Dialogue & Paragraphing

[dr_mabeuse]

I've got kind of a weird problem. It's one of those little things I never thought much about until I started writing a lot, and now it bugs me.

Consider the two examples:

A. "Do as I say, bitch," he ordered. He came around to the side of the car, his gun drawn...

B. "Do as I say, bitch," he ordered.
He came around to the side of the car, his gun drawn...

Should there be a new paragraph after the attributive "he ordered"? I'm in the habit of using A. most of the time, as long as the action involves the speaker. But I have a sneaking suspicion that I should go with B, in that dialogue is a different thng than action.

Does it even matter? Or am I being overly fussy?

---dr.M.

 

[Marsipanne]

I think that if he's going to say something after coming round the car, then it should be in one paragraph. If not, it should be a separate thing to indicate a sense of finality. I'm not sure about the grammar, but from version A I get a feeling that he's going to say something else just afterwards, like a continuation. However, with version B, you expect somebody else to say something instead. If you had him saying something after starting a new paragraph, the whole section seems too broken up and disjointed.

 

[Marsipanne]

ach, triple posted. Sorry to all!

 

[Marsipanne]

triple posted by accident..no idea how

 

[minsue]

I think B is technically correct, but A reads easier. Since I'm not even positive about the beginning of my last sentence, I'd say go with A.

 

[cantdog]

I've got kind of a weird problem. It's one of those little things I never thought much about until I started writing a lot, and now it bugs me.

Consider the two examples:

A. "Do as I say, bitch," he ordered. He came around to the side of the car, his gun drawn...

B. "Do as I say, bitch," he ordered.
He came around to the side of the car, his gun drawn...

Should there be a new paragraph after the attributive "he ordered"? I'm in the habit of using A. most of the time, as long as the action involves the speaker. But I have a sneaking suspicion that I should go with B, in that dialogue is a different thng than action.

Does it even matter? Or am I being overly fussy?

---dr.M.

Of course it matters. Two things are at work here.

A paragraph ought to be a related and connected group of sentences, first of all. That's what paragraphs are. Put the way you have put the question, there is no answer to it. That's because it does not depend on whether or not there is dialogue, but whether the paragraph hangs together.

That's one of the reasons that, when the speaker does in fact change, so does the paragraph.

The other factor is that paragraphing is in fact one of the most personal and stylistic features of anyone's writing. Mechanical rules, such as you propose, that all dialogue, for instance, should be set off by itself in a paragraph, are therefore doubly destructive, because your editor then is screwing directly with your style.

cantdog

ps So the answer is,"Does the fellow coming around the car withthe gun begin a new bit of action, deserving its own paragraph? Or, is the action of coming around the car with the gun better seen, rather, as a continuation of the threat he has uttered? Therein will lie the answer to whether or not to paragraph at that point. It is, as you see, largely a stylistic decision, how best to present the story.

c

 

[HawaiiBill]

With scant evidence, it's 'B'

I don't have a dog in this hunt, but having been invited to jump in . . .

Language is such a tender tool that very small changes in style or usage can affect -- if not change -- meaning and impact.

Just as we agree each new speaker gets a new paragraph -- that's a rule, right? -- we should also consider any change of that significance as a signal to end one and start another.

In the example given us by dr_mabeus, 'B' builds drama, If that were a script for film, there would be a cut, the visual equivalent of a new paragraph in print.

Hence: (close-up) The character would tell his bitch to do as told;
(cut to longer shot) He moves around the car.

That may be a clumsy way to put it but it's appropos for this small example of text.

This is an opportunity to add another point related to electronic publishing. Just as it is true for small column-width newspapers, more paragraphs than normally used are good for readability in
electronic publishing. Think Literotica.

You never know how wide the lines will be shown on individual monitor screens set up by owners in any of dozens of possible sizes, resolutions, etc.

No screen view is injured by more than minimum paragraph changes. All are likely helped by more rather than fewer breaks in copy. That's strictly a readability issue unrelated to our original query but when in doubt, do a double space!

And the ink costs no more.

 

[cantdog]

That's true, Bill, there's a third factor in the site. In that case, it couldn't hurt to do B in any case, but it still has a stylistic impact. I'd like to take the discussion away from the merely mechanical, and have people, especially my editor, recognize that there can be nuances in paragraphing.

Indeed, the paragraphing is one of the most conclusive textual clues to authorship. Vocab, paragraphing, and punctuation; grammatical mastery, syntax, usage. A pastiche of one author's work by another will often adopt the first author's vocabulary and preferences about dependent clauses, but the paragraphing will usually be the second author's entirely, and give the game away.

I find a lot of stories on Lit. with one gigantic paragraph after another, each a paragraph of description of action. I'm sure I needn't post an example.

Even though the writer may religiously set off his dialogue elements, she will still retain the large block of "He did this, then she did that while he did that..."

I try to break these up, myself. The appearance of such huge blocks of text is daunting enough in the html format to make me quit reading, even, if the story has been unable to involve me by the time the first one shows up.

But your mechanical rule fails to fix those, as well. As an editor, I have gone ahead and split the paragraphs for the writer, and left a blurb for them explaining my reasoning, much along the lines of what Bill says here.

cantdog