discussion

[ashesatwork]

I have a question... I just submitted some of my work here over the past few days. And with all works, you will have people who will like the stuff and people who wont....

but im getting some really odd comments on one story that is throwing me for a loop....

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=198821


i got some feedback through email.. telling me how much some loved and some hated.. and some feed back calling it a piece of shit...as a matter of fact to quote the to quote it... "what was this? Whatever it is,its a piece of sh it,and a piss poor one at that." signed... of course.. Anonymous


now... im for all critisim..good or bad.. but when you call something that.. wouldnt you like to know what in the world you feel was done wrong in the story???

Now i am new to writing.. and i wouldnt even call myself a writer.. but i share my fantasies through writing....

one comment that im sure noone reads anyways.. said.. this is just a story.. or something like that... doesnt matter if it is or isnt.. why in the world are people taking the story to such offence????

Did i miss something??

sorry, im just confussed at the whole process of this stuff... enlighten me please...

 

[ashesatwork]

humm..did i put this in the wrong place? or is it just noone cares?

 

[Black Tulip]

Hi ashesatwork,

We care. A lot.

That's why we have this place called the Story Feedback.

You could not have known, but this section is reserved for discussion of stories on a swap basis. Give two critiques before you can put up a story of your own.

Never mind, welcome and have fun. Anything else you want to know, go to the Newbie Support Forum.
See my sig.



Oh, and read the stickies at the top of the forums. They contain useful information.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Hi Ashes--

You posted a story in the craziest category in Lit. "Loving Wives" stories always attract a bunch of weird and often psychotic comments. Apparently there are people who read Loving (i.e.cheating) Wives stories and then go ballistic because the wife cheated, calling the author all sorts of names and generally foaming at the mouth. The phenomenon is familiar to all authors who have posted in that category, which is why many of us just stay away from it and prefer to work in a calmer and more acceptable area, like incest or BDSM. Don't take it seriously. These people are seriously ill.

I also see you got hit by Don Numbers, who's absolutely obsessed with women getting pregnent. He also hangs around the Loving Wives category, another good reason to avoid it.

Try writing your next story in another category and see how the comments go. Also, try and avoid that second-person voice (the "I/you" thing). It really doesn't work as well as you think and turns a lot of readers off.

---dr.M.

 

[ashesatwork]

Thanks for the help

Being new I was all confussed!

 

[Penelope Street]

Hi Ashes,

You garnered a few feedback gems there. I've considered writing a cheating wife story just so I can laugh at the responses.

As for the story itself, I think there is room for improvement.

There's lot of description, longish paragraphs with explicit action during which I get little indication of the character's feelings and desires. This and the lack of explicit dialogue gives the tale a particularly distant feel.

For example, consider but this line:
The windows are open and you stop to tell me to be quiet...
Sometimes a single spoken line can tell so much about the speaker. In this case it could be "Shhsssh, sweetie" or "Shut up, bitch" or anything in between. See why I want to hear his words?

Dr.M. is correct about the effectiveness of second person perspective. It turns me off anyway, but especially when I'm supposed to be a man.

Present tense can also be tricky; one has to be careful not to slip into past tense as occurs here:
You get your self done and we get out, you dry me off and tuck me back in bed. You lay with me till I fall asleep, telling me how you want to be here when I wake up, but you can't. I said one of these days you will be the one beside me and soon after I fell asleep.

I agree with the suggestion to post in another category for starters. Also, try and develop the characters just a bit- at least show us what they feel and let us hear what they say. Even in a short stroke scene like this the action can sizzle or fizzle depending upon whether the reader can understand and relate to one of the characters.

Take Care
Penny

P.S.

The phenomenon is familiar to all authors who have posted in that category, which is why many of us just stay away from it and prefer to work in a calmer and more acceptable area, like incest or BDSM.

lol. I love your sense of humor, doc!

 

[ashesatwork]

One more question... thanks so much for the help so far!

Now when I want to post a story for help.. do i ask for help or post the story and just see what happens ??

and then once its fixed to a point then publish??

Sorry, so new around here, Ive not got it all down pat??

Thanks again

Ashes

 

[Penelope Street]

Now when I want to post a story for help.. do i ask for help or post the story and just see what happens ?? and then once its fixed to a point then publish??

I've seen some authors post their story's text to the Story Feedback forum first, asking for advice prior to submission, but most often I see a link to a posted story and request for comments, as you did in this thread.

Take Care,
Penny

 

[Singularity]

Two Other Options

You can also seek out a volunteer editor to run the sandpaper over your draft, for the before-hand; and you can always post an updated version of a story to overlay the prior horror with your fresh, new edition, for the mopping-up.

I don't go back and re-do anything afterwards. I just try to learn from the experience and do better the next time.

Maybe when someone wants to publish the Compleat Sin, I'll go back and fix some of those things from before that embarrass me now.

 

[ashesatwork]

I don't go back and re-do anything afterwards. I just try to learn from the experience and do better the next time.

I like this idea

Thank you all again for your help

read on