V M Willyams
Virgin
- Joined
- Dec 20, 2005
- Posts
- 5
I'm a writer by trade, and recently I've been taking a lot of short story commissions from friends. I find it's quite an excellent thing to do, as it really broadens the scope of my writing talents. Erotica has been something I've been interested in writing for quite some time, but have never really found the motivation to do so. However, my latest commission was for a work of erotic fiction about an anthropomorphic vampire that seduces a human female. When I'm writing, I like to make a first draft and then spend a good deal of time trying not to read the piece in full. During this time, I introduce the piece to a number of other writers, asking their opinions. At the end of this time, I go through the entire piece backwards, sentence by sentence, adjusting the structure so as to suit me, before finally working in those suggestions of other writers that I feel were most helpful. Here's the first draft. I warn you, there may be a few extraneous commas, as that's a bad habit of mine that I need to correct. Constructive comments are very, VERY welcome, as I was hoping to present this to my friend by this weekend.
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His eyes were the only thing she remembered when first they met. At the time she had asked him where he got his contacts. He simply smiled and turned those beautiful slitted eyes upon hers. The next morning she awoke still feeling the radiance of his smile.
It wasn't until she asked who he was that she began to find him truly strange. Nobody had any idea who he was, in fact nobody even remembered his presence. Still she was determined to see him again. They had talked so little, and yet there was some sort of magnetism to him that she found impossible to resist.
It should come as little surprise then that they seemed fated to meet further. And, though he was not to be seen for many weeks, one late night held it that she found herself sitting next to him in a taxi. Confused at first, she turned to ask where he came from but when her eyes met his she found all the answer she needed. Her eyes bathed in his beauty as she took in his whole form, that she might describe him later.
His hair was chest-long and black, and his ears pierced, though he seemed not to have any other piercings. Pants adorned with all variety of straps and buckles that seemed to cover far more than she would have liked and heavy black boots for shoes. He wore a formless black cloth draped from his neck as a concession to modesty. However, she found herself entranced by watching the purest ivory pallor of his stomach and arms in the parts where it peered from beneath this covering.
It took her several minutes before she realised the extent to which she was staring, and when she looked back up to those beautiful eyes he was looking at her with a sort of detached warmth. Several seconds later she dragged her eyes away from his gaze for long enough to notice that they were parked outside her house - thirty minutes had passed with not a word spoken between them. As she opened the door she broke the silence.
"I never got your name...?" Suddenly the distance between them seemed smaller, almost unbearably so. She felt flushed, and there was a warmth between her thighs that she could not deny. For a second he seemed to consider the question until finally granting her a response.
"Tiras" he said, and kissed her. It came as a surprise, but far from an unwelcome one. His lips were chilled and his teeth dug into her soft lips in a pain that she found herself melting into. She closed her eyes, preparing for a long kiss only to have him withdraw as quickly as he had begun the kiss. Outside of the car now, she waved at him but received no such gesture in turn, only the soft gaze of his eyes upon hers.
Upon reaching home she lay fitfully, still feeling his presence on her lips and wishing she had thought to bring him back to her house. When finally she did sleep she dreamt of him. She woke with her fingers deep inside herself, and though she had not felt the need to masturbate in many months she could not help but do so now. As excited as she was from her dreams, it took mere minutes before she achieved a climax greater than those any of her lovers had ever given her.
This time there was to be no great wait between their next meeting, for he appeared in her window that very night. She was startled, but once again it only took a look into his eyes to calm her. Within mere moments she had opened the window and left her house with him. They spoke little and he seemed eager to be moving. She thought of asking where they were going but in reality knew she cared not if it meant she could be with him. As they were walking she found herself turning to stare at him, and the beauty she saw even in watching the movement of his hair was enough to pass the time. Not surprising, then, was the fact that they seemed to be soon at their destination, though by her watch she knew it had been an hour's walk.
They were at some form of military bunker built into the hillside, obviously abandoned for years, yet she could see some signs of inhabitance in the area. He opened the door and gestured to her to enter. Darkness inside enveloped them and she took just a few steps before stopping. Tiras was not so flagged by the darkness, and proceeded quickly over to stand beside a table. Her eyes beginning to adjust to the darkness, she stepped over beside him and began to explore her surroundings. In but a few moments her eyes alighted upon the chains that were attached to the floor and ceiling.
With fear (and not a small degree of excitement) she spun around only to see that his appearance had changed radically. His clothes were gone but for a loincloth that did not leave much to the imagination - particularly not his partially erect member. The clothing was the least of his changes though, as his face had refined to a pointed bestial shape with large protruding fangs, and a layer of short white fur now covered his entire body. His ears, though still pierced as they were before, had shifted higher up on his head and were pointed like those of a cat. The only way she knew it was still him is because of those eyes that suddenly made sense to her now, those amber orbs with black slitted pupils. She screamed but knew immediately that it would be of no use.
"Why do you scream?" he said, his anger palpable and great enough to stop her in her tracks "This is the way I truly look, and you will learn to love it, mortal!" Their eyes met and she found she could not make even the slightest movement. To her horror she heard the rattling of the chains behind her, and soon felt the cold steel links ascending her back. Her arms were bound by the chain and lifted above her head, and she felt her legs spread apart by some alien force that was impossible to resist. Within mere moments, she was bound and completely under his power.For a few seconds she struggled but knew it was futile and so merely stood facing him, trying to avoid eye contact.
"What are you?" she asked, and he answered quickly, his anger apparently cooled by seeing her helpless.
"I am a vampire of the Abraai clan, and you are to be mine. I can sense your fear, but do not be afraid, for there are a great many things to be gleaned from the change." Her eyes met his, and for a moment he shimmered between his bestial and human forms, but then reverted into the shape of the beast. "Like glamering, as the most simple example. How else could I have watched you for so long without anyone but you taking notice? There are, however, many more... interesting powers." As he said this, she felt what she at first thought was a brush of wind take form on her legs, but as it intensified and began to take form she began to understand.
"Telekinesis?" she guessed, and the force became distinctly hand-like, and began to move up her long, toned legs on the inside of her skirt. For a moment, it stroked against her inner thighs, coming tantalisingly close to reaching between her legs, where she noticed she was beginning to get very wet. Then it faded, leaving her gasping with surprise.
“There will be more later, never you fear” He said, and smiled. Their eyes met, and she blushed with the realisation that he knew exactly how aroused she was. She looked to the floor, resigning herself (with great anticipation) to her fate. Moments later, his hand grabbed hold of her jaw, forcing her face level with his. Their eyes silently battled for a time, though she knew she could not win.
Suddenly, there was the sound of slow tearing, and her legs felt all the more exposed. The tearing sound worked its way up her whole body until she could see the claws on his other hand slowly ripping apart her shirt and bra. This done, he stepped back to admire her form.
He had left her panties on, at least for the moment, though the rest of her clothing was shredded beyond use. Her skin was milky white, though far less pale than his in human form. This served well in exhibiting the creamy smoothness of her stomach and small, rounded breasts. His hand absently strayed to them, cupping her right breast perfectly in one hand and giving a slight tug on her nipple ring. She arched her back into his ministrations and felt herself letting go, until a faint moan of pleasure came unbidden from her lips.
With this, he backed away from her, smiling and kneeling down until his face drew level with her crotch. He slipped a claw underneath her panties and, almost one thread at a time, they fell apart in his hands, revealing her wet pussy. She let out a cry of embarrassment, but when she looked down she met his eyes and was silent once more. He smiled, and she noticed that he was holding a ring with a small emerald in his fingers, which were trailing rapturously up her legs.
“You will find, once you are one of us, that there are a great many wondrous things you never knew existed. This is one of them” he said, and his fingers reached her clitoris and stroked lightly over it, eliciting a pant from her. This started as soon as it stopped, however, and she looked down to see him holding the ring right beside her clit. She screamed as she realised what was coming next, only to find it utterly painless, as the ring merged seamlessly into her clitoris. With a quick flick of his furred chin against her clit, he stood up once more and held his hand up to her. On his index finger, he bore another ring of similar design though with a bigger emerald. He pressed this towards her mouth.
“Kiss it” he said, and she did so, confused as to the proceedings. The second her lips touched the emerald on the ring, she felt a tingling in her clit that she quickly realised was in direct relation to the touch of her lips on the emerald. It felt so good that she didn't want to stop, and yet she forced her mouth away from the ring, worrying what may come if she lost all resistance. Still, he pushed the ring forcibly into her mouth, holding her mouth closed over the emerald until she began to lick it. The pleasure was greater than anything she had felt in her entire life, waves of distilled pleasure buffeting her entire body until she was left panting and on the verge of climax, when he withdrew from her. She had to bite her lip to keep from calling out to him, begging him to penetrate her.
Somehow, he seemed to know her weakness and spoke to her; “I have lived for thousands of years, biding my time for one such as you. Now, when I break you, you shall suffer for my patience.” With that, he turned and walked into an area of the room where she could no longer see him, though when there was nothing to be seen or heard after a few minutes, she concluded that he must have left. Infuriated by the indignity of being brought so close to orgasm and then denied, she struggled against the chains to no avail.
That was when she felt the first brushes of something against her back... something familiar. The force slowly ran up and down her back, and she moaned in pleasure despite knowing the sadistic joy Tiras must be getting from tempting her in such a way. Moments passed, and she felt another force take form on her throat, flicking against her throat in a way that left her enthralled to her passions. Not long after, another force began to lightly pinch her ear, and another began to playfully stroke her left breast. After this, it seemed like every second brought a new force to tease and rapture, each one bringing her closer to the orgasm she desired so greatly by now. She clenched her fists in preparation when she felt the familiar rush of blood to her head, and her clitoris retracted in readiness, only to have all the sensations suddenly vanish.
The next hour seemed to be an unbearably long string of such happenings, each time bringing her closer and closer to orgasm but never granting her the release she needed so badly. Finally, when her heart was pounding and her mind ravished to a near insanity of desire, she noticed that Tiras had returned.
She could hold out no longer, and begged “Please, take me. I want you, I need you and I cannot live without you.”
He smiled and nodded, adding “Only if you agree to join with me as a vampire.”
“Anything to be with you.” It was futile trying to resist. She could see the large cock that was lifting up Tiras' loincloth, and at that moment would agree to anything.
His satisfaction was obvious, as the loincloth was cast to the floor instantly, and it took only one step for him to bring himself into direct contact with her. His fur rubbed against her nipples, made sensitive from the depredations so recently suffered and caused her to moan and arch her back into him. The feeling of his soft fur against her stomach and thighs only heightened the pleasure she felt. He pressed his manhood against her succulent folds, moving up and down slightly in such a manner as to stimulate her labia and clitoris.
“I told you there were more secrets that you would learn, and my clan is the greatest of the vampire clans in our magical abilities. Would you like to see how it is I was able to keep you so close to climax?” He smiled, as if already knowing the answer was yes. She had always been curious about the world of magic, but had always been too atheistic to bother investigating. She smiled, and he needed no more invitation.
It felt as if a door in her mind had been opened, and suddenly she saw through two sets of eyes, and felt through two sets of skin. She knew know just how strange Tiras truly was, for rather than firey blood running through his veins, she felt the raw and electric thaumaturgic energies that sustained him. Suddenly she realised that rather than giving up her life she was finding a new sense of life, one more potent and intense than she could ever have imagined. It took mere moments before she began to adjust to this new situation, and remembered the intense passions in their loins. It seemed that he had been as tempted by her imprisonment as she, and she guided his throbbing penis to the entry of her lush opening.
She felt his mind in hers, and her mind in his. One hand of his slid up her back, causing her to bite her lip so hard it bled. His hand reached up between their mouths, holding the ring that was attuned to her clitoris, and she immediately understood his intent. She felt him penetrate her deeply and she felt it from both perspectives, as her muscles rippled with the first waves of orgasm, and she felt the stimulation upon his penis. They leant together and kissed, holding the ring between their lips in such a manner that it intensified her orgasm to heights she did not know existed. It was as if all the desires in the world had ensconced themselves within these two lovers, only to be released in this perfect moment of passion. She felt him orgasm inside her, a feeling that added a crescendo to her own orgasm and left them both screaming for more.
The chains holding her suddenly fell loose, and she both moved her legs and threw herself upon the table, her body and mind aching with the heights of their pleasure. Tiras' fangs punctured her neck and she tasted the magnificent ambrosia of her own blood flowing out of her veins, and knew then more than any time before that she wanted this life, she wanted Tiras, and most of all she wanted this moment never to end. She felt the sheen of sweat coating both their bodies, the fur on his chest teasing and inciting her to greater depths of pleasure.
She began to feel the touches of force picking up once more, and felt the magical forces that he was channeling to create such wonderful feelings in her. Within mere seconds the forces had built up until it felt as if every spot on both of their bodies was being massaged and buffeted by the forces. Soon, one orgasm had blended into another and another and another, each one better than the last until at last she collapsed with exhaustion. It seemed to her that Tiras, with his supernatural body, would have been capable of far greater feats of endurance, but he seemed content to finish with one final earth shattering orgasm from the both of them. Between the blood drain and the trance-like state of exhilaration they had built up, she felt her consciousness ebbing away.
As she was falling unconscious, Tiras breathed in her ear “Welcome to unlife, slave.”
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His eyes were the only thing she remembered when first they met. At the time she had asked him where he got his contacts. He simply smiled and turned those beautiful slitted eyes upon hers. The next morning she awoke still feeling the radiance of his smile.
It wasn't until she asked who he was that she began to find him truly strange. Nobody had any idea who he was, in fact nobody even remembered his presence. Still she was determined to see him again. They had talked so little, and yet there was some sort of magnetism to him that she found impossible to resist.
It should come as little surprise then that they seemed fated to meet further. And, though he was not to be seen for many weeks, one late night held it that she found herself sitting next to him in a taxi. Confused at first, she turned to ask where he came from but when her eyes met his she found all the answer she needed. Her eyes bathed in his beauty as she took in his whole form, that she might describe him later.
His hair was chest-long and black, and his ears pierced, though he seemed not to have any other piercings. Pants adorned with all variety of straps and buckles that seemed to cover far more than she would have liked and heavy black boots for shoes. He wore a formless black cloth draped from his neck as a concession to modesty. However, she found herself entranced by watching the purest ivory pallor of his stomach and arms in the parts where it peered from beneath this covering.
It took her several minutes before she realised the extent to which she was staring, and when she looked back up to those beautiful eyes he was looking at her with a sort of detached warmth. Several seconds later she dragged her eyes away from his gaze for long enough to notice that they were parked outside her house - thirty minutes had passed with not a word spoken between them. As she opened the door she broke the silence.
"I never got your name...?" Suddenly the distance between them seemed smaller, almost unbearably so. She felt flushed, and there was a warmth between her thighs that she could not deny. For a second he seemed to consider the question until finally granting her a response.
"Tiras" he said, and kissed her. It came as a surprise, but far from an unwelcome one. His lips were chilled and his teeth dug into her soft lips in a pain that she found herself melting into. She closed her eyes, preparing for a long kiss only to have him withdraw as quickly as he had begun the kiss. Outside of the car now, she waved at him but received no such gesture in turn, only the soft gaze of his eyes upon hers.
Upon reaching home she lay fitfully, still feeling his presence on her lips and wishing she had thought to bring him back to her house. When finally she did sleep she dreamt of him. She woke with her fingers deep inside herself, and though she had not felt the need to masturbate in many months she could not help but do so now. As excited as she was from her dreams, it took mere minutes before she achieved a climax greater than those any of her lovers had ever given her.
This time there was to be no great wait between their next meeting, for he appeared in her window that very night. She was startled, but once again it only took a look into his eyes to calm her. Within mere moments she had opened the window and left her house with him. They spoke little and he seemed eager to be moving. She thought of asking where they were going but in reality knew she cared not if it meant she could be with him. As they were walking she found herself turning to stare at him, and the beauty she saw even in watching the movement of his hair was enough to pass the time. Not surprising, then, was the fact that they seemed to be soon at their destination, though by her watch she knew it had been an hour's walk.
They were at some form of military bunker built into the hillside, obviously abandoned for years, yet she could see some signs of inhabitance in the area. He opened the door and gestured to her to enter. Darkness inside enveloped them and she took just a few steps before stopping. Tiras was not so flagged by the darkness, and proceeded quickly over to stand beside a table. Her eyes beginning to adjust to the darkness, she stepped over beside him and began to explore her surroundings. In but a few moments her eyes alighted upon the chains that were attached to the floor and ceiling.
With fear (and not a small degree of excitement) she spun around only to see that his appearance had changed radically. His clothes were gone but for a loincloth that did not leave much to the imagination - particularly not his partially erect member. The clothing was the least of his changes though, as his face had refined to a pointed bestial shape with large protruding fangs, and a layer of short white fur now covered his entire body. His ears, though still pierced as they were before, had shifted higher up on his head and were pointed like those of a cat. The only way she knew it was still him is because of those eyes that suddenly made sense to her now, those amber orbs with black slitted pupils. She screamed but knew immediately that it would be of no use.
"Why do you scream?" he said, his anger palpable and great enough to stop her in her tracks "This is the way I truly look, and you will learn to love it, mortal!" Their eyes met and she found she could not make even the slightest movement. To her horror she heard the rattling of the chains behind her, and soon felt the cold steel links ascending her back. Her arms were bound by the chain and lifted above her head, and she felt her legs spread apart by some alien force that was impossible to resist. Within mere moments, she was bound and completely under his power.For a few seconds she struggled but knew it was futile and so merely stood facing him, trying to avoid eye contact.
"What are you?" she asked, and he answered quickly, his anger apparently cooled by seeing her helpless.
"I am a vampire of the Abraai clan, and you are to be mine. I can sense your fear, but do not be afraid, for there are a great many things to be gleaned from the change." Her eyes met his, and for a moment he shimmered between his bestial and human forms, but then reverted into the shape of the beast. "Like glamering, as the most simple example. How else could I have watched you for so long without anyone but you taking notice? There are, however, many more... interesting powers." As he said this, she felt what she at first thought was a brush of wind take form on her legs, but as it intensified and began to take form she began to understand.
"Telekinesis?" she guessed, and the force became distinctly hand-like, and began to move up her long, toned legs on the inside of her skirt. For a moment, it stroked against her inner thighs, coming tantalisingly close to reaching between her legs, where she noticed she was beginning to get very wet. Then it faded, leaving her gasping with surprise.
“There will be more later, never you fear” He said, and smiled. Their eyes met, and she blushed with the realisation that he knew exactly how aroused she was. She looked to the floor, resigning herself (with great anticipation) to her fate. Moments later, his hand grabbed hold of her jaw, forcing her face level with his. Their eyes silently battled for a time, though she knew she could not win.
Suddenly, there was the sound of slow tearing, and her legs felt all the more exposed. The tearing sound worked its way up her whole body until she could see the claws on his other hand slowly ripping apart her shirt and bra. This done, he stepped back to admire her form.
He had left her panties on, at least for the moment, though the rest of her clothing was shredded beyond use. Her skin was milky white, though far less pale than his in human form. This served well in exhibiting the creamy smoothness of her stomach and small, rounded breasts. His hand absently strayed to them, cupping her right breast perfectly in one hand and giving a slight tug on her nipple ring. She arched her back into his ministrations and felt herself letting go, until a faint moan of pleasure came unbidden from her lips.
With this, he backed away from her, smiling and kneeling down until his face drew level with her crotch. He slipped a claw underneath her panties and, almost one thread at a time, they fell apart in his hands, revealing her wet pussy. She let out a cry of embarrassment, but when she looked down she met his eyes and was silent once more. He smiled, and she noticed that he was holding a ring with a small emerald in his fingers, which were trailing rapturously up her legs.
“You will find, once you are one of us, that there are a great many wondrous things you never knew existed. This is one of them” he said, and his fingers reached her clitoris and stroked lightly over it, eliciting a pant from her. This started as soon as it stopped, however, and she looked down to see him holding the ring right beside her clit. She screamed as she realised what was coming next, only to find it utterly painless, as the ring merged seamlessly into her clitoris. With a quick flick of his furred chin against her clit, he stood up once more and held his hand up to her. On his index finger, he bore another ring of similar design though with a bigger emerald. He pressed this towards her mouth.
“Kiss it” he said, and she did so, confused as to the proceedings. The second her lips touched the emerald on the ring, she felt a tingling in her clit that she quickly realised was in direct relation to the touch of her lips on the emerald. It felt so good that she didn't want to stop, and yet she forced her mouth away from the ring, worrying what may come if she lost all resistance. Still, he pushed the ring forcibly into her mouth, holding her mouth closed over the emerald until she began to lick it. The pleasure was greater than anything she had felt in her entire life, waves of distilled pleasure buffeting her entire body until she was left panting and on the verge of climax, when he withdrew from her. She had to bite her lip to keep from calling out to him, begging him to penetrate her.
Somehow, he seemed to know her weakness and spoke to her; “I have lived for thousands of years, biding my time for one such as you. Now, when I break you, you shall suffer for my patience.” With that, he turned and walked into an area of the room where she could no longer see him, though when there was nothing to be seen or heard after a few minutes, she concluded that he must have left. Infuriated by the indignity of being brought so close to orgasm and then denied, she struggled against the chains to no avail.
That was when she felt the first brushes of something against her back... something familiar. The force slowly ran up and down her back, and she moaned in pleasure despite knowing the sadistic joy Tiras must be getting from tempting her in such a way. Moments passed, and she felt another force take form on her throat, flicking against her throat in a way that left her enthralled to her passions. Not long after, another force began to lightly pinch her ear, and another began to playfully stroke her left breast. After this, it seemed like every second brought a new force to tease and rapture, each one bringing her closer to the orgasm she desired so greatly by now. She clenched her fists in preparation when she felt the familiar rush of blood to her head, and her clitoris retracted in readiness, only to have all the sensations suddenly vanish.
The next hour seemed to be an unbearably long string of such happenings, each time bringing her closer and closer to orgasm but never granting her the release she needed so badly. Finally, when her heart was pounding and her mind ravished to a near insanity of desire, she noticed that Tiras had returned.
She could hold out no longer, and begged “Please, take me. I want you, I need you and I cannot live without you.”
He smiled and nodded, adding “Only if you agree to join with me as a vampire.”
“Anything to be with you.” It was futile trying to resist. She could see the large cock that was lifting up Tiras' loincloth, and at that moment would agree to anything.
His satisfaction was obvious, as the loincloth was cast to the floor instantly, and it took only one step for him to bring himself into direct contact with her. His fur rubbed against her nipples, made sensitive from the depredations so recently suffered and caused her to moan and arch her back into him. The feeling of his soft fur against her stomach and thighs only heightened the pleasure she felt. He pressed his manhood against her succulent folds, moving up and down slightly in such a manner as to stimulate her labia and clitoris.
“I told you there were more secrets that you would learn, and my clan is the greatest of the vampire clans in our magical abilities. Would you like to see how it is I was able to keep you so close to climax?” He smiled, as if already knowing the answer was yes. She had always been curious about the world of magic, but had always been too atheistic to bother investigating. She smiled, and he needed no more invitation.
It felt as if a door in her mind had been opened, and suddenly she saw through two sets of eyes, and felt through two sets of skin. She knew know just how strange Tiras truly was, for rather than firey blood running through his veins, she felt the raw and electric thaumaturgic energies that sustained him. Suddenly she realised that rather than giving up her life she was finding a new sense of life, one more potent and intense than she could ever have imagined. It took mere moments before she began to adjust to this new situation, and remembered the intense passions in their loins. It seemed that he had been as tempted by her imprisonment as she, and she guided his throbbing penis to the entry of her lush opening.
She felt his mind in hers, and her mind in his. One hand of his slid up her back, causing her to bite her lip so hard it bled. His hand reached up between their mouths, holding the ring that was attuned to her clitoris, and she immediately understood his intent. She felt him penetrate her deeply and she felt it from both perspectives, as her muscles rippled with the first waves of orgasm, and she felt the stimulation upon his penis. They leant together and kissed, holding the ring between their lips in such a manner that it intensified her orgasm to heights she did not know existed. It was as if all the desires in the world had ensconced themselves within these two lovers, only to be released in this perfect moment of passion. She felt him orgasm inside her, a feeling that added a crescendo to her own orgasm and left them both screaming for more.
The chains holding her suddenly fell loose, and she both moved her legs and threw herself upon the table, her body and mind aching with the heights of their pleasure. Tiras' fangs punctured her neck and she tasted the magnificent ambrosia of her own blood flowing out of her veins, and knew then more than any time before that she wanted this life, she wanted Tiras, and most of all she wanted this moment never to end. She felt the sheen of sweat coating both their bodies, the fur on his chest teasing and inciting her to greater depths of pleasure.
She began to feel the touches of force picking up once more, and felt the magical forces that he was channeling to create such wonderful feelings in her. Within mere seconds the forces had built up until it felt as if every spot on both of their bodies was being massaged and buffeted by the forces. Soon, one orgasm had blended into another and another and another, each one better than the last until at last she collapsed with exhaustion. It seemed to her that Tiras, with his supernatural body, would have been capable of far greater feats of endurance, but he seemed content to finish with one final earth shattering orgasm from the both of them. Between the blood drain and the trance-like state of exhilaration they had built up, she felt her consciousness ebbing away.
As she was falling unconscious, Tiras breathed in her ear “Welcome to unlife, slave.”
. Second of all, I wanted the reader (ie the friend who I am writing this for - female.) to be able to view the character as herself. This is without giving her too many traits that are similar to her, as I fear that would just give her the feeling that I want to get into her pants. However, I'm thinking now that putting in information that is suggestive that this character is similar to her may do the trick.
