Divine Intervention Closed for BlueEyedLady and allonblack

[allonblack]

OOC: This thread is closed for BlueEyedLady and myself. It's a story about a guardian angel falling in love with the woman he's assigned to guard. Enjoy!

IC: My name is...well I don't remember what it was, but now you can call me Axelis. Angel names are weird, usually for a male they end in "is" and for a female "la".Welcome to my diary. I've decided to keep this because I have a lot of time on my hands during the course of my assignment. I can take many forms but I've chosen my earth body to be that of a 23 year old handsome white male. I feel that is a good choice since I appear like a peer to Amber and probably make it easier for her to trust me.

It was another Friday night at the Hanson household. I was with Amber, whom I'd nicknamed Ambrosia because it's the nectar of the gods but mostly because it sounded cute to call her that. We were watching "Joan of Arcadia", it's Amber's favorite show. I liked it too, the idea of a young person talking to God was interesting. But it often led to Amber asking questions she knew I couldn't possibly answer. You see, I'm an angel. Not the type of "everytime a bell rings angel" well sort of, in the sense that I am what you'd call a guardian angel but I'm more like a friend for Amber. I was assigned to be her guardian angel for life, which isn't so bad since life goes quickly compared to the eternity that I'm in. I don't remember all the details of my life but what I do remember was pretty standard, not a hard life, and I got to do everything I wanted to. I was assigned to guard Amber mostly because I was always looking for a way out of the afterlife. I had discovered I could sneak into people's dreams. The elders of the afterlife worried I'd tell the secrets of the dead and people wouldn't fear death. I wasn't planning on releasing any secrets, heck I don't even know them myself, I was just looking for some fun. So they sent me to earth for awhile to keep me busy. But the catch was I had to be a guardian angel. Talk about a mixed blessing.

Amber wasn't an ugly girl at all, she just lacked social skills. She had just turned 19 and I had been with her since she turned 16. During that time she went through a pretty rough patch in her life. Her parents were killed suddenly in a car accident and she lobbied hard to get custody of her younger sister and keep the family house. The judge agreed to let them stay there but required an adult guardian. Aunt Trudie moved in but she was rarely home, usually out drinking and gambling. Amber sometimes asks me about her parents but I have to be honest with her, I don't know anymore than she does. I'm not alive now but I'm not in the afterlife so it's not like I can go visit with them. I'm stuck in between and still adjusting to earth life at this time in history. I've learned that there are a lot of tv channels. I don't eat or sleep so that's probably good since I've also discovered these things you earth mortals call "potato chips" and from what the tv says they can kill you if you eat enough of them. Good thing I'm already dead, hehe, sorry just a little angel humor there.
I often worried about Amber. Her sister had moved out last year and left Amber even more isolated. To make matters worse I was breaking a cardinal rule: I had developed a crush on Amber. It's forbidden for me to love a mortal. If I do I risk expulsion from the afterworld. I've often thought and sickly hoped for Amber to get killed so I would be freed from guarding her. But lately I've secretly wished her harm so that I could explore my feelings to see if they were more than a crush. Those thoughts sickened me. Yet I couldn't help but wonder if she would be willing to die for me. It didn't appear that she had a lot to live for anyways and that kind of devotion on her part would guarantee that her and I could be together.

You may be wondering if Amber can see me, yes she can. I have to disappear and hide whenever Trudie does stumble up the stairs to Amber's room. I hide in the closet or under the bed, it sounds like the premise for a bad sitcom, huh? "My Angel and me", well I suppose you think I could just go invisible, right? I'm a guardian angel, not a magician. Anyways because Amber is a young woman she makes me feel like a child as well. For example sometimes when I hide under her bed she'll have a bra or underwear tossed under there, (she is a teenager afterall) and I can't help but giggle.

Sometimes I feel like I'm bored by her yet I think I'm in love with her. I'm around her every second of the day so she is all I can think about. When I'm dealing with that kind of devotion it's almost impossible to not have feelings for her. When she slept I would stand over her bed and watch her. I had been stripped of the power to sneak into dreams, which was probably for the best since if I wanted her to love me I had to earn it. I didn't know if she was worth getting kicked out of the afterlife for because even though I spent every waking second with her, I still felt like I didn't know her. She was a true enigma. She talked to me a lot, mostly I just listened. She didn't appear too complex on the outside and I often thought she just viewed me as a playmate who would protect her. Since I arrived she made no effort to make friends and when she did go alone she just used me as her safety net since she knew she couldn't get hurt while I was around. In actuality most of you mortals have a guardian angel but you scare him/her away with your selfishness and greed. Or many tell someone else about their guardian angel, that breaks the rules as well. I'm sure Amber wanted to tell but probably thought no one would believe her and she didn't have anyone to tell. Amber is an angel in her own regard. In some ways I was glad she relied on me and trusted me but I feared I was like a divine sister to her and that was all I'd ever be.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Amber

I popped another kernal of popcorn in my mouth and sighed as a commercial came on. Getting up, I headed for the kitchen.

"Snack break!" I called into Axelis. I had had three years to get used to the idea of someone who others weren't supposed to see guarding me but it still struck me as funny sometimes. Not 'ha ha' funny...but strange.

I had asked him many times why I was being watched over and no one was there to protect my parents from being killed. I haven't gotten a good answer yet. He is kind of evasive. What am I saying? He is completely evasive and sometimes it drives me nuts!

I know I'm only nineteen and all 'kids' my age have questions but, dammit, I want some answers. And the fact that I get nowhere by asking those questions of Axelis is very frustrating. Imagine having someone around, 24/7 who knows things you don't, who has contact with others that you are only supposed to have faith in because you don't know if they are there or not...and getting nada!

I guess that's why I related to Joan from the show so much. She was in the same position I was in, only she had contact with the Top Dog himself. And she still got nada.

Coming back in, I handed Axelis a soda and popped the top of mine before handing him more chips. It was fun sometimes to watch him enjoy the things that we on earth taks for granted so much. I laughed as he broke into the new bag and began to munch away. I just wish I had the ability to eat as much as I wanted and not gain an ounce like he did. That would solve my love of cheesecake and ice cream. Mmmmm.

Sitting back down and turning my attention to the TV as Joan was trying to make sense of some message she got and didn't understand as usual, I gave him a sidelong glance.

"So," I said, diving into my popcorn again and watching him. "What are you up for after the show? Some board games or maybe a video game?"

I wasn't really into either of those but, when you're around someone all the time, you feel like you have to offer to do something with them. Me, I just like being with Axelis. Any other guy would be panting down my neck by now but he just...well, I just felt safe with him. And comfortable. Hey, right now he was all I had in the world. My Aunt didn't count. She never counted. Not as far as I was concerned anyway.

"How about a walk?" I hinted. I was getting restless and wanted to get out of the house before she came home...probably drunk...and was thinking that getting home after she had passed out would be the better deal.

 

[allonblack]

Axelis

Amber went to the kitchen to get us some snacks. I watched as she disappeared behind the white swinging door into the kitchen. I've often wished I could tell Amber that her parents are in a better place and answer some of the divine questions that plague mankind but the truth is I don't know much more than anyone else did. If I did I couldn't tell her. The hardest question to answer was when she would ask me "Why me? Why out of 6 billion needy, lonely, sad people did you choose me, what makes me so special?" She used to ask that almost daily but now it was reduced to when she was feeling upset. I knew those were my chances to tell her, that I "chose" her because she's so beautiful and blah blah blah, well I hadn't thought that far in advance but that's just meaningless reassurance mixed with some lame pick up lines. I knew she wanted the truth so I would tell her that I didn't chose her, I was assigned to her and I didn't know why. That didn't seem to satisfy her but it would shut her up for awhile. I think that was why I couldn't open up to her and confess my feelings for her, because she didn't think I was totally truthful with her. Well, of course the fear of expulsion from the afterlife was also a factor. Afterall I'd been alive before and didn't know if I wanted to experience all the pain and hurt you mortals have to go through again. But deep down I thought I was willing to risk it just to know if she did have feelings for me.

Amber was surprisingly stable considering what she'd been through. Not once did I have to take a gun out of her hand, flush pills down the toilet, or do anything to prevent her from hurting herself. She had a rough life but unlike many she didn't look for an easy way out. But I knew she wanted more and she deserved more. It was ripping me apart to know that I could confess my feelings for her and see what happens. Hopefully she'd feel the same and I could show her a beauty beyond imagination. Yet, I knew I needed to be careful hyping the afterlife. What if did push her over the edge? I mean why would she stay on earth? Why stay here and fulfill her duties when she could go to the afterlife and be free from all the pain that had silently tormented her over the years?

I struggled with these feelings inside. Was I really in love with her? Or was I just bored with earth life and looking for a way out? I had found simple pleasures on earth. Salted and sugar snacks were enough to satisfy me. The cable stations were plagued with news channels, so depressing.

On the tv Joan was struggling to interpret messages from God. "Oh great here it comes" I thought to myself. I could feel her eyes trained on me. She suggested we should play some games after the tv show I declined but accepted her invitation for a walk saying "I think I should go try to burn off some of the calories I just ate" pointing towards the pile of empty snack wrappers. Amber gave a half laugh. Well what did I expect? There's only so much angel humor. If her aunt cared about her she would probably think Amber had an eating disorder considering I ate the equivalent of what 5 grown men would probably eat. The food didn't little for me, I could taste it but it didn't offer any comfort or euphoric feeling like it might for an earth mortal. Once I saw her Aunt stumble home after getting dumped by her man for that week. She sat down and polished off a whole half gallon of ice cream by herself. She seemed satisfied by shoveling spoonfuls of processed dairy and sugar into her mouth. I was glad Amber didn't deal like that. Instead she seemed to bottle things up. As an angel I can listen, and provide guidance but I can't really force her to say things she doesn't want to. I traced her bottling things up back to her not trusting me. But then again she didn't trust anyone. I didn't really like going for walks, it allowed her to open up more, but it also meant I had to be on full alert watching out for unleashed dogs on the sidewalk, crazy drivers as we crossed the street, and so on. Because of all the distractions she probably thought I wasn't listening to her sometimes.

As we walked I offered her a deal. "Amber," I began "When we get back to the house I'll play a game with you, if you win I will tell you what I know, only one thing, since I get the feeling that you don't trust me, and at least Joan gets a little help, she's fiction, and I'm real so I suppose I should focus more on guarding you, since lately I've just become a couch potato." "However, if I win the game, you have to tell me one thing, something you've never told anyone else but that you want to." I paused "Is it a deal?"

I waited for her answer and saw headlights dancing down the street in a snake shaped pattern. I shieled my eyes and realized it was her aunt. She was all over the road and heading straight for Amber. I tackled Amber and tumbled into some bushes with her. I glanced up and didn't see brake lights. That wicked witch, she didn't even tap the breaks. I didn't realized I had landed on top of her, I could see discomfort on Amber's face and quickly scrambled to get off of her. I guessed all those hours of watching football and wrestling had paid off. I brushed myself off and asked if she was okay. A part of me thought that was my chance. All I had to was confess my feelings, let the car hit her, and wham! I'd be free from this job and have a beautiful girl to spend forever with me. But instinct took over and made me save her. We waited for her aunt to go inside. I whispered "So, how about that game?"

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Amber

I was thinking over his proposal when I found myself beneath him in the bushes. I had been so distracted that I didn't realize my aunt was home and drunk and almost hit me.

Scrambling out of the bushes, I charged onto the sidewalk, brushing leaves and twigs from my clothes and hair and made a rude gesture at her car as it pulled into the driveway.

"Stupid, drunk old bitty!" I said under my breath. There is not alot of times I lose my temper but my aunt got under my skin pretty easily. If I had my own way I would have raised Carrey, my sister, on my own. I didn't need her help. Hell, I hadn't had her help. She was more of a figure that kept the courts the hell out of our lives and let us be.

Carrey had turned out okay since I pretty much played Mom and Dad for her and kept her away from Aunt Trudie as much as possible. She had graduated from High School with honors and was now in her first year of college. She had a good head on her shoulders and knew where she was going. I had no doubt about that. But that left me with a question that had been going on in my mind ever since she moved out and into the dorms at her school.

Ignoring the sounds of my aunt and whatever male she had brought home this time laughing loudly and stumbling to the door, trying to open it, I began to walk the other way, still thinking about what Axelis had said.

I didn't know if I wanted to accept. And the reason for that was that I had alot of things I didn't want anyone to know. It had surprised me at first that he didn't know everything about me when he was assigned to me but I had pretty much gotten used to that. I guess there was a reason for it but he wouldn't tell me that either.

I chewed on my bottom lip and didn't answer him for a few minutes as we walked. There were alot of questions I wanted answered and picking just one would be the hardest thing to do if I won.

"Okay," I said as we crossed a street to the park that was just a few blocks from the house. And then we walked in silence for awhile.

As we got to the park, we walked along the path to the lake there. It was my favorite spot. I came here often to try and sort out the things in my mind and would sit for hours just staring at the water, the ducks and swans and everything else that seemed so removed from my own small life.

Sitting down in the grass, I stared out at the lake which was beautiful in the moonlight. It seemed like the most beautiful place on earth. So calm and inviting, so serene.

"Axelis," I said as I picked up a rock and threw it into the water, watching the ripples it caused in the still lake. "I've been thinking. Carrey is gone now and my aunt doesn't need me. She didn't ever really need me or Carrey. I still don't know why she agreed to be our guardian. Sometimes I wonder about her. I really do."

I sighed. It was very hard for me to talk about what I was thinking and feeling but, somehow, I felt I had to get this straight in my mind.

"Carrey will do well on her own. My aunt will probably die in an accident just like my parents. Or get alchohol poisoning or some stupid disease from one of the men she is always changing."

I frowned and then went on. "But, the point is...when Carrey was at home I felt like I was needed. It kept me going, you know? And now...well, now I don't feel like anyone needs me anymore. And I just don't know what to do. I don't have the money to go to college and my grades are great enough to get a scholorship. I don't have too many skills and I don't have the money to move out of Aunt Trudie's house."

I bit my lip, trying to make him understand. "I just don't know what to do now. What's out there for me now? Where do I go? What kind of life am I going to have now? Is it even worth it to go and explore what is out there?"

 

[allonblack]

Axelis

I glared with vengeance towards Trudie's car. I couldn't figure out why people like her could just stumble, literally, through life, and be blessed with many years, while good hard workers, like John and Emily, Amber's parents, were taken away after 35 years. Chances are Trudie would kill or severly injure someone before her time was up. It was hard to tell what kind of diseases she was spreading fornicating with random strangers every other day. It's just not fair, believe me I know. Try justifying the circle of life to an angst ridden 16 year old girl. I never did patronize Amber with any of the "they're in a better place" mumbo jumbo because I knew she believed that and didn't need to hear it from me. Besides I'm here to protect her, not try to convert her.

Amber began pouring her heart out to me. I knew she missed Carrey, the truth is I missed her too. Carrey could ease the burden on me. I enjoy being Amber's guardian angel but I think she expects me to advise more than guard. As she was breaking down and wondering what her purpose on earth was I could feel my eyes tear up. "Stupid human bodies" I thought to myself, "So many design flaws, leaky eyes, they're useless 1/3 of the third time, etc." Occassionally a flashback from my life would appear when someone said an exact phrase that had been said to me or brought me to a place that I'd been to before. The flashbacks hurt, like a mule kicking you in the brain, but I could easily fight back the pain and block out the memories. Some still lingered but I kept a few intentionally. I didn't know how to tell her that I didn't know what her purpose was either. I didn't want to sound too harsh and make her feel useless. Finally I spoke "Amber, I'm your guardian angel, I'll always be with you to protect you, I can't tell you what to do, but you can take comfort in knowing that you can't get hurt or fail because I won't let that happen." "At the risk of sounding redundant and ironic, you only live once, so I say take some chances." "I was hoping to learn more about you because after 3 years of being with you every second I still feel like a stranger Ambrosia."

Now was my chance. "Amber, it's your life, I need you, I desperately need you, you're my second chance, but don't live just for me." I hesitated, "No, not now" I thought to myself, she's too vulnerable if you confess your feelings for her it may come off as condescending reassurance and she won't believe you. "Of course it's worth exploring" I told her sternly. "I've seen what awaits you, I can't tell you what it is, but I can assure you you'll be happy with it." "Tell me, what's the one thing you want more than anything, right now?"

"And I'm sure you're tired of me beating around the bush and answering your questions with questions, so here goes, I'm going to tell you a little about my earth life but I want you to promise you'll tell me what you really want." She looked at me with a look of doubt. She had me in awkward position, I could either be her hero or lose her trust forever. "Okay..." I began. "I don't remember everything so bear with me, but I know I've been to this lake before, I hate this place." "I don't know what happened here but..." I grimaced as memories came rushing back off the greenish blue water surrounding me. "I didn't drown here but someone very special to me did." "I lived my life to the fullest, well almost, I had a beautiful friend that I adored and she adored me as well but I was too stubborn to act on it." "I tried to save her, I don't know how she ended up in the water, as I said the memories are blurry." "But I know I died without ever experiencing love." "I had a chance for love and I blew it." "But Amber I respect that you don't try to fill your life with empty relationships like your aunt does, that's not living." "Anyways after my friend drowned, I lost touch with reality." "While other men my age were barhopping and filling their free time with young ladies, I sealed myself up in my bedroom with nothing but my thoughts, I didn't eat, I remember being so hungry but too weak to even chew." "Maybe that's why I pack the food away now." I said with a chuckle, surprised that I could poke fun at my own death. "Over the past 3 years I've learned from my mistakes on earth, I've learned you should tell someone how you feel about them before it's too late, I see you do that everytime Carrey would leave the house." "You've taught me a great deal about what I missed and didn't experience." "I would be honored if you'd continue to teach me." With that I stopped talking and turned my back to her. I wiped a few tears away as a few trickled down my cheek and splashed into the lake. That lake was now blessed, angel tears are holy water, that's one thing I can share with you mortals. I hoped that what I said left it vague and open-ended enough that she would understand what I said and be able to find the underlying sincerity in my words.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Amber

I listened to Axelis and thought over what he was saying. My heart went out to him, his memories of his his own earthly life were so sad. I could relate to how he felt then but I had Carrey to keep me from shutting myself out. She needed me. I guess what I really wanted was someone to need me again.

Laying a hand on his shoulder, not sure exactly what to do as he turned his back to me, I said,"I'm sorry that remembering makes you so sad, Ax. I don't really know what you are trying to say to me but I am glad I could help you out in any way possible."

I took a deep breath and sighed. "I guess you're trying to tell me I need to move on and find someone to love me and give me purpose in life...but..." I stopped and thought.

I really hadn't tried to find that special someone that everyone is searching for. I mean, when a girl has an angel, it's kind of hard for mortal men to compare, you know? Still, I couldn't sit around and mope about not having something to do. Axelis was right, I had to move on.

"And I don't know what you want to learn from me about dating. I really haven't done much. But if you think it's best, I guess I could give it a try. It would help me get out of the house at least."

I lay my hands on my knees and my chin on my hands. "I guess it's time for me now. I don't know exactly what that means but there's no time like the present to find out."

 

[allonblack]

Axelis

I realized I probably just made things worse by opening up to her. I didn't miss human emotions at all. Especially the way people look at you like you're crazy when you say things a little out of the ordinary.

As she laid her hand on my shoulder, I shuddered a little. I wasn't scared but it had become instinct for me. Human touch was still something that took some getting used to.
I turned back towards her and said "Well, I don't expect you to go out and get a boyfriend, I don't know if that will solve all your problems." "But you've got me, if you'd like to use me as practice for dating you can." "I mean I'm an angel but I'm not perfect, I have my flaws just like a human so it wouldn't be like I would give you unrealistic expectations." "Besides this is a learning mission for me so it'll be good for me to see how people in your day and age interact on dates and in romantic situations." "So it's up to you, we can give it a try, if it makes you uncomfortable we can go back to the way we were nothing will change." "I mean I'd like to get out of the house sometimes too." "You don't need to find someone to love you, instead I think you need to find someone to love, that will give much more purpose and fulfillment than only being loved. Of course love is always best when it's mutual."

I felt my stomach doing flip flops. I didn't know how to confess my feelings for her. It was like living the same nightmare all over again. Only this time I had no idea if Amber's feelings were mutual.

She knelt down and her faced showed a look of confused desperation. I turned away from her again and faced the lake. After a minutes of taking deep breaths and mumbling to myself I walked towards her. She looked up at me with wide eyed curiosity as I took her hand and pulled her to feet. I looked deeply into her deep blue eyes, which shimmered in the moonlight like two crystal balls. I leaned in and kissed her on the lips. Quickly I pulled back, stunned by my own behavior. Yet it felt good and I wanted to do it again.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Amber

I was stunned that Axelis kissed me. He had never approached me like this before and it was very confusing to me that he would offer to go out on dates with me and wondered, for a moment, if it really was just for learning experience for both of us.

Then I chided myself. What in the world would an angel want with a mortal woman? Sheesh! I really needed to get out more. And I needed to do something about the butterfies in my stomach that had appeared there the moment his lips had brushed against mine.

Taking a deep breath, I let out a shaky laugh. "Well, I don't think that guys and gals kiss on the first date." I said, trying to break the tension that had come between us for the first time in three years. "Things haven't changed that much I'm sure."

Looking out at the lake, I thought about what he had said. Well, it's not like I had any other prospects. In fact, I really hadn't been looking for any. And I was comfortable with him. Even though the feel of his lips still burnt mine as I ran my tongue over them.

"I guess we could. I mean, it won't do any harm and...well...it will get us both out of the house. And, who knows, I might even find out I'm good at this dating thing."

 

[allonblack]

Axelis

I breathed a heavy sigh of relief. Kissing Amber was one of the few things I've wanted to do that I've actually followed through on, in either of my lives. I still was awkward and shy around women, I'd just reaffirmed that.

I scrambled to make sense of everything despite the fact my head was swirling. "Sorry about that, I guess I just caught up in the moment." I said clearing my throat, as the kiss combined with the nerves had left my mouth parched.

My head began to swirl with the prospects of what could happen in the coming days. I didn't want to get my hopes up but my chances felt good. I turned away from her again, this time not in anger but so I could run my tongue over my lips and taste her without looking too obvious. I had always longed for Amber. Carrey was much more physically attractive and in my first few days here I tested my limits and spied on her in the shower. I thought Amber had caught me so I never did it again. Especially since I had fallen for Amber instantly and didn't want to lose her trust. Whenever she would shower or change clothes I always left the room. She had become more aware of me being around her and quickly could feel my presence without needing to see me. So I knew she could feel me looking at her if I did spy on her. Yet I wondered what kind of beauty her clothes hid. I didn't want to see her naked out of lust but more out of vulnerability. Afterall I'm a raw soul, often completely exposed with my thoughts and feelings, so if there were any barriers I could remove to gain more of her trust I would do everything in my power to do it.

A tickle started from my head, a dull aching sensation. It shot through my stomach into my knees. I felt them buckle and fainted. Embarrassed, I quickly scrambled to my feet. Luckily Amber hand't noticed and I covered just saying I tripped over a stone. I hadn't felt feelings like that before. I wondered if it was lust that had caused me to pass out or just the numerous thoughts racing through my head at once. I believe part of it was fear. Fear that I was getting my wish and fear of being reprimanded. Finally I regained my composure enough to speak.

"So, what should we do for our first date? Afterall we're not quite traditional, I mean I don't have a car so I can't pick you up at your house for dinner and a movie, I don't need to since we already live together, and well the fact that I'm dead too kinda seperates us from the norm." I said with a slight chuckle.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Amber

I turned from where I was watching the moon on the lake and laughed.

"Let's leave that last part out of the equation, shall we?" I said, pulling a face. "Dead should not be said in the same sentence as date. It's just too much like some kind of B movie that you take a girl to see because you would rather smooch than watch."

I shrugged. "But, speaking of movies, I haven't seen one in quite awhile. We could take in dinner and a movie. Most first dates start that way."

 

[allonblack]

Axelis

I was so excited that she had agreed to go on a date with me. I hadn't been on a date that I could remember. I walked over to a park bench and took a newspaper off of a sleeping bum. Amber flashed me a look. "Oh come on" I said "I'm an angel, I don't think me stealing a bum's blanket is going to send me to hell." She rolled her eyes.

"Ok, let's see here..." I said as I flipped to the entertainment pages. I knew Amber well, so horror movies were out. She wasn't scared at all. I wished she would be, so she could cling to me and bury her head on my shoulder during the scary parts. I thought a romantic movie might put me in too much of an amorous mood and I didn't want to push my luck tonight.

"How about Beeping Tom?" I asked her. "The commercials for it look pretty good, from what I can tell it's about a guy that's kinda stalked by his voyeuristic ex-girlfriend. She waits until he's alone with his new lady and she'll call his cell phone, pager, answering machine, all at once and repeatedly to make his new girl think he's a player."

I stuck my arm out keeping my elbow folded so she could grab my arm and we could walk arm in arm. "May I escort you, milady?" I said with a horrible British accent. Amber chuckled.

We made our way to the cineplex. "Amber, I'm not really hungry right now, how about we eat after the movie?" I said. I was planning on seeing how the evening went and taking her to a romantic candlelight dinner. I didn't want it to be overly romantic but I did want to give her a memorable evening since she deserved it.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Amber

OOC: Sorry, hon, between rl and a comp crash I havent been able to post.

IC: I laughed and took his arm, walking with him to downtown. We didn't live that far away from it which is probably why my aunt hadn't died in a car crash by now. I scowled thinking of the woman and then put her out of my mind. Tonight was supposed to be fun.

I bumped Axelis' hip with my own, sending him a teasing look. "Okay but remember, I'm on a limited budget and I don't recall the last time I heard of an angel having money for a dinner and movie."

Laughing and, for the first time in a long time, feeling pretty damn good, we walked toward the movie theater and then I stopped and looked at him.

"Wait!" I said, my eyes growing large at the thought that had just struck me,"Is anyone but me going to be able to...you know...see you? Cause I'm going to look pretty silly standing there talking to myself if that's not allowed."

 

[allonblack]

Axelis

Amber was flirting, or at least I thought it was flirting. "I can make myself visible to others, but I'll have to change my appearance and I don't really want to do that because it's a pain in the neck, literally, with the face shifting and all." "Plus I don't know how to do it, I've never had a reason to change my appearance before now." I told her, noticing she was looking down growing visibly disappointed. "But hey," I said brushing the hair out of her eyes "we can't talk in the movies anyways, so what does it matter if anyone can see me or not?" A smile formed in the corner of my mouth.

She bought her ticket and went to the bathroom. I went into the theater and sat down. The lights started to dim. "This is going to be a challenge" I thought. "How will she see me in the dark?" I know you're thinking couldn't I just spread my wings or shine some divine light that only Amber could see? Nope, I'm supposed to stick mortal rules while I'm here on earth. But since I didn't know how a mortal would react in this situation I scratched around on the floor and found a skittle. I tossed it in her direction and said a prayer hoping my throw would be swift. Sure enough it was. It plunked her right in the forehead. I shuddered and slunk down in my seat, trying to hide the fact I was giggling. Then the mortal part of me realized I could just whisper her name. "Amber, psst! over here!" she made her way down the aisle, squeezed past a few other people and took her seat beside me.

I noticed her forehead was a little red, I leaned over and said "Here, I'll kiss it and make it better." With that I planted a wet one on forehead. The coming attractions came and went.
A bouncy hip hop song began as the title credits roled. I interlocked my fingers with her and gave her hand a soft squeeze. I felt normal for the first time in my life or afterlife.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Amber

I was surprised at the feel of the sticky candy on my forehead and I glared at Axelis even though he couldn't see it in the dark. But when he kissed me where the candy had hit, I was stunned and sat frozen for a second, shivers running up and down my spine.

I shook myself and shrugged it off. It was just Axelis being his own teasing self. Wasn't it? Of course it had to be. Brushing off the thought, I had settled down when he took my hand in his. Again I felt that strange shiver but tried to turn my mind back to the movie. It was hard with the heat of his hand enclosing mine but I managed to watch the movie and halfway glean what was happening on the screen.

It was only when the ending credits were rolling that I realized that I hadn't really followed the plot of the movie very well and I cleared my throat, whispering to Axelis in case anyone overheard.

"I'll meet you outside," I said and got up, reluctantly releasing my hand from his as I made my way out into the cool air, taking a deep breath and wondering what the hell was wrong with me.

 

[allonblack]

Axelis

I could see I had made Amber uncomfortable. Sometimes I loathe myself, I'm not a guardian angel, I'm just a joke.
Amber seemed disinterested in the movie, I didn't blame her it wasn't that great and she had other things on her mind. She dashed outside and my instinct told me to follow her, guide and protect her, but I was once human, I knew was awkwardness felt like. I also knew the only cure was to be alone for awhile.

I sat there watching the couples file out the exits while the janitors anxiously glanced at their watches ready to mop the floors and close up for the night. I noticed some of the couples were very physical and amorous. One man pinched his date's buttocks making her squeal with delight. The physical attention seemed to make her feel important. I wondered if that's what Amber needed, to know the touch of a man. I had tried to go slow, hold her hand, kiss her, but I didn't know what she wanted.

A slight rage began to boil in me. Vengeance, I knew its painful sting well. It paralyzed me, I knew I was about to sin so I had to sit and calm down until my vengeful thoughts passed.

Deep breath after deep breath poured into and out of my lungs. I flung the exit doors apart with a forceful push. Amber gasped, starting to speak. I assume she was going to ask what had gotten to into me. I pushed my finger to her lips. "Don't talk, listen" I said forcefully. "Ambrosia, I love you, it's a forbidden love, but it's love, I know it is." I said my voice starting to break. "Look, I know a movie and a kiss in the park isn't exactly proof that we're soulmates and you're probably freaked about all this, I am too, but that's been inside me for a long time, I had to say it and now I did." I felt tears streaking down my face. Tears of fear, fearing rejection, fearing damnation for loving my dependant. But most of all I cried a few tears of happiness for I had completed one thing I never got to do in life, I confessed my love for someone.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Amber

I was just about to go back into the theater on pretense of leaving my purse or something so I could talk to Axelis. I had to talk to him about this...whatever was happening to me. It wasn't fair that I had a crush on him, if it was a crush. I mean, I had lived with him for three years and he was an angel and he was always there for me and so it seemed natural that I would have a crush on him....and then the doors seemed to crash open with a force as he came storming out and my eyes flew open wide, wondering what had gotten into the guy who I knew laughed and cried right along with me.

I was going to say something, ask what was wrong, when I felt his finger on my lips and he started speaking.

I couldn't take everything he told me in. I was confused. Both by my own feelings and his and I know I looked kind of stunned. Hell, I was kind of stunned.

When he started to cry, though the spell around me broke and I reached up to wipe away his tears, cradling his face in my hands.

"Oh, Ax," I breathed then realized we were in a public place where I could be seen but he couldn't and there were murmurs of other couples around us.

Taking his hand, I dragged him away and onto the darkened streets, finding a spot where no one was walking before I turned back to him.

"Axelis," I said, my voice sounding strange,"I...well, in the theater...when you were holding my hand...I...I don't know. It was strange because I was feeling...I don't know what I was feeling...but it was something I never felt with you before..."

I took a deep breath and let it out, forcing myself to look him in the eye.

"I think...I know I have feelings for you that aren't what they used to be. Maybe I've felt like this for longer than tonight but I just didn't realize it...but...if it's forbidden than...I'm not a good enough person for you to get in trouble over, Ax, I'm not! And you're punishment, if this is not supposed to be...would be forever and I can't bear to think that you loving me would cause you that."

Now tears were streaming down my face as I tried to make him understand.

"I could love you," I said in a small voice,"Maybe that's why I tried so hard not to think about any kind of feelings for you...I don't know. But I won't be the cause of you being unhappy. It would kill me to think that I caused you to do something you're not supposed to do!"

 

[allonblack]

Axelis

Amber began to wipe away my tears with a gentle touch. She held my face in her hands, forcing me to look at her. Her eyes were the gateway to her soul, and a beautiful soul it was too, destined for greatness. I wanted to tell her that but I didn't know how.

"Amber, what I'm about to say might sound like I'm tricking you but I've been to heaven, I know the rules." I said trying to gather my composure. "They tend to be lenient when it comes to the fine line between love and lust. I can assure you what I feel for you isn't lust. I know love, I've seen it defined, this is my first experience with it though. So I don't know what you mean by you could love me? Are you afraid I'll be punished? If so, don't be, if you love me, and love me with all of your heart, nothing will seperate us, my sins can be forgiven since I have good intentions. But I've died before, I know that pain, but I'll die a thousand deaths each night if I have to guard you and watch you love someone else." I felt sick. I despised my selfish words that I just spewed. I spit on the grass as if trying to cleanse my mouth of the greed I had just spoken.

"But Amber, tell me what do you think love is? Is it physical?, emotional?, mental? all three? or something else? I need to know what it'll take to change your thoughts from "I could love you" to "I love you"." I said backing up from her, she grew physically distant as I grew emotionally distant. "I know this is sudden but I think we need to make a decision tonight before this becomes more awkward and unbearable."

"You probably don't want to hear this, but when we were in the bushes and I was on top of you, feeling your hearbeat, breathed a new life into me. I realize our bodies are just shells, I would love a chance to get know the pearl of a soul that resides in your shell, if you will grant me that." "But don't let me pressure you, I can continue to guide you as an invisible guide if this is too much and you want me to go away for awhile. I'll always be there for you. I chose a body just because I knew you needed someone tangible, I needed someone too, I need you." I said feeling weaker and almost physically transparent.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Amber

My heart lept into my throat at his words and the distance he was putting between us. It looked almost as if he was fading away and I felt like someone had captured my heart and was squeezing it, trying to make it stop beating.

"Axelis!" I cried running toward him and throwing my arms around him, clutching him to me, burying my head in his chest as if I could drag him back before he completely disappeared.

"No! No!" I cried into his shirt,"Don't leave me, don't! I don't think I could make it without you there! We'll talk this out! It will work out, I promise!"

I was crying hard now. "You ask me what I think love is but the truth is I don't know. When mother and father died I thought my world died with them! And then I gave everything to Carrey because that damn drunken aunt of ours couldn't and I thought I would fall apart when she left home and I was alone."

I shook my head which was still buried in his chest and mumbled into it.

"But you were always there for me. I made it because you were there and if you go...if I lose you now...I don't know how I'll be able to stand it! Please, please don't go! You're all I have! You're all I want! I do love you...I do...just don't leave me...please!"

 

[allonblack]

Axelis

Amber rushed into my arms. I held her as she poured her heart out to me. "Shh Shh, I know you need me, sorry Ambrosia, I guess my anger just got the better of me." "I won't leave you, I couldn't even if I wanted to" I said with a soft smile.

"I was out of line asking you what love is, it was sort of a trick question anyways because it's different for every soul." "For me, it means giving the other person one thing you can't give anyone else. I hear some couples say my lover is my best friend, well that's fine and all but you can give your friendship to other people. It's unlimited. You only have one heart though, one soul, to share with your lover. Obviously my soul is already yours, it wasn't a coincidence I was chosen for you. I kind of had a little something to do with that. I organized the files so yours would be on top and I knew the angelic council worked from top to bottom." I said in a confessing tone, my voice gradually rising, placing emphasis on the important parts.

I held her as tightly as I could, I kissed her neck, cheek, lips, anything I could touch. My head swirled covering her with kisses. "I need you now more than I've ever needed anyone, please Amber don't let go, not yet, not now." I said.

Lust danced in my head, I wanted to make love to her right there in the alley. I knew that was one thing she had never given anyone before but she may feel as if I was deceiving her and being swept up in the horny male american body that I occupied. I wanted to just disappear with her forever and show her what delights awaited her on the other side. Yet, I valued her life, for it gave me life.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Amber

Axelis was kissing me and I responded in kind, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling his head down so that our lips could meet.

My head spun as the kiss began and I felt almost as if it was me who had wings instead of him. For the first time in my life I felt as if the burdens of this world were lifted from me and I was far above the petty cares that hold every mortal down.

I continued kissing him, wondering in the feelings he was evoking from me and pressing against him, wanting more than this but scared to want more.

When the kiss broke, I looked up at him with eyes that shone and laughed.

"You arranged the heavenly files so you would get mine?" I said in amazement. "Oh, Axelis! You are really something else. And you are everything to me."

 

[allonblack]

Axelis

Amber's kisses were draining in a positive way. Her lips moved across mine, quivering ever so slightly. Her warmth surrounded me. I didn't know if she was aware of it or not but she was getting a glimpse of heaven. The silence where each of us knew what the other was thinking and didn't want the moment to end, that was a molecule of heaven. Just a speck of pleasure in the afterlife but a massive amount of pleasure on earth.

I was glad she wasn't mad that I had arranged the files to get her. Her body pressed against mine. Her hips rocked back and forth. I couldn't tell if she was beckoning for more or just adjusting herself. My hands roamed down her back, across the back of her waist, finally resting on her buttocks. I gently caressed her body. Her hips leaned into me, now I was starting to believe she wanted more than her body was telling her.

The kiss broke and she started to pull away and fold her arms around herself, hugging herself to keep warm in the cool air. I wouldn't let her, I grabbed her hand and pulled her back to me. I embraced her to keep her warm and let my fingers dance across her clothes. The massaging motion stimulated bloodflow, relaxing her muscles as she pushed in closer against me. "Amber, are you ready for more? If not I'll stop now but I don't want to make you uncomfortable." I said tilting my head to see the sparkles in her eyes.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Amber

What else could I say? I did want more. More of him holding me, kissing me...more everything. I had never known feelings like this before and I wanted to explore them...with him.

"Yes," I said in a hoarse voice, filled with emotion,"I want more, Ax, I want you to show me what heaven on earth can be like."

 

[allonblack]

Axelis

I held her waiting for her to speak, when she finally did it was the magic words. She wanted to know what heaven on earth was like. I didn't want to take her home, that was her personal hell.
I pushed her away from gently, I needed room to work. I pressed my hands together as if praying. I didn't let them touch, a glittery whirlwind danced back and forth between my fingers. I inhaled sharply and opened my palms.

There was an instant flash and suddenly the dark city sidewalks disappeared, replaced with a meadow full of marigolds, her favorite flowers. Beneath the shade of an oak tree rested a blanket with two pillows on it. I assumed she would think that was a bit presumptious but I wanted to add my own unique touch. There was a picnic basket resting on the blanket. A note attached said "Amber" on it. "Don't open that note until you are ready for this night to end." I told her. My eye twitched a little, still recovering from crying and also trying to hide my lie. The note wouldn't end the night, in reality it may start a whole new chapter in our saga, I just didn't want her to focus on it and forget about her desires.

I led her to the edge of the meadow. "Take off your shoes" I said, kicking mine off. We walked barefoot through the meadow, to the blanket. We stood there, she grasped me by my index finger, as if afraid to let me go for even a second. "Go on, make yourself comfortable." I said motioning for her to sit down.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Amber

"Axelis! It's beautiful!" I breathed as we walked through the meadow. "I had no idea you could do anything like this!"

When we reached the blanket and he told me to make myself comfortable, I raised my hands for a moment and spun around, taking in the beauty of it all before falling down, laughing, on the blanket, my head resting on one of the soft pillows. It was like having a cloud beneath it and I sighed.

"You really should go into the business, Ax," I said with a smile,"People would pay any price for this."

Sitting up, I tried not to look at the note, though I was very curious about it. He had said the night would end when I read it and I didn't want this to end.

Reaching into the basket, I began to pull out what was inside and lay it out for our dinner. The smells of the food reached me and my stomach growled.

I laughed and said,"Until now I didn't realize how hungry I was. Come sit down and lets eat."

 

[allonblack]

Axelis

I sneeze a few times as we walked through the meadow, stupid allergies. Amber giggled a girlish laugh. She was always amazed at my human qualities. When I first arrived she had given me a goose feather pillow. I was allergic to it. She found it extremely funny that an angel would be allergic to feathers.

She was in awe that I could do this, I spoke "Actually neither did I," a sheepish grin swept over my face, "but what I can tell you? It's the power of love combined with belief."

She dug curiously in the picnic basket. Amber propped herself up on the pillow, using her elbow to balance her weight. I removed a basket of strawberries and began feeding them to her one by one. She bit an extra juicy one and the red sugary liquid slid down her chin. I wiped it off with my thumb, like a mother dabbing a tissue to wipe off her child's face.

As my finger swept across her face, I could see her toes curling with extreme anxiousness. I thought she feared my touch and she was flinching with fear, but as her foot muscles relaxed and her toes straightened I began to realize she was flinching with delight.