Eumenides
I Am Little Spoon
- Joined
- Aug 10, 2002
- Posts
- 24,371
Sorry, folks. Too lazy to take out the email carots or whatever the hell they're called.
>"Tell All" Doctors:
>
>A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in
>the
>cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's
>dress,
>and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were
>several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
>Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
>
>At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
>slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I
>instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.
>Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
>
>One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
>husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five
>minutes
>later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died
>of a
>"massive internal fart."
>Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
>
>I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test.
>I
>placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your
>right
>eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left."
>Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He
>couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered
>that
>he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both
>his
>eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
>Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
>
>While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long
>have
>you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion, she answered:
>"Why,
>not for about twenty years-when my husband was alive."
>Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
>
>I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your
>breakfast
>this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't
>seem
>to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the
>jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
>Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
>
>A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with
>purple
>hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos,
>and
>wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the
>patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate
>surgery.
>When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff
>noticed
>that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo
>
>that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the
>surgeon
>wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said "Sorry had to
>mow
>the lawn."
>
>Have a good day and keep out of the Dr.'s Office...
>"Tell All" Doctors:
>
>A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in
>the
>cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's
>dress,
>and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were
>several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
>Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
>
>At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
>slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I
>instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.
>Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
>
>One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
>husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five
>minutes
>later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died
>of a
>"massive internal fart."
>Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
>
>I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test.
>I
>placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your
>right
>eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left."
>Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He
>couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered
>that
>he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both
>his
>eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
>Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
>
>While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long
>have
>you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion, she answered:
>"Why,
>not for about twenty years-when my husband was alive."
>Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
>
>I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your
>breakfast
>this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't
>seem
>to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the
>jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
>Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
>
>A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with
>purple
>hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos,
>and
>wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the
>patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate
>surgery.
>When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff
>noticed
>that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo
>
>that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the
>surgeon
>wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said "Sorry had to
>mow
>the lawn."
>
>Have a good day and keep out of the Dr.'s Office...
