Disabilities and BDSM

[serijules]

Hi everyone I just found this site tonight and crashed my way into a few threads without any introduction whatsoever, so thought I would start a thread to say "hi" and perhaps start a conversation. In weeding through the links thread I came apon a site talking about BDSM and disabilities, which was a pleasant surprise. Apologies if this topic has been brought up before, I haven't weeded through all the pages yet.

One subject that I find highly intriguing is how people with disabilities use their disabilities to their advantage in a BDSM scene, rather than allow it to limit what they can do. Another interesting topic is what kind of hard limits, either emotionally or physically, go along with that.

I myself am almost completely deaf, I have to read lips to 'hear' although my speech ability is fine. One advantage to this is my ability to communicate on a non-verbal level with someone, even someone I just met. Body language is so important to me that I can easily pick up on things that many others would not necessarily use to enhance their communication. I can also read lips across a room, or out of normal hearing range, which sometimes can be very erotic and useful.

Another advantage is my ability to completely block out what goes on around me and sink into a scene much faster and deeper. This is especially nice in noisy clubs or parties where there are a lot of people watching, commenting, interacting, etc.

On the other hand, my disability also sets a hard limit in me....blindfolds. To blindfold me and take away my sight, also takes away my hearing. Even if you blindfold a sub and plug her ears or play loud music during a scene, you can never really completely take away that sense completely. Blindfolding me takes away my abiltity to communicate almost entirely, and is very very frightening. Even with someone I completely trust, the panic that comes with it is too much for me. Hard limit.

So, your turn to share *smile* Anyone here have a disability of some sort, and have found ways it actually benefits your BDSM lifestyle? Does that same disability come with any hard limits?

 

[RisiaSkye]

Interesting question, serijules. Welcome to the Forum!

My biggest day-to-day impediment is that I am legally blind. With glasses, I can see well enough to get a driver's license. Without correction of my sight, I can't see two feet--literally.

So, blindfolds are pretty much unnecessary for me. In fact, taking off my glasses or contacts is actually far scarier than a blindfold. I can see shadows and movement, but nothing's clear. It's very disconcerting, but it's good for creating the anticipiation in a fireplay scene or B&D scenario.

On the other hand, without sound, I'm in *major* sensory deprivation. So, headphones in a scene are hugely scary, as the loss of both sight and sound is too much for me to process on the trust level. At least, it's too much *now.* Never say never, right?

Again, welcome. Good to see you here, and thanks for the good question.

RS

 

[Red Menace]

Hello and welcome, serijules.

My disability is a very bad neck that is prone to muscle spasms and pinched nerves. Any ideas on how to make that a good thing would be much appreciated. Mostly, it just seems to get in the way of hair pulling and being shoved around when it's acting up.

 

[Merelan]

Once upon a time I knew a guy here who lived in a wheelchair, and was a Dom.
He isn't around here anymore, personal reasons, and I rarely hear from him. But..
He used this handicap, or disability or whatever the word is today for him.
In everyday life he lived alone and never needed help with much at all. Was a very independent person who had adapted his apartment for him, along with appliances and such.
In the bedroom he had two submissives he played with.
One was "normal" hahaha...
the other deaf. She had no hearing what so ever. He could not blindfold her either. Instead, would tell her to close her eyes, and leave them closed. That was, if it got too much, or she needed reassurance, she could "peek." It was frightening to her to have her communication cut off. They had an incredible relationship. In fact, I believe, but could be mistaken, she was the reson he was leaving.
She wanted him 24/7 and they were moving on.
I was always amazed at he way they worked around things to play. Made them more inventive.

I too am blind without my glasses. Cannot see more then a few feet. So again, a blindfold isn't neccessary. Haven't tried to cover ears, but suspect I will flip out. Might need to practise that.

Red Menance.... your neck. On days it is bad you should be spoiled and tnderly cherished. I don't need to tell you I guess that you need to be careful playing then.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

serijules, firstly let me say hello and welcome to the board to you. Great thread.

In the following thread, a few weeks ago I posted about some of my physical limitations. Here's a link to that one for you to see... http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=109536&highlight=dixicritter

I also have very bad eye sight that I didn't list before because it makes me sound like I'm falling apart. Actually I don't notice alot of the things that are "wrong" with me very much anymore, just part of my day to day life.

RedM, I can simpathize on the bad neck thing too. Hair pulling can work for me if Master doesn't yank it and/or hold my head in a position for too long. (I have an inverted curve of the vertebrea in my neck). I also agree that pampering is much needed when the flareups happen for you. Don't ever hessitate to use your safeword, as neck injury is nothing to take lightly.

Ok I've gone on enough. I'll let someone else have the floor now.

~smiles~
dixi

 

[serijules]

serijules, firstly let me say hello and welcome to the board to you. Great thread.

*snip*

In the following thread, a few weeks ago I posted about some of my physical limitations. Here's a link to that one for you to see... http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=109536&highlight=dixicritter

Thank you for the welcome

Aha, I knew it had to have been brought up before, but ah well, always new info and new sharings with each round

 

[Red Menace]

Red Menance.... your neck. On days it is bad you should be spoiled and tnderly cherished. I don't need to tell you I guess that you need to be careful playing then.

Hear, hear! I fully support this.

I also have very bad eye sight that I didn't list before because it makes me sound like I'm falling apart.

I know what you mean. Some days when I'm laid up in bed, unable to move and in total pain I think surely I'm too young to be falling apart like this. Luckily, I've found a wonderful chiropractor with very talented hands and one of those electric machines that massages the muscles with a current. Too bad he's married.

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Oh hey no big deal as far as I'm concerned, I was just saving myself some typing...lol

I'm not a stickler for not repeating topics personally. I just thought you'd find that thread interesting too, and save us both some energy, you from hunting it and me from typing all that over again...hehe.

Keep up the great posts, I'm looking forward to reading more from you.

~warm smiles~
dixi

 

[Ebonyfire]

Dis-Abilites

One of my favorite Dommes has MS. She was been in a wheelchair for several years now. Her husband is her sub and she does everything most sadistic Dommes do. And very well too.

Ebony

 

[~Dream~]

Welcome again Serijules..

I think I also already posted this in Dixie's thread , but oh well..
I have a neuro-muscular disease called Charcot-Marie-Tooth disease and its also called Spinal -muscular dystrophy which means a "wasting away " of the muscles .. my lower extremities are most affected,feet ,legs,but thie diseas can control and or waste awy any muscle in the body it so chooses ,not excuding the heart.. it also makes me have a weaker immune system than others,balance problems)i have high-arched feet with cute lil toes that curl a lil(I call them my "special feet") lol so I am only comfortable in tennis shoes mostly and boys ones at that lol.. I get tired easily,if I have to do a job that recquires alot of standing ,i need breaks,I cannot drive a car,my left fot freezes up sometimes,or ride a bike cause of balance issues... I have alot of pain esp in my feet but I try to use my sense of humor to ward it off as this disease has no cure and i am expected to be in a wheelchair in just 15 more years ,but I have strong willpower and courage to make that NOT come true.. Master is very understanding and tolerant of everything regarding this..

 

[serijules]

thank you all for the welcome and for sharing.

The level of acceptance and tolerance amoungst those that live a BDSM lifestyle has always amazed me. I think that was one of the reasons that, once I discovered these desires and a whole lifestyle centered around them, I immediatly felt secure enough to start exploring.

The people I've met have for the most part gone out of their way to understand my own disability and find ways to make my time with them easier and more enjoyable...something that I really don't run into as often with 'vanilla' people that I meet. Not to say vanillas are not tolerant and accepting, just that lifestylers seem to ease into that acceptance more, more of a norm rather than an exception. The ability to adjust is a wonderful trait.

 

[lost]

I'm glad you like it here. I know what you mean. When my sister was diagnosed w/ MG almost all of her friends disappeared. It was so hard to watch her try to deal w/ a terminal illness as well as the abondment. A nurse in the ER did the worst damage, I'd have decked the #$@^* if I could have. As far as her and BDSM she my baby, my baby sis, so I have to say I'll probably try gutting the first gut she decidesto be with.
~A very Overprotective Big Sis