Did I just write that and being self aware.

[lovecraft68]

When I'm writing a story that's intended to be fun and smutty with no heavy or serious overtones running through it, I always have the mindset that it shouldn't be taken too seriously.

I see a lot of bad lines in smut, and other goofy things, that I admit might make me roll my eyes, but then I look at it the way I look at campy cheesy B-movies, the eye rolling stuff is part of the charm.

With that in mind, on occasions I've typed a line that either right away or during editing I stop and ask "Did I really just type that?" and usually will leave it there with the tongue in cheek tone the line was meant in, and joke that I can still hit new lows after all these years.

The one I just found in something I started a couple months ago and broke off to chase a more exciting-and lucrative-plot line is a real beauty.

Student teacher story, milf teacher, college kid. Simple plot, I do a reverse of the young coed needing a grade and doing some 'extra credit' for the teacher, this time the female teacher offers the stud a chance to earn a better grade.

"I know you need that A," Miranda opened her blouse. "But how about a pair of Ds for now?"

I'd forgotten I wrote it, first did the "Seriously, LC?" then started laughing and made it worse by thinking he should respond..."You mean Dees Nuts?" (I think most here will get that reference. ) so now I'm cracking myself up.

I did abstain from the Nuts line, but the Ds line will stay in, but I will have the boy say "wow, that was a bad line" That's the self aware part of the thread title, to realize you wrote something cheesy as fuck, liker it anyway, and then point it out to the reader that, yeah, I know...

Do you do this? No? Don't pay attention? Any examples of embarrassingly bad lines you want to share?

This is like a bad pick up line game...

 

[windar]

When I'm writing a story that's intended to be fun and smutty with no heavy or serious overtones running through it, I always have the mindset that it shouldn't be taken too seriously.

I see a lot of bad lines in smut, and other goofy things, that I admit might make me roll my eyes, but then I look at it the way I look at campy cheesy B-movies, the eye rolling stuff is part of the charm.

With that in mind, on occasions I've typed a line that either right away or during editing I stop and ask "Did I really just type that?" and usually will leave it there with the tongue in cheek tone the line was meant in, and joke that I can still hit new lows after all these years.

The one I just found in something I started a couple months ago and broke off to chase a more exciting-and lucrative-plot line is a real beauty.

Student teacher story, milf teacher, college kid. Simple plot, I do a reverse of the young coed needing a grade and doing some 'extra credit' for the teacher, this time the female teacher offers the stud a chance to earn a better grade.

"I know you need that A," Miranda opened her blouse. "But how about a pair of Ds for now?"

I'd forgotten I wrote it, first did the "Seriously, LC?" then started laughing and made it worse by thinking he should respond..."You mean Dees Nuts?" (I think most here will get that reference. ) so now I'm cracking myself up.

I did abstain from the Nuts line, but the Ds line will stay in, but I will have the boy say "wow, that was a bad line" That's the self aware part of the thread title, to realize you wrote something cheesy as fuck, liker it anyway, and then point it out to the reader that, yeah, I know...

Do you do this? No? Don't pay attention? Any examples of embarrassingly bad lines you want to share?

This is like a bad pick up line game...

I submitted a story to the Winter Contest called "The Menorah". Virtually every line in it fits that criterion. I dare you to read it when it posts...

 

[AlinaX]

There is a distinction between characters being self-aware of the cheesy lines they say, and the author being self-aware - and I'm really not sure you're making that distinction.

Thus, Miranda opening her shirt and laughing at the cheesiness of her words as she offers her breasts allows the reader to share the humour without being distracted by the writing.

Dees Nuts on the other hand would break me out of the story completely...

 

[lovecraft68]

There is a distinction between characters being self-aware of the cheesy lines they say, and the author being self-aware - and I'm really not sure you're making that distinction.

Thus, Miranda opening her shirt and laughing at the cheesiness of her words as she offers her breasts allows the reader to share the humour without being distracted by the writing.

Dees Nuts on the other hand would break me out of the story completely...

Actually I am making the distinction because I mentioned I left the dees nuts line out, I did that in my head. I don't know that I thought of it in the way you brought it up, it was more like "everything in moderation" one bad line has its charm, a slew of them is too much.

 

[oggbashan]

My self-awareness as an author has changed over decades. For some of my earlier stories I think: Did I write that? Why?

But in recent years I know what I am writing and why. I have more control over my characters than I used to have, and a far better idea of where the story is going before I type a word.

That doesn't mean I can't still write stinkers. But for some of them, I know the story is much better than my earliest works.

 

[SimonDoom]

Many of my stories have a light and whimsical tone, so I deal with this a lot. I want people to have fun with the stories, but without causing them to roll their eyes or close the story because I've gone too far.

People in real life DO use bad lines, so it's not necessarily unrealistic to write bad lines into dialogue. It depends a lot on the character.

 

[MelissaBaby]

If I want to use some corny or silly line, I generally put it in the mouth of a character.

ElectricBlue once commented on one of my stories, praising me for being "unobtrusive." It's a comment I took to heart. I try to never let my personal voice take the forefront over my authorial voice.

 

[NotWise]

As background, in this scene Aaron is essentially buying his maid from a street gang she's trying to escape.

Aaron reached into his pocket and pulled out another wad of cash. He counted as he handed the bills over. "Here's two hundred for her ass, two hundred for her mouth, and two hundred for her cunt. She's mine now. Don't come back."

The man riding shotgun laughed. "Hey, what about her tits?"

Aaron groaned. "She hardly has tits."

 

[lovecraft68]

As background, in this scene Aaron is essentially buying his maid from a street gang she's trying to escape.

Ouch, that's mean.

You're more lighthearted than I am. I did a chapter where a brother has to pay back a drug dealer and his goons for what his addict sister owed them. The guy claimed it wasn't enough and they'd take the rest out on her ass.

He proceeded to beat the snot out of two of them, then use the hilt of a knife to knock out all the front teeth of the drug dealer. He then put the teeth in an envelope and sent them to the dealers ring leader with the message "An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, don't fuck with me."

And that's why I really enjoy the cheese of mind numbing porn sometimes because its not easy to always be that...messed up,

 

[LAHomedog]

When I'm writing a story that's intended to be fun and smutty with no heavy or serious overtones running through it, I always have the mindset that it shouldn't be taken too seriously.

I see a lot of bad lines in smut, and other goofy things, that I admit might make me roll my eyes, but then I look at it the way I look at campy cheesy B-movies, the eye rolling stuff is part of the charm.

With that in mind, on occasions I've typed a line that either right away or during editing I stop and ask "Did I really just type that?" and usually will leave it there with the tongue in cheek tone the line was meant in, and joke that I can still hit new lows after all these years.

The one I just found in something I started a couple months ago and broke off to chase a more exciting-and lucrative-plot line is a real beauty.

Student teacher story, milf teacher, college kid. Simple plot, I do a reverse of the young coed needing a grade and doing some 'extra credit' for the teacher, this time the female teacher offers the stud a chance to earn a better grade.

"I know you need that A," Miranda opened her blouse. "But how about a pair of Ds for now?"

I'd forgotten I wrote it, first did the "Seriously, LC?" then started laughing and made it worse by thinking he should respond..."You mean Dees Nuts?" (I think most here will get that reference. ) so now I'm cracking myself up.

I did abstain from the Nuts line, but the Ds line will stay in, but I will have the boy say "wow, that was a bad line" That's the self aware part of the thread title, to realize you wrote something cheesy as fuck, liker it anyway, and then point it out to the reader that, yeah, I know...

Do you do this? No? Don't pay attention? Any examples of embarrassingly bad lines you want to share?

This is like a bad pick up line game...

It's kind of like Groucho Marx breaking the 4th wall to comment to the audience what a bad line or joke that was.

Yes, you didn't break the 4th wall, but you used the student to make an editorial comment. I like it.

(BTW: I also like the line. It made me laugh. I don't know if it fits the tone of the story, but it would be fun to wrtie a story with that kind of flippant attitude.)

 

[NotWise]

Ouch, that's mean.

You're more lighthearted than I am. I did a chapter where a brother has to pay back a drug dealer and his goons for what his addict sister owed them. The guy claimed it wasn't enough and they'd take the rest out on her ass.

He proceeded to beat the snot out of two of them, then use the hilt of a knife to knock out all the front teeth of the drug dealer. He then put the teeth in an envelope and sent them to the dealers ring leader with the message "An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, don't fuck with me."

And that's why I really enjoy the cheese of mind numbing porn sometimes because its not easy to always be that...messed up,

Completely different characters. Aaron's an attorney, they're meeting by a public park during the day, and he's already called police.

I have no problem with the line you used to start this. I thought it was cleverly over-the-top, and it would say something about the character delivering it.

 

[lovecraft68]

If I want to use some corny or silly line, I generally put it in the mouth of a character.

ElectricBlue once commented on one of my stories, praising me for being "unobtrusive." It's a comment I took to heart. I try to never let my personal voice take the forefront over my authorial voice.

Unless I've been doing this wrong, or am missing something every word and thought in the mouth of head of a character is ours.

Whether your character sounds like you or completely different, you're that character. I've always equated writing with role playing, for a time we become another person/persons during the course of a story, hence we are that person. They don't say, think or do anything that does not come from us, either real us, or us wearing the mask of a fictional person.

This thread is meant to be fun and a chance to be self deprecating and not take ourselves so seriously.

Save things like "authorial tone" for the other people self important people here. Hacks like me just want to have a laugh here and there.

 

[MelissaBaby]

Unless I've been doing this wrong, or am missing something every word and thought in the mouth of head of a character is ours.

Whether your character sounds like you or completely different, you're that character. I've always equated writing with role playing, for a time we become another person/persons during the course of a story, hence we are that person. They don't say, think or do anything that does not come from us, either real us, or us wearing the mask of a fictional person.

This thread is meant to be fun and a chance to be self deprecating and not take ourselves so seriously.

Save things like "authorial tone" for the other people self important people here. Hacks like me just want to have a laugh here and there.

Okay, so say something funny.

 

[BiscuitHammer]

I usually find I've written something absurd the night before, after having too many absinthe drinks. Not just bad lines, but bad ideas.

I'll wake up with an old friend, Murderous Hangover, drink some pickle brine, and then open the laptop to see what the Hell I'd written.

"Wait, what? The Mongols didn't have automatic weapons, you fuckin' dummy..."

Hemingway said 'write drunk, edit sober'. But clearly there's a limit, because I'll often throw out entire sections I wrote the night before while in the embrace of the Green Fairy or arm wrestling with Mr. Lagavulin.

I was blinking one morning because I apparently wrote 30,000 words in one night and didn't recall this at all. It had nothing whatsoever to do with what I'd intended to write. It was an entirely different story.

And I have NO idea what I was on about. The dialogue sounded like the dub of the anime 'Twisted Tales of Tokyo'.

"Oh! Moan... moan..."

I haven't deleted it, I keep it around to remind myself that there's only so inebriated I should get before writing is no longer a good idea.

Maybe I'll switch to Shirley Temples while I'm writing from now on...

 

[TadOverdon]

When I'm too aware or analytical about what I'm doing, I get self-conscious. It's not necessarily a bad thing. I write a lot slower since I started reading and participating in the Authors Hangout. I don't know that I write better, but for the first time I'm imagining real people reading and reacting to what I write, and that's not 100% comfortable for me.

Also, if I'm stuck or putting off starting, then I'm likely to come in here and post, instead. LOL

It's not just reading my own writing. I'm editing a long story as a favor to someone who wants to get in on Smashwords. His stuff is, how do I put it, more hardcore than I ordinarily think of my writing being. But I'll read some of his sexual description and catch myself thinking that it's not all that different from what I just wrote, and that kind of discourages me.

I try to never let my personal voice take the forefront over my authorial voice.

I think some of my characters, especially female, talk a lot like me when they're trying to be clever.

 

[LoquiSordidaAdMe]

Do you do this? No? Don't pay attention? Any examples of embarrassingly bad lines you want to share?

This is like a bad pick up line game...

It's not a pick-up line, but in my attempt at a cheesy spy-thriller, my narrator picked up a fallen bad guy's machine gun. The CIA agent told him to put it down. I came this close to having the CIA agent say "This isn't some cheesy spy-thriller." But I chickened out and went with "this isn't a video game".

 

[TadOverdon]

Long, long time ago, my dad was involved with editorial matters in the science fiction publishing world. He claimed that the worst thing he saw from new writers was sticking some version of "this sounds like science fiction" or "that's like a bad science fiction movie" or "that only happens in..." etc. into their stories. "Never Ever Do That" is what I heard.

So I was giddy when this happened in Firefly:

WASH: Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science-fiction.

ZOE: We live in a spaceship, dear.

WASH: So?