Discussion: the_bragis

[KillerMuffin]

Alex (fem) has been a wonderful reviewer in the forum for quite some time! She gives thoughtful, in-depth feedback that has helped quite a few authors out over time. Let's give her the attention her story deserves!


From the Author

I’ve branch off from the weird but not so wonderful stuff I usually write. My latest effort is in the Loving Wives category. It’s called John and Katie – Birthday Surprise.

I’m particularly interested in feedback regarding the following:

If you weren’t reading it to give feedback, would you have read it to the end?

I didn’t include a whole lot of physical detail. Originally John, the male character, had a beard and hairy chest. I love big hairy men, but then not all women do. The female character was blonde with green eyes and gorgeous big tits, because I’m two out of three of those. But then I decided I wanted to leave a little of that blank for the reader to fill in. Did this work?

Did you find the sex scenes easy to follow? Three isn't always easy you know?

Sure this isn’t the kind of thing that might happen often, if at all, but did it still feel ‘real’ in your mind? Did the dialog and actions feel natural?

When you had finished reading it, did you have a smile on your face?

Finally, I had the final edit on this story, so please any little ‘o’s you may find are mine, not Bridget’s.

John and Katie - Birthday Surprise

Thank you,

Alex(fem).

 

[LilyMelb]

Hiya...

Enjoyed your story - very well written!

You asked if I wasn't giving it feedback, if I would have kept reading until the end - I would have, certainly. It was a good length and the story flowed well and kept my avid interest right until the end (pretty good considering I usually only go for tales with a far more deliberately uneven power structure!)

In regards to your queries as to whether it seemed 'natural' or 'real', the fact that the story flowed so well help to ensured this; the pacing was particularly good. The fact that it is, as you point out, an unlikely situation, was irrelevant - it's a fantasy and one which to me was entirely believable as a piece of fiction.

I found this a great take on the traditional male fantasy of two women at once (at least, fairly traditional with the men I've known ). The sex scenes were easy to follow, even with the three involved and yes, I did finish reading it with a big smile on my face..

To your query on the physicality and descriptions of the characters involved, I enjoyed it left more open like this, leaving more to my imagination as a reader. However, I don't think you should feel a need to constrain your writing out of concern that not all will enjoy what you enjoy - ie. you state John was originally written as a hairy man because that is where your tastes lie, but you altered this because not every reader may feel the same way.

I tend to approach erotic writing with the view that never will everyone enjoy what I enjoy, so I write what turns myself on and just hope enough others out there like it too. Kind of like writing comedy - writing what makes you personally laugh is usually the only way to go. Tastes differ too widely to start making concessions, I think.

That said, the fact the physical descriptions were kept to a minimum was not at all a problem and I would be wary of including more description if it were at the expense of slowing down the story. I usually find that as a reader I imagine the characters just as I like them anyway, even if they're described with a particular physical characteristic I don't go for myself.

Just to end, I wanted to return to a point I alluded to at the beginning - I said I usually go for work with a more deliberately uneven power structure, that is, fiction which deliberately plays with consent/power/control. Whilst this piece, especially being in the 'loving wives' category, does not seem to touch on any of this, I still believe there is an uneven power structure here far more implicit than that found in BDSM/NonConsent/similar categories.

This is not a criticism - I'm just trying to describe how I read the piece, which may be entirely different to the way other readers approached it. Rather than making a play on power/control a central focus as would be done in BDSM type genres, I found this story positioned John as primary and Katie/Alex as secondary with an almost natural assumption of such underlying roles.

I guess I was just wondering if this was a deliberate manoeuvrer or maybe something simply more generic to this particular form of erotic fiction ('loving wives' is not a category I have read a lot of.) As I said - not a criticism, just an observation on how I was reading it. And maybe I'm just reading far too much into things!!

Great writing!

Ta... Lily

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Alex,

The opening still seems a tad rough, but the sex scenes worked well. You made about five “Sugar” for “Alex” mistakes (let the force of “Search and Replace” be with you). I’m proud of you taking care of old John’s cup of coffee.

I’ve got two grandkid-type houseapes underfoot which has impeded my progress and turned this into a three day critique, sorry about the delay. You know the drill, use whatever might be helpful and ashcan the rest. Let me know if something brings more confusion than counsel.

Rumple F.

--

John closed his eyes, and let the back of his semi-naked body slide farther down the cool mirror towards the floor. As the two women lapped at his cock with their wet and warm tongues, he felt so good, as if all his wildest fantasies were about to come true.

(JUST A SUGGESTION. IMHO, THE SECOND SENTENCE IS A BETTER OPENING LINE. SO MAYBE, “TWO WOMEN LAPPED AT HIS COCK WITH THEIR WET AND WARM TONGUES. JOHN CLOSED HIS EYES, SIGHED WITH PLEASURE, AND LET HIS BODY SLIDE FARTHER DOWN THE COOL MIRROR. HIS WILDEST FANTASIES WERE COMING TRUE.”)

* * * * *

Earlier that morning he had woken to the smell of freshly brewed coffee and croissants, his favorites, (FAVORITES WHAT?) and the sight his wife, Katie, sitting beside him. She had prepared him a little birthday surprise - breakfast in bed - a little birthday treat. (EITHER “A LITTLE BIRTHDAY SURPRISE” OR “A LITTLE BIRTHDAY TREAT” BUT NOT BOTH IN THE SAME SENTENCE.) He smiled and lifted himself up onto his elbows as she placed the tray beside him.

"I have a special surprise today for your birthday," she told him, as she broke off a piece of croissant and lifted it to his mouth. She enjoyed pampering her husband. (THE WAY THAT LAST SENTENCE IS WORDED, IT FEELS LIKE A SHIFT FROM HIS POV TO HERS.)

"I don't need gifts, you're all I need. You know that." He smiled and let his lips envelop her fingertips as he took the morsel.

"Oh, but this is something we'll both enjoy. You'll see."

What ever is she up to this time? He wondered. Seeing her delicate pink nipples pressing against the fabric of her pale negligée caused more pressing matters to come to mind.

"You know what I would really enjoy right now, don't you?" He told her, reaching over and stroking her left nipple through the sheer fabric.

"No time for that, " then laughing she jumped off the bed before slipping off to the bathroom. (AWKWARD TAG.)

"But it's my birthday!" he protested.

The gushing sound of the shower was the only response he heard as placed his coffee on the bedside table and flopped back down onto his pillow.

* * * *

Nic's Leather was a (A BRIEF DESCRIPTION MIGHT HELP READER’S VISUALIZE THE PLACE, “SMALL, SPACIOUS, INTIMATE, ETC.”) store where they loved to shop. The sweet intoxicating smell of leather, and the erotic toys and books were always an enticement, however it was the hot little assistant behind the counter, Alex, who made these shopping trips so enjoyable for John. What a little tease she could be. Whenever she leaned over while serving him, her tits would almost fall out of that tight little leather bustier. He felt certain she did it on purpose.

"The only way she could be more direct would be to just come right out and say, 'Oh, look at my gorgeous body and tits! Oh, please, fuck me'," he thought smugly. (IMHO, QUOTATION MARKS SHOULD BE USED FOR SPOKEN WORDS, NOT THOUGHTS. ALSO, “HE THOUGHT SMUGLY” IS PRESENT TENSE YET THEY HAVEN’T BEEN PLACED IN THE STORE.)

Although a little gray around his temples, the years had been kind to him. His age gave him a certain rugged masculinity that had been lacking in his youth. Katie never lost sight of the fact (AGAIN, SOUNDS LIKE A SHIFT IN POV FROM HIM TO HER. THAT’S OKAY IF THIS IS OMNI THIRD PERSON) that women found him attractive or how much he enjoyed their attention. Keeping a man like John happy and satisfied challenged her constantly to new and exciting heights of pleasure.

Katie made her way to the clothing racks.

John spotted Alex over by the books. Creeping up beside (BEHIND?) her, he slipped his arm around her waist and gave her a gentle squeeze.

"How's my favorite little tease today?" he asked, before letting (“GO” YOU USED “HIS ARM” IN THE LAST PARA.) his arm drop away.

His initial touch seemed to surprise her, but then recognizing his voice she pouted and replied. "But you haven't seen me in weeks, how do you know I haven't reformed?"

"Not a chance."

"Not with men like you around."

Looking over at his wife. (SENTENCE FRAG.) How odd that she never noticed him flirting with Alex. It was strange too, he thought, that she never seemed to notice (PAY ANY ATTENTION TO?) the girl. She had been rather partial to a little bit of pussy prior to their marriage. He shook his head.

Women, they're so fucking focused when they're shopping, he mused.

They had been married ten years, and yet she always managed to find new and exciting ways of arousing him. Just last night they had fucked for hours on that (THEIR) big feather bed (OMIT “OF THEIRS”) of theirs, Katie in her barely there negligée, John in absolutely nothing. In his mind he could feel her now bumping up against him, her warm body partially covered in smooth satin and lace. (NEW PARA.) She never left him - every waking hour she toyed with his mind. The mere thought of her bare skin pressing up against his made his cock begin to stiffen. Katie - the one person whose presence alone made him totally happy.

--

"Well let's just see (, COMMA) shall we?"

He followed her towards the changing room and she squealed as he playfully pinched her ass. A young woman browsing nearby looked up and smiled. John glanced over at her and winked, but she looked back down.

Fortunately, the larger than usual changing cubicle had almost certainly been built for two, as couples often shopped there.

John stepped out of his shoes and then began unbuckling his belt. (PICKY POINT, BUT HE NEVER FINISHES. JUST HAVE HIM UNBUCKLE HIS BELT.) He was about to unzip his trousers when Katie, placing her hand over his, stopped him.

"Why don't you let me do that for you," she purred, as she (KNELT/KNEELED?) in front of him. He watched as she traced her lips with the tip of her wet tongue. Leaning forward, she clenched the tab of his zipper between her teeth, slowly pulling it all the way down allowing his trousers to drop around his ankles.

"You're such a horny bastard aren't you?" she told him, grinning and pulling the front of his shorts down to gain full access to his already semi-hard cock.

"You make me the way I am," he replied, running his fingers though her hair and grabbing a handful before gently pulling her head back. He looked down at her soft blue eyes and her sweet mouth. Yes, her sweet fuckable mouth, so full and deep in color, even without the benefit of gloss. Her lips seemed to form a small 'o'. That thought had (OMIT “HAD” ADD “FIRST/ORIGINALLY”) struck him when they had (OMIT “HAD”) met all those years ago. He remembered their first night together, how they had talked for hours, then fucked until dawn. From that time on, he could never get enough of her.

She began rubbing the front of his thighs, the back of his thighs, then his ass cheeks, everywhere except where he needed it the most - his cock. He felt his heart thumping and his breath becoming short pants. My Katie the cock teaser was what he would teasingly call her, and that's exactly what she was to him.

Looking at her refection in the mirror opposite, John could see her tight skirt had ridden up her hips as (OMIT “AS”) when she spread her legs, and he now had a clear view of her sweet little panty-covered ass as it rested on her heels. Katie kept her pussy shaved and he knew her delicate folds would be visible through such sheer white fabric.

--

He heard something outside. Suddenly the door of the changing room (OMIT “OF THE CHANGING ROOM” WHAT OTHER DOOR COULD IT BE?) swung open, abruptly (IMHO, THESE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH EITHER “SUDDENLY” OR “ABRUPTLY,” EXCEPT WHEN ONE ENDS THE SAME SENTENCE THE OTHER BEGINS.). Blinking, he was startled to see Sugar (ALEX). Under different circumstances standing there with his cock fully erect, he might have been pleased to see her, but now (MIGHT MOVE “STANDING THERE WITH HIS COCK FULLY ERECT” HERE) he felt his face burning with embarrassment.

"Hi, can I help you two with anything?" she asked, crossing her arms and smiling sweetly as she leaned up against the side of the door, seemingly oblivious to what was going on.

John fumbled about jerking his cock from Katie's mouth, unsure of what to do or say. His wife however didn't seem surprised (FLUSTERED?) at all. She extended a hand over to Alex, then walked her fingers all the way up one the side of the girl's thigh to the hem of her short leather skirt.

--

Alex had come to work at the shop six months earlier. When Nicole, the owner, told her 'always try to keep the customers happy', she most certainly had taken it to heart. With a well-shaped body she didn't mind showing off, long black boots and figure hugging clothes, Alex hit it off with all the customers right from the start. (THIS FEELS ABRUPT, AN INSERT DESIGNED TO DESCRIBE ALEX. IMHO, THIS MIGHT WORK BETTER WHEN SHE’S FIRST INTRODUCED.)

--

Confusion filled his (JOHN’S) head and his mind raced as he struggled to comprehend the situation. His cock however was way ahead of him, springing to a full erection as Alex knelt next to Katie. As he leaned up against the (TALL, CHANGING) mirror (, COMMA) his wife began running her hands up and down his left leg, Sugar (ALEX) took his scrotum and cupped it in one hand as she looked admiringly at his balls.

--

Then Katie's expression changed to something more serious, as she locked eyes with the girl's. Leaving her tongue lolling about on her lower lip, she pressed her open mouth against Alex's. John watched as their sweet red lips merged. He listened to their soft moans and watched as the two women embraced and soon the sweet smell of feminine arousal filled the small cubicle. As the two women's mouths slurped and smacked together, his own breath became heavier. Soon the mirrors (I THINK YOU’VE ONLY MENTIONED ONE.) were covered with a damp mist.

It seemed as if they suddenly remembered he was there, pulling apart and returning their attention to him. (AWKWARD) Alex wrapped her fingers around the base of his shaft and slid her soft lips over his cock head. Katie smiled and watched for a moment, before moving behind Sugar (ALEX) slipping her hands around in front of the girl so she could untie her bustier. Within minutes her lovely young breasts had been released.

--

John slumped against the mirror, letting his body slide down until he was squatting with his knees spread and his now flaccid cock dangling and almost touching the floor. (IN THE BEGINNING, HE’S SLIDING DOWN THE MIRROR WHILE THE TWO WOMEN “LAPPED AT” HIS PRESUMABLY STILL ERECT COCK.) The two women, however, were not finished.

--

Sugar(ALEX) climaxed first, her young body quivering as she threw her head back allowing Katie to lap at her neck and breasts as she moaned and panted before finally releasing.

 

[the_bragis]

Thank you!

G’day Lil’,

How’ ya going? I’m a little Aussie too, only I’m on the other side of the island.

I’m so happy you enjoyed my story, thank you so much for your encouraging words.

You know what I found really interesting about your comments? Well, this bit:

Rather than making a play on power/control a central focus as would be done in BDSM type genres, I found this story positioned John as primary and Katie/Alex as secondary with an almost natural assumption of such underlying roles.

I’ll tell you why. I’m like you I really enjoy bdsm stories, and although I didn’t intend to make this one that way, it’s kind of interesting to me that you felt an undercurrent of power exchange. Maybe it was subliminal? Maybe I just can’t help that side of me sneaking in? Maybe I’m just a sick little bunny who’s obsessed with sex and power it wields? Yes that’s it!

Oh and Lily, if you enjoy dominant male/ submissive female kind of reading check out authors, Singularity and Jigs. I tell you girl, I’m in lust with those men and their stories; they’re hotter than hot!

Have a great day Lily, and see ya later! (Up the Eagles and Dockers!)

Alex

* * * * * * * * *

Hi Rumple,

Thank you for taking time to read my story over again. I really appreciate it.

Sugar/Alex! Damn it, I will have correct those for sure. I have heard of the “Search and Replace’ facility, and it sounds very useful, unfortunately I don’t have it, so it’s got to be word by word. I still can’t quite understand how that happened, but it did, and it’s not good at all. Bugger it, I should have just left her as Sugar even it was an absolutely ridiculous name. Just kidding!

(Grandkid type house apes? Oh good one Rumple! I’ve heard them called lots of things before but never that. Here in Aussieland we call them - ankle biters or knee nippers. )

I'm not so sure that ‘his favorites’ is confusing. I guess I will have to ponder that one.

Thoughs – to use quotation marks or not use quotation marks. This really is a curly one isn’t it? It seems no matter which you use or don’t use, someone will say it’s the wrong way to do it, won’t they? Other authors here, who I also have a great respect for, seem divided on this. Some use them, some don’t. Is there a cut and dry rule?

I agree entirely with you other comments, although I’m not certain how I’m going to rectify some of them. Well that’s a nice little challenge for little alex isn’t it?

Have a great day now,

Alex

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Alex,

You're right about the quotation mark bit. Get a good style manual, (the standard one in the USA is the Chicago Manual of Style) and whatever they say, stick with doing it that way. Since there is some confusion, at least be consistent.

My problem with "his favorites" was it invites the unanswered question, of WHAT? IMHO, it should read something like, "his favorite breakfast."

By the by, I'm about to post a new, longer ending to my story over on the RF Workshop thread. Check it out if you get a chance and give me, "what for."

Rumple Foreskin

 

[LilyMelb]

Hey Alex,

Up the Eaglies & Dockers?!!! That's a sin here in Melbourne! Oh well, at least they're doing well - I follow the Tigers, which just has to be the masochist coming out in me...

Hehe, after reading "Birthday Surprise", it doesn't surprise me when you say you love BDSM stories... and thanks for the recommendations, I'm about to go check out Singularity and Jigs' tales now.

A couple of extra things, seeing as I'm posting - the Alex/Sugar thing which you've already discussed with Rumple Foreskin did catch me too, but I assumed I'd missed something in my first read which established Sugar as a nickname.

I actually disagree with Rumple that the opening was rough, at least in the sense that I liked the pre-figuring the main story with a glimpse of what was to come. It's a fictional tool which can be very useful in jolting the standard linear sequence... (remember Jagger's Ned Kelly, starting with "the end" - or is that before your time?) sometimes it doesn't work so well, but this was just a quick glimpse here, so I rather liked it.

(This may not be what Rumple was referring to - and after only participating on this board for a few days, I'm rather in awe of his critiques! I did mean to mention it in my first post, however, but forgot, so thought I'd put it in now.)

Ciao... Lily

 

[Erotic Author]

I seem to be having problems

 

[Erotic Author]

I thought your story was excellent.

I read it out loud to my husband. We both enjoyed it.

My husband thinks they really know how to celebrate birthdays!!

Someone already pointed out the Alex, Sugar thing. At first I thought another character had been introduced, then I realized my folly.

There was, on occasion, omitted punctuation and a word skipped.

I felt that this was very minor.

I thought that the dialogue was believable and natural. The story flowed smoothly. Your story was a good length.

Even if I wasn't discussing the story in this forum, I would have continued to read it based upon the first couple of paragraphs.

I'm thinking......sequel.

 

[the_bragis]

thank you.

Hello EA,

Thank you. I’m delighted you enjoyed my story.

The Sugar thing – well it was originally ‘Sugar’ but then I changed it because the good Dr Mabuse thought it was kind of silly, and of course he’s right. Only now I ‘m thinking it’s not exactly a serious story is it? So maybe a silly name kind of suits it? What do you think? I’ve used all kinds of ‘silly’ names in my stories, sugar puss, puss puss, Wayne Kerr. Just to mention a few.

Yes, I will correct those omitted words. Like I said, I did the final edit so any little hiccups are mine. Oh that reminds me, if you enjoy group sex stories, do check out Bridget’s (Bridget Keeeney), her stories really sizzle!

Have a great day,

Alex (fem).

 

[TheEarl]

Hey Alex,

First of all, usual disclaimer about not taking anything I say too seriously, because I know not what I say. Everything I say is a matter of opinion, so feel free to ignore mine.

John closed his eyes, and let the back of his semi-naked body slide farther down the cool mirror towards the floor. As the two women lapped at his cock with their wet and warm tongues, he felt so good, as if all his wildest fantasies were about to come true.

I dislike the opening paragraph. Maybe it's because I'm a writer, but I saw this and immediately thought: It's a hook. It seems a bit of a cheap way to force the reader into the story. Ooh, look middle of a sex scene, then flashback to where it all began. IMHO you're a good enough writer to not need this.


She had prepared him a little birthday surprise - breakfast in bed - a little birthday treat.

"I have a special surprise today for your birthday,"

A little birthday mentioned twice and then birthday mentioned again soon after.

"No time for that, " then laughing she jumped off the bed before slipping off to the bathroom.

"But it's my birthday!" he protested.

I liked this; it made me laugh. However the speech tag in the first bit doesn't really make any sense. I'm confused.

I like the description of John. I can see him and Katie as a couple and understand them. Good work.

The scene in the sex store confused me a bit. It's a bit heavy flirting by John for the picture I had of him. Maybe I've got it wrong, but that kind of heavy flirting would suggest a bit on the side and I'd see John as faithful. I am going to hazard a guess that the surprise is Alex.

The description of the blow job was spot on, especially the bit about him wanting to hold back to savour Katie. The change from Alex to Sugar and back again confused the hell out of me though.

"Could it really get any better than this?" John wondered. "Maybe if Katie were to finger fuck Alex? Oh fuck, yes!"

This dropped me out of the story for a second. It seems a bit of a silly speech pattern at the time. Maybe something like, "God, the only way this could get better is if Katie finger fucked Alex." It seems slightly...formal for the situation. Question-Answer. Feel free to ignore this bit.

smiling and prodding the soft folds Prodding? Interesting choice of word.

The last sex scene seemed a little rushed to me. Just a matter of opinion though.

Like the ending. I'll bet you have hundreds of readers begging you for a sequel with a finish like that.

The Earl

 

[Op_Cit]

I apologize for jumping into this review process having not participated before. However, reading the requirements for having my stories reviewed, I will take this opportunity.

Please understand that I can be very detail oriented (anal) in my critique and harbor no illusions that I know what I'm doing. Also, I would very much appreciate this level or even more anal retentive criticism of my work.

To answer your questions:

This story is usually not my cup of tea, so I probably would not have started it. Once I did, though, I probably would not have continued it, the AR type details cause me to stumble and after a few I either start skimming or stop.

I'm in favor of less physical detail because it allows the reader's imagination to fill in as appropriate. Other than my peeve of adjective overuse, I thought this level of detail was fine.

Other than the trip ups I didn't have trouble with the scenes.

I can't really say on the realism, because the flow of the story was broken by the stumbles mentioned prior.

Specific nitty little things:

First, I think Rumple Foreskin maybe as AR as me, ditto to all of his specifics, and here's a few more examples:

1. RF has a good suggestion on the first paragraph, mine would be to use fewer adjectives. Over use stands out and trips me up while reading: (e.g. "wet and warm tongues": awkward sounding and warm seems redundant to what is intuitively obvious.

2. I have trouble with how to express thoughts as well (e.g. "he wondered") , don't have a good answer for this.

3. I mentally tripped over the following:

Nic's Leather was ... What a little tease she could be. Whenever she leaned over while serving him, her tits would almost fall out of that tight little leather bustier. He felt certain she did it on purpose.

She wears a leather bustier every time he's there? or does she just flash her cleavage all the time?

4. in that same paragraph "sweet intoxicating smell of leather" is another example of my AR thing about adjectives. In this case "intoxicating" works for me, but I never imagine leather as sweet smelling so it sounds awkward to me. There are several examples of these extra adjectives in the story, so I'll limit my identification to these examples. Many people will disagree with me, so I'll leave it there.

5. Again, mental trip up:

He heard something outside. Suddenly ... Under different circumstances standing there with his cock fully erect, he might have been pleased to see her, but now he felt his face burning with embarrassment.

This paints a different picture (to me) than the paragraph prior where his cock is engulfed in someone else's mouth.

6. Again a hiccup:

Confusion filled his head and his mind raced as he struggled to comprehend the situation. His cock however was way ahead of him, springing to a full erection as Alex knelt next to Katie.

I had to go back and try to find when he got soft after she found him with "cock fully erect".

---
I hope this is helpful

OC

 

[the_bragis]

Hi The Earl,

Now what is the title for an Earl anyway? Sir? Lord? I don’t know, I’m just an ignorant little Aussie, how would I know?

Thank you for you feedback, it’s always welcome and very helpful.

I dislike the opening paragraph. Maybe it's because I'm a writer, but I saw this and immediately thought: It's a hook. It seems a bit of a cheap way to force the reader into the story. Ooh, look middle of a sex scene, then flashback to where it all began. IMHO you're a good enough writer to not need this.

Yes that was the ‘hook’ for sure. Ok, I’ll try to tone it down, particularly in future. Someone else - oh yes Dr M made comment on that paragraph not being so good as a header also.

A good enough writer? Well that’s mighty kind of you to say so, but I don’t kid myself I am or ever will be any more than someone submitting my dirty little fantasies on line for my own pleasure and hopefully a few other also. It’s a little bit like sex by proxy don’t you think?

The last sex scene seemed a little rushed to me. Just a matter of opinion though.

This is interesting to me, because this is pretty much how it was. I did rush through the last scene when I was writing it. I don’t know why, I just did.

Like the ending. I'll bet you have hundreds of readers begging you for a sequel with a finish like that.

No, not a whisper, not single feedback apart from what I have on this forum. But again thank you for the vote of confidence. Well I did get one email asking if the bragis were a pair of lesbians, and if so, where did we live and would we be interested in a threesome. And noooo, I’m not kidding! I mean it was quite a surprise even for a broadminded lady like me.

Oh and one more thing, that new avatar of yours is disgusting! I love it!

Op_Cit,

Don't apoligize- just jump in any time!

You need to do two reviews before you can ask for one on one of your stories, so hey, you’re half way there now.

Oh please don’t tell me no wet and warm tongues. I get wet and warm just thinking about those! Seriously though, that’s a valid point. Yes, I will tone the adjectives down.

Your feedback is most helpful. I appreciate your time and effort, and I look forward to returning the favour.

Welcome to the forum.

Alex (fem)