Divorce

[Gene41]

Hi,
I am new to this so be kind. Two months ago my wife left me. She told me six to eight months ago that she was no longer "in love" with me, then three months ago she reminded me of the fact. then after I told her that there was "no life with out love", and that the thing I wanted most in life was her love, she was blown away, she went to a shrink and told him that she was not "in love" anymore. He told her that she had not been in love for many years.That the marriage was over, and to get make it final.
The only thing is that I am still in love with her. For almost 19 years we have been together. She has moved out and found someone else to have sex with. I have the kids and the house, the kids are older, I am disabled, so I am at home most of the time. But the thing is I can not seem to close my heart to her.
Can anyone help me?

 

[Jaybird3]

Welcome to Lit Gene.

Don't know if I can help you or not. But the playground is a good place to visit. The people are nice enough once you get to know them.

Best advice from me is to find a thread or two that interest you and post.

If there is anything that I can do to assist you then just let me know.

 

[BirdsWife]

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this. It is never easy when one partner no longer has the same depth of feeling as the other. Unfortunately there isn't much you can do to change that since it seems like her mind is already made up to leave the marriage.

It has only been a few months that you have been dealing with this, so it is understandable that your heart is still open to her. The old addage that time heals all wounds may be cliche, but it is true. She is the mother of your children, so you may never be able to close your heart to her completely, but as the shock of what has happened wears off you will slowly mourn the loss of your relationship and eventually begin to heal. I wish there was some secret formula that could tell you it will take x number of months or years for this to happen, but we all know life is never that neat or simple.

I would suggest for now that you concentrate the majority of your energy on taking care of your kids and helping them deal with the loss of their mother from the household. You might even want to consider some type of counseling for them to help them deal with the emotions of the situation and help them understand that their mother's actions are in no way their fault.
Counseling might also be a good idea for you to help you sort out the question of 'where do I go from here?'.

I'm not sure this is the response you were looking for, but I certainly wish the best for you, and if you ever need to vent, my PM box is always cleared and open.

BirdsWife

 

[Jaybird3]

Very good, sound advice Bird's wife.

 

[tonitits]

Welcome to Lit Gene. Both of them have given some very good advice. Hang in there, it does get better and I wish you lots of luck.

 

[Joey3308]

Hey Gene...welcome to lit!

Bird has good advice. Almost the same thing happened to me. It took a while to get over it. Make the kids and work your priority. It'll get better
http://uselessgraphics.com/welcome-18.gif

 

[Guest]

 

[Gene41]

Thanks for all the advice

Thank all of you wonderful people on lit, your advice is well taken, the kids are the most important people in my life now, and I plan to give them all my attention, I know that sooner or later we will all be through this. Thank you all again.

 

[jazey_43]

Re: Thanks for all the advice

Thank all of you wonderful people on lit, your advice is well taken, the kids are the most important people in my life now, and I plan to give them all my attention, I know that sooner or later we will all be through this. Thank you all again.

Welcome Gene...

Give it time hon...going thru a divorce myself right now...and time sure has become a good friend!

Good luck sweetie....

 

[bra_man69]

this makes the 4th divorce thread going on lit

 

[Jaybird3]

Maybe because for most people going thru it, it is a very miserable time.

You suffer the loss of friends, some because they want to take sides, others because they don't want to take sides.

Family is most usually good for criticism because they told you so.

Most people don't have anyone to really talk to because they worry that every word that they say will get back to the soon to be ex.

 

[Guest]

 

[jimmylijn]

Divorce Sucks

Gene,

My wife and I seperated 10 years ago this month; 2 weeks short of 20 years. It took me another 5 years to get over it. I don't know if I just haven't found the right woman, am too picky, or have trouble with commitment now.

I just take it one day at a time and keep looking for the right one.

Good luck to you.

 

[ffemtp]

Been there and still doing that. My ex left two years ago and moved 1000 miles away from me and her family. Divorce was final last year. Am i over it? no not 100%. but each day is easier than the past one. This past weekend was really hard but i got though it.

i understand that talking with others does help but its hard to do. If i had one wish for this Christmas is that Jan. 2 comes faster. I just hate doing the family thing by myself just not the same.

But time will heal. Birdswife is correct. Keep your kids #1 in your life and they will support you just as much as you supporting them during this time.