Do you believe in ''Cliques'' here in the Lounge or Srp forum?

[Alana_]

Just tossing this out there.

It's a term I find oddly offensive, because in my experience I find cliques imply bullies, and that's come from my own personal experience on my first ever site, and in latter years on Lit itself in the general board. That's my take, and only my take.

I know there are 'groups' here in the lounge/srp areas that tend to hang out together, but to call them cliques I think is a bit unfair, as most here are welcoming and will interact with who ever comes by. Cliques in my mind don't do that..they isolate themselves and leave others intentionally out .
I was always weary of Lit. I'll admit that. I don't like that there is an undercurrent of nutty hostility including the Lounge sometimes, and in some areas of the site shocking bigotry ( not seen/noticed here in the Lounge by me). But once I found my niche here in srp, avoided the general board, and got comfortable, after one false start as Alana some years ao, then under a different name a year later, before I returned over a year ago if not more as Alana, I've found this time I seem to have cracked it enough for me to continue coming most days and am very happy.
I dont see myself as being part of a 'group' or definitely not a clique, despite something recently said to me. I guess one persons interpretation differs from anothers.
But...do you think there are cliques, or just groups that tend to gather together....or what is your own personal take on the habits of the Forum in the srp area and lounge. Do you find it hard to feel you're welcome/wanted here?

Please Please don't let this become a cause for arguments, and finger pointing. I'm just asking or trying to ask what your feelings on the issue are. Keep it friendly please, and on topic.

 

[Ahren]

This is easy. Yes, there are cliques. Your opinions of the word don't change what it means, which is basically a group of people who share interests or views. Can they be negative? Yes. Are they by definition? No.

 

[Mephistophelily]

I wouldn't call it a Clique, but I do find myself being more open with certain people than with others. I suppose its more based on interests and such. People tend to gravitate to those who have the same ideas as themselves. Slightly "Clique-y"? Yeah, but not to the point of hating and mocking newcomers trying to come into those "groups".

I mean, yes- Certain areas in here, you see the same names popping up. I know After Hours is that way. But I'm not nor are my friends going to start chasing people that don't regularly stop in there away when they start posting. Sure, I have a few joking fights with a few people, but nothing outrageously HATING someone. And yes, I have people that get under my skin. But I still talk to them.

I was never a part of cliques or anything like that in school. Hell, I was attacked by the majority of them for most of my Middle School and Freshman years. The last three years of school, at a different school, I started gaining friends spanning many different groups- there didn't seem to be set cliques there. People may've been seen as Jocks or Theatre Freaks or Geeks, what have you... but they all talked to each other, hung out together. Everyone meshed. I kinda see that as how it is here. Some people may be dubbed part of THAT group, but they still get along with people in THIS group.

My thoughts on it, anyway.
...Hope that makes sense. I'm finishing holiday wine right now.

 

[Vail_Indigo]

Ahren's right (I've been saying that a lot recently...creepy).
There's groups of people who share interests and views and friendships. Cliques.
And I can't imagine a situation with this many people that didn't result in people having groups of friends and so forth.
What I think bothers a lot of people is that they can show up and, basically, get ignored. I think thats fairly close to real life. I don't walk into a room and expect everyone to pay attention to me unless I have something interesting and relevant to say.
I banged my head at Lily's for a while (I'm not complaining, mind you, I'm really not) and then realized I was simply not geek enough in that vein to really have anything interesting to say and so I left. I wasn't upset with anyone, though.

I think that people just have to approach these interactions as if they were much closer to the real world than one might think.
You meet people, you become friends or you don't. It doesn't mean that one person was being shunned or whatever.

 

[Alana_]

Thanks Ahren, Vail, and Lilly. Lilly wine or not, that was perfect.

I think I'm blinkered perhaps regarding the word. I just find it reminds me in ways of those huddled whispering groups in school full of the so called 'cool girls', who were just bitches and it's stuck with me.
So when I see the term, it irks me, and I feel sympathy towards those accused of being in them when I don't see them as 'bitchy'.

 

[Vail_Indigo]

Thanks Ahren, Vail, and Lilly. Lilly wine or not, that was perfect.

I think I'm blinkered perhaps regarding the word. I just find it reminds me in ways of those huddled whispering groups in school full of the so called 'cool girls', who were just bitches and it's stuck with me.
So when I see the term, it irks me, and I feel sympathy towards those accused of being in them when I don't see them as 'bitchy'.

Well, like I said, people often expect that they'll be actively welcomed. I don't think thats a reasonable expectation, and if you do expect that, things would seem very clique-y in a bad way.
(its reasonable to expect to be welcome, I suppose, but not welcomed)

 

[Light Ice]

Thanks Ahren, Vail, and Lilly. Lilly wine or not, that was perfect.

I think I'm blinkered perhaps regarding the word. I just find it reminds me in ways of those huddled whispering groups in school full of the so called 'cool girls', who were just bitches and it's stuck with me.
So when I see the term, it irks me, and I feel sympathy towards those accused of being in them when I don't see them as 'bitchy'.

Cliques? Where?

I'm too busy trying to find an E-Girlfriend to notice. ASL?

 

[Alana_]

I'm really not putting it very well. Sorry.

I fully understand and agree with you Vail. It's immature to expect an established group of people to suddenly openly embrace a 'stranger'/newbie. I completely get that. My own problem, and it's probably confusing to understand, is the actual word 'clique'.
I took offense at its use lately toward me, as for me it's just got all the wrong connotations. I guess despite my determination not to allow other people's ( who aren't friends) views of me matter has faltered, as it's annoyed me more than I like.

I just don't see a group of people that get along as being a 'clique'. Again, it I suppose is my own dislike of the word. It just signals ugly behavior to me.

 

[Alana_]

Cliques? Where?

I'm too busy trying to find an E-Girlfriend to notice. ASL?

LOL..asshole.

 

[Light Ice]

I'm really not putting it very well. Sorry.

I fully understand and agree with you Vail. It's immature to expect an established group of people to suddenly openly embrace a 'stranger'/newbie. I completely get that. My own problem, and it's probably confusing to understand, is the actual word 'clique'.

Why is it immature? So long as the stranger is polite and has a similar interest then I can't imagine why it'd be a problem. You certainly embrace people easy enough.

I took offense at its use lately toward me, as for me it's just got all the wrong connotations. I guess despite my determination not to allow other people's ( who aren't friends) views of me matter has faltered, as it's annoyed me more than I like.

If you're referring to Lit, well, it shouldn't bother you. The majority of the people who post regularly on here have an extremely out-of-touch view of reality or at least present themselves in such a wacky way that I can only draw that conclusion from their behavior.

You're a happily married woman with a wonderful family and a tremendous writer. You're really here for the stories. The Lounge crew is dominated by people who are "falling in wuv" with each other and "searching for a master plz". It's silly. They don't like being called on how silly it is and they act malicious when it happens.

I just don't see a group of people that get along as being a 'clique'. Again, it I suppose is my own dislike of the word. It just signals ugly behavior to me.

I can see the point in making a distinction but in Lit's case there are absolutely "cliques" with the negative connotations. The major difference is that in Highschool people are insecure and the cliques seem extremely daunting to overcome. On Lit? They just seem desperate, insane, and silly. That's age and the comfort of anonymity for you.

 

[Alana_]

I really do like you lol..Even when we don't agree on everything.

Thanks for posting L...and everyone else. All opinions only help clarify and are very welcome.
I get hung up on stuff, and shouldn't. Esp when I'm the only one that knows who I am and what I believe.







I still hate the word clique though.

 

[Ahren]

Well if you asked a random person to define a clique, chances are they'd use high school as an example, likely a group of girls, and likely a group of girls that are mean and intolerant of people outside of their group.

So it's not odd for you to be upset by the term. My point was simply that while the stereotype exists, the word itself isn't bad.

Basically my argument was about semantics and therefore I sort of avoided your real question, which was do we believe there are stereotypical cliques? Those groups of people that just aren't friendly to newcomers.

So in that vein, I suppose the answer is both yes and no. I don't think a group would shun someone intentionally, but chances are if someone brand new makes a post in a thread where a certain group hangs out, it's definitely likely that they won't get the warmest response. People are usually just more eager to respond to their friends. Are there some people who would straight up go "Wait, who are you anyway?" Sure. I've done it a couple times. I suppose it can be kind of annoying if a new person tries to force their way into a somewhat personal conversation. However it's a public forum and none of these threads are 'closed' so they're well within their right to comment. Basically that's my logic when I decide to be snarky during a conversation that never asked my opinion.

You also shouldn't get offended if you're not bombarded with warm greetings either, though. I get the feeling some people feel left out when their presence isn't specifically mentioned, even if they are included in the conversation.

 

[Veroe]

Ofcourse there are cliques here. It's natural human behavior to form cliques. Just because we use usernames and avatar pics doesn't change any of that from the RW. We gravitate towards people who share common interests.
However that doesn't mean we have to be mean to or ignore new people we don't know here.
I mean my god this isn't high school or anything

 

[Ahren]

I mean my god this isn't high school or anything

At times it certainly feels like it.

 

[Light Ice]

You also shouldn't get offended if you're not bombarded with warm greetings either, though. I get the feeling some people feel left out when their presence isn't specifically mentioned, even if they are included in the conversation.

Well, FUCK!

I guess I'm not important enough to respond to directly! GOD!

Jerk.




























ASL?

 

[Ahren]

18/f/cali

 

[Light Ice]

18/f/cali

cool. pix?

do u want to be my slave? type 1 for yes or 2 for no

 

[Veroe]

At times it certainly feels like it.

There's truth in that statement.



Overall cliques are unavoidable. New people need to realize that they need to get out there, socialize, let people get a feel for thier interests as well as their personalities so they too can develop a circle of friends.

And above all not to take it so personally that they're not handed a circle of friends as soon as they register here.

For me when I was new the summer before last I had lots of people I thought I'd like to be friends with and lots of people I didn't know like Minx, Yeishia, Shy, Rider, even LI that I didn't know and generally wouldn't have if I hadn't been able to socialize amicably with them here or in OOC threads. Friendships take time and effort. That's the best advice a new person can get about the subject that difference to a friendship like the one Lily and Eazy has or the one Vail and Ausus has or the one Luna and Dream Weaver has. Friendships take time and effort.

Edit-I'm using the term friendship in rather a broad sense there, I know.

 

[Mephistophelily]

At the same time though, fellas, girls sometimes have their reasons on being hesitant to talk to new folk. I tried a number of times to be cordial to a few new names- and ended up with an immediate lot of pm's from the guy wanting to cyber, get nude pics or at least my phone number.

Sometimes kindness can bite you in the ass.

But yes. I do have my close group of friends here. It takes me a bit to open up to others, but I do get closer to them in time. sometimes a bit too close with some.

 

[Vail_Indigo]

That's the best advice a new person can get about the subject that difference to a friendship like the one Lily and Eazy has or the one Vail and Ausus has or the one Luna and Dream Weaver has. Friendships take time and effort.

Edit-I'm using the term friendship in rather a broad sense there, I know.

HEY!
don't you go telling me who I'm friends with

 

[Ahren]

At the same time though, fellas, girls sometimes have their reasons on being hesitant to talk to new folk. I tried a number of times to be cordial to a few new names- and ended up with an immediate lot of pm's from the guy wanting to cyber, get nude pics or at least my phone number.

Sometimes kindness can bite you in the ass.

Wow, on a sex forum? No fuckin' way.

 

[Veroe]

At the same time though, fellas, girls sometimes have their reasons on being hesitant to talk to new folk. I tried a number of times to be cordial to a few new names- and ended up with an immediate lot of pm's from the guy wanting to cyber, get nude pics or at least my phone number.

Sometimes kindness can bite you in the ass.

Good point, Lily, Alot of the girls here can tell you some hair-raising proposals they've gotten, from over-eager (yeah let's call them over-eager) new members.

So a little caution on their part shouldn't be something held against them.

 

[Veroe]

HEY!
don't you go telling me who I'm friends with

Are you saying you're not friends with Ausus?

If so, I apologize for suggesting otherwise.

 

[Mephistophelily]

Wow, on a sex forum? No fuckin' way.

There's perverts, scary perverts, and dirty minded folk.
The higher majority of my friends are the last grouping.

And even you, dear, fall into that.

 

[Last_Rider]

I totally understand your point Alan, clique has such a nasty connotative definition for many many people that it can be difficult to overcome. When I went to Jr. High and highschool they made a pretty big deal about not forming cliques. Rather than discuss what they actually meant they took a perfectly normal word and totally demonized it for an entire generation of people. So sad... But then again words are my friends

The primary issue people have with the word clique is the mental imagery it spawns. We instantly visualize the jocks with letter jackets and popped collars, the cheerleaders with short skirts and false too high laughs, the geeks with glasses and pocket protectors, the goths with make up, etc etc. More so than images of groups, we remember how isolated and hostile those groups could be. It's not so much that they gravitated together, it was the insecure, juvenile, and hostile way they treated others. That attitude is what all those overworked but "well intentioned" educaters were trying to avoid, not "cliques".

For my part, the destruction of that idea, and the isolationist mindset is more important than turning a simple word into some grinning demon. I may never be great friends with Lilly, or Vail, that is not an insult to either of them or myself. We simply don't share much common interests. I absolutely respect their opinions and their talent as writers, but the general interests from each of us don't intersect. That's just the way life is, not everyone will be friends with everyone else, but that doesn't make us enemies either.