Descriptions Exercise

[McKenna]

.

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Damn, McKenna.

What's the deal with making folks describe some polyester dweb with a bad haircut? There might be a lot more enthusiasm if the subject was the young lady in your AV.

Rumple

 

[McKenna]

.

 

[Quasimodem]

Ahem . . .

The dork with a palm crazy-glued to his fly.


Not quite Kate Bush's "The Man With The Child In His Eye," but then I doubt that she imagined that gwaht, do you?

 

[A7inchPhildo]

My tailored Sears sucker suit is too big for me. Not to be disheartened, but does any one know how one such as I remove wrinkles from polyester?

I shall stand tall with a look of certainty, covered behind my askew hair and oversized spectacles. Make no mistake my paisley tie and black dress shoes distinguish me as nothing more than a man looking for a loafing Job.

I belong in an office building as lower management. That is why I can get away with a five o' clock shadow on my pale pink white skin.

My wife drives an SUV. and I like my Camry it is economical on fuel.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And for an easier explanation!

Office Dork wearing his only $150. suit. You know the one you laugh at in the caff.

 

[Icingsugar]

There was something very "almost" about Mr Gunderson. His hair almost dark, almost combed and almost thinning, his face almost shaved, almost frog-like and crowned with almost shaded glasses. Mr Gunderssons body was a big almost too. Almost a bit chubby, almost homing in on getting called old. Also, his legs was almost too short for his almost tall height.

This almostness echoed through his whole appearance; his clothes almost proper, almost fitting. His almost brown, almost well knot tie almost matched the almost dark blue jacket. He wore an almost smug little almost-smirk almost directed at me.

Yes, in this light, Mr Gunderson seemed almost human.

But I knew better. So I turned, and ran. Until my lungs burned and my feet bled...

 

[whispering_surrender]

Okay, next. Why, oh why, did I take a job doing corporate photos? This bozo needs to keep his arms down to hide the sweat stains. Laughing softly to myself, I wonder what his boss will think of the weak attempt to hide a bulging erection. Perhaps he should have made a quick stop in the bathroom to take care of that prior to his photo? Some long buried maternal instinct makes me want to dampen his hair and comb out the evidence of many trips through it with shaking hands. Lining up to take the shot, I quickly press the shutter three times, hoping in vain that one of three shots will have both eyes wide open, despite the tic twitching in the corner of one.

Okay, next. God lord, the boss is next....this should be interesting.

Whisper

 

[Guest]

Here's my effort:

There’s this guy, he works in our office and we are considering a whip-round for him. I’m not saying he looks like a loser, or anything, but his appearance would be begging for a makeover by the ‘What Not to Wear’ team. He wears the tie his Mum got him for Christmas, 1987, and glasses to match. His legs are too short for his torso, and if he ever had to run for a bus, let's just say he'd be stranded in the rain. He tries very hard to hide a permanent hard-on, induced by the latest software he’s developing, but fails, miserably.

If he were to star on TV the perfect show for him would be ‘The Smurfs’.

Lou

 

[destinie21]

Everything about the stranger smacked of mediocrity, his haircut if it could even be called that was no more than a dirty brown mêlée of misplaced tufts. His suit proved that wrinkle free was just a gimmicky market ploy although his posture was something of interest. If you were a sailor you might have spotted him for another. and recognized the deliberate nature of his movements with his feet placed firmly always braced for the movement of the boat, only his ship had never quite come in.


I tried I really did

 

[raphy]

Since most of my stuff is 3PL - My descriptions are filtered through the narrator's own biases. So, I'm gonna try two descriptions. The first one, from the point of view of a highly-paid ex-soldier and bodyguard, the second from the point of view of a junior executive in the company.

Suit. Corporate suit. Lucas took one short look and dismissed him. A dozen like him, all inching their way up the corporate ladder. Sloppy stance. Banal brown tie that he probably thought was understated. Dark suit. Glasses. Overweight. Thinning hair. Bland. Anonymous. Forgettable. Mid-level exec. Wife and two kids. Probably drove a Volvo. Lucas figured that the man's life couldn't be as boring as his appearance though, otherwise they wouldn't be asking for high-price security.


Williams watched him as he stood there, overseeing the production line. Relaxed and easy, he was everything Williams wanted to be. The serious dark suit, the white shirt, the glasses that lent him the air of authority and seniority over the other workers. The brown tie, offsetting the dark blue of the suit. Williams wondered if he'd picked that color specifically. The company logo was brown. Maybe it was time Williams himself started turning up to work in a brown tie.

Just wanted to illustrate how much the narrator's perception can affect a description - To Lucas, the guy's stance is sloppy and lacksadasical. To Williams, it's relaxed and easy. (side note: whisper's narrator thought it was due to nervousness - Yet another case of perception coloring the description)

The brown tie - Either banal and boring, or a mark of corporate loyalty.

How I describe someone depends very heavily on the perceptions my narrator has of that person.

 

[Wills]

MELVIN


Literal meaning

"Uncannily reminiscent of Margaret Rutherford."


History

Famously confined to the Scottish Highlands, then to prison, then to bed around 11am, the name melvin was originally used precisely to refer to the Disney corporation, its subsidiaries and partners, before being pulled from a fire that killed its variants and diminutives.


Famous melvins

1. melvin O'Chinly, reputedly trapped for twenty-six days under a fallen monument to the lost consonant of Atlatis;
2. I Am melvin O'Sponetote, who could never shake an early association with the nightmare cupboard; ghost-writer of Punchy Massive's generally tolerated autobiography, WONDERFUL TIMES, SELECTIVELY REMEMBERED;
3. melvin Tinkermouse, who discovered stout boots; last holder of the office of Evil Marionette;
4. melvin de la Jesus ("The Terrible"), for a time, in their own mind, romantically linked with demanding money with menaces;
5. melvin Cangoose-Orbiting, haunted by an image of the deckchair-cum-hat;
6. melvin Sprokes, early user of a musical quiz show based on the Nanjing Massacre;
7. melvin Nightdodge, belittler of the methods of Judge Dredd;
8. melvin Toot-Sprewt, once saved by the legendary Source of the Thames; ghost-writer of Thora Hird's disgraceful autobiography, THREE PINTS TODAY, PLEASE; first holder of the office of Ruler of the World in Exile;
9. melvin J de la Quoits, who lost a fortune on Elvis impersonator impersonators;
10. Inspector melvin Frewsy, who's never forgotten Evap-o-Floor.

Typical melvin motto
"Neither a woman nor a foreigner be."

OK, I cheated, but it is uncanily accurate.

Will's

 

[McKenna]

.

 

[Wills]

I know this guy, he’s the one that did that ehm… Christ, what’s it called. No don’t tell me it’s on the tip of my tongue. He is the guy that did the thingy, you know where you have to collect those whatits and and take them to the… the plaza, you know and every one comes around and…Christ, but he looked different then. He was on telly, you know that programme that reports on public thingy’s… affairs, on Tuesday, no it was Thursday, last week or was that something else I was watching. Any way he did really great except he forgot half of the thingy’s he was supposed to collect… still everyone laughed. He had his flies undone then as well.

 

[Guest]

Let's have a little charity, or imagination, people. - Perdita

--------------------
Thank fucking god appearances can be deceiving. I noticed Karl as soon as I joined the office. Couldn’t miss him—that suit and tie; how we laughed later. Typical eccentric genius—cosmologist, teacher, musician and poet. I love that his hair is always mussed, even spiky at times so I can almost pretend he’s cool. Ha ha—he laughs at me for that. His hands are strong and coarse—he’s not a desk scientist—but he treats me as if I were the most precious element. His eyes are red-brown with an admixture of gold flecks, like small marble gems—they light up for me. His mouth is not as plump as I like but it’s soft and articulate when he kisses me. His chest is broad and firm, like his thighs—a secure bed for my wantonness. The silly girls at the college don’t pay him any attention. Thank fucking god.

 

[whispering_surrender]

Let's have a little charity, or imagination, people. - Perdita

--------------------
Thank fucking god appearances can be deceiving. I noticed Karl as soon as I joined the office. Couldn’t miss him—that suit and tie; how we laughed later. Typical eccentric genius—cosmologist, teacher, musician and poet. I love that his hair is always mussed, even spiky at times so I can almost pretend he’s cool. Ha ha—he laughs at me for that. His hands are strong and coarse—he’s not a desk scientist—but he treats me as if I were the most precious element. His eyes are red-brown with an admixture of gold flecks, like small marble gems—they light up for me. His mouth is not as plump as I like but it’s soft and articulate when he kisses me. His chest is broad and firm, like his thighs—a secure bed for my wantonness. The silly girls at the college don’t pay him any attention. Thank fucking god.

'Dita-dear, you are too adorable for words.....

Whisp *wink*

 

[raphy]

Let's have a little charity, or imagination, people. - Perdita

I did that! Wrote a disparaging description and an admiring one!!

 

[RenzaJones]

His half apologetic smile of self protection fooled them all,
they skipped right over his fighters stance and the glasses shielded the intensity of his eyes. Everyone had him type cast before he opened his mouth. So much the better for him, After all his job called for anonymity and what but being typical could make him more anonymous. He could do as he damn well pleased and in the end most wouldn't even remember his name.

 

[MtnAngelWV]

Another picture of another man, of another possible blind date. Every one of them semed to be exactly the same, blurred in my head over time. As I turned the photograph around I studied it carefully. While at first glance he could be mistaken for all the others before him. Yet, his eyes conveyed a cool confidence that no one would judge as arrogance. An observant viewer would be hard pressed not to notice that he was comfortable with himself. The slightly tousled hair was enough evidence of that. He was the type of man that was at ease behind a computer or eating cracker jacks at a ball game. Even though his stance reflected rigidness, he also seemed to be inviting me into his world. I reached out and gently caressed his image, wondering if he were as soft as the material of suit appeared to be. Maybe this man would be the one I have been looking for all of my life.

 

[English Lady]

He doesn't like the limelight. You can tell by the over large,over pressed and under priced suit that he doesn't wear it often,the tie a present from an old aunt several years ago,the only tie he owns no doubt.

You can see it in his eyes. He's a thinker,a creator,a loner. His hair isn't fashioned like that, its from years and years of running long stressed fingers through crumpled unbrushed hair,making it stick up at strange angles.

I bet he's thinking of something new and amazing to invent right now,or maybe he's thinking of a solution to some terribly hard mathematical problem....

I have to get him out of that suit.....

 

[damppanties]

I burst out laughing as I flipped over to the next picture in the album. Mr. Smith. Miranda's date. The poor, miserable photograph of Mr. Smith, his hands discretely trying to hold those pants up and his hair not combed after they had been towel-dried, his face pink from the cold. Smith had not wanted to pose for the photograph in the clothes which were too big for him but Miranda... well, she can be very persuasive sometimes.

Roger had lent him that blue suit to wear home mainly because he hated it and I had been pissed off with Roger for days after that. The tie had been too much but I didn't mind it. It had been a present from his mother.

As I stared at the photo I wondered how Smith had managed to fall into the pool on that New Year's Eve long ago.

 

[Dirty Slut]

Prince charming was dressed like a cross between an up and coming exectutive, and a part time rumpled computer nerd. Mr. Average looked like a slightly over grown Santa's Elf after always eating the large chocolate chip cookies dipped in scotch laced milk. His only distinguishing characteristic being the immitation Gouche style bifocal shades tangled up on the end of his stubby Easter bunny nose. Now here was a lone wolf, and my pussy sizzled with wanton desire. His whole demeaner spoke of raw passion, and an incredible inteligence.

DS

 

[hunting_tiger]

It is time to defend my honour.

I had an eye infection, the suit was her dads old and the tie was provided at the club. It was the first time I visited her so I had no idea what kind of club we were going to nor that she had paid for that lap dance in advance.

Have you ever had a hot stripper in your lap for five minutes who constantly rubs her butt and breasts against you while her hands is all over you ?

It was a first for me and everything would have been fine if it hadn't been for that damn photographer on the way out. I tried to cover the damage but realised afterwards that it made me look a bit stiff.

"McKenna why did you do this to me ? You promised me that the photo was for your private album ."

 

[Svenskaflicka]

The words "lost cause" flew through my mind when I opened the door and saw this guy standing in the corridor, waiting for me. There wasn't ONE redeeming feature about him. I've never liked chubby guys, and this one had definitely been eating out a little too often. The nice navy-blue suit couldn't hide the flabbiness of his legs and tummy, in fact, the way the material was shining in the light from the lamp in the hallway, his flaws were accentated rather than hidden.
He would have looked geeky, what with the glasses and the messy hair, and the sloppy shaving, but there was something in the plastic smile and the cold, aggessive stare that scared me. In a desperate effort to escape, I heard myself say "No, thanks, I'm not looking to buy anything!" before I slammed the door in his face.

 

[McKenna]

.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

He looks like a rabbi in front of a fashion police firing squad.

---dr.M.