Does anyone want my mind and heart?

[MetroNYGal]

Yes, I realize this is an erotica site. But as an unhappily married, but still married, woman, where can I turn to find a man who wants more than just to fuck me? I'm so sick of being wanted merely for my body, my passion, and my skills in bed.

Is divorce the only answer? Is there anything out there worth getting divorced for?

 

[Iceprincess12]

Yes, I realize this is an erotica site. But as an unhappily married, but still married, woman, where can I turn to find a man who wants more than just to fuck me? I'm so sick of being wanted merely for my body, my passion, and my skills in bed.

Is divorce the only answer? Is there anything out there worth getting divorced for?

I would say to be upfront that you are not going to have sex with any guy that you meet. That weeds them out very quickly.

Happiness...much harder issue to solve. If you are looking for someone to solve all your problems that is a lot to ask from someone. You didn't say if you were looking for an online relationship or a real one. Here online, yes there are a lot of great guys that are supportive, friendly and they wouldn't mind flirting, but they are happy to be just friends.

There is a huge thread on men and women who are unhappily married because of no sex. I would check it out because a lot of them want someone to talk with as well, not just a quickie.

Good luck!

 

[coacheric]

Yes, I realize this is an erotica site. But as an unhappily married, but still married, woman, where can I turn to find a man who wants more than just to fuck me? I'm so sick of being wanted merely for my body, my passion, and my skills in bed.

Is divorce the only answer? Is there anything out there worth getting divorced for?

Marriage is a two way street and not an easy road to travel as the years go along. The fact that you even talk about being wanted for sex would probably put you in a better spot than most here. Most of us have seen our sex life go to nothing with only one of the sides not wanting it any longer. This leaving the other wanting.

 

[Anakin20]

I would say to be upfront that you are not going to have sex with any guy that you meet. That weeds them out very quickly.

Happiness...much harder issue to solve. If you are looking for someone to solve all your problems that is a lot to ask from someone. You didn't say if you were looking for an online relationship or a real one. Here online, yes there are a lot of great guys that are supportive, friendly and they wouldn't mind flirting, but they are happy to be just friends.

There is a huge thread on men and women who are unhappily married because of no sex. I would check it out because a lot of them want someone to talk with as well, not just a quickie.

Good luck!

You're good..very solid advice...

 

[MetroNYGal]

I appreciate all the comments and the PMs. I realize my original post was a little long on whine and short on detail.

I've been awake to the dearth of fulfillment in my marriage for about 4 years now. I originally thought it was just a sexual itch and I experimented a bit. But I learned a lot about myself and grew as a person. I've been looking for a relationship encompassing both emotion and passion to feed my soul while I raise my kids but it seems most men looking for an affair don't have room for caring and communication.

I know it seems obvious to say, leave. That I would be much better off finding a complete relationship while single. Fear is one of the things that holds me back. Lots of deeper reasons too, but I often wonder if there is anything out there...

I often find myself frustrated and confused with no one to talk to, considering I can't talk about my situation. And that's how my original post came about.

 

[MetroNYGal]

Oh, and I still didn't give enough detail. I can't do cyber only. I actually tried that early on, and it was just too frustrating for me. I need real life crave touch, eye contact...

 

[Christopher2012]

Oh, and I still didn't give enough detail. I can't do cyber only. I actually tried that early on, and it was just too frustrating for me. I need real life crave touch, eye contact...

You should just expect that. Put it in your profile that you don't want to cyber. Guys will hound the shit out of you over it. They will get off to you and then bolt like you never existed.

 

[Conager]

You are not avoiding sharing details but it is a bit disorganized so I am not too sure about some things. It sounded like you were only getting sex but no intimacy and conversation out of your marriage, and were finding that guys outside your marriage also only wanted sex.

Then another read-through, I think I got another impression. You aren't getting the sex from your marriage and have found that seeking it outside your marriage does not feel "whole" as it seems to be just about sex?

Either/ neither/ both?

 

[NYC_Man]

You could donate your heart but not your mind. I don't think we have advanced that far

 

[MetroNYGal]

Sigh. I guess I am being a bit disorganized/unclear. That is disappointing to me for myself because I value clear, honest communication. I'm trying!

So Conager, you are correct. My sex life is non-existent at home, and in trying to connect outside my marriage I have found that most men want me physically but not mentally or emotionally.

I'm happy to continue to try to make myself clear.

 

[NYC_Man]

Yes, I realize this is an erotica site. But as an unhappily married, but still married, woman, where can I turn to find a man who wants more than just to fuck me? I'm so sick of being wanted merely for my body, my passion, and my skills in bed.

Is divorce the only answer? Is there anything out there worth getting divorced for?

You could try and work it out with your husband

 

[NYC_Man]

Sigh. I guess I am being a bit disorganized/unclear. That is disappointing to me for myself because I value clear, honest communication. I'm trying!

So Conager, you are correct. My sex life is non-existent at home, and in trying to connect outside my marriage I have found that most men want me physically but not mentally or emotionally.

I'm happy to continue to try to make myself clear.

Then look until you find one that connects with you emotionally and mentally.

 

[MetroNYGal]

You could try and work it out with your husband

Gee, I never thought of that.

 

[NYC_Man]

Gee, I never thought of that.

Im sure you have Try harder

But if it doesn't work then it doesnt work. I guess better divorced than unhealthy relationship

 

[Conager]

Sigh. I guess I am being a bit disorganized/unclear. That is disappointing to me for myself because I value clear, honest communication. I'm trying!

So Conager, you are correct. My sex life is non-existent at home, and in trying to connect outside my marriage I have found that most men want me physically but not mentally or emotionally.

I'm happy to continue to try to make myself clear.

All the details were there, it just sort of came out in an emotional rush I expect. understandable.

I was with one person for a long time then it was out into the dating world. I bumped into an old man when I stopped into a small bar for a burger. We got to talking about this and that, and he asked if he could offer some advice, based on my description of my current angst about modern dating. I was to meet a girl that night for a hook-up and had some reservations.

He said that I struck him as the sort of person that feels things on a deep level whether I want to or not. He said that I would find sex kind of unsatisfying if I did not have an established connection. It has proved to be valid.

Establishing the connection is hit and miss. It isn't a time thing. I once picked up a woman within minutes of meeting her we were on the way to my hotel. I was worried about it a bit. On the way, the conversation veered personal, we had some similar life experiences and it proved to be enough of a connection in that case. Sometimes just seeing the possibility of a future connection is enough for me.

Another girl I know well, worked with and we have spent some time. for various reasons, even though she is (lets say very friendly with men) she and I have never hooked up. The fact she is open with her sexuality has nothing to do with it. I like that part fine. She asked me once what "we" were. I said friends without benefits. On another occasion I asked her why she thinks we haven't just gone casual when she and another mutual friend do, and all three of us mention it at times, she said, "Oh he isn't boyfriend material." Meaning, I guess that she is more comfortable with casual sex with people she can see no future with.

I asked her once if she could see the two of us together at 80. She said she never thinks of the future.

People click, or they don't. People make you feel great about yourself, or they don't.

If you were single and dating I would advise you to date lots of people to see what works for you. The odds of finding a quality guy able to meet the level of emotional intimacy that you seem to need, when you, yourself, are not available seems sort of slim. Sure, some people are excited by the forbidden and being the other guy and all of that, but a really quality guy should have some options and not have to steal moments.

Not judging, but it seems that you are fairly certain that your marriage is not going to meet your needs. What you are probably doing now, is going through the grieving process for that, and when you are done processing the loss of what you hoped the marriage would be, you will leave.

 

[ArthurW]

Oh your to the none sexual part. Does not mean its over now you have to find what will bring it bàck. It's like finding a the keys to turn you on sexy lady. It's there clothing how you act rp or anything else. Question is do you still love him? Then go from there.

 

[MetroNYGal]

And even when I think I've made the most tenuous of connections I would appear I am wrong once again.

 

[Ubernaught]

And even when I think I've made the most tenuous of connections I would appear I am wrong once again.

Sadly that is often the case. It seems that often those connections we seek show up when we least expect them, when we aren't actively hunting them. Take a month off, take a class, start a hobby, do something that you enjoy, that enriches you but doesn't depend on company. It might help, and it couldn't hurt.

I hope you find happiness.

 

[Sundayschild]

Just to say, there are many people here that are more than worth considering a relationship with. I would say however that you won't find them immediately, so try to take your time and enjoy yourself here. And who knows what will happen both online and off.

Best of luck and have fun.

M

 

[ukbicuriousguy]

Thought I'd chip in...
This thread is sad but it's sadder that there are so many similar threads...it's a common problem..
But you're getting some sound advice on here (IMHO).
The answer is so much down to the individual, however , in that only you , ultimately , will know how much you love him and there for if its something worth fighting for, perhaps with an imaginative approach (on his side, maybe, since it's not necessarily your fault!) or whether it's time to move on either within (via an affair/arrangement) or outside (via divorce) of the relationship.
If it's outside, since you've already made some forays there you know it's a feckin minefield ! Connection is tricky... Commitment even trickier... But if you're true to yourself there is hope out there. Believe me... Set some ground rules and stick to them ...
The no cyber / no sex ones are good at flushing out some of the 'dolts' (and you can always that's yiur mind if someone does make your heart flutter!), if you're fed up with being a sex object. It still leaves scope for flirtation with those that 'understand' and are prepared to wait.

Good luck x

Sorry , I've written far too much , started to bore myself and I know what a boring bastard I am!!

 

[sailingbuddy]

oh, yes, the limits of cyber

I read through the thread and commiserate... due to certain similarities. In my case, lack of sex is due to medical/surgical intervention that affects my spouse.

Now, having spent some time chatting on Lit, I find much of it is very little different from writing erotica, some a little better, some worse, depending on your chat-partner. The absence of the prospect of a real meeting may loosen some inhibitions for some, but also influences how one communicates... and in the end, at least for me, reduces satisfaction.

Good luck, NY gal!

 

[Disquisitive]

Oh girl I completely understand how you feel. My situation is somewhat similar. Feel free to PM if you need/want a girl to talk to.

 

[Sticky_Fingers99]

MetroNYGal, I need someone like you in my city. Someone married but still wants a special relationship while married .

 

[williamtell1950]

Yes, I realize this is an erotica site. But as an unhappily married, but still married, woman, where can I turn to find a man who wants more than just to fuck me? I'm so sick of being wanted merely for my body, my passion, and my skills in bed.

Is divorce the only answer? Is there anything out there worth getting divorced for?

hello
it is nice to say hello

 

[tedsbeds]

Yes, I realize this is an erotica site. But as an unhappily married, but still married, woman, where can I turn to find a man who wants more than just to fuck me? I'm so sick of being wanted merely for my body, my passion, and my skills in bed.

Is divorce the only answer? Is there anything out there worth getting divorced for?

Divorce is not the only answer. You can start your search here OL in a fantasy world. Explore through stories and see if anything makes you happy. Maybe all you need is a secret online liver to please you the way you can please others. READ ME!
Ted