Dillema

[Bucknasty]

Is it wierd to want to watch my wife with other people? We have been happily married for 15 years and have never strayed (nor do I want to), but I just get a raging hard-on at the thought of her with another woman or a man. She works night shift and I find myself cruising the porn sites more and more (especially the cheating/swingers sites) and masturbating furiously. When I talk dirty in bed to her, it now involves telling her I want to watch while she gets fucked and blows another guy. This seems to get her excited, but I don't know if I could follow up with it. I don't know if I could stand seeing her with another guy (inferiority complex i guess), yet I also get immensly excited by it.
What is the proper course here? Should I keep it at the talk/fantasy level or really pursue this? She is straight and pretty old fashioned when it comes to this, yet she does pretty much anything I want in the bedroom because she knows it pleases me. When we are going at it, I try and get her to tell me what her most far-fetched fantasy is and it is always just having sex with me. I feel kind of bad when I start in talking about other people and stuff, but I can't help it. Any advice on what to do?

 

[Villanova2007]

stop looking at porn, start making her fantasies about you and start making your fantasies about you and her only.

 

[Bucknasty]

Huh?

That was not helpful at all. I've been trying to get her to open up for 15 years and I still get the same response. I want to experiment more, but don't want to hurt her.

 

[SweetErika]

I get what Villanova's saying, but I don't think there's anything wrong with fantasizing about other people. We don't know enough to give you really good advice, but it sounds like this is best kept a fantasy, Buck. If she's really up for it, maybe you could cyber together with another guy or woman to enhance the fantasy. Of course, the key word is TOGETHER.

However, you might want to start focusing on her a little more so it's not all about pleasing you. Ask her to be completely selfish and tell you what she wants and how to please her because that would please you. Or, tie her up, and make it all about her pleasure.

Good luck!

 

[SweetErika]

Oh yeah, you might get more "helpful" advice by asking in the How To forum. As a matter of etiquette, it's not a great idea to tell someone their advice isn't helpful at all. Simply thank them for their advice/time, and hope you get more helpful replies. Welcome!

 

[hewolf]

fantasy

Bucknasty

What you describe is a very common fantasy for men - nothing weird or unusual here.

If you want to go ahead and act on it, make sure you are ready to handle possible complications. Make sure your wants it, and not just going along to please you, otherwise she might resent you for making her do it. Also make sure that you will not resent her if she likes it too much.

Good luck to you

HW

 

[anne27]

Is it wierd to want to watch my wife with other people? We have been happily married for 15 years and have never strayed (nor do I want to), but I just get a raging hard-on at the thought of her with another woman or a man.... Any advice on what to do?

I'd only pursue the matter if she showed interest beyond just pleasing you. It needs to please her as well. It needs to be something she wants to do, not just something she feels she has to do to make you happy.

It's not for everyone and you really have to be sure ya'll have an extremely steady relationship and excellent communication before you invite someone else into your bed.

You don't want to lose a 15-year marriage. Be careful. Talk. Talk. Talk some more.

Good luck!

 

[LorriLove]

Re: fantasy

Bucknasty

What you describe is a very common fantasy for men - nothing weird or unusual here.

If you want to go ahead and act on it, make sure you are ready to handle possible complications. Make sure your wants it, and not just going along to please you, otherwise she might resent you for making her do it. Also make sure that you will not resent her if she likes it too much.

Good luck to you

HW

i'm afraid i'm going to have to agree with everyone, specially hewolf here, think about this honey, very carefully... you aint strange, a lot of guys want to watch their wife being fucked by other men... (and women, which is the safer bet by the way in your case) but can you really handle seeing her writhing about with her legs wrapped round some other guy in the thows of orgasm... could you watch while some guy thrusts his tongue down her throat as they kiss passionately... could you handle it when she says, "hey honey, i haven't had another man for days, i need one or two"... in other words, what if she likes it a lot.

hubby and me do it, but we're both very open about it all, and our swinging came about as the result of cheating and discovery, we opened up or split up, so we opened up, and have never regretted it, but i know from experience, it aint for everyone.