Does this story suck?

[NotWise]

My most recent story posted this morning and it is by far the least popular story I've written. I had a beta reader look at it and got no indication that it would be so poorly received. I started a thread in HA to explore the possibility that it didn't fit its category well and/or was drawing some of the wrong readers. What I wonder now is whether I just completely blew it.

The story is Regaining Lost Ground. It was posted to Romance. It has non-lesbian F/F and husband/wife themes, but nonexplicit sex. About 7250 words (two pages).

Did I write a bad story?

 

[DreamCloud]

It doesn't really adhere to the Romance genre. In my opinion, it belongs in erotic couplings, lesbian sex, or Loving Wives (if you wish to see how thick your skin is). It would be very difficult to write a romance that includes cheating spouses.

A typical romance is when two people meet and slowly fall in love. A satisfying ending is usually required.

Your story is a good one, just not for romance readers. The story starts with happy couples (the end of most romances) and then puts them at great risk. It was well written. Personally, I kept getting Mindy and Evy screwed up. I would add some kind of internal thought to Mindy like 'call me medicated Mindy' to instantiate a memory tool for lazy readers like me.

 

[NotWise]

Thanks for taking the time to read it. I spent some time reading the romance category before I posted to it. I didn't really see that formula very much, but then a lot of the stories I read may have been atypical. I know the comments on one said that it was. After your response I found several dictionary definitions of "romance" and my story certainly doesn't fit the definition.

In order to fit it into other categories (EC, I think) I would probably want to juice up the sex scenes, and I didn't really want to do that.

The votes have come in so slowly that I've been able to track most of them. Being the quantitative analysis nerd that I am I found it interesting. Between the 2nd vote and the 19th vote I can say unequivocally what each vote was; 5s and 1s were the most common votes and no-one voted a 3. It looks like the readers are of two minds.

 

[NaokoSmith]

The votes have come in so slowly that I've been able to track most of them. Being the quantitative analysis nerd that I am I found it interesting. Between the 2nd vote and the 19th vote I can say unequivocally what each vote was; 5s and 1s were the most common votes and no-one voted a 3. It looks like the readers are of two minds.

Either that or you were trolled. If you have very few votes, a few 1-bombs can make a big difference. Ask for a private sweep. You do this by 'reporting' the story (there is a button to do this on the story), and click 'other'. Then you write in the dialogue box to say there are suspicious votes and can you have a sweep of the story. In a few days you may see the vote change. I've seen mine change dramatically (this is posting in other categories like EC where there is a lot of trolling).

This cleans out the automatic 1-bombs which some people go through and drop on every story in the list. If yours doesn't have many votes because people dropped out of reading it - it not being their romantic thing - or because they weren't sure how to vote on it, then a few of these will really pull the score down.

There is a slight risk you will lose some higher votes, where people went back and quickly clicked 5 without leaving the page open for long enough to count, but I find my votes climb quite a bit if I have cause to ask for it to be done.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

I looked at the story. It sux. I didn't score it.

Its so existential its schizophrenic. That is, its a compilation of what happens from one moment to the next, minus a logical current to move things along. Its how schizophrenics live. Intentionality is missing....there's no good sense of what its all about.

 

[NotWise]

Its so existential its schizophrenic.

Interesting. Thanks.

 

[PennLady]

My most recent story posted this morning and it is by far the least popular story I've written. I had a beta reader look at it and got no indication that it would be so poorly received. I started a thread in HA to explore the possibility that it didn't fit its category well and/or was drawing some of the wrong readers. What I wonder now is whether I just completely blew it.

The story is Regaining Lost Ground. It was posted to Romance. It has non-lesbian F/F and husband/wife themes, but nonexplicit sex. About 7250 words (two pages).

Did I write a bad story?

You didn't write a bad story, but you did write one that doesn't quite fit the Romance mold.

Conventionally, a romance has two people who want to be together, and have to overcome obstacles for that to happen. Occasionally it's an unhappy romance, when one of them dies or they are star-crossed, etc. Those aren't the only rules, of course, but it's fairly standard, and you don't have that.

This story was well-written, but I can't say I liked it. Mindy seemed really unstable, and although I'm sure there are a range of behavior for bipolar people, she didn't seem to be bipolar. Sex-addicted, maybe, but not sure about bipolar.

And if her husband is so concerned about her, and wants to keep an eye on her, couldn't he take steps? Have someone check on her? Take her with him to Alaska (which would have its own set of issues, I realize)?

You have a story here, and there's nothing wrong with it. I couldn't quite figure out where you were going with it, but that's okay.

 

[NotWise]

I couldn't quite figure out where you were going with it, but that's okay.

Thanks. That actually sounds like it might be about the same thing that NOIRTRASH said.

 

[Learin]

It has non-lesbian F/F and husband/wife themes, but nonexplicit sex. About 7250 words (two pages).

Perhaps I'm getting old but.....what is a non-lesbian F/F?

 

[NotWise]

Perhaps I'm getting old but.....what is a non-lesbian F/F?

A sexual experience shared by two women who are not lesbians.

 

[Handley_Page]

My most recent story posted this morning and it is by far the least popular story I've written. I had a beta reader look at it and got no indication that it would be so poorly received. I started a thread in HA to explore the possibility that it didn't fit its category well and/or was drawing some of the wrong readers. What I wonder now is whether I just completely blew it.

The story is Regaining Lost Ground. It was posted to Romance. It has non-lesbian F/F and husband/wife themes, but nonexplicit sex. About 7250 words (two pages).

Did I write a bad story?

I found it a trifle difficult to read.
It read as a cross between a police report and the patient's report to her shrink, but OK in length; any longer would have been really difficult.
I thought the language good, though.

 

[jsmiam]

A suggestion, is that romance as a category is like a secret handshake. If you can read stories in the romance category and truly like them then maybe you can write them. Otherwise, probably shouldn't..

(Given that my first draft said "stay awake" rather than "truly like", i suppose that tells you where i stand? ;-) My loss though. Like yoga classes at the gym, i bet romance is where all the cute girls are.

 

[NotWise]

Well THAT's complicated.

I did read what was on Romance and I liked it, but I didn't imagine that the genre was limited to what I read.

I never was a fan of romance novels (my wife is), but really the romance category on Lit has a definition that is quite different from the more general definition of romance stories. It seems to be a standard on its own. I'm not going to disagree with that. It is what it is.

It must have been a failure in my writing,but I thought that Carl's reaction was an affirmation of the love in their relationship. Please tell my why that was not romantic.

 

[NaokoSmith]

Like yoga classes at the gym, i bet romance is where all the cute girls are.

I posted a romance in Novels and Novellas but to my surprise it seemed to be most appreciated by hetero men. They ate it up. I now think men read a lot of romance, especially HEA romance.

 

[geronimo_appleby]

I posted a romance in Novels and Novellas but to my surprise it seemed to be most appreciated by hetero men. They ate it up. I now think men read a lot of romance, especially HEA romance.

which one is it?

 

[jsmiam]

I posted a romance in Novels and Novellas but to my surprise it seemed to be most appreciated by hetero men. They ate it up. I now think men read a lot of romance, especially HEA romance.

Novels and novellas is just romance on steroids. Romance is a fancy restaurant with small serving sizes and candles. Novels and novellas is a hot air balloon ride where the GUY is the one wearing the espadrilles, and they do wine and cheese while airborne . ;-)

 

[geronimo_appleby]

Novels and novellas is just romance on steroids. Romance is a fancy restaurant with small serving sizes and candles. Novels and novellas is a hot air balloon ride where the GUY is the one wearing the espadrilles, and they do wine and cheese while airborne . ;-)

bullshit.

 

[DreamCloud]

I posted a romance in Novels and Novellas but to my surprise it seemed to be most appreciated by hetero men. They ate it up. I now think men read a lot of romance, especially HEA romance.

Older men, generally 40+, have left the world of instant gratification. We want something with more bite to it. Erotica with feeling. The thought of spending non-sex time with a 20-year-old bombshell is similar to torture. Like our investments, we think long term, in and out of bed.

 

[jsmiam]

bullshit.

Mere humor, don't get your espadrilles in a wad.. (In advance of you not getting that joke either, i do know that espadrilles are shoes... It's more humor, y'see?).

 

[geronimo_appleby]

Mere humor, don't get your espadrilles in a wad.. (In advance of you not getting that joke either, i do know that espadrilles are shoes... It's more humor, y'see?).

it ain't monty python.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

I posted a romance in Novels and Novellas but to my surprise it seemed to be most appreciated by hetero men. They ate it up. I now think men read a lot of romance, especially HEA romance.

Naah. All adventure-thriller-noire writers try to include romance but it never works. The writers wanna hook female readers but romance and hunters is too incongruent to put in the same pen.

 

[NotWise]

Older men, generally 40+, have left the world of instant gratification. We want something with more bite to it.

Is there value in generalizing about such a large and diverse group?

 

[robertreams]

Some tense confusion, tons of unnecessary extraneous information, and very little action. Too many words. Much of it reads like a newspaper article , Too factual and matter of fact, little excitement, no description. We need more sight, taste, touch, sound, feeling, more emotion. Very flat. About a three on my peter meter. Certainly not what i would consider a "romance". (Two people meet, hate one another, duck and dodge and go through hell, finally get together, have one good sex scene and sail off into the sunset.) There is no intensity of emotion to make this a romance. No major problems with editing, spelling, usage, etc.

 

[DreamCloud]

Is there value in generalizing about such a large and diverse group?

In marketing terms, yes.

 

[PennLady]

Thanks. That actually sounds like it might be about the same thing that NOIRTRASH said.

No, not at all. It's just a personal observation. Also, I am probably missing out on some stuff because I didn't read the previous story involving Carl and Mindy.

I agree that the last scene, between Carl and Eve seemed to reaffirm their commitment to each other. Heck, plenty of people get off, at least allegedly , on the idea of their partner having sex with someone else. So if Carl found the idea of Eve and Mindy together arousing, then great. Or if he considered that it made his wife even with him for his sleeping with Mindy, even if Eve doesn't know about it, that's fine too.

But I didn't know those things before reading the story, so this story leaves me feeling as though I missed some elements (which it seems I did), and that feels incomplete.