AprilSmithSucks
Experienced
- Joined
- Dec 8, 2009
- Posts
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Divorcee + Old Crush (a story review)
My first ever thread (hopefully it's on the right forum) This is a review of another author's story.
Fantasy Girl (by Throbbin_Rod) A divorcee gets to reunite with his old crush.
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=41452
Hopefully it keeps its [H] rating. Even though I had a few problems with the story (which I will mention and I want to see discussion) I still loved it anyway. I really like the concept (divorcee + old crush) because of how innocent it is.
- - -
Before we get to the negative sides, I want to point out what I think is the most praiseworthy thing about this story:
The development of the title character - the old crush - was done wonderfully. When I first read this story and started reading the first few paragraphs, I was beginning to worry that I was going to be annoyed by this, because I was thinking this was going to end up being an unrealisitically-developed story about a super-confident slutty girl who toys around with the shy/insecure male character and constantly getting her way.
I was pleasantly proven wrong.
She's a great character because she had faults (being shallow, overconfident & promiscuous, taking advantage of her great looks to get constant hookups) and she suffered for those flaws, because she kept losing her relationships.
That makes it quite satisfying when she actually admits to these faults and realizes what she's been missing by not wanting to be with the Protagonist all this time.
Throbbin_Rod could have easily ruined this story by making the female character's personality to be exactly like the narrator's fantasies. But the author brilliantly avoids that, while still making her be similar enough - just like when he's fantasizing about her making the statement that "Tonight's the night." compared to her real life version, after they admit their feelings for each other, and she ASKS "Is tonight the night?"
Since she was asking him, rather than stating/commanding, it makes her more realistic and it doesn't take away her overall confident attitude.
And if that wasn't great enough, after she asks that question to the male character, she actually shows fear in her eyes. - That is my favorite moment in the whole story, because it shows us that, despite her overconfidence with easy hookups, she is capable of showing insecurity/shyness when asking for serious relationships, which makes her more dimensional as a character.
- - -
Now for my problems...
1) Not knowing the Protagonist/narrator's name...(Did I miss it?)...even though that was easy to swallow, it still left something to be desired...I've read plenty of stories where the Protagonist is nameless, but the love-interest is always given just a first-name and no more...The "Fantasy Girl" has a [full] name. Was there a point of knowing the girl's [full] name but not the guy's?
2) If there is just one really bad thing I don't like about the Protagonist, it is the part where he tells us [in one short sentence] that he was hiding his old crush's existence from his wife, even when the crush was still maintaining a long-distance friendship with him...In my honest opinion, this made no sense at all, and it [almost] made the narrator seem like an unfaithful husband. A person shouldn't need/want to hide a friend from a spouse---whether he has a crush on her or not---especially if he's not expecting their lives to ever personally cross again...Feel free to disagree, though.
This story is (apparently) supposed to the first part of a series, since it ends with "to be continued", so I don't understand why the author isn't allowing comments to be left on his story. Isn't that what authors use to be inspired to continue writing? That's sad, because I'd love to see the continuing story.
___________
Even the best stories can be ruined by Mary-Sues.
~~ William (AprilSmithSucks)
My first ever thread (hopefully it's on the right forum) This is a review of another author's story.
Fantasy Girl (by Throbbin_Rod) A divorcee gets to reunite with his old crush.
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=41452
Hopefully it keeps its [H] rating. Even though I had a few problems with the story (which I will mention and I want to see discussion) I still loved it anyway. I really like the concept (divorcee + old crush) because of how innocent it is.
- - -
Before we get to the negative sides, I want to point out what I think is the most praiseworthy thing about this story:
The development of the title character - the old crush - was done wonderfully. When I first read this story and started reading the first few paragraphs, I was beginning to worry that I was going to be annoyed by this, because I was thinking this was going to end up being an unrealisitically-developed story about a super-confident slutty girl who toys around with the shy/insecure male character and constantly getting her way.
I was pleasantly proven wrong.
She's a great character because she had faults (being shallow, overconfident & promiscuous, taking advantage of her great looks to get constant hookups) and she suffered for those flaws, because she kept losing her relationships.
That makes it quite satisfying when she actually admits to these faults and realizes what she's been missing by not wanting to be with the Protagonist all this time.
Throbbin_Rod could have easily ruined this story by making the female character's personality to be exactly like the narrator's fantasies. But the author brilliantly avoids that, while still making her be similar enough - just like when he's fantasizing about her making the statement that "Tonight's the night." compared to her real life version, after they admit their feelings for each other, and she ASKS "Is tonight the night?"
Since she was asking him, rather than stating/commanding, it makes her more realistic and it doesn't take away her overall confident attitude.
And if that wasn't great enough, after she asks that question to the male character, she actually shows fear in her eyes. - That is my favorite moment in the whole story, because it shows us that, despite her overconfidence with easy hookups, she is capable of showing insecurity/shyness when asking for serious relationships, which makes her more dimensional as a character.
- - -
Now for my problems...
1) Not knowing the Protagonist/narrator's name...(Did I miss it?)...even though that was easy to swallow, it still left something to be desired...I've read plenty of stories where the Protagonist is nameless, but the love-interest is always given just a first-name and no more...The "Fantasy Girl" has a [full] name. Was there a point of knowing the girl's [full] name but not the guy's?
2) If there is just one really bad thing I don't like about the Protagonist, it is the part where he tells us [in one short sentence] that he was hiding his old crush's existence from his wife, even when the crush was still maintaining a long-distance friendship with him...In my honest opinion, this made no sense at all, and it [almost] made the narrator seem like an unfaithful husband. A person shouldn't need/want to hide a friend from a spouse---whether he has a crush on her or not---especially if he's not expecting their lives to ever personally cross again...Feel free to disagree, though.
This story is (apparently) supposed to the first part of a series, since it ends with "to be continued", so I don't understand why the author isn't allowing comments to be left on his story. Isn't that what authors use to be inspired to continue writing? That's sad, because I'd love to see the continuing story.
___________
Even the best stories can be ruined by Mary-Sues.
~~ William (AprilSmithSucks)
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