Dom Dilemma: The Love of my Life has a Life of His Own

[PrincessKate0712]

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[spiration]

I am a very emotional person and an equally emotional submissive. My feelings have grown for my Dom and I'm afraid we won't be able to continue our current dynamic. I I love him, I would go as far to say I'm in love with him. I can see my life with him more than just as a live in sub - we have talked about this some, but nothing concrete. However, recently my Dom has been saying to me "Can't you take care of yourself tonight?" To be honest, as much as I understand that he has a life outside of me, I'm really hurt when he says this to me and end up in tears. I don't think he does this on purpose or perhaps I should just ask him to say it differently (being taken care off is such a trigger for me and something I would say is even more important than being controlled.) While my Dom and I are a part we try to talk and play almost every day and I try my hardest to please him - I find it really hard to ask him to do things outside of tasks and permission to orgasm. (He has never been one for aftercare - as if I'm expected to do it myself.) I'm not a confrontational person, typically very passive, and I'm terrified to question his wants and authority. How do I bring it up that I need my needs met too?

This may sound like an overly simple answer, but, as regards the question of how do you bring it up that you need your needs met, also? Well, you just do it!

Seriously, just say whatever you need to, whatever has been occupying your mind. You don't need to overthink it or to introduce the topic to him with some long apologetic preamble or whatever. You deserve to feel happy and fulfilled, and as unfortunate as it may sound, you can't expect people, even someone very close to you, to be able to read minds. I understand that you may feel apprehensive about making waves or possibly endangering a relationship that you are emotionally invested in, (and maybe it is somewhat out of character for you to initiate this sort of conversation) but if you don't talk about what is bothering you then you will remain frustrated, and eventually your frustration will turn to resentment, which obviously is not good for anyone concerned.

So just talk to him. Communication is the essence of any relationship, and if you have things that are bothering you but you don't express them, then the relationship suffers. A relationship by definition is a two-way street -- it's about two people communicating with each other -- not one person communicating while the other is forever keeping their mouth shut and stewing.

Additionally, I don't want to sit here and pass judgment on a relationship that I know nothing about beyond what you've written above, but, if he expects you to always be responsible for aftercare, then, I've gotta say that seems kind of fucked-up.

 

[pbear2]

It would seem to me that he's ignoring the essence of your submission...

 

[unowned73]

It's completely non of my business, and I don't mean to be rude... But you opened it up for discussion. In my opinion a good Dom (and healthy BDSM relationship - yes, I see the irony in that phrase) should also be a good person. He should always strive to meet your needs and go out of his way to take care of you and make you happy, satisfied. He will want you to always feel loved and appreciated. It should be part of his DNA to put you first in all matters. This is what makes a submissive chose to serve Him, trust Him and go out of her way to please him. The Dom and sub do what they do because they want to express their love, devotion and complete trust in each other. If you are not driven instinctively to meet each others needs, you may not be a match. Sorry. Again, just my opinion which means nothing in the grand scheme of things, but I feel you are being neglected already at what sounds like an early stage of this relationship. If that's the case, the road ahead will be an unhappy one for you.

Of course I have to remind myself that every relationship is different and I'm sure there exists D/s couples that don't give a crap about any of what I've said.

 

[PrincessKate0712]

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[DistinctlySouthern]

what is missing

Sound like you have gotten a lot opinions from the Sub side. I am sure your Love would be interested in what you need --- Do you feel and does he feel you are meeting his needs?? PM me if you want to discuss what is missing