Divorce, police, restraining orders, oh my

[Guest]

Our neighbors across the street are having marital difficulties.

OK, screw that. It's a big-time divorce. Angry and evil.

Several nights ago the police showed up to serve him with a restraining order - apparently he was supposed to vacate the premises. We saw the cops arrive as we were working outside (two cars parked down the street and they carefully approached the house.)

We didn't see the end of it but knew the details - that he was out of the home - because one of my husband's high school chemistry students is his daughter. Poor thing - she's been needing to talk about matters and he's a good listener.

But police are over there again this evening. And why?

Because this asshole came over during the day today, violated the restraining order already, removed the washer and dryer, stove and fridge and then changed the locks on the house. His soon-to-be ex-wife cannot even get into her own home.

We live in a fairly quiet area and most people work during the day. The few retired folks who live around here probably weren't aware that something was wrong.

Damn. I hope this situation doesn't become violent before it is over. It's already pretty ugly.

 

[cloudy]

I feel for her, and I hope they lock him up for awhile.

For so long, spouses have felt justified in doing shit like that regardless of how it affects their kids. He bears watching...what he did raises red flags like crazy.

 

[Guest]

I feel for her, and I hope they lock him up for awhile.

For so long, spouses have felt justified in doing shit like that regardless of how it affects their kids. He bears watching...what he did raises red flags like crazy.

Yes. That is our thought as well.

My husband spoke with the police for awhile when they first arrived tonight. One good thing is that the Grandmother has arrived to help out (she's from New Hampshire) so there will be someone in the home now all of the time.

But we'll watch too. And all of the recent police activity has alerted most of the neighbors.

I hope this ends soon for the family.

 

[R. Richard]

I feel for her, and I hope they lock him up for awhile.

For so long, spouses have felt justified in doing shit like that regardless of how it affects their kids. He bears watching...what he did raises red flags like crazy.

Probably the police will not lock him up. They don't like to get involved. The local police answer is, "It is a civil matter, settle it in court." [Translation, "Physical strength equals right."] Worse yet, they may decide that a house without major appliances is not fit for human habitation, throwing the wife and kids into the street.

The wife and the grandmoterh should try to get the local TV station into the act. It is damn good TV and the Police Chief has to stand for re-election. Nothing stiffens the spine of a scumbag like a looming election.

 

[rgraham666]

But Richard, think how good the police chief will look when he throws the husband in jail, after said husband does something to his family that gets said husband on the news. It will be obvious the chief's 'tough on crime' then.

Seriously, this man does indeed raise red flags. It seems to me he's more fixated on his property than his family. Who, in his mind, were property until they had the unmitigated gall to stand up to him.

Bullies, loathe them.

 

[BlackShanglan]

Spite is the ugliest of human behaviors. It is the sign of a ruinous soul. To take pleasure in the pain of others is the end of all that is good in a person.

 

[Boxlicker101]

He does sound like a spiteful asshole. Of course, I don'r actually know any of the issues but, Sarahh, you probably do through the daughter. Would you be the good Samaritan and offer to let them use your appliances or offer the daughter a place to stay?

 

[Guest]

He does sound like a spiteful asshole. Of course, I don'r actually know any of the issues but, Sarahh, you probably do through the daughter. Would you be the good Samaritan and offer to let them use your appliances or offer the daughter a place to stay?

My husband called the administration of his school last evening to alert them to the situation. At the very least, they needed to know about the restraining order and her specific teachers should also be informed about what stresses the daughter will be undergoing for the next few months.

Can you imagine having to study, get through your school day and undergo finals under this duress?

 

[impressive]

To take pleasure in the pain of others is the end of all that is good in a person.

Um ...










... nevermind.

 

[Honey123]

Terrible situation.

I can only hope that she has a very good lawyer. As to the Restraining Order, if same is violated, the police are obligated under law to arrest him IF she has filed a complaint. Restraining Orders are usually issued because of dangerous situations.

Are you close to this neighbor? I don't mean in distance, but as in friendship?

Sometimes human nature keeps us from getting involved, which is understandable since the man seems very violent, but maybe just a hint to her or the grandmother about making sure she filed a complaint...or suggesting getting a PIT BULL to protect them.

 

[R. Richard]

Terrible situation.

I can only hope that she has a very good lawyer. As to the Restraining Order, if same is violated, the police are obligated under law to arrest him IF she has filed a complaint. Restraining Orders are usually issued because of dangerous situations.

Are you close to this neighbor? I don't mean in distance, but as in friendship?

Sometimes human nature keeps us from getting involved, which is understandable since the man seems very violent, but maybe just a hint to her or the grandmother about making sure she filed a complaint...or suggesting getting a PIT BULL to protect them.

The police are indeed required under the law to arrest someone who violates a court issued restraining order. However, they usually do not. What do you then do, report them to the police?

The problem with a pit bull is that a gun will defeat a pit bull and then the family has to deal with the gun.

 

[Boxlicker101]

The police are indeed required under the law to arrest someone who violates a court issued restraining order. However, they usually do not. What do you then do, report them to the police?

The problem with a pit bull is that a gun will defeat a pit bull and then the family has to deal with the gun.

Another problem with a pit bull is that it will bite the mailman, neighborhood children, their own daughter and anybody else it can, resulting in hostility and legal troubles. A gun, ineptly handled, can be even more dangerous.

 

[HarleyStone]

He does sound like a spiteful asshole. Of course, I don'r actually know any of the issues but, Sarahh, you probably do through the daughter. Would you be the good Samaritan and offer to let them use your appliances or offer the daughter a place to stay?

He sounds like a desperate man to me. I reserve no love for people that are simply bitter and aiming to harm, but I've never known one relationship that ended simply. Without knowing more of the situation, it's really difficult for me to jump on the, "He's a bastard" bandwagon.

I think I'd be pretty desperate if I stood to lose everything and everyone too.

 

[fieryjen]

He sounds like a desperate man to me. I reserve no love for people that are simply bitter and aiming to harm, but I've never known one relationship that ended simply. Without knowing more of the situation, it's really difficult for me to jump on the, "He's a bastard" bandwagon.

I think I'd be pretty desperate if I stood to lose everything and everyone too.

I would agree with that if his behavior was less ridiculous. But I feel so much for his daughter who has to suffer from all this - she lives in the house whose appliances were removed and where they couldn't go back to, and the poor girl has school and finals to deal with. How could he not think of her when he did that? That's truly lousy parenting and a really good way to make your child suffer is by behaving like this. In this case, way to not set an example.

I think the way he is behaving right now is the best way to lose any contact with his daughter, when before, he probably had a fairly big chance of still being able to have contct with her.

 

[MzDeviancy]

My friend's baby daddy came over, post breakup, and started taking everything that was his. Problem was he felt that pretty much everything was his (which was quite interesting really, since the asshole never held a job down for more than a couple of weeks with long gaps of unemployment in between). He was trying to take everything from the TV to the dishes. Apparently he wasn't very concerned as to whether or not his kid had to eat off the floor.

Another friend (formerly my best friend, before she decided that a guy who treats her and her kid like shit was more important than her friends) had her kid's daddy demand everything he ever paid for back when they were going through one of their weekly breakups. Right in front of his mother, I shit you not, no shame or anything, he demanded she give him back the acrylic nails he paid for. They were ten dollars.

The lesson here: Have potential mates screened for insanity before getting knocked up.

 

[Colleen Thomas]

He sounds like a desperate man to me. I reserve no love for people that are simply bitter and aiming to harm, but I've never known one relationship that ended simply. Without knowing more of the situation, it's really difficult for me to jump on the, "He's a bastard" bandwagon.

I think I'd be pretty desperate if I stood to lose everything and everyone too.

Never know the situation, but rational, reasonable people don't tend towards violating restraining orders.

If I were her, i'd get a shotgun and if he showed up a second time, I'd put a load of buckshot in his ass. But that's just me. If I feel threatened enough to go through the proceedure of getting a restaining order, and the courts agree there is a need for one. And the person I get it against violates it, I'm going to assume they intend bodily harm and I will act accordingly.

 

[zeb1094]

Never know the situation, but rational, reasonable people don't tend towards violating restraining orders.

If I were her, i'd get a shotgun and if he showed up a second time, I'd put a load of buckshot in his ass. But that's just me. If I feel threatened enough to go through the proceedure of getting a restaining order, and the courts agree there is a need for one. And the person I get it against violates it, I'm going to assume they intend bodily harm and I will act accordingly.

Now I told you sweetheart that I would never come near you again, I promised. My word is my bond. No need to go gettin' a 'strainin' order.

Oh, wait! You weren't talkin' about us! My bad!

 

[Guest]

We just spoke with the "Gram" a few moments ago.

I put quotes around "Gram" because this lady is barely 50 years old and looks like a model. She's blond, beautiful, brainy and tough. Very tough. I wouldn't be surprised if she has a shotgun, Colly. And if she does, she sure as hell knows how to shoot it.

The family got back inside their home last evening with the help of police and they have changed locks yet again.

No sign of the ex so far and they've already managed to replace the fridge.

Small steps. They'll get there.

But honestly, what type of bastard would do this to his own daughter?

 

[Boxlicker101]

We just spoke with the "Gram" a few moments ago.

I put quotes around "Gram" because this lady is barely 50 years old and looks like a model. She's blond, beautiful, brainy and tough. Very tough. I wouldn't be surprised if she has a shotgun, Colly. And if she does, she sure as hell knows how to shoot it.

The family got back inside their home last evening with the help of police and they have changed locks yet again.

No sign of the ex so far and they've already managed to replace the fridge.

Small steps. They'll get there.

But honestly, what type of bastard would do this to his own daughter?

That is what politicians call "Collateral Damage". He's trying to inflict injury on his estranged wife and others are injured too.

If they have a daughter in high school, they must have been married a long time. It's a shame that people in such a relationship can't work things out amicably.

 

[Pure]

But honestly, what type of bastard would do this to his own daughter?

i'd suspect he was setting up an alternate abode and trying to ensure the wife is 'on the street,'--- with a view to the daughter's finding it in her interest (or having no choice but) to join him.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I don't know the situation either, but I have a feind who's going through a vicious divorce and he's been throroughly fucked over by his wife, who's locked him out of his house, thrown away all his clothes and possessions, including a 40-year record and book collection, and then accused him of abusing his children (he was a house husband for the last 8 years) so she could have a restraining order sworn out against him. He was thus unable to get his drums out of the house so he couldn't work (he's a working musician) and she's taken the car she he can't drive anywhere anyhow. I had some equipment over there too because we used to play together and she prevented me from gtting it too for a year and a fucking half. The poor guy was reduces to sneaking over in the eraly morning hours and digging through the garbage to see what he could salvage of his life, in violation of the restraining order.

Then, when he made the mistake of going to a little league game and watching his son play from his parked car, the kid saw him and came running over to see his daddy, and she had a warrant taken out against him and had him thrown in jail. Now he has to fight the divorce and vioation of the restraining order.

She's not just trying to get a diviorce. She's trying to grind this poor guy into the dust, and she has the lawyers and resources to do it.

Women can be every bit as vicious as men.

 

[Colleen Thomas]

I don't know the situation either, but I have a feind who's going through a vicious divorce and he's been throroughly fucked over by his wife, who's locked him out of his house, thrown away all his clothes and possessions, including a 40-year record and book collection, and then accused him of abusing his children (he was a house husband for the last 8 years) so she could have a restraining order sworn out against him. He was thus unable to get his drums out of the house so he couldn't work (he's a working musician) and she's taken the car she he can't drive anywhere anyhow. I had some equipment over there too because we used to play together and she prevented me from gtting it too for a year and a fucking half. The poor guy was reduces to sneaking over in the eraly morning hours and digging through the garbage to see what he could salvage of his life, in violation of the restraining order.

Then, when he made the mistake of going to a little league game and watching his son play from his parked car, the kid saw him and came running over to see his daddy, and she had a warrant taken out against him and had him thrown in jail. Now he has to fight the divorce and vioation of the restraining order.

She's not just trying to get a diviorce. She's trying to grind this poor guy into the dust, and she has the lawyers and resources to do it.

Women can be every bit as vicious as men.

No question that is true. I have a few male freinds who se spouses have used false accusations, the kids and the system to throughly fuck them over for the sheer vindictiveness of it.

On the other hand, hosehold appliances? If he had saved is books, or his granddaddys baseball card collection or things with alueother than monetary, I would be less judgemental. But the fridge? Washer & Dryer? Dishwasher?

That's not the kind of things attach sentimental value to. They are however the most expensive items to replace inmost cases. I know I had to replace my washer here a few month's back and it was nearly 1000 dollars. If my fridge, washer, dryer, dishwasher and stove were stolen and the insurance refused to payoff, as I am sure hers will because her husband took them, I'd be cooking in the toaster oven, and suggering mightily until I could screpe up enugh to get another fridge.

 

[rgraham666]

Sigh. It's a power game.

At some point at least one spouse has declared through actions or literally, "Last one left standing, wins."

It becomes Clausewitzean warfare at that point, driven by politics and completely unrestrained.

And the collateral damage is tremendous.

So sad. I wish there was some practical, effective way we could make such behaviour a felony.

 

[oggbashan]

Other side of the Atlantic - similar story

Our next door neighbour died a year ago yesterday.

Since then, her family have been fighting about her bequests.

Her granddaughter 'A' had been her principal carer for years and had delayed her marriage because of the old lady's needs. Her mother 'D' and her brothers, the two grandsons 'B' and 'C' only went near the olfd lady to 'borrow' money. The daughter 'D' and elder grandson 'B' had inherited a larger portion from the grandfather's estate and the grandmother's estate didn't leave them anything because they had already had their share. The only personal bequests were to the granddaughter 'A' for her years of care. Some costume jewellery and a few pieces of furniture valued in total in hundreds of pounds would be split by agreement among the family. The house and the expensive antique furniture would be sold and the money raised would be split equally between the younger grandson 'C' and the granddaughter 'A' who was appointed as the executor of the will.

Without consulting or informing his sister 'A', the younger grandson 'C' moved his furniture and possessions into the grandmother's house - before the funeral.

He announced at the funeral that he intended to buy the grandparents' home to be his family home. That was a surprise to the granddaughter and the community because he didn't seem to have the money to buy his sister's share. The daughter 'D' and grandsons 'B' and 'C' removed ALL the items specifically left to the granddaughter and announced that she could not have them unless she agreed to her brother buying the house.

The younger grandson 'C' arranged for a valuation of the house. The value surprised his sister 'A' because it was so low. She found out that he had asked for the valuation to show the value with him as a sitting tenant with right to remain. The valuation was on the basis that he had the right to live there rent-free until he died. He is less than 30. His sister found that he had asked for two valuations, one to give to her, and the other for sale of the property empty with planning permission to demolish and build 8 apartments. Apparently he intended to buy half the property at the lower valuation, sell it a the higher valuation and split the proceeds with his mother and brother. The figures: With sitting tenant £75,000; with planning for 8 flats £500,000. He would pay £37,500 for a third of £500,000 and his sister would only get the £37,500 instead of the £250,000 (half the value) that she was entitled to. The second valuation was still probably an underestimate.

The granddaughter 'A' objected, because, apart from anything else, she as executor could be convicted of Tax fraud. She asked that 'B' remove all his property from the house, remember that he was left nothing except half the value of the estate after the specific bequests, and return the items left to her.

He removed none of his stuff, but took a lot of the expensive furniture that would have been sold and the proceeds split in half. He and the mother 'D' insisted that 'A' be available at awkward times, such as when they knew she should be at work, so that 'C' could remove his property. Then they would not turn up and would tell the lawyers that 'A' hadn't been there - two people against one. The two being her mother and brother.

Brother 'C' persuaded his wife to telephone the lawyers handling the estate, pretending to be 'A' and announcing that 'A' had agreed to the sale of the house to 'C' at half the low valuation. That didn't work because the lawyers insisted that such a change must be confirmed in writing. 'C' tried forgery but didn't have a good copy of his sister's signature and she had already informed the lawyers that any attempt to suggest she had agreed would be fake.

'A' decided that the only fair way to sell the house was by open auction, after finding that 'C' had bribed at least one realtor to give a false value. It sold a week ago at £435,000 WITHOUT planning permission for redevelopment. That suggests that the value WITH planning permission might be £800,000 of more.

After the auction 'C' decided that some of the garden furniture was his. He removed statues, urns, and a garden fountain, breaking it so that it was useless to him or to the new owners. The new owners became concerned that what they bought was being wrecked so when 'C' turned up again at night they phoned the police and 'A'. The police told 'C' that the property had been sold and that apart from his own property left in the house that he had refused to collect since last December, he was to touch nothing.

'D', 'B' and 'C' announced that they would be at the property on Thursday, the anniversary of the grandmother's death 'to pay their respects' and to remove their property. ('D' and 'B' had none there.) Only 'C' turned up, to abuse 'A' and to remove some garden tools. No 'respects' were paid.

Yesterday 'C' arranged with 'A' that he would remove his property. The police advised 'A' to open the garage in which the property was stored and to sit in her car some distance from the property to observe that 'C' did no more than take what was his.

'A', with her fiancé, arrived five minutes before due time, opened the garage, and parked four houses away. 'C' arrived in a van and other cars bought 'B' and his two teenage sons, and mother 'D'. Once 'C' had found that the garage was open but NOT the house which was completely empty, he climbed back into his van and drove it into 'A's car, hard enough to shake her up but not to damage the car, he then beat on the car window waving a letter supposed to be from the lawyers giving him free access to the empty house by permission of the lawyers and the new owners. 'A' called the police. When the police arrived she told them what had happened. Her mother and brothers swore that 'C' had been nowhere near her. Passers-by could have confirmed what happened but the police told 'C' to stay away from 'A' and told 'A' and her fiancé to go home. She did.

'C' removed some of his possessions despite having enough space to move all. He announced by phone that he would be returning again and again before the house sale is completed in three weeks time and that he expected 'A' to be there every time even if she should be at work. 'A' found that the letter he had been waving at her 'from the lawyers' was another forgery. The new owners had not given permission and would not. They regard 'B', 'C' and 'D' as mentally deranged, an opinion the community has shared for years.

'A' has three weeks to survive before the property sale is completed and the money can be split. She has had to change all her telephone numbers and the locks on her house because her mother 'D' had a spare key and gave it to 'C'.

The actions of 'C' are devaluing the house. On Tuesday loss adjusters will be there to assess what damage has been done to the garden equipment and the sale price will have to be reduced by the cost. 'A' will probably have to accept half the cost of the damage unless she is prepared to sue her brother.

'A' is unhappy with the whole situation. Apart from the stress, she now knows that her two brothers and MOTHER hate her - just because of money.

Og

 

[rgraham666]

Humans. Often a very scary species.