Discussion: Rumple Foreskin

[KillerMuffin]

Of our more in-depth and participatory authors/reviwers has a story for us to look at. Let's give him the same consideration we love getting from him!

From the Author

Greetings,

My most recent assault on good taste and the English language is, "A Special Photo." This story is a definite change of pace for the old pornographer as indicated by its residing in the Romance category at:

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=99228

All comments, whether brickbats or bouquets, will be appreciated. I'd particularly like your thoughts on the opening paragraphs and the use of flashback.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[Op_Cit]

You know if KM would stop wasting time answering people's PM's maybe this thread would've been posted yesterday so I could add my feeble feedback sooner.

1. Paragraph 1. The dash caught me like a cattle grill, shouldn't there be a comma there? (I don't really know). Or was there supposed to be an earlier dash between "lay" and "amid"?

2. Then... nothing. I'm drawing a blank. Nothing bad stood out. When is the movie of the week gonna show on the WE channel?

General:

Not my kind of story. But my imagination was captured by this image in my mind of where the story was heading: a torn an blood speckled photo falling from his hands as his last thoughts were of her. Or reading the accompanying letter that told him of the drunk driver which killed her... I think they made us read too many greek tragedies in highschool, or all that shakespearian sex and violence. Surely he dies on the flight back?

Flashback was fine, just made me think of all those colorful endings...

Prime time WE material though (not an indictment).

What is the correct usage of those long dashes? and why can I not think of what they are called?

Sorry I can't be of more help,
OC

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Op_Cit,

What is the correct usage of those long dashes? and why can I not think of what they are called? OC

Maybe, like me, you suffer from the dreaded, CRS (Can't Remember Shit) syndrom. Best I can tell, the little suckers are called "em dashes" and according to the Chicago Manual of Style, are the most commonly used type of dash.

Both Strunk & White seem to agree that dashes are, "...a mark of seperation stronger than a comma, less formal than a colon, and more relaxed than a parenthesis. Use a dash to set off an abrupt break or interruption, and to announce a long appositive or summary."

example: The rear axle began to make a noise--a grinding, chattering, teeth-gritting rasp.

--

Here's the sentence in question, complete with em dash.
"Sensual and seductive, she lay amid the rumpled sheets of the bed where we'd just made love—relaxed and at ease within the golden skin of her petite, perfect body."

Now just between me and you, I actually did a little honest work on that sentence. Even I could tell it was key to any success for the story. I'm still not certain an em dash is the best punctuation I could have chosen, so any suggestions will be appreciated.

Thanks for the kind words. Now all I've got to do is wait for the WE folks to show up with a big royalty check.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[jfinn]

From the Author

Greetings,

My most recent assault on good taste and the English language is, "A Special Photo." This story is a definite change of pace for the old pornographer as indicated by its residing in the Romance category at:

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=99228

All comments, whether brickbats or bouquets, will be appreciated. I'd particularly like your thoughts on the opening paragraphs and the use of flashback.

Rumple Foreskin

Hi RF,

I liked your opening paragraph a lot. It sets a nice dreamy feel that works well to separate the beginning from the more immediately prosaic flashback sequence.

The em dash struck me too. I use them all the time myself though usually in a less literary tone than you've used here. I think of them more for dialogue and slangy dialogue at that, but that's just me. I wish I could give you a less in your face alternative, but grammer is not my strong suit.

But truthfully I didn't spend that much time on the first sentence because the second one was much more interesting to me.

Not posing, not looking at the camera so much as through it, into the photographer, into me, waiting with an expression of amused tolerance for me to finish and rejoin her.

That's just lovely. It sets up the entire story for me. I like this woman and her photographer already from just this one sentence.

Unfortunately the feeling didn't last because I couldn't figure out what you were talking about at the end of that paragraph.

I know, thanks to her, it was hours before I took any more.

Not only did it not fit the carefully set up ambience, but sorry I had to read it about three times to figure out what you meant and even then I felt like I was guessing. And I didn't feel like it was a good set up for the fast forward to the present either. One minute the guy is taking naughty photos of his lover and the next he's talking about field work. Too jarring a transition for me. Personally I'd suggest a heading of some sort. End the first paragraph and then Skip down and have something like:

Today, Somewhere in the MidEast

That's hokey, but you could surely come up with something better and it would really spell out that we've moved on from the memory. Another way to do it would be to have the first paragraph in italics, anything to show there's a big break in sequence coming up. I'm a big believer in not making a reader have to think to much about flow as it stops them from concentrating on the story. So I'd clearly distinquish your different time periods.

I also missed the inference that he was a spook of some sort and didn't catch it until much further down when he mentioned he couldn't say where he was going and that it would be dangerous to receive mail. Then I went back and reread the beginning and saw where it might be inferred that he was a spy. I don't think you meant that to a surprise did you?

Now the actual flashback was handled very well. The lead in about his brother's girlfriend being the cause was great. I had no trouble following this and continued to feel that way throughout the rest of the story.

I thought you handled their relationship perfectly. It's really tempting in romance to up the sugar levels, but you managed to avoid that. Holly's fiesty and I laughed at the threat of bodily harm if he didn't kiss her. I especially liked it because it played off the scene where she's obviously touched by Logan's attention to her daughter. You could have gone for sappy, but you resisted and I have to say that's probably the moment when I decided you really had something good going on.

The teens were an interesting choice, though I think you could have utilized them a bit more. I might have had a scene with one or both interacting with their older sibs, especially once they figured out what was going on between Holly and Logan. I guess I feel this way because you started out with them being the main reason for the date and yet never showed their reaction when they realized how good a matchmakers they really were. I'd have thought that Craig at least would have had a few smart assed comments for his big brother.

I thought the scene where Holly and Logan decide she needs to go back to her husband for another shot was very well done. Like the seduction scene, you surprised me when you had him say the words to spare her. That was very tender and showed his real feelings more than any profession of undying love or begging her to reconsider and stay with him could have.

The only other quibble I have (and then I'll shut up ) is that you blew off their parting. The last moment they had together would be something he'd remember, I felt cheated that you didn't let me as a reader in on it. And I'd make a bigger point about that photo, that he really doesn't want to give it up even though every detail is embedded in his brain.

I'd also (Okay, I lied, one more point) make it a point to mention that though he knew she probably wouldn't write him, he still looked for a letter for months after he'd left. Jack up the angst level. This is romance, there has to be a little bit of misery to earn the name.


Well RF, this is my kind of story, and I'm pretty familiar with the romance genre so I wasn't expecting death and mayhem at the end when I saw the photo, though I was half afraid it was the end of something and not a beginning. That was a nice bit of tension to add and it made the ending sweeter for me. Thanks for writing this, it certainly was a pleasure to read.

Jayne

 

[CWatson]

Thanks to Holly having her own house, and with Craig and Heather running interference and babysitting, we made love on an almost daily, sometimes hourly, bases.

[SP] That's 'basis."

Other than that... WOW. I remember reading this before and being impressed with it, and my mind hasn't changed. I think jfinn got it right as to what makes this story really work, so there's not a lot I can add. Just... Don't change a thing. It's awesome.

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

[SP] That's 'basis."

Don't change a thing. It's awesome.

Well, if you don't mind, I'll switch vowels on that blasted "bases". (Is it just me, or do the "embarrased" smilies look like they're yawning?) Earlier today, I noticed that misspelled sucker while working some of jfinn's suggestions into my computer copy. I wondered then how long it'd be before some "hawkeye" caught that misbegotten misuse. Now we know.

But seriously, thanks for the kind words.

Rumple Forskin

 

[dr_mabeuse]

Without reading the other reviews:

First of all, I think that beginning was very rough. I felt like I was in a plane trying to take off, and it couldn;t quite get off the ground. As I recall, you start with a description of a photo, then a description of your plans for the future, then a description of your current jobn, then back to the present, and then immediately into a flashback. I kept on looking for the start of the story only to be plopped into another dramatic context. Very disorienting.

As for writing and mechanics (the things Rumple is so good at criticizing ), I see nothing wrong. You used "censure" for "censor", but you won't go the hell for that. Your story telling style is excellent, and the prose flowed wonderfully. I don;t think the story is weak in the way it was told so much as it was weak in content.

Just what happens in this story? The narrator falls in love with an old acquaintance who's having marital difficulties. They date almost by accident, they have sex, they fall in love. She tries to reconcile with her husband but it doesn't work, so she tells the narrator at the end that she wants to be with him. He's very happy.

This isn't a very compelling plot, but plots don't have to be compelling. What they do have to be is interesting and, hopefully, moving or involving. If you're not going to give us plot, then give us characters, some people we can get interested in and care about. If not characters, then find an interesting way to tell the story, or give us insights, or language, or something. This is a very nice little story but it never involved me.

Because there was no real dramatic engine humming away inside it, I found myself wondering more about what kind of work this guy does than about his relationship with the girl. His work really sounds interesting, and as far as I was concerned, that's what kept me reading the story, thinking he'd finally let us in on what he does.

The reason the rest of the story is flat is, I think, because you don't let us in on any of the potentially dramatic moments. Here's where you were hoisted on the pitard of your narrator's glibness. He glosses over the really emotional parts of the story. His narration doesn't paint a picture that lets us see the character''s emotions. Basically it's the old canard about showing and not telling. He tells us what happened, and that shuts us out.

The places where emotions are shown seem rather stock and plain to me. The tears in the restaurant is the only thing that comes to mind.

One of the things that makes me wary of using first person is the risk of your narrator's getting too glib and clever for the story's good. I think that happens here. He's not the kind of guy who's going to dwell on the emotional scenes, he's fairly distant from his own feelings, kind of a "man's man". (Damn! I wish I knew what he did for a living!) At the end his pleasure in winning Holly is celebrated with an endearing wisecrack. (Beware of endearing wisecracks. It usually means you narrator is showing off.)

I found the business with the baby strange and a bit troubling. I didn't see how it served the ends of the story, and it seemed to smack of an attempt to get some warmth or depth into the story by bringing in the baby, like politicians do when they have their pictures taken with dogs and kids.

Her thing with the "kiss me or I'll slug you" might have been cute if you'd set up a context for it. As if was, it just seemed like a cute device.

I don't know. Am I being too hard on it? It's a very gentle little story. I just wish I cared more for these people, and I would have cared more had I known them better.


---dr.M.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

After reading the other crits I guess I'm alone in thinking the story was a bit flat and uninvolving. I'll stick with what I said though.

For what it's worth, I didn;t care about the double dash.

I think it would be an interesting mental exercise to think about how you'd write this story in third person. What that might make you do (hopefully) is force you to concentrate on those externals that reflect what the characters are feeling: the way they do things, their expressions, the way they stand, all that stuff. Because to me, that's what the story is missing. Those concrete details that bring it to life.

Your flashback segue was fine. The only problem was that we got into the flashback before we were quite sure where we were in the head of the story, kind of jerked off our feet before we got out balance.

It occurs to me though, that without that first paragraph with the photo, would you have a story at all?

And I agree with Jayne: the foirst paragraph was very nice. The comment abnout her looking throughthe camera was very original and let me see how she was doing that.


---dr.M.

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Doc,

I really appreciate you taking the time to read a story that's probably not in one of your favorite genres and then giving me not one, but two critiques. Most of what you said, I agree with. But while I haven't yet given your critiques a line item going over, in part because the powers gone off twice here in Dallas, I've got a feeling several of the points are things that must be either this or that because they can't be both.

Following some of the initial critiques, I've re-done the first one and a half paragraphs. I've eliminated the last sentence of the first paragraph that bugged jfinn, changed the "em dash" that distracted op_cit to a comma, and added a sentence at the beginning of paragraph two that should give a bigger hint as to the guy's job (think CIA/Special Forces-type "Spook").

Thanks again for your time and input.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I'm still curious, Rumple. Why would you give this guy such a mysterious and dramatic background?

I thought that maybe you needed him to be incommunicado for the plotline to work, but that doesn't seem to be the case, or, if it were, there seems there should be other ways of doing that. To me, the fact that he's a spy just overwhelms everything else that happens in the story.

You know, you hear "Spy", and immediatley most people start thinking James Bond, and to find this James Bond-y type guy involved in such a sweet, relatively placid little story, just seems like a mismatch.

Funny too that on first reading I didn't take him for a spy. His talking about being in the bush made me think he was some kind of mercenary. Maybe it was the lack of mail that did it.

As long as I've got myself started agin, I'd might as well say something about their banter. There's a couple places in the story where he comes back with some witty riposte to something she says. This kind of stuff bothers me, because it's a place where I can kind of see the author's hand at work through the fabric of the story. In real life we rarely have witty and suave comebacks ready, and I really think that this kind of dialogue gives an amateurish feel to a story. It would be so much better if he were to answer her with something that was real, something a real person might really say, than with a little zinger. That's just my feelings though.

And finally I've got to say that never did my overly picky critical style bother me more than in critiquing this story. I really feel like I've stomped all over this charming little piece, and I don't want to leave you with that impression at all. It's a good story. As usual, what I automatically do when I critique a story is read it and ask myself "Why isn't this a great story?" I just want you to know that, if it seems like I came down unduly hard on the piece, it's because all my criticisms were made in response to that question.

best

---dr.M.

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Doc,

I sincerely appreciate all your comments and always welcome your input. Now I'm going to try and answer some of your questions. My stuff's in CAPS.

I'm still curious, Rumple. Why would you give this guy such a mysterious and dramatic background?

I thought that maybe you needed him to be incommunicado for the plotline to work, but that doesn't seem to be the case, or, if it were, there seems there should be other ways of doing that. To me, the fact that he's a spy just overwhelms everything else that happens in the story.

You know, you hear "Spy", and immediatley most people start thinking James Bond, and to find this James Bond-y type guy involved in such a sweet, relatively placid little story, just seems like a mismatch.

Funny too that on first reading I didn't take him for a spy. His talking about being in the bush made me think he was some kind of mercenary. Maybe it was the lack of mail that did it.

RF - ONE OF MY GOALS WAS TO AVOID REACTIONS EXACTLY LIKE YOURS. ACTUALLY, HE'S NOT A "SPY" BUT A MEMBER OF THE US ARMY'S SPECIAL FORCES, "THE GREEN BERETS." I'M NOT SURE WHAT THE SITUATION IS NOW, BUT AT ONE TIME THEY HAD A STRONG LINK TO THE CIA. HOWEVER, THEIR PRIMARY MISSION IS COUNTER-INSURGENCY COMBAT RELATED TRAINING, ALTHOUGH I UNDERSTAND THEY DO SOMETIMES TEACH BY EXAMPLE.

HE GOT THAT JOB BECAUSE I NEEDED HIM TO VANISH FOR MANY LONG MONTH BUT DIDN'T WANT TO GET BOGGED DOWN IN EXPLAINING THE NUTS AND BOLTS OF WHY HE WAS LEAVING OR WHAT HE DID. AND I DIDN'T THINK IT'D HURT A ROMANCE FOR THE HERO TO HAVE A "MYSTERIOUS & DRAMATIC BACKGROUND?"

--

As long as I've got myself started agin, I'd might as well say something about their banter. There's a couple places in the story where he comes back with some witty riposte to something she says. This kind of stuff bothers me, because it's a place where I can kind of see the author's hand at work through the fabric of the story. In real life we rarely have witty and suave comebacks ready, and I really think that this kind of dialogue gives an amateurish feel to a story. It would be so much better if he were to answer her with something that was real, something a real person might really say, than with a little zinger. That's just my feelings though.

RF - DOC, I'M AFRAID THAT'S THE YANKEE IN YOU (NOTHING PERSONAL, YOU UNDERSTAND). I'M A SOUTHERNER. DOWN HERE WE KID AND TEASE EACH OTHER ALL THE TIME. YOU SHOULD READ SOME OF THE DIALOGUE FROM MY SET-IN-THE-SOUTH NOVEL.

--

And finally I've got to say that never did my overly picky critical style bother me more than in critiquing this story. I really feel like I've stomped all over this charming little piece, and I don't want to leave you with that impression at all. It's a good story. As usual, what I automatically do when I critique a story is read it and ask myself "Why isn't this a great story?" I just want you to know that, if it seems like I came down unduly hard on the piece, it's because all my criticisms were made in response to that question.

RF - NO PROBLEM, DOC. YOU GAVE ME WHAT I WANTED, YOUR HONEST OPINION. IF ANY OF MY ANSWERS HAVE SPREAD MORE CONFUSION THAT CLARITY, JUST LET ME KNOW AND I'LL MAKE LIKE KING ALFRED'S SPIDER AND TRY, TRY AGAIN.

Rumple Foreskin

best

---dr.M.

 

[the_bragis]

Adding to the excellent feedback you already have...

Hi Rumple,

As you already know, I really like this story. I think it’s quite possibly your best yet.

Unlike Dr M, I don’t mind a story that swings to and from a little backstory. In fact I often find stories written in a strict chronological order a little boring. This is clear and well written, and there’s no confusing where the story is at.

I love the opening paragraph. It’s lovely! It’s romance personified! I want that man! I want to be that special lady!

A very minor thing:
"Well, she and that guy, his name's Bruce Dengler, they had a kid about a year ago and a few months later he split.

I think ‘his name’ is superfluous, and it just doesn’t sound natural to me.

You have some lovely passages, but it wouldn’t be fair to go listing all the best bits here, and spoiling the read for others.

I think this story will have particular appeal to women. When I had finished read it, I was holding my fist to my mouth and almost blinking back tears. I love stories that do that to me.

I wish you well with your future writing, and particularly this story.

Have a great day.

Alex.

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Bragis,

Thanks for the kind words. I've taken my fair share of brickbats so an occasional bouquet is most appreciated.

Rumple

 

[TheEarl]

Evening RF,

Here I am, better belated than never. I promised that I'd review this, if only for the fact that you took the time to find out who Corne Krige was. Sorry it's taken so long; I'm just lazy like that.

Usual disclaimer: You've been here long enough to know that I mean no offense, blah, blah, blah.

On with the ritual disembowelment:

Sensual and seductive, she lay amid the rumpled sheets of the bed where we'd just made love—relaxed and at ease within the golden skin of her petite, perfect body. Not posing, not looking at the camera so much as through it, into the photographer, into me, waiting with an expression of amused tolerance for me to finish and rejoin her. It was a special photo of a special lady. I know, thanks to her, it was hours before I took any more.

Excellent first paragraph. If I had one complaint it would be the last line. It's a pet peeve, but I don't like sex in the first paragraph and then returning to the plot. It seems like you're not confident in the story. I know, I know, it's only an oblique reference to the sex, but it bugs me nonetheless.

The thing about flashbacks is they confuse people. The first jump (first paragraph to second paragraph) is okay; we know what's happening. At the fourth para, it starts to get confusing. We start off on one timeline, then jump backwards into present tense. Then we jump into past tense talking about him looking at the photo. God knows where this timeline is in relation to the first para. Then we jump further backwards to when he's talking to his brother. We know this is before the looking at the photo, but is it before the first para? If Jane is taller than John and John is shorter than Kate, is Kate taller than Jane? It gets confusing trying to work out which bit each paragraph connects with. Choose one flashback and do not make another one unless you absolutely have to. You will confuse people this way.


Dated this college guy, can't remember his name, all through high school. They looked so much alike it was spooky. Both were short, good-looking, blue-eyed blondes.

Good detail. I like this kind of thing; it distinguishes your characters from everyone elses.

When I said she looked great and mentioned her improved figure, she seemed pleased.

I find it's very difficult to compliment a blind date on her breasts. If you have a special technique, then do share, but this jarred a little for me.

Over supper at an Italian place they all tried to catch me up on the local gossip at the same time.

It feels like you're rushing. This kind of sentence is a synopsis and it feels like you could make a bit more of these things, build it up a bit. However this is just a matter of opinion, so feel free to ignore mine.


Romance isn't usually my category, but I like the way this is going. It feels right that they should end up together, which I suppose is the whole point of the category. Nicely done.

I couldn't actually find anything else to pick on after this point. The story was so good that I found it very difficult to keep critiquing it. Unfortunately I'd say this story wasn't erotic at all, but I know that it wasn't intended to be hugely erotic and this isn't my usual category.

Nicely done Rumple.

The Earl

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

The Earl,

After jfinn, Doc, and Op Cit all had some heartburn with elements of the opening, (and CWatson caught a misspelling) I diddled with the sucker and came up with a revised edition. The em dashes vanished, along with the last sentence of the first paragraph, and I gave a bigger hint about his job in the beginning of paragraph two. Later in the story, "bases and censure" were transformed into "basis and censor." Here's the new version of the first one and a half paragraphs.

"Sensual and seductive, she lay amid the rumpled sheets of the bed where we’d just made love, relaxed and at ease within the golden skin of her petite, perfect body. Not posing, not looking into the camera so much as through it, into the photographer, into me, waiting with an expression of amused tolerance for me to finish and rejoin her. It was a special photo of a special lady.

"My job’s one of those hush-hush deals. When people ask, I tell them I’m a security consultant, specializing in on-site training. And, in a way, it is what I do."

As for flashback, while the tense does shift, there's really only one. The opening paragraph describes the photo he's holding. In paragraph two the narrator gives some personnal info.. Paragraphs three is job related while four describes his surroundings and reaction as he looks at the photo.

Then there's a one sentence paragraph to signal the flashback.

The last four paragraphs are back in the "here and now."

Of course, it's always dicey to use flashback, especially in a 2800 word short story. I've gone over the opening paragraphs, giving number four special attention. But other than totally redoing the story, I'm not sure how it could be handled differently.

Thanks for your time, feedback, and kind words.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[Colleen Thomas]

Hello Rf,


As I have mentioned in another thread I won't even try to give you an indepth critique on the technical aspects, I am too weak myself to be casting stones. I gave this story a five vote, it was erotic without having to be explicit. I have read too many works that were explicit without being erotic so this was a pleasant surprise

My first note here is going to seem strange, it's more of a question than a critisism. At the points I am most familiar with the river (Vicksburg to Port Gibson on the Mississippi side, roughly) there are no trees between the levee and the water. The rive authority used to spend inordinate amounts of time removing them because the roots weakened the levee. Similarly there are no trees on the levee. It was a little confusing to figure out how she was on the banks of the river, watching a tanker and leaning against a tree. Generally if you are on the side of the levee where trees grow you can't see over it to see the river and if you are on the side where you can see the river there are no trees to lean on. Granted I am not a river rat, and haven't lived in Mississippi for many years, but it left me wondering where the story was set?

I thought the story was sweet, and poignant. Making the leap from best of freinds to lovers is such a strange step. It seems so small a move, just an extra layer of feeling, but so often it rips the life out of a friendship. The extreme awareness of both players in the drama of just how large a step it is, is well done and refreshing. The tendancy is to overplay it or ignore it, I think you nailed it.

The flash back at the begining is seamless. All to often authors feel a need to preface such a transition and it disturbs the flow more than simply starting it unannounced would. Yours flows well, mimicing stream of conciousness thinking.

I think the kind of glimpse of passion, without a detailed and explicit account lends to the overall quality as an erotic work. It builds the tension and adds another layer to their felings and relationship that you couldn't have explained in pages.

One Grammar note:

Mike nodded, lit a cigarette, and handed it over. “They’re in love, remember? If one of ‘em had falling in, the other would be raising all kinds of hell.”

Only thing I saw that I questiond grammar wise was this, shouldn't it be fallen in rather than falling in?

-Colly

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Colly,

Many thanks for the kind words and insight-even though you posted them on the wrong thread. If you get a chance, take a look at "Special Photo" the story linked to this particular thread. Usually KM only lets a writer have one story at a time on the SDC to avoid this. But since "Love on the Levee" was a Workshop project she made an exception and got you all confused (see, it's all her fault).

You win a cigar for catching that "fallen - falling" mistake. Thanks.

As for the levee, the section in question is south of the area you're familiar with, on the east side of the river across from the Louisiana State campus in Baton Rouge.

You are right about the authorities wanting to keep trees off the levees and the area between the levee and the river. However, that can be expensive and rumor has it some levee boards would skip a year or two or more. That's one reason I made sure the trees in the story were all "skinny" or small, and usually willows, which tend to grow like weeds.

The area between the levee and the river was the place of choice to hold big "levee parties". I really did attend a daytime "hippie" style wedding there, I believe it was the summer of 1969. The area had plenty of room to spread out and bonfires were blocked from the view of snoopy authority-type folks. Smaller parties, especially those with no fire, were sometimes held on or near the top of the levee. Of course, the boards made half-hearted efforts to keep idiot college kids from using anyplace in their jurisdictions for parties but usually failed. Kids at LSU tend to be hardy party types.

Thanks again for the kind words. It's nice being told when I actually do somethings right for a change and I appreciate you pointing out why you thought some of those things worked.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[Colleen Thomas]

RF,

Oopsy.

Sorry for the mix up. Not the first, nor probably the last mistake I will make ont he boards

I was born in 69, by the time I was big enough to get to the river without my folks the authorites had become fanatical about keeping things denuded around the levees. I went to Miss. State for a while, so I know all about you LSU party hardy types

Hopefully someone can move this to the right tread so I don't seem quite such an airhead.

-Colly