Do you hide your sexual needs from your significant other?

[Britva415]

By agreement, do you mean to say that you and her have come to agreement?

Right!

 

[BlackLatin]

You dont have to hide them when your ignored..

That is when a good raunchy video, some oil and slow steady stroking takes place.

 

[hulmule]

One way to communicate your needs is to consider a mutual masturbation session. Sex therapists recommend mutual masturbation to build intimacy. It also aids the partners in the couple to discover what arouses the other partner and how to actual perform the arousal. Of course, both partners have to agree that this is a good approach beforehand.

Well, trying to get your partner on board is the biggest problem. Take the horse to water...but

 

[oconnor1111]

hell yes, the wife know i would like to watch another guy fuck her, but she does not know i would love to lick her out after he has cum in her

 

[TruthSeeker12345]

hell yes, the wife know i would like to watch another guy fuck her, but she does not know i would love to lick her out after he has cum in her

In my earlier post about mutual masturbation, I was not recommending a threesome (or any variation thereof) ; but the post from BlackLatin reminded me that I a porn video playing on a laptop on the bed during the mutual masturbation session might be an option.

 

[Vitriolhack]

I certainly do, she's not interested in any fantasy not even conjuring up her own.

Interesting comment, is she capable of imagining anything else than fantasy.

It may sound strange, but, some people, are physically incapable of visually imagining anything. It’s called aphantasia.

 

[Vitriolhack]

Wow, I did not know that.
No her problem is that she chooses not to have (or want) any fantasy's we are basically roommates.

Thank you for sharing this. Wow, I really hope things change for you.

Feel free to seek support on this thread!

 

[Philly23mj]

Sadly, I keep my secrets to myself. Wife is not as into sex as I am. She has no idea that I have a whole feminine side. I’ve tried dropping hints but she either ignores or doesn’t pick up on them.

 

[Strixaluco]

Sadly, I keep my secrets to myself. Wife is not as into sex as I am. She has no idea that I have a whole feminine side. I’ve tried dropping hints but she either ignores or doesn’t pick up on them.

People tend to see what they want. So, if she's not interested in that, she doesn't pick it up easily.

 

[Philly23mj]

Yes. Yet I’ve had girls I talk to, that know the hints I dropped and they swear she has to know and just doesn’t say anything.
Wish there were a way to let her find out where she wouldn’t freak out.

 

[TruthSeeker12345]

Yes. Yet I’ve had girls I talk to, that know the hints I dropped and they swear she has to know and just doesn’t say anything.
Wish there were a way to let her find out where she wouldn’t freak out.

Communication is important, but sometimes it is better to avoid making a request of her. If you are interested in some desire, you could approach it as: "Have you ever thought about . . . ", "What thing makes you feel sexy.", or something like that. The point is, when you do not try to demand a need with the question; she probably will not tune you out and not say anything.

 

[Britva415]

Wish there were a way to let her find out where she wouldn’t freak out.

It all depends on which is more important: Her feelings or your feelings.

I also wonder how much of your apprehension is based on knowing she'll freak out versus fearing she'll freak out.

And how much of it is based on how bad you think what you're calling a freak-out will be. Some freak-outs are an inevitable part of a loving, trusting relationship where the two people aren't on the same page and compatible about every last little thing, and these freak-outs can be gotten over with fairly little unnecessary drama, and they can yield progress, results, permission, and all sorts of positive benefits.

Other freak-outs can end the relationship - and, sometimes that's OK too, to be blunt. If the two partners really are that far apart, who does it serve to stay together?

And some revelations surprisingly don't result in a freak-out after all.

You know your situation, your marriage, your spouse. I don't. I'm just encouraging you and other readers to really be thoughtful about how bad do you want it, what's the worst that could happen (realistically), and what are the potential rewards of taking the chance to disclose something. Sometimes we can't even anticipate what the rewards might be.

 

[Strixaluco]

It all depends on which is more important: Her feelings or your feelings.

I also wonder how much of your apprehension is based on knowing she'll freak out versus fearing she'll freak out.

And how much of it is based on how bad you think what you're calling a freak-out will be. Some freak-outs are an inevitable part of a loving, trusting relationship where the two people aren't on the same page and compatible about every last little thing, and these freak-outs can be gotten over with fairly little unnecessary drama, and they can yield progress, results, permission, and all sorts of positive benefits.

Other freak-outs can end the relationship - and, sometimes that's OK too, to be blunt. If the two partners really are that far apart, who does it serve to stay together?

And some revelations surprisingly don't result in a freak-out after all.

You know your situation, your marriage, your spouse. I don't. I'm just encouraging you and other readers to really be thoughtful about how bad do you want it, what's the worst that could happen (realistically), and what are the potential rewards of taking the chance to disclose something. Sometimes we can't even anticipate what the rewards might be.

Lots of wise words.

 

[Britva415]

Do not let "fear of rejection" keep you from expressing things.

Sure, rejection might not always be the worst that could happen, but, I think that for a lot of people, fear of rejection is the obstacle.

If rejection is going to turn out to be an obstacle, then, let the actual rejection be the obstacle, not the fear of rejection before it ever even happens!

Or - even if rejection has happened in the past, consider daring to take the chance again.

When we stop fearing rejection, and we maturely/confidently/self-reliantly handle actual rejection when it occurs, we get a lot farther in life. And in relationships.

 

[Vitriolhack]

Do not let "fear of rejection" keep you from expressing things.

Sure, rejection might not always be the worst that could happen, but, I think that for a lot of people, fear of rejection is the obstacle.

If rejection is going to turn out to be an obstacle, then, let the actual rejection be the obstacle, not the fear of rejection before it ever even happens!

Or - even if rejection has happened in the past, consider daring to take the chance again.

When we stop fearing rejection, and we maturely/confidently/self-reliantly handle actual rejection when it occurs, we get a lot farther in life. And in relationships.

While I don’t disagree with your words, sometimes, after 5,10 or even 20 years of marriage we wake up to realize that we may not be the same person wanting the same thing or having the same needs. That’s when the careful calculations and inner debates commence, “is it worth it if I rock the boat? What will others think of me what will my significant other think of me?”

Even very confident people loose their capacities in front of such insecure footing.
It’s not rejection they fear, it’s the “mini” collapse of who they are.

 

[Britva415]

x

It’s not rejection they fear, it’s the “mini” collapse of who they are

That’s a great observation.

Knowing and being secure in who you are, especially after a change, goes a long way toward easing fear of rejection. It can embolden one to stick up for oneself and to answer the question, “how bad do I even want it, anyway?” in a way which winds up satisfactory. Otherwise that question never gets answered and a person spends a long time wondering and feeling like it’s someone else’s business to clear the way for them, and suffering or being resentful when they don’t get that.

 

[Vitriolhack]

x

That’s a great observation.

Knowing and being secure in who you are, especially after a change, goes a long way toward easing fear of rejection. It can embolden one to stick up for oneself and to answer the question, “how bad do I even want it, anyway?” in a way which winds up satisfactory. Otherwise that question never gets answered and a person spends a long time wondering and feeling like it’s someone else’s business to clear the way for them, and suffering or being resentful when they don’t get that.

Oh man, all great questions.

In my case, I find that, talking here and with some other guys and gals in the same predicament helps out along with carefully selected stories, .

 

[Playwithmee]

For sure! She is very bland, not into anything much other than the standard. She has no fantasies and has made it pretty clear she is not interested in hearing mine.

I feel your pain! But deep down I think my wife has fantasies that she won’t admit, and will never admit no matter how safe she feels. Mainly because she was brought up to feel shame for such thoughts, so she’s trapped in her own emotional state.

 

[calmlikeabomb]

Yup, because I'm pretty sure some of the stuff I'm into is gonna freak her out.

But it's not a choice I regret. My base desires do not matter as much as her love and comfort does.

 

[Tessinwales]

I don't have a significant other. I do have a FWB though. I tell him how I want him to give me an orgasm, he usually obliges

 

[BlackLatin]

For sure! She is very bland, not into anything much other than the standard. She has no fantasies and has made it pretty clear she is not interested in hearing mine.

That is tough. I know what you mean. Mine use to listen and add on to my fantasies but all of a sudden she did not want to participate anymore. Although it appears she is getting more active sexually, it still is not anywhere as much as it used to be to be. And she still does not show any interest in continue to share in my fantasies.
This has lead me to take care of myself, a lot, while reading stories here, watching porn or chatting with other guys who share the same loneliness. Sometimes it’s good because I actually love jerking off, but hot steamy dirty sex is the best.

 

[UncleWayne]

I had a great sex life with my wife and both of us being bi we invited others to our bed. When my wife had her breasts removed due to the cancer, she became withdrawn and didn’t want to have sex anymore saying that she wasn’t beautiful anymore. There was nothing I could do to encourage her, she was happy for me to look after myself and watch porn and read stories. Since her passing that’s all I do, I wish I could find someone to join me, but being in my 70’s it is difficult.

 

[bobb_sledd]

I had a great sex life with my wife and both of us being bi we invited others to our bed. When my wife had her breasts removed due to the cancer, she became withdrawn and didn’t want to have sex anymore saying that she wasn’t beautiful anymore. There was nothing I could do to encourage her, she was happy for me to look after myself and watch porn and read stories. Since her passing that’s all I do, I wish I could find someone to join me, but being in my 70’s it is difficult.

While it's not for everyone, pay4play is always an option.

 

[Series 6]

I don't have a significant other. I do have a FWB though. I tell him how I want him to give me an orgasm, he usually obliges

When I was married, I did not feel like I could tell my wife anything. It felt like everything was off the table. I have a friend with benefits, which is kind of a complicated situation. With her, we can tell each other anything.

 

[BlackLatin]

I had a great sex life with my wife and both of us being bi we invited others to our bed. When my wife had her breasts removed due to the cancer, she became withdrawn and didn’t want to have sex anymore saying that she wasn’t beautiful anymore. There was nothing I could do to encourage her, she was happy for me to look after myself and watch porn and read stories. Since her passing that’s all I do, I wish I could find someone to join me, but being in my 70’s it is difficult.

I am terribly sorry for your loss. It troubles me that she felt that way. It’s just so sad. I am sure you tried everything you could. If only she could have at least felt good about herself again before leaving.
Believe it or not, it’s kind of hard to hook up at 50. Not going to women bash but they can make it tough. Many want the same pleasures we do but make it difficult because of social appearances. I guest it must be tough for them too having to keep an image at the cost of living free.