Distance yourself from someone

[shrek100]

Most if not all, at some point experience temptation?

If so how do you distance yourself from the temptation without causing upset to yourself or the other person.

I have a great Marriage, great family. But there is someone from my past/present that I seem to have a thing for. Not just physically but also on a metal level.

Now I haven't been unfaithful, I wouldn't but the temptation is there. . . IS the grass greener?

I have changed my log on so Mrs Shrek cant see this.

 

[SweetErika]

The grass may very well be greener on the sex front.

However, if you do cheat, can you live with keeping that secret from your wife and everyone else in your life? More importantly, can you live with destroying your wife, marriage, family, and perhaps even friendships?

If you're approaching the edge of the cliff with this other person, stop. Stop flirting. Don't touch them or allow them to touch you. Don't allow yourself to be alone with them. Don't allow yourself to keep secrets from/lie to your wife. In some relationships, honesty can diffuse situations like this; you might even ask for your wife's advice on this (with plenty of reassurance that it's just a flirtation and you'd never consider infidelity).

Who is this other person? An old friend? Coworker? Is it possible to just not see them?

 

[shrek100]

Thanks SweetErika.

She is a Lady I have know for a long time, In our younger years we did "have a casual relationship"

Not seeing them is not really an option as the circle of friends I mix with come into contact with hers.

She is really a good friend, but the last night we was together it got very "close" I am not willing to cross the line, but at the same time I would be lying if I said I didn't have feelings for her. Possibly strong feelings, but I think this is more of a lust thing. . . Approaching mid life crisis.

I have spoken to Mrs Shrek, I have never Lied and I will not, and I thought I had cleared it but It still is in my head.

I sometimes wish I was an Arsehole and live life without Gilt, but that's not me

 

[simplegirl]

I would agree on never being alone with them and I would avoid communicating with them privately. Kudos to you for realizing your feelings and addressing them BEFORE it goes too far.

I know you can't help attraction and you say you have a great marriage. Aside from this being someone that you've known a long time and had a previous casual relationship with, is there *something* in your marriage that maybe isn't filling a need? Are things too routine, do you need to make time for just you and your wife without the kids, more date nights together, go dancing. I'm not saying anything is terribly wrong in your marriage, but I'm wondering is there isn't a little something that's going on (or not going on, whatever the case may be) to cause you to be tempted by something outside of it. Just a thought which if you can correct, would help cool your attraction to this other lady.

 

[SweetErika]

If you think the temptation might be part of a mid-life crisis, then why not be proactive and invest in other things that make you feel young, happy and healthy? Put your effort toward a sport you love/want to try, music, a project, reigniting passion with your wife, safe thrills, etc.

You also might want to consider why your with your wife, instead of this other woman. Our minds have a way of fuzzing out the stuff that didn't work for us in certain relationships. I absolutely have fond memories of past lovers, but when I dig beyond the thrills, I realize that none of them would have been good LTRs or spouses for me for a host of good reasons.

Has your wife met this other woman?

 

[shrek100]

Yes they have met. My wife didn't like her. I think it was obvious there is a connection between me and the other.
Again I am sure I am not alone. Life wife my wife has become almost routine. The other represents excitement. And I know we get on.
That's not a critism of mrs Shrek, it's just life gets serious and we grow up I guess.
Really good to hear others thoughts on this. You are both right.
I need to keep away, but I will actually miss her. If I wasn't with mrs Shrek I would be with the other but I am committed to marriage.

 

[Kalamain]

I had this kind of issue....Not exactly but close enough.

You NEED to talk to your friend and tell her how you feel... But then you need to tell her that you are not wanting THAT kind of relationship.
You can still be friends... Maybe even good friends and be flirty and have fun... but you both need to understand that you have strict limits.

What you HAD was great... But you need to understand that you are in another relationship.

Don't give up on the relationship...***** is too short to lose friends. Just build a new relationship.

 

[shrek100]

Thanks again guys.
I feel better knowing others have had similar feelings. I was really starting to over analyse how I felt. Reading comments on here, I am starting to feel better.
I shouldn't feel guilty, I should be pleased that I have remained faithful.

I am seeing the "other" next week and I will be honest with her. I Know she feels the same as I do, so I think honesty and loyalty is the correct thing. . . Although the sex would be fun

 

[Kalamain]

Although the sex would be fun

Yes it would be.... But only while you are doing it.
After that? Who knows. Guilt is a bitch.

 

[simplegirl]

Life wife my wife has become almost routine. The other represents excitement.

I think you hit the nail on the head. Even the best of marriages get into a routine and even ruts. We're human and creatures of habit. By realizing what's going on, why you feel the way you do and wanting to fix it before doing something irrevocable, you're showing great insight that many people don't even bother to address.

I would make a concerted effort to jazz things up with the Mrs. This will help fulfill a need in you and no doubt will in her also. As we get into our routines and into the stresses of life, we tend to forget to carve time out for each other. And we need to feel attractive / handsome/ beautiful/ sexy and unfortunately we tend to forget to do that for each other. Many people cheat for the reason they need validation that they're still attractive / vibrant/ sexy people.

 

[Chloesub937]

It sounds to me like this lady represent an excitement and novelty that your long term, albeit wonderful, relationship with your wife now lacks. And adding to that, is the fact that you already know her, so it's not an unknown quantity with a stranger.

It is hard to keep the spark over the years with the same person, and I'm sure that we all would like to revisit that youthful thrill and excitement of being with someone new. As the others have said, the best thing would be to try to reintroduce that with Mrs Shrek - all I am saying is that I understand your dilemma and I'm sure you're not alone

 

[shrek100]

Good Advise from everyone.
I feel way better knowing I am not alone and others understand.