Dirty Mother Goose

AbsintheFather

Passing some time
Joined
Dec 10, 2009
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I was PMing with a friend the other day and we wrote and shared some dirty Nursery Rhymes.

Feel free to Goose us with your own takes on the classics. Check out this website to find poems to work from: Nursery Rhyme Site and make your own creatively dirty ditties.


Twinkle, twinkle, little whore,
I wanna do you on all four
I always wanted to do a Thai
I’m so big I’ll make you cry
 
Hickory, dickory, dock,
Her lips ran down my cock.
She said please cum,
I said there’s none Hickory, dickory, dock.
 
Jack Sprat would eat no gash,
His wife could eat no peen,
And so betwixt the two of them
They licked their partners clean
 
1
This old man, he played one,
He played knick knack with a nun,
With a
Knick, knack, paddy whack,
Give the girl your bone;
This old man came rolling home.

2
This old man, he played two,
He played fast and shot his goo,
With a
Knick, knack, paddy whack,
Give the girl your bone;
This old man came rolling home.

3
This old man, he played three,
Spanked her good right over his knee,
With a
Knick, knack, paddy whack,
Give the girl your bone;
This old man came rolling home.

4
This old man, he played four,
He fucked that maid right on the floor,
With a
Knick, knack, paddy whack,
Give the girl your bone;
This old man came rolling home.

5
This old man, he played five,
That old woman they couldn’t revive,
With a
Knick, knack, paddy whack,
Give the girl your bone;
This old man came rolling home.

6
This old man, he played six,
He’s said to have a foot long stick,
With a
Knick, knack, paddy whack,
Give the girl your bone;
This old man came rolling home.

7
This old man, he played seven,
He can fuck like he’s got an engine,
With a
Knick, knack, paddy whack,
Give the girl your bone;
This old man came rolling home.

8
This old man, he played eight,
When he’s done, he still masturbates,
With a
Knick, knack, paddy whack,
Give the girl your bone;
This old man came rolling home.

9
This old man, he played nine,
He’s so horny he even sucked mine,
With a
Knick, knack, paddy whack,
Give the girl your bone;
This old man came rolling home.

10
This old man, he played ten,
He know’s Tantra he knows Zen,
With a
Knick, knack, paddy whack,
Give the girl your bone;
This old man came rolling home.

11
This old man, he played eleven,
Her eyes rolled back she’s in heaven,
With a
Knick, knack, paddy whack,
Give the girl your bone;
This old man came rolling home.

12
This old man, he played twelve,
His long tongue will dig and delve,
With a
Knick, knack, paddy whack,
Give the girl your bone;
This old man came rolling home.
 
Jack and Jill went up a hill

Each had a buck and a quarter

Jill came down with two and a half

They didn’t go up for water


Mike
 
Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
Jill forgot to take her pill
And now they have a daughter

and since we're not sexist.....:)

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To have a bit of fun
Jill forgot to take her pill
And now they have a son
 
Little Boy Blue
Let me blow your horn
Lick me in the meadow
We'll fuck in the corn.

Are you a boy
Who can shove it in deep?
You look a bit soft;
Your cock's asleep.

Will you wake it
Or shall I
While you spank my bum
And make me cry?
 
Little Boy Blue
Let me blow your horn
Lick me in the meadow
We'll fuck in the corn.

Are you a boy
Who can shove it in deep?
You look a bit soft;
Your cock's asleep.

Will you wake it
Or shall I
While you spank my bum
And make me cry?


HA! That's wonderful!
 
not as good as these but...

Little Miss Muffet
Knelt in the pulpit
Giving her best BJ
He was a big fellow
Who came with a bellow
And brightened Miss Muffet’s whole day
 
Baa baa black sheep
Have you any wool?
Mother's dancing naked
And father's on the pull.

She'll suck the master
And he'll poke the dame.
And then they'll chase the sexy boy
Who lives down the lane.
 
Fun thread, Absinthe. I love this kind of thing. :D

I'm sure there's a few of the limerick crew and some others who may enjoy

Here's my take on Miss Muffet:

Little Miss Muffet
Bent over her tuffet,
She said please have your way
Along came a rider,
Who slipped on inside her
And banged Miss Muffet all day
 
Ha!! :D

.....and here's mine!

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
And slowly parted her thighs
After drinking some cider
She opened them wider
And finger fucked 'til she cried
 
As I was going to St Ives
I met a man with seven wives.
This strange man had seven sacks
Every wife had seven cracks
And every wife had seven slits
Slits, cracks, sacks and wives.
How many were going to St Ives?

:eek:
 
Hickory dickory dock
A chick was sucking my cock
The clock struck two
She gobbled my goo
I dropped her at the next block
 
A-tisket a-tasket
I spanked him 'cause he asked it
I used a strap-on on his bum
And while I did he liked it
He liked it
He liked it
And while I did he liked it
When he came he licked it up and thanked me for the pleasure
 
This one is almost dirty enough in its own right...


Wee Willie Winkie
Runs through the town
Upstairs and downstairs
In his night gown
Flashing through the windows
Peeping through the locks
Raising people from their beds
For to suck his cock.
 
Jack be nimble
Jack be quick
Jack came over
And started to lick, Jack licked deep.
Jack licked strong
Sweet young Jack
His tongue is long!
 
This thread reminded me of a rugby song that used to amuse lads for hours as they thought up new verses on the bus to a match. To be sung to the tune of Rolf Harris's "Tie me Kangaroo down..."

Bestiality's best boys, bestiality's best.
Bestiality's best, boys, bestiality's best.
(Fuck a wallaby)

Down the throat of a goat, mate
Down the throat of a goat.
Or get it on with a stoat, mate
Get it on with a stoat.

Bestiality's best.......

And so on and so forth.

Don't want to derail the thread with this but if you ever have a long bus journey with like minded people you might have some fun with it.
 
Jack be nimble
Jack be quick
Jack came over
And started to lick, Jack licked deep.
Jack licked strong
Sweet young Jack
His tongue is long!

:D

that reminded me of this one...immortalised in our school!


Jack was nimble
Jack was quick
but Jill preferred the candlestick
 
another one from school...


There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad.
....She got designer clothes, jewellery, a luxury villa and a sports car
 
Rub-a-dub-dub
A man in my tub
And does his wife know he’s in there?
A tickle, a tease, take me on my knees
He’ll go in and go out until I cry out
It’s enough to make a girl cheer.
 
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