PanicByNumbers
Experienced
- Joined
- Nov 23, 2008
- Posts
- 87
Hi Literoticans. I'm a long time member and frequent visitor just starting to somewhat seriously put some words to paper. I know you're a cool and honest bunch and I was looking for a little feedback on a snippet of a story I've started. Helpful ideas are appreciated. Thank you.
Richard was late. He knew Tom and Harry wouldn’t mind, but he still prided himself on being punctual. Hurrying into the diner he didn’t even stop to pick out a server and barely even registered the chorus of several female “Hellos” as he spotted his brunch companions. As he approached Tom and Harry were chatting about some game they both played and their current kill count. He was never much of a social gamer like them, but he did sometimes consider making an account. If only to have a little more in common with them. Taking an empty seat at the booth, Tommy spoke first. “Richard! Good to see you make it.” Tom was a somewhat rotund character. The part owner of a comic store, Tom looked exactly like someone who didn’t leave his house and subsisted on cheetoes and mountain dew.
Richard was a little embarrassed. “Sorry to keep you waiting, I hope you guys didn’t already eat.”
Harry looked up from his lap where he’d been smiling gently and chuckled. “Don’t worry, my friend. We just ordered about five minutes ago and were just catching up.” Harry was one of Richard’s coworkers and in addition to liking videogames, he was a major car buff and owner of a wild looking gotee.
As Richard sat down, a waitress promptly appeared to hand him a menu, leaning over slightly so her naked tits hung temptingly within arms reach. “Hello sir. Can I start you off with something to drink or would you like to order or take a few minutes?”
Richard glanced at the thong clad, topless brunette’s rack for a few seconds before deciding she was a low c-cup and handing her the menu back. “Thank you, I’ll have a soda and club sandwich. French fries and hold the tomatoes please.”
Writing down his order on a small pad she had clipped to a thin belt around her waist that was her only other article of clothing beyond her purple thong and tennis shoes, the waitress confirmed it. “Alright sir. Would you also like to choose one of our girls or would you prefer I send someone over?”
Richard thought about letting her choose someone or requesting her personally before deciding to look over the current staff situation at the front door. What looked like roughly two dozen girls, eighteen to early thirties were milling in the front. Some topless, some in bikinis, a couple nude but for the shoes they were wearing. Spying a tall, busty, raven-haired beauty in a iridescent blue micro-bikini, Richard pointed her out to the waitress. “No problem,” the waitress responded. “I’ll grab her right away.”
Turning back to his brunch companions as the waitress moved off, Richard tuned into the conversation they had continued while he had been ordering. Tom was talking about some new weapon in the game. “…and that’s why I prefer a long range rifle. It keeps you both in and ou-ahhh!” Jumping slightly, Tom looked down and spoke to his sizeable gut. “Watch the teeth! Is scraping a customer’s dick in your job description?” Richard heard something muffled from beneath the table while Tom frowned down. “Fine, but one more and I’m asking for someone else.” Shifting a bit, Tom’s sour expression mellowed out as his girl continued to fluff him under the table, maneuvering around his paunch. Richard leaned over slightly to see the rather curvy, nude woman under the table angle her head a bit and readjust herself on her hands and knees on the padded flooring underneath the table before the short, black bob of hair started to move again. Turning to look at Harry next to him, he saw a long, glossy, light brown ponytail repeatedly rising and falling in his lap too. Casually looking around the diner, Richard saw almost every male patron had the back of a girl’s head bobbing in their laps. One or two he noticed the girls sucking them off were fully clothed and sitting next to them, meaning it was a girlfriend or date. But the only guys who were not receiving blowjobs were either gay or just not in the mood.
Richard was late. He knew Tom and Harry wouldn’t mind, but he still prided himself on being punctual. Hurrying into the diner he didn’t even stop to pick out a server and barely even registered the chorus of several female “Hellos” as he spotted his brunch companions. As he approached Tom and Harry were chatting about some game they both played and their current kill count. He was never much of a social gamer like them, but he did sometimes consider making an account. If only to have a little more in common with them. Taking an empty seat at the booth, Tommy spoke first. “Richard! Good to see you make it.” Tom was a somewhat rotund character. The part owner of a comic store, Tom looked exactly like someone who didn’t leave his house and subsisted on cheetoes and mountain dew.
Richard was a little embarrassed. “Sorry to keep you waiting, I hope you guys didn’t already eat.”
Harry looked up from his lap where he’d been smiling gently and chuckled. “Don’t worry, my friend. We just ordered about five minutes ago and were just catching up.” Harry was one of Richard’s coworkers and in addition to liking videogames, he was a major car buff and owner of a wild looking gotee.
As Richard sat down, a waitress promptly appeared to hand him a menu, leaning over slightly so her naked tits hung temptingly within arms reach. “Hello sir. Can I start you off with something to drink or would you like to order or take a few minutes?”
Richard glanced at the thong clad, topless brunette’s rack for a few seconds before deciding she was a low c-cup and handing her the menu back. “Thank you, I’ll have a soda and club sandwich. French fries and hold the tomatoes please.”
Writing down his order on a small pad she had clipped to a thin belt around her waist that was her only other article of clothing beyond her purple thong and tennis shoes, the waitress confirmed it. “Alright sir. Would you also like to choose one of our girls or would you prefer I send someone over?”
Richard thought about letting her choose someone or requesting her personally before deciding to look over the current staff situation at the front door. What looked like roughly two dozen girls, eighteen to early thirties were milling in the front. Some topless, some in bikinis, a couple nude but for the shoes they were wearing. Spying a tall, busty, raven-haired beauty in a iridescent blue micro-bikini, Richard pointed her out to the waitress. “No problem,” the waitress responded. “I’ll grab her right away.”
Turning back to his brunch companions as the waitress moved off, Richard tuned into the conversation they had continued while he had been ordering. Tom was talking about some new weapon in the game. “…and that’s why I prefer a long range rifle. It keeps you both in and ou-ahhh!” Jumping slightly, Tom looked down and spoke to his sizeable gut. “Watch the teeth! Is scraping a customer’s dick in your job description?” Richard heard something muffled from beneath the table while Tom frowned down. “Fine, but one more and I’m asking for someone else.” Shifting a bit, Tom’s sour expression mellowed out as his girl continued to fluff him under the table, maneuvering around his paunch. Richard leaned over slightly to see the rather curvy, nude woman under the table angle her head a bit and readjust herself on her hands and knees on the padded flooring underneath the table before the short, black bob of hair started to move again. Turning to look at Harry next to him, he saw a long, glossy, light brown ponytail repeatedly rising and falling in his lap too. Casually looking around the diner, Richard saw almost every male patron had the back of a girl’s head bobbing in their laps. One or two he noticed the girls sucking them off were fully clothed and sitting next to them, meaning it was a girlfriend or date. But the only guys who were not receiving blowjobs were either gay or just not in the mood.
