Does it make you cringe?

[Chicklet]

Yesterday I gave a friend a printed copy of my newest, best ever story. She opened it up and read a sentence out loud, and I cringed away. I can't stand to read my own work, to hear my own work, to see my own work...it's as though I want it to just disapear.

Does anyone else cringe away from their own writing? How do you feel about reading your own work? How do you feel about others reading your own work in front of you, or reading it aloud to you? Hot, horny, excited, nervous, eager, scared?

Tell me.

 

[MWG]

It's been awhile since I've read my own work that is posted at Lit, and just a few minutes ago, I clicked on the links in my sig and read through my stories. Some were written when I was 18-19 (I'll be 21 in two weeks), and even through such a short span of time, my writing style seems to have changed a lot. I definitely cringed at them; my dialogue seems so trite, and the scenarios seem really contrived and just totally unrealistic to me.

Right after I write a story, I always read and re-read to be sure I'm satisfied before I let anyone see it, so at the time, my own writing doesn't make me cringe. But the more my style and ability evolves, the more I look back on my older stuff and I think, "Gads, I can do better than that." I'm usually my own worst critic, in retrospect.

 

[Icingsugar]

There are and handful of certain people that I'll let read my unpublished work. Those include Lin, two of my friends who in fact knows and understands what it means to write stuff. and Mom (maybe not my Lit stories there...).

Anyone else? No way in hell. Not with me in the same room at least. I feel this urge to peek over their shoulder spittingout lame excuses like "I'm gonna rewrite that line" and "yeah, I know, that part sucks".

Readong my own stuff? All the time. Whenever I write something, I have the lowest self esteem a living creature have ever had since we crawled up from the mud and sprouted legs. So I re-read old stories and essays, thinking "Hey, this didn't stink all that much, maybe I'm not a no-good worthless piece of slime anyway!"

 

[oggbashan]

Writing Class

I'm enrolled in a writing class.

I have to read my homework out loud every week.

So does everyone else. It makes you realise how important commas and full stops are.

I read my story aloud to myself before hitting the save button.

Og

PS. I couldn't do that with many of my Lit stories. I'd need a whole day just to read one.

 

[Colleen Thomas]

When I ask one of my roomates to proof read I have to leave the room. No matter how good I thought it was when I finsished and printed it out, I get nervous beyond belief when I actually ask someone to read it. I don't think I would survive someone reading it out loud. I have never been brave enpugh to even try that

-Colly

 

[sirhugs]

Yes!

Once its 'done' I never want to see it again. All I notice is the flaws. But then, I have 0 self esteem.

 

[Guest]

There's one person on earth who can read my work while I'm there (reading his face). He lives in Vienna and we're related.

Perdita

 

[ffreak]

Reading aloud is the only way I catch my mistakes. Of course for the Lit stories, I whisper - makes them seem better for some reason.

Ben Bova, a very good science fiction writer once said something like: Every story I finish, I look at it and say this is the best thing I've ever done. Then I write the next story and say the same thing. If I go back to any story I wrote before, I look at it and say I can't believe I let that get out of my hands and I can't believe someone was stupid enough to actually buy it.

Point being, we grow, or at least we hope we grow, as writers. If we want our readers to understand the story the way we envisioned it, we need to hear it the way they hear it. That may be in a locked room with a hushed whisper or it may be in a classroom environment with someone else's nervous voice put to the test. We need feedback so that the next story is even better.

At some point in time, we no longer want to resurrect the dead. We come to an understanding that no miracle can revive that old piece of crap and to try will only slow us down and hobble our creativity.

-FF (marketing assistance available - only 1¢/word in advance - no discounts for aussie porn sites - in fact they have to pay double so MathGirl's Auntie can have her retainer)

 

[SlaveMasterUK]

no, not really, and well, sometimes...

I gave a copies of Rhiana to some female friends and loved their reviews to bits, but I didn't let them have it until I was about to leave so they couldn't read it while I was there. However a few months later I gave it to a male friend, and we had a good laugh dissecting parts of it. I even read some scenes out loud to a few mates during a drinking evening, then it became a regular thing before we all passed out - I read the story, my mate adds some cheezy piano accompaniment, the rest listen and cringe.

Originally read out loud by a Pissed up SlaveMaster, around 3am, with piano accompaniment in square brackets
Mistress gently rolled her fingers across Rhiana's lips [plink-plonk-plink-plonk-plink-plonk] then began to tickle her clit [tinkle-tinkle-tinkle-tinkle]

it was one of the funniest things I have EVER experienced.

As regards reading my own stuff, I absolutely love it. I've just finished editing The Fallen, which involved two hardcopy edits of 70 A4 (Letter) pages each. It took a week per copy, evenings and lunchbreaks, and now I've finished I really miss it. I can't wait to print the final hardcopies for my friends so I can have one for myself. Something about the scene and the mood of the story really touches me inside, particularly the ending. It's not because I think I'm really that good, but just like my music, I'm the only person who writes what I really like.

ax

 

[SlaveMasterUK]

ffreak, I know exactly what Ben Bova is talking about, with both music and stories.

ax

 

[Svenskaflicka]

I feel the same way about hearing someone read my stories out loud as I feel about someone drawing my picture - excited! It feels as if I'm being touched by invisible hands, and my skin goes hyper-sensitive.

Svenskaflicka
Attention Slut

 

[deliciously_naughty]

I actually read my novel in progress aloud to a friend over the weekend. It was a nervy experience...I disliked waiting for her to pass judgement.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Every now and then, a Mystery happens.

I write a post, submit it, I see it at the end of the thread, and I go back to AH. A little while later, I see that someone else has replied to this thread, so I go to see what has been said - and suddenly, my post from just 2 minutes ago is gone!

Eaten by the mysterious Lit Monster!

Now it's spreading. I open the thread to see what DN has written - and her post is invisible, too! The last post I see in this thread, writing this, is by SMUK.

What the EFF is going on????????

 

[gauchecritic]

The only writing I let real* people read of mine is humour. I wait expectantly and then dive in when I see them smile to ask which part they're up to.

Very difficult reaction to watch for if they're reading smut. "Which particular part was it that made your nipples poke through your dress just then?"

Gauche

*Real people being those I can see in front of me. (For all I know you lot are Cartesian extensions of my subconscious. But don't tell Henri Bergson I said that.)

 

[LeatherCandle]

As I'm writing my story I have no problem reading it, re-reading it, flaunting it, and having it read back to me. As soon as it is completed, proofed, edited, and to my liking I submit it. As -soon- as it hits public viewing I can't even consider reading it. I have no idea why it happens. It's a little disturbing to me actually. I can look at the page that has my words on it, but if I start to read it I get all uncomfortable. But you know, I just chalk it up to psychosis.

 

[Icingsugar]

*Real people being those I can see in front of me. (For all I know you lot are Cartesian extensions of my subconscious. But don't tell Henri Bergson I said that.)

Hey guys. Pack up, go home. He knows.

Bad jokes aside, there is a point there. We publish our stories for thousands to read. Some of us do it under a screen name, others with their smut on their sleeve. Nobody gives THAT a second thought? Personally, I can stand on a stage in front of a thousand-headed audience and make an ass out of myself. But in front of two people? No way.

Weird. Really.

/Ice - a figment of your imagination

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I think that learning to separate yourself from your work is a difficult but very necessary part of learning to write, and the ability to look at your stuff critically is in some ways a measure of how professional you are.

That being said, the things I write where I really stretch or push myself--that is, the worthwhile things--are always difficult to submit to review, simply because I can't be sure if they work or not, and because I know I'm taking a chance. But I also think I've reached the point where I have a pretty good idea of what's good and what's not in what I write, and I'm willing to ignore or even argue back with critics.

The same thing goes with reading stuff I've written before. I used to have an almost pathological avoidance to rereading older material, to the point where sometimes I couldn't bear to go back and re-edit a piece and would just hold my nose and submit it. I'm much more tolerant of myself now.

---dr.M.

 

[mtnman2003]

Hidden side

I find I write the stories, and reread them on Word until I am comfortable with story, and get excited about putting it here for others to read.

I am hoping that I convey the experience adequately, to elicit a response from those that read the story. I then find myself looking daily at least once to the number of readers of the story and maybe a vote on their appreciation of the material.

I have not read my material once submitted. For good or bad.

I am a closet author. I am sure that my lifemate (spouse) would not, under any circumstances, approve of such writing, let alone telling stories. Plus, I would have to fire my admin assistant!!!
And that would be the end of business as I know it.

Kidding aside, I am envious of other authors that can actually have someone know what they do, and be able to present stories for review, either aloud or otherwise.

Mtn

 

[raphy]

Like SMUK said - I'm the only person who writes what I really like. That, and like Svenskaflicka, I'm an attention whore and I don't have a low self esteem - Maybe because that's because I've had fairly consistently good feedback, and I allow myself to believe it when people say 'Yeah, you write really well.'

So yeah. I re-read what I write. I do it a lot, in fact. I re-read it because I love it. I like the stories I craft, the plots I write, and the characters that I've built. I like to see others reading my stories and enjoying them the way that I enjoy them. I love to see people turn to me after they finish Absolution and say "Wow, you had me guessing right up until the end." or "I had the pieces all fitted in place and it looked just right, and then you spun the last twist"

But in the end, I love my work, because if *I* don't, what's the point in writing it?

 

[Guest]

But in the end, I love my work, because if *I* don't, what's the point in writing it?

Thanks, sweets. You made me notice I only responded in part above. I love my writing too and reread myself for pleasure (not that kind of pleasure, haha).

So, yeah, I find pleasure in my text(s).

'dita

 

[Quint]

Ditto Svenska and Raphy. I get giddy when my friends read my work or when I read it later. I spot the imperfect lines with belated accuracy and shrink a little, but just as often, I spot the Fuckin' Genius lines and glow. (I'm very small and radioactive by now, for those who are curious.)

Definite stage whore. Nerves, overheated lighting, splinters under my toes, all eyes on me--I want it all.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

I will not go so far as to call myself an attention whore (though I know a few who would). An attention whore would STAND getting attention in order to get something else out of it. Me, I stand something else, in order to get some attention.

There's a difference.

 

[KillerMuffin]

Gotta love the big lizard.

 

[oggbashan]

Personally, I can stand on a stage in front of a thousand-headed audience and make an ass out of myself. But in front of two people? No way.

Weird. Really.

I can understand that. A large audience is inhibited by its own size. There are few people prepared to make the effort to interrupt a speaker (unless he's a politician). Even if they want to, the speaker has the microphone so the interruption might not be heard. Asking questions after the presentation is impossibly challenging for some.

An audience of one or two people are not so inhibited and will interact with you directly. They are quite willing to say "What a load of rubbish". It would take courage to do that from the floor during a speaker's presentation.

Og (who doesn't need the microphone and is seen as a nuisance by the local politicians because I'm not deterred by any audience and am too large to be ejected easily)

 

[McKenna]

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