Do you think there can be ONE person

[Mrs.P]

to satisfy ALL of your needs?

I was thinking about this today. I have never really believed in "soulmates" or the perfect partner...though I've had my fantasies but I wonder if there is anyone who has actually found the perfect person for them--I'm not talking about dating for a few months or a few years, I'm talking about a long-term committed relationship. Could be MF, MM, FF, any combination.

Have you? Have you come close? Do you think it is out of the realm of "normal?"

 

[Recidiva]

No, that's unrealistic.

Some needs will have to go unsatisfied or you'll have to do your best to get them for yourself.

Seeking every need being fulfilled is fairly selfish.

Seeking an equilibrium where you know your partner is an asset to you and not a liability, that's a bit more realistic.

 

[Mrs.P]

Seeking every need being fulfilled is fairly selfish.

See, I've never thought of wanting all of my needs being fulfulled as being selfish. In my line of thinking, when you love someone you put them first and vice versa--you each work to assure that the other's needs are satisfied. It's part of give and take.

 

[SexyCleric]

I dunno about soulmates, but I had one two year relationship that came damn close.

I covered her weaknesses, and she covered mine.

Things changed, as they tend to do.
But yes, I do think it is possible to find that one person who matches you on almost every level.

 

[noodle_knocker]

to satisfy ALL of your needs?

I was thinking about this today. I have never really believed in "soulmates" or the perfect partner...though I've had my fantasies but I wonder if there is anyone who has actually found the perfect person for them--I'm not talking about dating for a few months or a few years, I'm talking about a long-term committed relationship. Could be MF, MM, FF, any combination.

Have you? Have you come close? Do you think it is out of the realm of "normal?"

I don't believe in soulmates as there is only one person that is perfect fit, I believe instead it is more like a range of fits. I guess it is possible to find a perfect fit, but that is probably only if you have either a) not many requirements, b) requirements that are easy to fufill, or c) value most the things that make for a person moldable to you. In my particular case, my wife is independent, intelligent, and self-confident - things that I value highly. However, these same attributes make her own person who has needs and desires that differ from mine and seeks to fufill them also, and therefore we will always have a part that does not mesh perfectly, which I suppose helps make life interesting. To be honest, much like a Seinfeld episode, I would hate to date someone just like me.

One other thought to consider (in case you haven't guessed I have a decent commute to work, so I have time to think about lots of things), is that the perfect fit today is unlikely to be the perfect fit tomorrow. As we get older, and the relationship matures, what we want from life and each other changes. I seems unlikely that you will be a perfect fit all the time with changes. I think a more realistic expectation is that you fit well most of the time, and no matter what, your partner always makes you a better person than you would be without them. In that definition, then I think I have done pretty darn well. By the way, we have been married almost 10 years.

 

[Lajo]

You know...I met a woman. Younger than me. Gorgeous. She was one I think could satisfy all my needs. She is one I think I could see spending the rest of my life with. Unfortunately, the timing was such that we could not see if it would work. Now she is engaged to another (and someone who seems to make her very happy) and that dream has moved on. I am glad she has found someone who makes her so happy and I hope he satisfies her every need.

So, I think it is possible. Rare. But possible.

 

[AgntSmth]

I'm with noodle in thinking that there's a range. Personally I believe that the range is pretty small, though, and there's no guarantee that you'll ever even meet every single that falls into your personal range so when you do meet someone who is in that range, you kind of have to treat him/her as if he/she were the only one for you, because you never know if that person is the only person from your range that you'll meet in your lifetime. Plus, that way if it doesn't work out, you'll know you didn't waste an opportunity with one of your possible mates by being half-hearted about it.

 

[talikat]

I do believe in soulmates. I found mine when I was young. He was everything I ever wanted and we were absolutely perfect for each other in every way. Unfortunately he died very young and we never got the chance to share our lives together. The only question I have is if there is only one or are there more than one?

 

[Recidiva]

I do believe in soulmates. I found mine when I was young. He was everything I ever wanted and we were absolutely perfect for each other in every way. Unfortunately he died very young and we never got the chance to share our lives together. The only question I have is if there is only one or are there more than one?

I do believe there is more than one. Not a carbon copy of who you had before, but someone to light up different parts of you.

I don't necessarily believe in soul mates because I've met people who were so different from each other, but so right for me.

 

[talikat]

I do believe there is more than one. Not a carbon copy of who you had before, but someone to light up different parts of you.

I don't necessarily believe in soul mates because I've met people who were so different from each other, but so right for me.

Very good point about the different parts. Different people can bring out things in you that you did'nt know you had until they shone a light on it.

I'm a sap though and I still believe there are people who can make you happy in every way. Finding them is the hard part.

 

[Recidiva]

Very good point about the different parts. Different people can bring out things in you that you did'nt know you had until they shone a light on it.

I'm a sap though and I still believe there are people who can make you happy in every way. Finding them is the hard part.

Do you think you could make another person happy in every single way?

 

[talikat]

Do you think you could make another person happy in every single way?

Maybe not in every single way. We all have our differences in what we like and don't like, but, emotionally, yes I could make them happy.

 

[Recidiva]

Maybe not in every single way. We all have our differences in what we like and don't like, but, emotionally, yes I could make them happy.

What about physically, intellectually and spiritually?

 

[talikat]

What about physically, intellectually and spiritually?

I would like to think so. I would be willing to learn anything they were interested in that I did'nt know about and respect how they felt.

 

[Recidiva]

I would like to think so. I would be willing to learn anything they were interested in that I did'nt know about and respect how they felt.

Is there anything you're really, really bad at? Like not paying bills, forgetting stuff all the time?

Do you have a serious flaw or two?

 

[talikat]

Is there anything you're really, really bad at? Like not paying bills, forgetting stuff all the time?

Do you have a serious flaw or two?

Hmmm, I'm really bad at telling people what I want. I don't want to be needy so most of the time I put myself aside and concentrate on other people. It drives some people crazy because they always have to ask what I want. I'm trying to work on that though. I'm also a bad chatter. You know how some people can just chat up a storm and keep the conversation going. I'm completely awful on the phone. I hate talking on the phone. I'd much rather be face to face.

God, I have so many flaws.

 

[Recidiva]

Hmmm, I'm really bad at telling people what I want. I don't want to be needy so most of the time I put myself aside and concentrate on other people. It drives some people crazy because they always have to ask what I want. I'm trying to work on that though. I'm also a bad chatter. You know how some people can just chat up a storm and keep the conversation going. I'm completely awful on the phone. I hate talking on the phone. I'd much rather be face to face.

God, I have so many flaws.

LOL! Well, okay, flaws are fine. Having them and knowing you have them helps you understand the frailty of people and how not to expect too much of them.

Hopefully you find someone whose flaws and benefits are about equal to yours, and you cherish each other because of it.

 

[talikat]

LOL! Well, okay, flaws are fine. Having them and knowing you have them helps you understand the frailty of people and how not to expect too much of them.

Hopefully you find someone whose flaws and benefits are about equal to yours, and you cherish each other because of it.

You're absolutely right.

 

[Baghdaddy]

However....

The truth is not everyone can be everyone to everyone. That's a poorly written paraphrashing of Honest Abe, but the truth is that..as an example, you have a fantasy about "sex with a stranger," how can you long standing cherished partner fullfill that fantasy? Certainly role play, but..you know it's playing so you...right. Got it. Point is everyone needs a little fantasy, some more than others, and certainly this site allows like minded persons to fantasize together.

 

[Recidiva]

The truth is not everyone can be everyone to everyone. That's a poorly written paraphrashing of Honest Abe, but the truth is that..as an example, you have a fantasy about "sex with a stranger," how can you long standing cherished partner fullfill that fantasy? Certainly role play, but..you know it's playing so you...right. Got it. Point is everyone needs a little fantasy, some more than others, and certainly this site allows like minded persons to fantasize together.

This is getting into cheating category, and that's a little different.

 

[Jaded1]

I thought I had one of those perfect relationships. We were together for a year. Sweet god the passion and pleasure was intense. We feed off of the lust we had for each other which intensified the love making. But for me the trust was violated. I had caught her in a lie. She was having a affair with another behind my back. She had a choice to make and couldn't so I made it for her. She lost the both of us...

My problem is that I remember that intensity and try to find it in other relationships. It is a very illusive quest...

 

[alisonwunderlnd]

I think it is quite possible.Now am I am not one of those women that drop off the face of the earth and ignore my friends and family once i get someone new,I still want to keep those relationships.BUT I realllly do believe in soulmates and I do believe there is the other half of my"apple" out there.

 

[Baghdaddy]

Cheating?

This is getting into cheating category, and that's a little different.

Possibly. Do we define cheating as sexual fantasies about someone other than your spouse, or the physical act of love with said individual?

 

[Recidiva]

Possibly. Do we define cheating as sexual fantasies about someone other than your spouse, or the physical act of love with said individual?

My husband and I met online, so we know very well where fantasies enacted with other people can lead.

We know we can be attracted to other people and we can admit it, acknowledge it and that's just normal.

But we don't act on it and that's a decision made by committee.

I'm here on this site, and I even write fiction, but for me that's self expression, as if I were an author. Even if I did sexual roleplaying, since I have a history in the theater, I feel I could probably do that without getting entangled, but by his request, I don't.

We happen to think self control is sexy, and if we just get too worked up, we'll take it out on each other. If we're too wussy to ask for a fantasy of ours, we'll just live with the wussiness. But since we met online and ran through every single fantasy available to us for years, we're not all that shy.

 

[Baghdaddy]

Let's Just Say Then

And agree to agree or disagree - that fantasizing with someone other than your spouse is cheating then - eg, communicating your sexual desires to someone other than your spouse is cheating. Fair enough. Jimmy Carter confessed to it during his presidency. We can then leave it as 'some people cheat' and say to a greater or lesser degree; and certainly in a divorce court it's been shown that the "mere act" of having an "online affair" is enough for a judgement of adultery.
That being said, perhaps Mrs P is wondering aloud if there might be an intellectual, sexual soulmate for her someplace; I've taken the counterpoint to your very uplifting story of the relationship with your husband.