does this mean anything?

[sexualbeing]

ok I have been in a relationship for 8 years and I have to children we are so so with the relationship but it could be better. About 2 months ago I had a dream of a much older guy who comes to my job every morning to make deposits he 's funny and cool to talk to. Well since the first dream sparked I have been thinking about this man and something inside of me wants to be with him so bad it's almost like he's my soul mate. I wrote a thread earlier this month and alot of people gave different views some told me to stay with my current boyfriend for the sake of our family and some told me if im not happy then move on. I chose to stay in my relationship and work things out. I havent seen this guy in about 2 weeks because I am on workers comp. until july 1st. So not seeing him sort of kept my mind off of him. But the other day I had a dream of this guy but they are not sexual dreams, either it's dreams of him being around me and him comforting me through hard times in my life . Does these dreams mean anything and why am I dreaming about this man when I know that I am in a relationship with someone else. These dreams are just making my feelings for this man stronger and the feelings for my current bf drift.

 

[cellis]

ok I have been in a relationship for 8 years and I have to children we are so so with the relationship but it could be better. About 2 months ago I had a dream of a much older guy who comes to my job every morning to make deposits he 's funny and cool to talk to. Well since the first dream sparked I have been thinking about this man and something inside of me wants to be with him so bad it's almost like he's my soul mate. I wrote a thread earlier this month and alot of people gave different views some told me to stay with my current boyfriend for the sake of our family and some told me if im not happy then move on. I chose to stay in my relationship and work things out. I havent seen this guy in about 2 weeks because I am on workers comp. until july 1st. So not seeing him sort of kept my mind off of him. But the other day I had a dream of this guy but they are not sexual dreams, either it's dreams of him being around me and him comforting me through hard times in my life . Does these dreams mean anything and why am I dreaming about this man when I know that I am in a relationship with someone else. These dreams are just making my feelings for this man stronger and the feelings for my current bf drift.

I was a social worker for years and it seems to me that you are missing something in your relationship and this man for whatever reason is a representation of that. I certainly don't have all the answers but if you truly value your family, I think it would be beneficial to you if you would examine what is wrong with your primary relationship and try to fix that.

What is missing in your relationship that this man seems to represent?

I had a friend once who had an online affair and her husband found out. Afterwards she would say to me, "it wasn't real, it was just online." It is the same thing here. It is not real, it is a fantasy.

 

[LadyJeanne]

Hmm...interpretation of dreams is interesting. You can best determine what this dream means because only you know what explanation feels most 'right'.

To me, though, it sounds like you might be attributing certain characteristics to this older man that you want more of in your life. Are you overwhelmed and stressed out by your responsibilities and believe this older man could take care of you better than your boyfriend does? Is there a kindness in this man that seems to be lacking in your boyfriend? Does he pay a lot of attention to you and you wish your boyfriend did more of that? Do you look up to this man, but maybe look down on your boyfriend a little?

Whatever it is, this man is really an unknown to you. You've built him up in your head based on your brief daily interactions, but that doesn't mean you would actually have the kind of relationship you think you might have with him. You should take this dream/fantasy and consider what you and your boyfriend could do to make this more of a reality in your relationship together.

You seem to want to feel safe and taken care of...what can your boyfriend do that would help make you feel that way? Work this out with your bf, because this man from work is really just representative of what you aren't happy with at home.

 

[sexualbeing]

I really dont know what he represents maybe it's that he's more into the conversation and my bf is so bottled up. He also is a good friend.

 

[sexualbeing]

lady jeanne I feel exactly like im stressed and there's too much responsibility on me i work, cook, clean and take care of bills and all I ask of him is to watch our children because he 's doesnt have a job currently. It seems as if our relationship is crumbling mainly because it seems like the burden of providing is all on me. He wont clean, cook, I have to beg him to take out the garbage. It's kinda a mess right now and Im stuck because this man at one point was my all. But to me it seems like he feels diffrently about me from the lack of help to the selfish sex it shows in his actions. This other guy I mention I think he's into me but we havent passed that boundary because I have a bf and he respects that but we are friends.

 

[Recidiva]

lady jeanne I feel exactly like im stressed and there's too much responsibility on me i work, cook, clean and take care of bills and all I ask of him is to watch our children because he 's doesnt have a job currently. It seems as if our relationship is crumbling mainly because it seems like the burden of providing is all on me. He wont clean, cook, I have to beg him to take out the garbage. It's kinda a mess right now and Im stuck because this man at one point was my all. But to me it seems like he feels diffrently about me from the lack of help to the selfish sex it shows in his actions. This other guy I mention I think he's into me but we havent passed that boundary because I have a bf and he respects that but we are friends.

I don't always put much power into dreams, but there was one dream I had when I was married to one man (who had had an affair) and I had given up on loving someone else, so I stayed for the sake of my son, who was only a year old.

But there was a man online I was in love with, he was my best friend, my confidante, and I knew he was more interested in my welfare, more interested in me as a person, than the man I was married to.

In my dream it was a party, and I was alone, except my online man was in the crowd. It was at my family's house. He was mingling, and inside I was possessive and panicked. Why was he here and why does he look so natural, so normal...he wasn't even looking at me, and I just wanted to drag him outside and demand what was going on. But it was obvious. He was there for me and he'd always be there for me. A part of my life I couldn't do anything about, because he chose to be there.

I told him about this dream and he said..."Sounds like something I'd do."

I still wasn't sure about leaving my husband because of the sake of my kids...but a friend of mine asked me whether or not my children deserved a mother who was happy, and wasn't that the best thing I could give to them?

We've been together now for seven years. Not easy, but worth it.

Whatever your dreams are, if they are persistent, you'll know what they're trying to say, just listen.

 

[sexualbeing]

it feels great to hear your experience and know that dreams sometimes represent something or someone that you maybe destined to be with. thankyou for your kind words and suggestions congrats on your relationship I wish you the best!

 

[Recidiva]

it feels great to hear your experience and know that dreams sometimes represent something or someone that you maybe destined to be with. thankyou for your kind words and suggestions congrats on your relationship I wish you the best!

It might and it might not, it's not up to the dream, it's up to what you do with it. Best of luck and my hopes for your happiness

 

[LadyJeanne]

lady jeanne I feel exactly like im stressed and there's too much responsibility on me i work, cook, clean and take care of bills and all I ask of him is to watch our children because he 's doesnt have a job currently.

It seems as if our relationship is crumbling mainly because it seems like the burden of providing is all on me. He wont clean, cook, I have to beg him to take out the garbage.

It's kinda a mess right now and Im stuck because this man at one point was my all. But to me it seems like he feels diffrently about me from the lack of help to the selfish sex it shows in his actions.

This other guy I mention I think he's into me but we havent passed that boundary because I have a bf and he respects that but we are friends.

I used to see a guy whom I didn't trust would be able to take care of me if I needed him to, and ultimately stopped seeing because of it. I was young and clueless, so had no idea this was why I had started falling out of love with him after 6 years. When we started living together, we were engaged, but then I saw that he wasn't 'strong enough to be my man', for lack of a better way to say it.

I realized he needed me to always take care of him and everything else, and this is who he was, and that's who he always had been, and this is who he always would be...and I couldn't really sign up for a lifetime of that...but, as I said, I was young and clueless, so it wasn't until I started being attracted to other men that I recognized how miserable I had become at home. That was what finally made me realize I needed to move out.

If your boyfriend has always been like this, then you have decide if you can accept that in your life.

If this is recent, something caused a change - maybe if you can figure out what that was, your path will be clearer on what to do next. Maybe it's depression, or feeling of inadequacy due to his unemployment and being dependent on you. That might be something you can work through with the help of doctors and counselors.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

If your boyfriend has always been like this, then you have decide if you can accept that in your life.

If this is recent, something caused a change - maybe if you can figure out what that was, your path will be clearer on what to do next. Maybe it's depression, or feeling of inadequacy due to his unemployment and being dependent on you. That might be something you can work through with the help of doctors and counselors.

If his behaviour has been this inconsiderate throughout your relationship and you have been unhappy for a long time then I would consider your options. Although a break-up is always extremely difficult on kids, having miserable parents or parents who don't respect each other is also a disservice to them. Your bf's refusal to help in the home when he's not working is disrespectful and if that's his usual way (and I'm not suggesting that it is) he needs to know that it's unacceptable. Right now you sound like you are carrying your family and that will make you stressed and unhappy.

Obviously no relationship is going to be a new blank canvass after 8 years and 2 kids. This guy you've become drawn to seems to be almost like therapy; a daydream to distract you from your current relationship enough to allow you to endure it. You should think very carefully before acting on your romanticised fantasy of this man.

 

[SesameStreet]

This guy you've become drawn to seems to be almost like therapy; a daydream to distract you from your current relationship enough to allow you to endure it. You should think very carefully before acting on your romanticised fantasy of this man.

I agree. The older man is a fantasy of what you think you need in your life right now. The age difference could indicate a loveing father figure. Concentrate on trying to work through the things that you see as being wrong with your current situation. Daydream men seldom if ever live up to our expectations if we really get to know them.

 

[sexualbeing]

First off I would like to thank all of you for your responses and I really appreciate it. On the most part it seems as if most of you believe that this feeling for this guy is based upon what I see in him that lacks in my bf, that may be true and it seems like its the most reasonable answer but is there a small chance that these feelings are real? I mean I see and have friendly conversations with alot of guys at work they are as well charming , nice and funny but this guy is the only one that catches my eye. It's like a unsaid connection. I dont know I am stuck and I even tried keeping my mind off this guy for my relationship sake but somehow he tends to pop up in my mind all over again .

 

[Rebellious_Sub]

I have had similar experiences, and from what I've learned, it is true that what we *think* about the other man may not be the *Real* thing... I have to say, that for myself personally, it was always what I believed was missing in my current situation, I was so certain would be present in the new man... of course I never thought the new guy would be lacking in other areas, because I had so focused on the things my current lover was missing... It is almost worse, (hate to say) when I really advanced and went with the new man over the one I had already, as I had expectations that were unrealistic, because I had built them up so high... wow, hope that jibberish made any kind of sense....*rolls eyes at self* just trying to help. Hope it does... Take care.

 

[sexualbeing]

thank you all for your comments I will take them all to heart.

 

[M's girl]

On the most part it seems as if most of you believe that this feeling for this guy is based upon what I see in him that lacks in my bf, that may be true and it seems like its the most reasonable answer but is there a small chance that these feelings are real?

Well, from what you tell us about your current boyfriend I would say ANYONE would look like a better bet at this point. Your boyfriend should start getting his act together or he will lose (is that with one O? I'm blank at the moment) you. You better tell him that. But running to or off with this guy you've had dreams about is probably not the answer. Like others have said: he LOOKS like a pretty darn good alternative, but mostly because your current relationship is in such bad shape.

Good luck and be wise...

 

[LadyJeanne]

he will lose (is that with one O? I'm blank at the moment) you.

Lose is correct.

Loose is 'not tight' or release as in, 'let the dogs loose'
Lose is 'to not have anymore' or to 'lose the game'



Sorry, lose/loose is a pet peeve of mine.

 

[M's girl]

Lose is correct.

Loose is 'not tight' or release as in, 'let the dogs loose'
Lose is 'to not have anymore' or to 'lose the game'



Sorry, lose/loose is a pet peeve of mine.

Hi LJ,

Thank you

I could not figure it out when I wrote earlier. Now that you explaned I know, of course

 

[sexualbeing]

Well, from what you tell us about your current boyfriend I would say ANYONE would look like a better bet at this point. Your boyfriend should start getting his act together or he will lose (is that with one O? I'm blank at the moment) you. You better tell him that. But running to or off with this guy you've had dreams about is probably not the answer. Like others have said: he LOOKS like a pretty darn good alternative, but mostly because your current relationship is in such bad shape.

Good luck and be wise...

I have told my bf many times how I feel about him not helping out all he does is make excuses and blames it on me. Somethings telling me to end it and the fear of being without him because we have been together for so long terrifies me. I have really been thinking about this and a strong feeling is telling me to leave. It seems like it get worse day by day. As with this older guy I wouldnt mind just being good friends with him. Something about this guy draws me to him.