Do people who (mostly) start threads with questions make better lovers?

[LukkyKnight]

Seriously - if you're not a submissive:

They are interested in others, not lecturing everybody from their position of presumed superior information. There is a difference between knowledge and wisdom. You can't learn while you're talking...

I'm thinking somebody who's often chasing down the way other people think might be the best sort of lover, seeking feedback, mind open... (again, not if you're a sub, that's a whole different realm, but it's not mine.)

 

[cymbidia]

So, uh, subs shouldn't offer an opinion?
Okay then!

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

Seriously - if you're not a submissive:

They are interested in others, not lecturing everybody from their position of presumed superior information. There is a difference between knowledge and wisdom. You can't learn while you're talking...

I'm thinking somebody who's often chasing down the way other people think might be the best sort of lover, seeking feedback, mind open... (again, not if you're a sub, that's a whole different realm, but it's not mine.)

Actually I think you do learn whil you are talking - if you listen to the answers, and to what you are saying. I often learn by trying to figure out where I stand on a particular issue.

Moreover, people who create threads have various approaches; some are just trying to stir shit, make trouble and get attention for themselves. Such people I wouldn't want for a lover.

Some people want to bitch and moan about something or somebody, but are not open to new experiences or opinions. Such people I wouldn't want for a lover.

Other people post and/or create threads to get to know others, what they think and why. These people are open to new experiences. Even if they are fairly self-assured about their opinions they allow others their opinions, and are open to being convinced they are wrong. Such people I would probably want for a lover.

BTW, submissives in the bedroom are often dominant outside of it, so that has little to do with how people interact on a BB.

 

[Cath!]

I'm thinking somebody who's often chasing down the way other people think might be the best sort of lover, seeking feedback, mind open...

I love to ask questions...find out all kinds of information about everyone else...I am really not trying to be nosy, I just like to learn what makes a person tick. I find that the best way to do that is to ask questions, and then follow up the answers with conversation...

Now I am not gonna rate myself as a lover...but I will tell you that I have never had any complaints!

 

[LukkyKnight]

ROTFL!

So, uh, subs shouldn't offer an opinion?
Okay then!

Ah cym...

I think subs are likely to find different qualities to be their priority in identifying a "better" lover. I don't know what the percentages or relative sizes of the various groups are, but my boring nilla sense is that subs are considerably more rare.

Perhaps this "presumed" rarity, this relative scarcity in the population as a whole (if my unscientific guess about which "types" are common is close to accurate) in fact contributes to subs being seen as exotic, and accordingly erotic.

Of course, I could be all wet in any number of ways on this, but in general I do think it's a supportable hypothesis that relative scarcity tends to increase allure and value.

 

[BigDawg69]

I always liked the saying: "There are no stupid questions, only stupid answers."

Of course, this may be a prime example of that saying to this question.

 

[lovetoread]

Subs cant have any opinions on this? Well....

I think that just because you post such things does not make you a better lover. I am a very good and obedient lover and I dont post such threads.

 

[daughter]

Asking alone does not mean you're a better lover

I think being geniuenly interested in another person's point of view and honestly listening to his reply suggests the person has a certain level of empathy. I think empathy and compassion are traits of a good lover.

Personally, I believe my s/o would tell you that I am a sensitive lover. I am empathetic and geniuenly interested in pleasing him. In our time together, I think physically, I have become a better lover. This isn't just because I asked him questions, but I am receptive to try new things and as I said before, it matters to me that he is pleased. Our exploration together has led to some very satisfying sex.

I think in a healthy, loving relationship comfort and mutual support are fostered. Does it help to ask questions(post threads)--I think so, but asking without acting on information won't make you a better lover. And not everyone seeks information the same way.

Peace,

daughter

 

[LukkyKnight]

Subs cant have any opinions on this? Well....

I think that just because you post such things does not make you a better lover. I am a very good and obedient lover and I dont post such threads.

No, no, no, it's not that subs can't, don't, or shouldn't have opinions. The differentiation was based on the assumption that subs are likely to rank different traits as the most important ones in what they seek - in what they label a "better" lover.

I'm not presuming that asking questions means you listen to the answers. I'm pondering the potential of a correlation between a curious mind and empathy such as daughter just described.

 

[lovetoread]

No, no, no, it's not that subs can't, don't, or shouldn't have opinions. The differentiation was based on the assumption that subs are likely to rank different traits as the most important ones in what they seek - in what they label a "better" lover.

I'm not presuming that asking questions means you listen to the answers. I'm pondering the potential of a correlation between a curious mind and empathy such as daughter just described.

LK,

My tongue was way over in my cheek ya know.

I understand what you were saying, I was only answering your question. I think that if you took the answers you get from such threads and learned from them,you could be a better lover,but not just asking them and learning nothing.

 

[LukkyKnight]

Thought so, LTR

But I did a very bad job of forumlating the thread. I think I made it pretty clear which way I was leaning myself in the way the question was posed, even. I must learn to rush less, but the real world does have a way of intruding...

See, I don't mean asking questions about sex, even, it's just the correlation between an openly inquisitive mind and behavior in sexually intimate situations that I'm postulating about. Not everybody agrees, and I was thinking there might even emerge a pattern that differed between the two genders, but who knows? One can't ever know what one will get back here...

One can't even be sure a person might not hijack their own thread at times.

 

[plasticman33]

Re: Re: Do people who (mostly) start threads with questions make better lovers?

Now I am not gonna rate myself as a lover...but I will tell you that I have never had any complaints!

Congratulations, you have scored a triple A, the highest rating attainable under my scoring method!

 

[MissTaken]

I would agree that someone who is sensitive to others thougths and open minded enough to inquire MAY have SOME of the traits necessary to be a better lover.

However, taking that statement to the BB would be a mistake as some post questions over and over simply for attention, rather than out of a true sense of curiousity. Others post questions seeking support for their own thinking and become turned off by others thoughts that are not in agreement with theirs.

Furthermore, many subs rank the same needs as priorities as do any non BDSM practicing individual seeking companionship, trust, respect, openess and affection. Among those would be the need to listen and be heard.

(Phew! Was that pc? Not PC , politically correct pc? It sure was a mouthful!)

 

[lobito]

...It sure was a mouthful!)

ahem....

So anyway, does a person who doesn't start 10+ threads a day, make a lousy lover? Or does that mean they are a sub? I doubt it.

 

[Guest]

Information Exchange ...

That was an interesting question to ponder, and as I read the responses, I realized I didn't like the question as it is (I thought the on-line part of it was somewhat irrelevent). If I could re-formulate it, I would as the following:

Do people who ask questions make better lovers?

In this case, I would say that anything that promotes "information exchange" between two participants would tend to give them the tools necessary to make them better lovers. Information exchange doesn't necessarily have to be verbal. For example a moan, a sigh, or a laugh all communicate information, as well as "Do it harder baby", or "Oh yeah ... touch me there" ...

I would say the way to communicate most precisely is verbally, regardless if you are a dominant or a submissive. If communication leads to a better understand of each other's needs, desires, etc, then those who ask question, or gather information are the ones best equipped to satisfy those needs.

So ... if my logic holds, I'd say those who ask questions are probably in a better position to be better lovers ... and in practice probably are.

How's that for an answer?

 

[fallon2]

Seriously . . .

Seriously subs have opinions and I definitely want to hear cymbidias opinion.
But personally, we all have to admit there are some very stupid thread starters and if their threads are any indicators . . .

 

[MissTaken]

Re: Seriously . . .

Seriously subs have opinions and I definitely want to hear cymbidias opinion.
But personally, we all have to admit there are some very stupid thread starters and if their threads are any indicators . . .

You already have the opinion of one sub.

 

[TigerClaw]

You lost me with your communiques with LTR.

If you are asking if a someone who is curious is a better lover I say yes. Someone who is curious would most likely start threads, ask questions, listen and communicate their feelings in a discussion.

As for this not including subs I disagree. Ok Cym and everybody I may be knocking your walls again. But the D/s relationships I first became familiar with did have 2 way communication between the Dom and Sub. Just because a sub likes to please and be submissive does not mean she has no preferences or opinions.

I play with LTR here on the boards. I Dont expect her to be a sub here on the boards. I decided against it. She Is a sub to me when it is important and that is all I care about. She definitely has opinions on the intimate side of the relationship and she is definitely willing to please me. I dont see a conflict in the two.

Can someone who does not start threads, does not ask questions but listens to their partner, watches the bodily reactions to touches and sounds and is very sensitive to their SO be a good and loving partner. Yes. I think the key here is listening, watching and being aware of their partners reaction.

I care what LTR wants sexually. Just as she is here to please me I am their to make sure she is pleased also.

 

[LukkyKnight]

Re: Information Exchange ...

So ... if my logic holds, I'd say those who ask questions are probably in a better position to be better lovers ... and in practice probably are.

How's that for an answer?

Works for me, and as is almost always the case here, even in my own thread I am learning things I didn't predict I might... in this case, in particular, I am opening my OWN mind about subs thanks to the obvious responders...

VAdventure, welcome to lit, haven't seen you before. Has morninggirl given you her standard spiel about where to find answers, or do I need to drag her in here for your edification?

 

[LukkyKnight]

Tiger

I understand. I wasn't trying for all the possible variations, since I think it would be hard to infer much about those who mostly lurk. I'm confident many of them are thoughtful lovers... probably more so than those of us who post a lot, on average.