call not suffice? i would think a Dominant could come up with a laundry list of things for the pyl to do in a five minute conversation.

i agree with one thing. Time is the most precious resource available, bar none. Once time slips away, you never get it back.

 

[MissTaken]

Thank you, everyone.



It is an LDR and I do have some ideas, thanks to you as well as taking some quiet time to reflect.