Discovering my Role

[fireman91]

I'm a young guy, all of 20, but I'll admit I've been lurking BDSM sites long before I ever should have. Now that I'm old enough to honestly explore my own nature, needs, desires, I'm stuck at the typical cross roads. What do I want? Kind of like, "What do I want to be when I grow up?"... Actually I don't know that either... Anyways, if any of you have advice on how you discovered yourself or what not to do, I'd be very grateful.

Great, now I'm gonna be up all night thinking about what I'm gonna be when I grow up...

 

[satindesire]

I'm a young guy, all of 20, but I'll admit I've been lurking BDSM sites long before I ever should have. Now that I'm old enough to honestly explore my own nature, needs, desires, I'm stuck at the typical cross roads. What do I want? Kind of like, "What do I want to be when I grow up?"... Actually I don't know that either... Anyways, if any of you have advice on how you discovered yourself or what not to do, I'd be very grateful.

Great, now I'm gonna be up all night thinking about what I'm gonna be when I grow up...

No one here can tell you what role you'll fit in, because we don't know you. You have to decide if you're a bottom, submissive, slave, switch, Top, Dominant or Master yourself.

The good news is, that's pretty easy to do once you learn to associate the things you like to do fetish/kink/sexual-wise with what role you like to take during those activities.

 

[unregistered]

 

[Sir_Winston54]

When I first started seriously exploring this thing as a young adult, even though I already had a relatively substantial history of *doing* it as a teen and young adult, a nice older (mid-30s) lady asked me, "What 'unusual' games did you play as a child, and what did you see yourself doing in your dreams as a teenager?" The only "unusual" games I played as a youngster involved me spanking young girls, and when I looked back at the dreams that had stayed (at least partly) in my mind, I found they all had a similar theme: Me spanking or beating with a belt or stick (since translated into canes, one of my favorite toys!) lush female bottoms.

Yeah, I'm a sadist, through and through, and for me at least, the nature v. nurture argument has always had a simple answer.

 

[fireman91]

Thinking about it, I'm not capable of being a dark or violent stereotypical Dominant. I know stereotypes are BS, but stay with me. On the flip side the thought of being a permanent submissive isn't appealing either. Occasionally, sure, however I just can't be pigeon-holed into that role. And like every thing else in my life there's the big overlying matter. I think too damn much.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Let's talk about being a out and proud SERVICE TOP.

That's a person who loves to administer the sensations that someone else craves, in order to facilitate that partner's ecstatic enjoyment. Many "Dominant" men and women are, actually very invested in their partner's pleasure, more so than their own.

There's a notion that that's a shameful thing to admit to, and its companion, "topping from the bottom" which I have re-named a DOMINANT BOTTOM. That's someone who knows that they want to be serviced, and knows how they want it-- but doesn't feel any need to be submissive in any other context.

Very often those two terms combine in one person to make a switch personality.

 

[HottieMama]

Let's talk about being a out and proud SERVICE TOP.

That's a person who loves to administer the sensations that someone else craves, in order to facilitate that partner's ecstatic enjoyment. Many "Dominant" men and women are, actually very invested in their partner's pleasure, more so than their own.

There's a notion that that's a shameful thing to admit to, and its companion, "topping from the bottom" which I have re-named a DOMINANT BOTTOM. That's someone who knows that they want to be serviced, and knows how they want it-- but doesn't feel any need to be submissive in any other context.

Very often those two terms combine in one person to make a switch personality.

Good lord this is the very definition of me....like to a T...

 

[bhndblueyes88]

Good lord this is the very definition of me....like to a T...

Oddly enough it describes the boy and I too...sometimes anyway. Not always. I begin to see why Stella shakes this bone like a dog It's often applicable.


fireman, when you grow up, you should be whatever you want to be, just make sure you grow up to be HUMAN. That means if you choose to sub/bottom, whatever, maintain your worth as a human being. Never let anyone take that away from you, no matter how "Domly" they are, or how good the sex is, or how afraid you are to lose your relationship. No relationship that detracts from your humanity is worth staying in. Conversely, if you decide you vastly prefer to be in charge, never become the self-centered, dehumanizing and abusive asshole that some people are. No matter how "beneath you" an individual is, they have a right to their humanity and you have absolutely no right to take it away from them. and hey, if you decide you like both worlds, take both with their good and their bad And, honestly, if you never make up your mind, that's alright too. It doesn't matter what you like as long as you're playing safe and having fun!

 

[oneguy4fun]

Fireman - no need to label yourself as anything right now. Experiment and have fun with it. As you dive into this wonderful and exciting world you will find your nitch.

There's a notion that that's a shameful thing to admit to, and its companion, "topping from the bottom" which I have re-named a DOMINANT BOTTOM. That's someone who knows that they want to be serviced, and knows how they want it-- but doesn't feel any need to be submissive in any other context.

Stella - That is one facet of topping from the bottom. I also see it as a technique to for a sub to use when dealing with someone new to domination, that is still learning what makes a sub tick.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Maybe you're just a normal guy.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Fireman - no need to label yourself as anything right now. Experiment and have fun with it. As you dive into this wonderful and exciting world you will find your nitch.




Stella - That is one facet of topping from the bottom. I also see it as a technique to for a sub to use when dealing with someone new to domination, that is still learning what makes a sub tick.

yes, many a pyl has trained a new PYL.

 

[Yobelle]

Haha!
I am 24 and have a career and don't know what I want to be when I grow up either! Its fine, just enjoy life now. As to finding your role, I need advice there myself. I am thinking I would lean more towards a switch than anything else, simply because I lack RL experience submitting or topping anyone else, yet the idea of both is very exciting to me.

 

[His_pet_slut]

Thinking about it, I'm not capable of being a dark or violent stereotypical Dominant. I know stereotypes are BS, but stay with me. On the flip side the thought of being a permanent submissive isn't appealing either. Occasionally, sure, however I just can't be pigeon-holed into that role. And like every thing else in my life there's the big overlying matter. I think too damn much.

I am quite curious as to what makes you equate Dominant with dark and or violent? I equate those things with an abuser. No one is all sunshine and light. We all have our darker side to our nature, even little blonde submissives like me. My Master is capable of the most devious of punishments if I have erred and has a nicely sadistic streak, but I have never seen anything violent come from him. Even the most sadistic Dom I have played with was never violent. Cold, calculating and methodical as he marked my pale ass and thighs? You bet. Violent? No.

The only truly violent person I have every been with was my first spouse. He was an abuser, not a dominant.