Do you ever go back to "Vanilla"?

[psiberzerker]

This seems to be the way we're going, so I thought I'd pull this question out. I personally sometimes like to just have a good old fasioned screw without all the preperation, paraphenalia, and pagentry of BDSM. Let's face it, it can get too damned involved, and you don't always have the time for all that peripherial stuff.
I think (Or at least hope) that this thread may clear up a few myths. We tend to focus on the extentions to sexuality on this forum, because that's it's core topic. This may have inadvertantly given the impression that it's all we do in bed.
I'd be willing to bet that most, if not all of us still occasionally have relatively normal, uncomplicated sex without the scenes, restraints, and roles that can make it so much fun, yet so much work at the same time.

 

[Shadowsdream]

This seems to be the way we're going, so I thought I'd pull this question out. I personally sometimes like to just have a good old fasioned screw without all the preperation, paraphenalia, and pagentry of BDSM. Let's face it, it can get too damned involved, and you don't always have the time for all that peripherial stuff.
I think (Or at least hope) that this thread may clear up a few myths. We tend to focus on the extentions to sexuality on this forum, because that's it's core topic. This may have inadvertantly given the impression that it's all we do in bed.
I'd be willing to bet that most, if not all of us still occasionally have relatively normal, uncomplicated sex without the scenes, restraints, and roles that can make it so much fun, yet so much work at the same time.

Glad you used the *most* word instead of the *all* word...
nope...never..not ever...*shudder*

 

[WillowPuss]

ummmmmmm ... not U/us either.

even if the restraints and the collar doesn't come out ... the D/s element is always present - and I wouldn't have it any other way.

 

[Quint]

ummmmmmm ... not U/us either.

even if the restraints and the collar doesn't come out ... the D/s element is always present - and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Same here. We very rarely play with toys, other than the large anal plug and the lube (when I'm lucky), and so the BDSM is almost always mental. That never changes.

We've done what I consider making love. He still dominated it and me. Honestly, if I tried to have sex while forcing myself not to be submissive to him, I would get bored and space out. It's just not interesting to me.

Gimme rough sex! Gimme derogatory names! I feel put in my place, beneath him--or on top of him if he wants me there--and that is where I get excited and happy.

Honestly, psiberzerker, even in the normal ol' screwing, do you tend to take control of the events? Do things the way you want them done? Get just what you want out of the fuck? Could you really call it "nilla"?

 

[Ms_Lilith]

I live in a vanilla relationship. My SO doesn't have a dominant bone in his body. So all of the sex, the entire relationship is vanilla. It is online (for the most part) that I have learned my submissive and dominant roles.

 

[WynEternal]

I have one foot in each world. Sometimes, I enjoy regular vanilla sex. Other times, I crave a strong hand or a flogging.

 

[bunny bondage]

there is hardly any preperation involved in our scenes. in fact, i rarely see them coming. the toy bag hangs on a chair by my computer, and He knows where it is. if He wants to use a toy, He just grabs it. i guess we've got the "no-hassle" kind of bdsm relationship. most of the D/s doesn't involve anything other than His hands, His voice, His commands. He always is in control, and i wouldn't want it any other way. He always directs sex, directs me. i would be uncomfortable otherwise. so i guess no, i don't go to vanilla-mode. hell, i don't even have one.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I like vanilla

To me all the term vanilla means is that the person is not into D/s.

That does not bother me cause I just want to jump their bones, not marry them.

 

[Netzach]

Someone usually takes the lead when I have sex and that someone is usually me. It's still vanilla in my world, though. Sex, for me, comes in two flavors: vanilla and SM. D/s is a mindset it's not a sexual position. Not all push/pull tension or leading and following is D/s. Sometimes it's just tango.

I have lots of what I think of as vanilla sex, what other people would place on the edges of kink. Just this afternoon my life was a porno: I got fucked on my living room ottoman by my fiance and my lover, every which way, till I don't know whose dick was where.

It still wasn't SM, not even close, and I have no need to paint it as such.

 

[lark sparrow]

Uncomplicated, without extended, prepared scenes and toys, yes definitely. But the D/s dynamic truly does remain at all times, She's not and has never been my girlfriend. Also I don't think it would be considered quite normal because She responds to me in dominant, and somewhat sadistic terms, and I respond to Her in submissive and somewhat masochist terms in our more excitable sexual expressions - erotic pain, control, humiliation and surrender is "bound" to "crop" up between us affectionately even in mellower circumstances, and the mindset is D/s no matter.

 

[lancemanyon]

Re: Re: Do you ever go back to "Vanilla"?

Uncomplicated, without extended, prepared scenes and toys, yes definitely. But the D/s dynamic truly does remain at all times, She's not and has never been my girlfriend. Also I don't think it would be considered quite normal because She responds to me in dominant, and somewhat sadistic terms, and I respond to Her in submissive and somewhat masochist terms in our more excitable sexual expressions - erotic pain, control, humiliation and surrender is "bound" to "crop" up between us affectionately even in mellower circumstances, and the mindset is D/s no matter.

Whoa. That's some heavy stuff. I got lost somewhere around the first......#@&&%$*. Let me ask you....when you come home after a bad day, is there anyone around you can talk to?? 'Cause we all deserve that.

 

[lark sparrow]

Re: Re: Re: Do you ever go back to "Vanilla"?

Whoa. That's some heavy stuff. I got lost somewhere around the first......#@&&%$*. Let me ask you....when you come home after a bad day, is there anyone around you can talk to?? 'Cause we all deserve that.

Yes, lancemanyon. She knows me inside out, and if you ever find the level of simple intimacy, acceptance and kindness it'll blow your mind... but shhh, don't tell anyone.

I think you are getting hooked, straight man. You can't get enough of this stuff, can ya?

 

[Shadowsdream]

Re: Re: Do you ever go back to "Vanilla"?

Uncomplicated, without extended, prepared scenes and toys, yes definitely. But the D/s dynamic truly does remain at all times, She's not and has never been my girlfriend. Also I don't think it would be considered quite normal because She responds to me in dominant, and somewhat sadistic terms, and I respond to Her in submissive and somewhat masochist terms in our more excitable sexual expressions - erotic pain, control, humiliation and surrender is "bound" to "crop" up between us affectionately even in mellower circumstances, and the mindset is D/s no matter.

Well put...My slave is not and never has been..never will be My boyfriend...but he is My joy in his submission.

 

[Andreina]

im currently in a kinda-'nilla phase.... for some reason i have no desire to be a domme right now. but one thing is sure, if i don't get what i want in bed i still get pissy

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

Hmmmm....my mindset is always Dominant, whether I'm swinging a flogger, or just getting a blowjob. I don't have to have a 'scene' every time I fuck someone, but I will never go back to suppressing my desire to be in control. Even missionary sex can be thrilling, depending on the things we say, the mental games we play.

 

[Ebonyfire]

im currently in a kinda-'nilla phase.... for some reason i have no desire to be a domme right now. but one thing is sure, if i don't get what i want in bed i still get pissy

You go girl!

 

[psiberzerker]

I understand the Ds issue, I couldn't be anything but Dominant if I tried. As far as Bondage, and "Punishment," however, sometimes I just can't be bothered. The need may be too great, critical parephenalia out of scene, or I just don't want to complicate things. I always come back to it, though.

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

I'm not in a monogamous relationship right now, so it kind of depends on where I'm at with who I'm with. But I tend to agree with Johnny...it's a mindset thing. Mine is pretty much submissive about 80% of the time. I have explored switching online over the last year on the rare occasion with a trusted friend, and while it's something that I'm fascinated with, I don't have an interest in taking it all the way to skin-to-skin right now. I'm still too caught up in exploring the depths of my submission, pushing my limits, finding out where and how BDSM fits in my life to add switching to the mix.

I don't see myself being totally fulfilled by a man who is 100% 'nilla. I would be out there on the hunt for something more. My frustration level would be off the scale. I don't want to have that hunger and need banging against the inside of my head all the time. It drives me insane and distracts me from everyday life. Online doesn't take it away. I've been down that road too. For me, that just makes the frustration worse. So, in lieu of any kind of BDSM relationship, 'nilla suffices. I live my submissiveness in my head, on my own, when I have to; and enjoy the hell out of the times I don't have to LOL.

~Anelize

 

[maddi]

Good thing the body and mind can sometimes disconnect...

because in my mind I am always a submissive... but sometimes i just let him F%^$ me and get it over with because i know that it is just vanilla and it isn't going to change for this moment so why bother?

I just disconnect my mind and imagine a story or make up a fantasy and it is very fustrating....but at this time in our life (preparing for my masters in psychology and his crazy work schedule) he really isn't up to being a full fledged dom right now. We have a marriage first and sex second (sigh).

My only consolation is that he feel guilty and so I get lots of oral. The problem is that I feel like I am topping from the bottom by reminding him that all the cuddling makes me so... not... excited.

Well just my opinion.... and glad it could put it somewhere!

Maddi

 

[MoonduskSub]

Oh, there is nothing wrong with a good ole fashion screw as you put it psiberzerker...BUT for me there has to be some other element... Whether it be a little pat on my ass while im riding or a whisper of "slut" in my ear...And I make it clear to nilla guys what turns me on....I don't pussy foot around with someone who wants to go easy and gentle....I bring out the "worst" in them, and Im the subbie one...::grins:: but the openess helps them and turns them on alot more.....so could I ever go straight, hardcore nilla? Hell no...but I can have those good ole fashion screws anyday ::smirks::


Moonie

This seems to be the way we're going, so I thought I'd pull this question out. I personally sometimes like to just have a good old fasioned screw without all the preperation, paraphenalia, and pagentry of BDSM. Let's face it, it can get too damned involved, and you don't always have the time for all that peripherial stuff.
I think (Or at least hope) that this thread may clear up a few myths. We tend to focus on the extentions to sexuality on this forum, because that's it's core topic. This may have inadvertantly given the impression that it's all we do in bed.
I'd be willing to bet that most, if not all of us still occasionally have relatively normal, uncomplicated sex without the scenes, restraints, and roles that can make it so much fun, yet so much work at the same time.

 

[OldSoulReborn]

This seems to be the way we're going, so I thought I'd pull this question out. I personally sometimes like to just have a good old fasioned screw without all the preperation, paraphenalia, and pagentry of BDSM. Let's face it, it can get too damned involved, and you don't always have the time for all that peripherial stuff.
I think (Or at least hope) that this thread may clear up a few myths. We tend to focus on the extentions to sexuality on this forum, because that's it's core topic. This may have inadvertantly given the impression that it's all we do in bed.
I'd be willing to bet that most, if not all of us still occasionally have relatively normal, uncomplicated sex without the scenes, restraints, and roles that can make it so much fun, yet so much work at the same time.

No, I do not. To be blunt, I cannot cum from 'nilla sex. I need some aspect of "kink". Even when "making love" with a man, kink is there. (Hell, I say, if Y/you love S/someone Y/you're with, no matter what Y/you do sexually Y/you're always "making love".)

Sure, there's not always time for a drawn out sesson (saddly, lol), but it doesn't mean I give in to a basic, boring (IMO) fuck.

 

[MissTaken]

I do like "vanilla" sex from time to time.

*shrugs*

I can't and won't explain it, I just like it.

 

[psiberzerker]

I don't remember the clinical definitions, but to me, a fetish is when something is neccisary for arousal, and paraphilia when it's needed to climax. I don't need pain, or domination to get off, but it certainly gets me in the mood! I guess that makes me a fetishist.

 

[Kalypso]

I don't know that I would ever be satisified with "vanilla" again. I've had a taste of other flavors and I think I'd find a way to incorporate them into future activities...I think sex can be as kinky/bdsm as you want it to be...it is all in the mindset sometimes. Where you are in that moment physically and mentally.

 

[WynEternal]

I do like "vanilla" sex from time to time.

*shrugs*

I can't and won't explain it, I just like it.

Same here. There are just some days where I can't get in the mood for anything kinky.