divorce help question

[harvick333]

here is the siuation, and i dont know what to do.any advice anyone can offer would be greatly appreciated. My wife (D) have been together 6 years and married almost 4. we have an almost 3 year old daughter (K).

For the last 18 months or so it seems like the only thing D and i do is fight. It is never any specific thing. for awhile i just took her yelling at me and kept my mouth shut, however that soon got old and i started telling her exactly what i thought instead of keeping it all in. it then became "oh your an asshole" , "god i fucking hate you", "why dont you just leav3", and eventually " I want a divorce". i always talked her out of it though not neccasarily because i still wanted to be with her but because i would do anything in the world for K. D has 2 sister who have used and turned their kids against the dad so i have been concerned over this.

Recently i took a job 10 hours from home out of state and have been living with my parents because there is little work where i am from. since i moved out here i have met a women i work with (R) who interests me. we have hung out socially although nothing has happened because i have never cheated on my wife nor do i want to. however R has made me realize that maybe it would be better for my wife and i to get the divorce. when i talk to D she seems happy although she usually finds something to fight about. i dont miss the fighting and in general only find myself missing K not really D. I could totally see D and I being the couple that you hear about staying together and then splitting up as soon as the daughter is out of the house and i dont want that. R has made me realize that i want to be happy myself even if it isnt neccasarily with her (R).

I dont want to hurt my wife or my daughter but i know we also cant go on the way things have been. i dont want to see K grow up seeing me and D arguing and fighting all the time. i would rather just end things now, have her know that both mommy and daddy love her and let her have the chance to see both of us happy.

I know it seems like i already know what i want, my question is more about how to go about actually doing it. i feel i owe it to D to do it in person as opposed to over the phone, however i havent been home in almost 3 weeks and when i do go home next it lands on our anniversary which just seems like a cruel time to do it, plus i worry about how much she will let me see K during that weekend if i do it before then. but if i dont do it this time home the next time is K's birthday in aug, so i dont know what to do. sorry for the long ramble but any advice would be dreatly appreciated

C

 

[Cyann]

I've always been a firm believer that you don't leave a marriage for someone else, you leave a marriage because the marriage is over. Everything you say here sounds like you have a handle on that. I can also say from my own experience and observing the experiences of others, that leaving when the kid(s) are young is the best course of action. It only gets harder the older they get, and by the time they get to be teens and beyond, they get a lot more vocal about you disrupting their lives and potentially taking them away from their home and their school and their friends. Plus there are often so many other considerations by that time (home equity--or non-equity--and other assets) that it becomes easier to suck it up and stay. By all means don't do it hastily, and leave no stone unturned as far as a reconciliation, but if/when you know for a fact that it's over I don't see any sense in prolonging the agony, ha!

Good luck to you.

 

[jen_litgirl]

I have been helping a friend of mine leave her abusive husband and get everything started for a divorce. It's a LOT of work and a lot more painful than she ever imagined. My suggestion would be to talk with a lawyer because they will help you understand what some of your options are legally which could seriously impact when and how you approach your wife. Women can be conniving and malicious, especially if they feel like they're children are being taken away. You have right as a father so I would definitely see a lawyer so you know exactly what your rights are before you go poking that beast.

Best of luck.

 

[warrior queen]

I answered on the other thread.

 

[fgarvb1]

I answered on the other thread.

me too!