Dixon Carter Lee
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(double post)
[This message has been edited by Dixon Carter Lee (edited 04-21-2000).]
[This message has been edited by Dixon Carter Lee (edited 04-21-2000).]
Does it exist?
- Thread starter Dixon Carter Lee
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Dixon Carter Lee
Headliner
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Romantic love and sighs of fire surely exist, and are as important as air, but they're not enough to build, say, a marriage on, or any true, lasting love.
True, lasting love is more less about "I thirst for you" than it is about "I had a shitty day, want to hear about it?" True lasting, love is less about enjoying the soulful times, and more about sticking out the times of boredom and enui.
As sterile as it sounds (at first), Marriage, and true, lasting love, are about a contract that binds deeper than poetry and thrilling orgasm, and go to the very nature of "couple", which is all about honor and committment, and to loving "us" more than loving her, or yourself.
I have a friend who used to say that true love is when you're laying in bed, and your wife has a big booger hanging from her nose, and instead of ignoring it, you smile and sweetly say, "Oh, honey, you've got a big booger -- Let me get it."
Now that's intimacy.
[This message has been edited by Dixon Carter Lee (edited 04-21-2000).]
True, lasting love is more less about "I thirst for you" than it is about "I had a shitty day, want to hear about it?" True lasting, love is less about enjoying the soulful times, and more about sticking out the times of boredom and enui.
As sterile as it sounds (at first), Marriage, and true, lasting love, are about a contract that binds deeper than poetry and thrilling orgasm, and go to the very nature of "couple", which is all about honor and committment, and to loving "us" more than loving her, or yourself.
I have a friend who used to say that true love is when you're laying in bed, and your wife has a big booger hanging from her nose, and instead of ignoring it, you smile and sweetly say, "Oh, honey, you've got a big booger -- Let me get it."
Now that's intimacy.
[This message has been edited by Dixon Carter Lee (edited 04-21-2000).]
Melody_lane
Literotica Guru
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Sometimes I think that I want to have sex....well, I know that I do
but, other times I think that what I really want is the intimacy that should go along with it. I guess that is why I always choose to wait. Because that intimacy just doesn't come from having sex with someone. I know that it will probably sound silly and idealistic....but when I *dream* -that's what I imagine. Intimacy...and this overwhelming sense of completion and comfort, expressed through the act of making love. Everything- wrapped up and consumed within each other. Do you think it could ever be like that? With anyone? ISn't that what it is supposed to be? Or am I just kidding myself, here? I get so scared that it doesn't exist. That my idea (or is it ideal) of love is only that- an idea or ideal. A figment of...hollywood's imagination manifested in my mind. I've never known anyone to be in love how I want to be in love. SO, how likely could true love, soul mates, and happily ever after be? And even if it does exist-how worthy could any human be of something so wonderful?
[This message has been edited by melody_lane (edited 04-21-2000).]
[This message has been edited by melody_lane (edited 04-21-2000).]
No, trust me, it exists. I've had it happen with 2 different people. Most recently a good friend that I had flirted w/forever. I was at his house one night, and it just sort of....happened. That's how I realized I cared a great deal about him, actually. He just had this look in his eyes, and we didn't have to say a thing. And INTENSE...dear god was that intense. We cared about each other so much....well, you'll know it when you feel it, even before you get physically involved.
BTW, my "friend" is now my husband.
BTW, my "friend" is now my husband.
melody love is not just a piece of hollywood
it really does exist in the world,but the hard part of it all is finding the thing?????? which will come to you one day when you might not expect it too ,when a person you meet really catches your heart and not just your sex urges,then you will find your ideal relationship tolive happyly
with and hopefully ever after as nothing is for ever
it really does exist in the world,but the hard part of it all is finding the thing?????? which will come to you one day when you might not expect it too ,when a person you meet really catches your heart and not just your sex urges,then you will find your ideal relationship tolive happyly
with and hopefully ever after as nothing is for ever
Laurel
Kitty Mama
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Sex is a just a physical act - something that gives you (and hopefully your partner
) pleasure.
That being said, much of what's enjoyable about the act originates in the mind. It's like food - someone could invent a pill that, when eaten, tastes like a delicious chocolatey mousse. But as much of the enjoyment of eating that mousse is the lovely appearance of the dessert, the creamy texture on your tongue, and the bittersweet smell as you lift the spoon to your mouth, a little pill can't give you the same fulfillment. The difference between good sex and bad sex isn't usually in technique - lovemaking is fairly uncomplicated. Birds do it, bees do it, or so the song goes... It's how you perceive what's going on - how attracted you are to your partner, how strongly you feel for them, the sights, the sounds, the flavors, etc. - that distinguishes a forgettable rollaround in your boyfriend's car from mind-blowing, ovary-busting, multiple-climaxing nirvana.
It's been my experience that if you have sex with a guy specifically to build "intimacy", you're going to be disappointed. Intimacy comes from other places - from sharing experience, from caring deeply about the other person, from trust. Now, if you want to have sex with a guy because he makes your loins quiver, that's a good reason. If you feel intimate with a guy AND your loins quiver, then every steamy Hollywood love scene you've ever witnessed will pale in comparison to the feelings of completion and comfort you'll feel. IMHO, of course...
That being said, much of what's enjoyable about the act originates in the mind. It's like food - someone could invent a pill that, when eaten, tastes like a delicious chocolatey mousse. But as much of the enjoyment of eating that mousse is the lovely appearance of the dessert, the creamy texture on your tongue, and the bittersweet smell as you lift the spoon to your mouth, a little pill can't give you the same fulfillment. The difference between good sex and bad sex isn't usually in technique - lovemaking is fairly uncomplicated. Birds do it, bees do it, or so the song goes... It's how you perceive what's going on - how attracted you are to your partner, how strongly you feel for them, the sights, the sounds, the flavors, etc. - that distinguishes a forgettable rollaround in your boyfriend's car from mind-blowing, ovary-busting, multiple-climaxing nirvana.
It's been my experience that if you have sex with a guy specifically to build "intimacy", you're going to be disappointed. Intimacy comes from other places - from sharing experience, from caring deeply about the other person, from trust. Now, if you want to have sex with a guy because he makes your loins quiver, that's a good reason. If you feel intimate with a guy AND your loins quiver, then every steamy Hollywood love scene you've ever witnessed will pale in comparison to the feelings of completion and comfort you'll feel. IMHO, of course...
Melody, I feel the exact same way as you, but I beleive that if you feel that way, and you meet a guy who feels the same (Not neccesarily about you, but about the things you described), then the magic will happen on it's own. It can happen in other ways of course, but let me assure you, a LOT of guys share your feelings and concerns, and if nothing else, that should at least give all us romantics hope that there is a person out there who fits all our hopes and desires about what a partner should be.
MADDOG
MADDOG
Thephantomprincess
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<nods in a greement with everyone in the room>
Most of my serious and passionate relationships have started from people whom I have been friends with first, and for a long time. I find that a friendship really builds intamacy. It's also a good trial run about how a relationship with this person would work. If they are not a good friend, they would not be a good partner. On the other hand, some of the people I am closest to I have had a relationship with. It goes both ways. But, friends first is definitely good advice. It's also safe.
Most of my serious and passionate relationships have started from people whom I have been friends with first, and for a long time. I find that a friendship really builds intamacy. It's also a good trial run about how a relationship with this person would work. If they are not a good friend, they would not be a good partner. On the other hand, some of the people I am closest to I have had a relationship with. It goes both ways. But, friends first is definitely good advice. It's also safe.
Whispersecret
Clandestine Sex-pressionist
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DCL hit the nail on the head. That surreal love can be had, but I think it will almost always be a fleeting thing. When that initial polish rubs off, what you have left is what will keep you together until that golden anniversary.
A guy who gives you a huge bouquet on Valentine's Day and rubies on your birthday and recites love poems to you nightly may be romantic, but will he be there for you, like DCL said, when things are shitty? When both of you are complacent with each other or even argumentative, can you count on each other to weather out those bad times? My marriage went through a really rocky year and a half. I had daily, sometimes hourly, thoughts about divorce. Things are better now. I still have thoughts about finding a good divorce lawyer once in a while, but hopefully I have a strong enough character to resist that and perservere. (sp?)
So, Melody, yes, look for that spark, those fireworks, that certain something, but be on the look-out for MORE. Look for someone who has what it takes to stick with you and support you when the honeymoon is over.
A guy who gives you a huge bouquet on Valentine's Day and rubies on your birthday and recites love poems to you nightly may be romantic, but will he be there for you, like DCL said, when things are shitty? When both of you are complacent with each other or even argumentative, can you count on each other to weather out those bad times? My marriage went through a really rocky year and a half. I had daily, sometimes hourly, thoughts about divorce. Things are better now. I still have thoughts about finding a good divorce lawyer once in a while, but hopefully I have a strong enough character to resist that and perservere. (sp?)
So, Melody, yes, look for that spark, those fireworks, that certain something, but be on the look-out for MORE. Look for someone who has what it takes to stick with you and support you when the honeymoon is over.
Xander
Rekindled
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I've tried to prevent myself to reply to this post. But now you can all see how that went.
Yes I'm a firm believer in, that the one and only is out there. That two people really can go the distance, for better and for worse.
I've seen it happend with my friends. But I've never experienced it myself. Have I ever been taken by storm by a girl. Yes indeed I have. But was it THE true love. No I don't think so.
Unconditional love do exist. But the way I see it, is that it's very very rare. It will only be a few blessed that will find it.
This may sound both harsh and pessemistic. But let's be honest. How many do any of you know who actually go the distance.
And those who think they have experienced the one true love. Well excuse me. But if you're not with the guy/girl anymore. How can he/she possibly have been the ONE???
Ok, that was my 2 cents. I'm gonna go back to my corner and observe again.
Yes I'm a firm believer in, that the one and only is out there. That two people really can go the distance, for better and for worse.
I've seen it happend with my friends. But I've never experienced it myself. Have I ever been taken by storm by a girl. Yes indeed I have. But was it THE true love. No I don't think so.
Unconditional love do exist. But the way I see it, is that it's very very rare. It will only be a few blessed that will find it.
This may sound both harsh and pessemistic. But let's be honest. How many do any of you know who actually go the distance.
And those who think they have experienced the one true love. Well excuse me. But if you're not with the guy/girl anymore. How can he/she possibly have been the ONE???
Ok, that was my 2 cents. I'm gonna go back to my corner and observe again.
Ezzy
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quote from xander
And those who think they have experienced the one true love. Well excuse me. But if you're not with the guy/girl anymore. How can he/she possibly have been the ONE???
Ok, that was my 2 cents. I'm gonna go back to my corner and observe again.
Because she was Killed,in a road accident when going to get her brothers permission to marry me.So yes I believe that true soulmates are out there,its possible I will find another.I may not but which ever I'm going to keep looking.
EZ
And those who think they have experienced the one true love. Well excuse me. But if you're not with the guy/girl anymore. How can he/she possibly have been the ONE???
Ok, that was my 2 cents. I'm gonna go back to my corner and observe again.
Because she was Killed,in a road accident when going to get her brothers permission to marry me.So yes I believe that true soulmates are out there,its possible I will find another.I may not but which ever I'm going to keep looking.
EZ
Xander
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I'm sorry for your loss Ezzy. I didn't mean to offend you.
One very close to me died because of some drunk driver, just a few weeks ago. Yes someone I had a relationship with. So you have my deepest sympathy.
But what I meant, by my previous post was, that there are so many people out there who believe the have found the ONE, and still after they have broken up with the guy/girl believe that they have been with the ONE. That's a contradiction of terms if there ever was one.
If he/she was the one true soulmate, the love of a lifetime. Then they would still be with him/her. Simply because they, deep inside themselves, cannot imagine life without the other.
One very close to me died because of some drunk driver, just a few weeks ago. Yes someone I had a relationship with. So you have my deepest sympathy.
But what I meant, by my previous post was, that there are so many people out there who believe the have found the ONE, and still after they have broken up with the guy/girl believe that they have been with the ONE. That's a contradiction of terms if there ever was one.
If he/she was the one true soulmate, the love of a lifetime. Then they would still be with him/her. Simply because they, deep inside themselves, cannot imagine life without the other.
Laurel
Kitty Mama
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As sterile as it sounds (at first), Marriage, and true, lasting love, are about a
contract that binds deeper than poetry and thrilling orgasm, and go to the very
nature of "couple", which is all about honor and committment, and to loving "us" more
than loving her, or yourself.
Exactly... Except the funny thing is that despite how it sounds, it's NOT boring or sterile. I've been madly in lust before, and it's sure exciting, but it doesn't hold a candle to real love of the booger-picking variety, as explained by Dixon.
But what I meant, by my previous post was, that there are so many people out there
who believe the have found the ONE, and still after they have broken up with the
guy/girl believe that they have been with the ONE.
I think people can change, and The One for you right now may not be The One for you ten years ago. Before I fell for Manu I used to tell my friends "There's no Mr. Right - only Mr. Right-Now", meaning that you can enjoy a person for a while but at some point you may both may find your paths go different directions. That doesn't mean you were never in love, that the person wasn't special, The One for that time.
That's why it's near impossible to find s life-long relationship when you're in your teens. People change too much between 15 and 25, so a guy/girl who could read your mind in junior high may feel like a stranger by the time you go off to college.
contract that binds deeper than poetry and thrilling orgasm, and go to the very
nature of "couple", which is all about honor and committment, and to loving "us" more
than loving her, or yourself.
Exactly... Except the funny thing is that despite how it sounds, it's NOT boring or sterile. I've been madly in lust before, and it's sure exciting, but it doesn't hold a candle to real love of the booger-picking variety, as explained by Dixon.
But what I meant, by my previous post was, that there are so many people out there
who believe the have found the ONE, and still after they have broken up with the
guy/girl believe that they have been with the ONE.
I think people can change, and The One for you right now may not be The One for you ten years ago. Before I fell for Manu I used to tell my friends "There's no Mr. Right - only Mr. Right-Now", meaning that you can enjoy a person for a while but at some point you may both may find your paths go different directions. That doesn't mean you were never in love, that the person wasn't special, The One for that time.
That's why it's near impossible to find s life-long relationship when you're in your teens. People change too much between 15 and 25, so a guy/girl who could read your mind in junior high may feel like a stranger by the time you go off to college.
Magic Merlin
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Sometimes I think people have found the one. The one they could be with forever. But then they get back into the grind of everyday life and their committments and responsibilities draw them back to their "everyday realities"...
After this happens, it seems as if they stop really looking at each other. "I mean really stop looking at each other",, the way they did when the relationship was new. Our lives are so fast these days. And people enter into relationships truly wanting and intending to be intimate and to love that person, but when reality hits and the differences in each other comes out, there seems to be a tendency for one of the other to sort of "check out" of the relationship.
That intensity, the intimacy, that "soul mate" feeling does exist. I truly believe that. But difficult times enter into all relationships as time goes by. Even with your soul mate......
Melody, there are guys out there, such as several who have posted here, and myself that agree with you. We love the intimacy, the closeness, that sweet delicate wonder that one gets from being with someone that they love. Its the absolutely most wonderful feeling in the world. At times I have found it almost spiritual!!! Its not easy, but I do believe it exists!!!
I have to believe that. I can not accept any other way!!!
After this happens, it seems as if they stop really looking at each other. "I mean really stop looking at each other",, the way they did when the relationship was new. Our lives are so fast these days. And people enter into relationships truly wanting and intending to be intimate and to love that person, but when reality hits and the differences in each other comes out, there seems to be a tendency for one of the other to sort of "check out" of the relationship.
That intensity, the intimacy, that "soul mate" feeling does exist. I truly believe that. But difficult times enter into all relationships as time goes by. Even with your soul mate......
Melody, there are guys out there, such as several who have posted here, and myself that agree with you. We love the intimacy, the closeness, that sweet delicate wonder that one gets from being with someone that they love. Its the absolutely most wonderful feeling in the world. At times I have found it almost spiritual!!! Its not easy, but I do believe it exists!!!
I have to believe that. I can not accept any other way!!!
Hullo_nurse
Literotica Guru
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It is out there, believe me. I say this not only from personal experience, but from the lives of the patients I work with every day.
As many of you know I am a hospice nurse. I have the honor and privilage to care for those at the very end of their life. The stories I hear bring me to tears. Couples married for 50, 60, 70 even 80 years. Wonderful years, loving years, devoted years.
Many of those years were hard: wars, the depression and countless other hardships. But to see the devotion, the never-ending love shining in their eyes, even at the end; to hear the story of how they fell in love, the tales of their love affair with each other, the struggles to raise a family; and then to see the only person that the dying recgonizes, whether by sight or the sound of their voice; to see then calm down immediately the instant they realize their spouse is in the room; to see the spouse climb into the bed with their dying partner, holding them as they take their last breath... it never ceases to amaze me.
So, yes; true love, the kind that makes you feel whole and complete, even when you are no longer in "lust" with each other, is out there. And if you are lucky you will find it!
(hands the box of tissue around....if you are like me the tears might be flowing...)
As many of you know I am a hospice nurse. I have the honor and privilage to care for those at the very end of their life. The stories I hear bring me to tears. Couples married for 50, 60, 70 even 80 years. Wonderful years, loving years, devoted years.
Many of those years were hard: wars, the depression and countless other hardships. But to see the devotion, the never-ending love shining in their eyes, even at the end; to hear the story of how they fell in love, the tales of their love affair with each other, the struggles to raise a family; and then to see the only person that the dying recgonizes, whether by sight or the sound of their voice; to see then calm down immediately the instant they realize their spouse is in the room; to see the spouse climb into the bed with their dying partner, holding them as they take their last breath... it never ceases to amaze me.
So, yes; true love, the kind that makes you feel whole and complete, even when you are no longer in "lust" with each other, is out there. And if you are lucky you will find it!
(hands the box of tissue around....if you are like me the tears might be flowing...)
Firesprite
Vicariously Alive
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I believe there is someone out there who is "THE ONE" for me. There is probably quite a few men out there who, if I met them, could be the one. I haven't been in a relationship for a very long time. I was going out with a guy who I THOUGHT was "The One", but it turned out he was just one who broke my heart. He called on my birthday and said he had a new girl. I'm getting over that. Its taking a while, because I really was in love with him.
My point is, he was Mr Not-Quite-Right, and I am still looking for Mr Perfect-For-Me. And I am staying a virgin until the day I marry him to make 101% sure.
Through love we are made worthy?
My point is, he was Mr Not-Quite-Right, and I am still looking for Mr Perfect-For-Me. And I am staying a virgin until the day I marry him to make 101% sure.
Through love we are made worthy?
Fallen Angel
Really Really Experienced
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It is like looking for your dream home. You don't know the address or what city it is in or if there is more than one. You may even wonder if it has ever been built but if you look for it, one day you will see it and think maybe this could be it. You invest a little time and look on the inside and realize that this is it the one for you. A dream home and a true love both come with a price and you must be willing to pay the price to have either one. So...
It is there and with just a little luck and a lot of patience you will find it. When you first find it the joy is overwhelming but for the love to last they must become your very best friend for life. The one you go home to and share the good things and the bad.
People change and sometimes one you love and you must go seperate ways but there is always that special place in your heart and mind for them even when they are gone.
I thought it did...I'm beginning to wonder.
Good for you for waiting...wish I would have...oh, I'd STILL be waiting...apparently, I am not good enough for anyone to hold onto long enough. Maybe I'm too moody, or maybe I'm too demanding. Whatever it is...I wish it would just go away. I'm tired of being alone. And I don't want anyone saying stupid shit like "when you least expect it....." Things like that don't just happen...and I do NOT want to hear anyone's success stories.
If you don't have sympathy for me, I don't want to hear about it.
Good for you for waiting...wish I would have...oh, I'd STILL be waiting...apparently, I am not good enough for anyone to hold onto long enough. Maybe I'm too moody, or maybe I'm too demanding. Whatever it is...I wish it would just go away. I'm tired of being alone. And I don't want anyone saying stupid shit like "when you least expect it....." Things like that don't just happen...and I do NOT want to hear anyone's success stories.
If you don't have sympathy for me, I don't want to hear about it.
ShyGuy68
The Dane with a cane
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I too believe that the right person is out there for me. I once had a discussion (sp?) with my mom about it, and she told me she didn't really feel it until she met her current husband around 15 years ago at around 45.
So it looks like it can be a long wait. At the age of 31, I'm still single and looking myself but I do believe that one day it will happen, even though I to get in doubt from time to time!!
Sammyjo, I am sure that you will find the man, and that you'll be good enough for him, you sure do sound like a very nice person!
ShyGuy
So it looks like it can be a long wait. At the age of 31, I'm still single and looking myself but I do believe that one day it will happen, even though I to get in doubt from time to time!!
Sammyjo, I am sure that you will find the man, and that you'll be good enough for him, you sure do sound like a very nice person!
ShyGuy
Ezzy
Insignificantly Important
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I would like to appologise to xander and everyone else on this post,for the tartness of my last post.
The wounds still bleed when something pulls against them,even though its now 12 yrs ago,and most of the time I'm "over it."No thats a lie, I will never be over it,but I have learned the past 10 years,to take out the memories and polish them only when alone,not in the middle of a newer relationship.
Anyway back to my next point, with regards to Melody-lanes' last line.
Very.Infact were I an American I'd be asking my congressperson or senator to mandate it as an addition to the bill of rights.
EZ
The wounds still bleed when something pulls against them,even though its now 12 yrs ago,and most of the time I'm "over it."No thats a lie, I will never be over it,but I have learned the past 10 years,to take out the memories and polish them only when alone,not in the middle of a newer relationship.
Anyway back to my next point, with regards to Melody-lanes' last line.
Very.Infact were I an American I'd be asking my congressperson or senator to mandate it as an addition to the bill of rights.
EZ
melody-
I think that person is definitely out there for you! I've experienced that wonderful feeling before, and not necessarily while I was in bed with someone either. Those moments are so rare and so precious, I want to hang onto them with all my heart....for when things get rough they may be all you have to hold onto....peace.
I think that person is definitely out there for you! I've experienced that wonderful feeling before, and not necessarily while I was in bed with someone either. Those moments are so rare and so precious, I want to hang onto them with all my heart....for when things get rough they may be all you have to hold onto....peace.
Melody_lane
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Dec 21, 1999
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- 602
A girl goes away for a few days, and comes back to a flaming suitcase.
There really are some fantastic people that frequent this site. (thanks for that Laurel)
It's kinda uplifting to read that so many people believe in Love. I was half expecting to get my ideas of pessimism reaffirmed and am very glad that they weren't.
I would like to think that everyone has a somebody. But, I don't think that it is true. I think maybe, some people are happier alone than they could ever be with someone else anyways. Fortunately, I don't feel that way about myself. I truly believe that there is someone out there that can bring a smile to my face everyday-forever. I think it is just hard sometimes. I want it now. And sometimes I feel it is pointless to wait for something that may never come(I mean, think of all the great sex I am depriving the world of
). I was telling a close friend the other day that perfection never comes...and although people should always strive for it, it shouldn't be waited for either. I wonder sometimes if that is what I am waiting for. But, perfection isn't even what I want or expect from anyone. I want to love someone for their flaws as much as for everything else they are.
I guess I feel the time ticking away. I mean, you only have time...until you don't, right!?!
At any rate...I'm rammbling.
See what happens on lack of sleep. Logic is lost!
All the responses were read and appreciated. Thank you so much for giving me your insights and perspectives.
This little woman is going to bed with happy thoughts!
Take care all...and good luck with life and love.
It's kinda uplifting to read that so many people believe in Love. I was half expecting to get my ideas of pessimism reaffirmed and am very glad that they weren't.
I would like to think that everyone has a somebody. But, I don't think that it is true. I think maybe, some people are happier alone than they could ever be with someone else anyways. Fortunately, I don't feel that way about myself. I truly believe that there is someone out there that can bring a smile to my face everyday-forever. I think it is just hard sometimes. I want it now. And sometimes I feel it is pointless to wait for something that may never come(I mean, think of all the great sex I am depriving the world of
I guess I feel the time ticking away. I mean, you only have time...until you don't, right!?!
At any rate...I'm rammbling.
All the responses were read and appreciated. Thank you so much for giving me your insights and perspectives.
This little woman is going to bed with happy thoughts!
Take care all...and good luck with life and love.
