Does this qualify for the Guinness book of records?

[scheherazade_79]

Please don't read any further if you're of a nervous or squeamish disposition...

This evening, when I got home from work, I sat on the toilet and produced a turd that was easily 20cm long. The most incredible thing about it was that it was completely intact. Even when it hit the water, it stayed in one giant piece, curving along the bottom of the toilet and then poking about 10cm out of the water.

Without wishing to sound ghoulish, it was quite an exciting moment.

But it left me with quite a problem - one of those awful moments when you flush and just watch the water level rise and rise and rise until it's almost lapping around the toilet seat. For a few seconds I even wondered whether it was going to pour over the edges and flood the bathroom carpet!

Now usually when this happens, the water level subsides really fast and you're left with very little water in the bowl. But it didn't happen this time. Instead I have half a toilet full of water. The turd has gone, but out of sight doesn't necessarily mean out of mind. I have my suspicions that it's still lingering somewhere in the outlet pipe.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to clear it? I thought about getting a stick and poking it down while I flush, but I have a feeling that's going to be like playing snooker in white water rapids.

One more question - does anyone have the phone number for the Guinness Book of World Records? As I'm only 5ft4, I think that turd was a real achievement

 

[hydrex]

well it might help if you posted the size in standard measurements as well. If you didn't take a picture your screwed as far as guiness is concerned. Besides I think they have to measure it as well. Maybe Ripleys believe it or not would have been interested as well.

 

[cantdog]

Unwitnessed!

Having flushed, sweetness, you are shit out of luck for the Guiness people.

 

[scheherazade_79]

Shit...

 

[BigAndTall]

Shit...

There is (not joking) a fossile of shit left in Vinland at the area of the viking settlement there that was measured at 28 cm I believe.


So your shit out of luck.

 

[rgraham666]

Sche? You have got to get out more.

 

[Guest]

Sche? You have got to get out more.

True.

 

[minsue]

Sche? You have got to get out more.

. .

 

[neonlyte]

This treads like a traffic accident, you can't help yourself from looking.

 

[TheEarl]

Sche? You have got to get out more.

Or at least eat more bran.

The Earl

 

[dr_mabeuse]

A plunger, darling. A plumber's helper.

You flush the toilet again and let it fill with water. You want the cup of the plunger filled with water too. Then you jam it over the hole and pump it up and down until the clog breaks up.

They're cheap and every home should have one.

And don't worry about it hanging around in the pipes. Once those suckers hit the water they start to decompose.

Try more roughage too. Bran fiber helps. Or Metamucil.

--Zoot

 

[Guest]

This treads like a traffic accident, you can't help yourself from looking.

You got that right!

And how much do I wish I hadn't opened this thread directly after sitting down with two slices of warm, freshly buttered toast.

Cheers, Scheh, yeah, um, nice. You sound like a very proud parent.

 

[Boota]

My favorite plumber terminology: plunger = turd wrench.

 

[china-doll]

My favorite plumber terminology: plunger = turd wrench.

My favorite plumber terminology: Plumber = Turd Herder




(The train wreck thread thunders on )

 

[SeaCat]

It scares me to have to ask this, but enquiring minds want to know, and no one else has asked. Just how did you know exactly how long this member of congress was? Did you decide to measure? If so why?

As for Guiness and Ripleys, I believe you would have to produce it for them, in front of their witnesses. (Think you could do it again, on command?)

Now, I'm out of here, this thread reminds me too much of work.

Cat

 

[hydrex]

I have a penis that is 23 cm long does it qualify for Guinness or Ripleys?

Ok Ok but somebody had to say it.


If you need to shat again I volunteer to measure it for you, and make sure everything works out in the end.

 

[Shadowskill Knight]

(The train wreck thread thunders on )

I believe the thunder just got louder

 

[bobwhitecrow]

So are you saying

you are full of shit?

Some people are easily amused.

Sheesh.

 

[Shock Chick]

And on and on.

Scheh, it's your fault Lou couldn't face being here this morning, and I'm here instead.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Sorry but I found this rather funny!!!

I read about a man who measured his everyday, length and width. It was in a doctor's advice column....the doctor told him to get a life.

I think my kids still have you beat......I would pass out if anything the size of what they left behind ever came out of my ass.

 

[elsol]

Thank you...

My stomach hurts from laughing, but thank you.

Sincerely,
ElSol

 

[scheherazade_79]

Thanks, folks - the situation got resolved later on into the evening. I took another shit and managed to torpedo the previous one into small pieces. Don't ask me where it's all coming from - I eat my 5 portions of fruit and veg. I just think it's because I've been stressed.

Big and Tall - How do you know that? I'm impressed!

RG / Svet / Minsue - That's half the problem. I've been out too much - with work, and I find it really hard to shit in toilets that aren't my own.

Neon - It is kind of fascinating in a ghoulish way, isn't it?

Earl - Doesn't bran just make it float on the surface?

Dr Mabeuse - I've never used a plunger before. What happens if you suck it back out of the pipe and it refuses to go down a second time?

TLou - I'm sorry I spoiled your toast. It could have been worse, though - just imagine if you were eating sausage sandwiches...

Boota / CD - I like the definition! They should use it for a commercial!

SeaCat - I estimated the length. As for producing in front of people from Ripley's or the Guinness Book of Records - forget it. I have to have very specific conditions before I can go. I need total solitude, peace and quiet around me, and a book.

Hydrex - Eeeeeeeewwwwwww!

Shadowskill - I'm confused!

Shock Chick - I'm sorry. I really don't know what got into me... but I sure as hell know what came out of me!

Abs - You make me feel glad I don't have kids! I saw gorilla shit once, and that was pretty impressive!

Elsol - You're welcome