Depression

[Oilpainter]

I have suffered from a major depression on and off for 6 years now and I am curious how many other literoticans have battled this horrible disease. Despite being treated with medication and cognitive therapy, my depresson has had a tremendous personal toll costing me a marriage, my law practice and generally reaking havoc in areas of my life. I am curious if any have had similar experiences with this insideous monster of a disease.

 

[Lady_J]

I'm not sure that I have the same level of depression you are experiencing, but I've had my fair share.

It started in kindergarten when I apparently went to my mother and threatened to committ suicide. (I was five.) I don't even remember it.

So, I have had anxiety issues so badly that I made myself sick in middle school. I missed a lot of school and was tested for everything under the sun. They just couldn't imagine a 12 year old suffering from extreme anxiety.

Then in high school, I literally slept away my time. There are years I don't really remember because I slept so much.

So yes, I've had issues, luckily I have responded very well to light therapy (with the full spectrum ligh box), and some anti-anxiety/depression drugs.

Things are getting better, treatments are improving and getting more specific. Don't give up hope, and know that there are alot of us out there.

 

[Ezarc]

Hey Oilpanter,
I dealt with my mother being an alcoholic and my ex being in therapy for much of her adult life. I have only a glimpse of a clue what it must be like. I hope that you will take your pleasure where you can and find the help when you need it.
Take Care,
Ezarc

 

[PacificBlue]

I suffer from depression...have for years. Thankfully, medication works for me. I went off for a little while last year...tried things on my own and if you ask the board they will tell you that I wasn't fun to deal with. I understand now, that my depression is like someone else's high blood pressure...something that will need monitoring for possibly the rest of my life.

I have found out though that getting better is more than just taking the meds and going to therapy, it is also being very committed to do the work it takes to push your boundaries and deal with unresolved issues. I DO NOT allow myself to slip back into old routines...I push myself to do things that I know will help me to get better. I get out and see people often. I do not spend as many hours alone as I used too.

Yes, it can wreak havoc in your life if you let it. I am thankful that I had some who were willing to stand and deal with me when it would have been easier to tune me out.

 

[Siren]

 

[PacificBlue]

what is light therapy?
I have heard of this briefly before, but not sure what it is?

Thanks.

Usually, it is used to treat Seasonal Affect Disorder (SAD). The patient sits in front of a "light box"...some type of special flourencent light for a specified period of time each day. It's supposed to trigger the same chemical reactions in the brain that sunlight does.

 

[alphacat]

Well, I'm only 18, but I've suffered from depression for most of my life so far. I've been hospitalized twice, the first time for actually attempting suicide. I used to cut myself and spend most of my time sleeping. I've tried 5 different medications in various combinations and none of them have really helped me much. However, a few months ago I started seeing a psychiatrist, and that's helped. Also, being open and honest with my friends about my emotions has helped a lot...

 

[Oilpainter]

Thank you for your response Lady J, Ezark, and PB,

I appreciate your comments. I have tried almost every anti-depressent out there in the last six years and have had the best luck with Paxil. That combined with exercise seems to help the best.

The worst symptom seems to be the desire to crawl into bed and not get out. Although seemingly harmless, it is rather hard to maintain employment and relationships from the comfort of ones bed.

The only real peace I get seems to come from my painting. Perhaps because the world ceases to exist and all things fade into one when I paint.

Anyway, this was not intended to be a sympathy thread, I am just curious if there are others here who suffer from what Winston Churchill called "the black dog."

 

[Lady_J]

Light therapy: just adding to the info, your body uses full spectrum light to regulate your circadian rhythm, produce vitamin D, and keep your homones in balace. If you suffer from SAD and get tired easily in the winter, light therapy may help. Light is being found to have a wide variety of benefits, it is even being used to treat jet-lag. Scientists have found that placing light on the thin skin of your inner elbow, or the back of your knees can help regulate sleep, and increase energy.

The boxes are expensive, but you can buy full spectrum light bulbs from health companies, just don't keep them on all day, it can convince your body that it is day when it is night.

 

[naudiz]

I live with it. In fact, tomorrow I'm going back to the doctor to play the medication game.

I'm actually pretty happy, overall. I laugh a lot. I don't cry too often. I try to take a pragmatic approach to the tough times. It's because I know it's a medical condition that I can face it with a clear mind. If I'm feeling bad for 'no good reason' at least I have the dubious comfort of knowing that I'm not making stuff up, and I'm not crazy. There is something going on physically, on a chemical level. For some reason, that helps me get a grip on it.

That isn't to make light of the situation, though. Depression is tough, and there is a terrible stigma that goes with mental illness. It is frustrating to hear your loved ones say something like, "Snap out of it," when you're trying and you just can't. You might as well ask someone with cancer to just stop being sick. It's not that easy.

Gah. I could ramble on this topic for awhile, but suffice to say it's something some people have to live with, and if you don't have it, it's hard to understand. My advice, not that anyone asked, is don't treat depressed people like they just need to get over themselves. Clinical depression is a very real disease, and no one 'deserves' it, nor can anyone just 'get over it.' I would love to see that social stigma eradicated in my lifetime. I really would.

 

[rider]

I have had it, and luckily moved on.

You can get better, there is hope. I was only debilitated a few months. It was caused by a bad relationship, and I still suffer flashbacks, but have moved on. Yeah, it cost me a lot. My performance was sub-par for a couple of years before I totally lost it. I was down for a couple of months almost unable to function. But, with medication, and a little counselling, I have improved. Went off the meds. in a few months, and really haven't looked back. Keep your heads up, Oilpainter and PB. If you need to talk, I will listen. And there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

 

[PacificBlue]

The worst symptom seems to be the desire to crawl into bed and not get out. Although seemingly harmless, it is rather hard to maintain employment and relationships from the comfort of ones bed.

Been there, done that. Not a fun place to be in.

{{{Hugs}}}

 

[Oilpainter]

Naudiz,

Thank you for your comments. I agree with you that if you have not suffered from this horrible disease it is hard to comprehend. It attacks your brain in insideous ways. It affects your every thought and action and shakes you to the core. I have had family members who think it is sadness just amplified. I have assured them it is nothing near sadness, not even close.

I also agree there is a horrible stigma associated with any mental illness. I feel it is from lack of understaning and knowledge of what depression actually is.

Anyway, good luck Naudiz.

 

[Guest]

I have suffered from a major depression on and off for 6 years now and I am curious how many other literoticans have battled this horrible disease. Despite being treated with medication and cognitive therapy, my depresson has had a tremendous personal toll costing me a marriage, my law practice and generally reaking havoc in areas of my life. I am curious if any have had similar experiences with this insideous monster of a disease.

I have. Luckily it's not chronic with me, and for the most part I'm pretty happy.

But when I do get depressed.....that dark cloud won't disperse for anyone.

I was diagnosed with clinical depression back in the early 90's, and was treated with anit-depressants. They worked...then they didn't, then I was switched, and they worked again, then they didn't.....it's a tough battle to find the right meds for it.

For me, the depression (in my opinion) was a situational depression, and I (hopefully) have gotten over the worse part. But for some, it's a real chemical imbalance, and it's hard to find the right meds for it. I think your brain gets used to something, then it stops working.

And a person isn't the same on meds as they are without. It's a sad situation, but a necessary evil for them.

Moon

 

[LadyDarkFire]

I've been a sufferer of depression for as long as I can remember. Looking back on my childhood, both my parents agreed that I had Depression from a very early age, and that it spiked in my 11th year. I went on medication when I was thirteen, and since then have worked my way through: Prozac (3 courses), Wellbutrin, Effexor, Serzone, Paxil, and Dexedrine. I've been in Therapy since I was 5, on and off, and I've gone through hospitalization twice, both times for attempted suicide. I self mutilated from age 13 to age 16, and I also have Seasonal Affect Disorder. It runs in my family, my father has it, and as does nearly everyone on his side, and my maternal grandmother, and uncle, both commited Suicide. It doesn't effect my mother directly, but this family definately has some interesting issues that come from having two depressives, and an ACA in my mother.

 

[CharlieG]

I've suffered from depression since 1972, when I was 18 years old. I may have been depressed before that, judging from childhood photos. The worst was when I was in bed for 3 months thinking about killing myself.

Medication has worked very well for me. I'm now on Effexor, the mood stabilizer Lamictal and the anti-anxiety drug Neurontin. I recommend trying such adjuncts to anti-depressants.

The medication works so well that I've been largely free of depression despite being out of work for a whole year. (Osama bin Laden did to Wall Street what pantyhose did for finger-fucking.) You do have to find a first-rate psychopharmacologist, at least for consultation. Any competent GP can keep you on maintenance, IMAO.

It's hard to believe that a couple of pills a day can change your entire outlook on life: your sense of self, your view of your past and future--everything that defines your personality. Philosophically it's very troubling. That's why there is a constant temptation to go off meds. Don't do it. Depression is a life-threatening illness, deadlier than most forms of cancer.

 

[nasty1]

Yep. I've battled with my whole 23 year existence. I was born with Spina Bifida, so, I have to use a wheelchair,(though, I CAN cralw.) And, during my teen years, I never went through a normal stage. Which, means I HAVE to deal with a small penis, and, testicals. So, that may,(or may not,)impair my sex life,(or, lack of.) Hell, just because of those 2 facts, it makes even approaching a woman/man REALLY impossible. So, I've basically told myseld, I have no choice, but to die a virgin.

 

[PepperminTrish]

Add me to the list. My depression was/is fairly mild in comparison to what others have to deal with. The best thing that could have happened to me was a TV commercial of all things. It mentionad a partial list of symptoms of depression and I felt like I had been hit right upside the head. It took me awhile but I finally got the nerve up to call my doctor and discuss it with her. She prescribed Serzone and it feels like I've been given my life back. I'm lucky that the first medication I've tried has worked so well and the side affects were mild and short lived. I've been on it almost 2 years now and probably will continue to be for a very long time. I tried to go off of it (stupid move!!) and it was horrible.

 

[Rambrat]

I have suffered from a major depression on and off for 6 years now and I am curious how many other literoticans have battled this horrible disease. Despite being treated with medication and cognitive therapy, my depresson has had a tremendous personal toll costing me a marriage, my law practice and generally reaking havoc in areas of my life. I am curious if any have had similar experiences with this insideous monster of a disease.

nothing to worry about...it's artist angst!

 

[riff]

I was depressed for years. Then I started having panic attacks which led me to a shrink and therapy.

It's working for me. I am not punishing myself as much and I am out doing things a lot.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

I'm still quite young, and i've already suffered depression... it started when I got into high school, I think. I've beent hrough eating disorders because of it, I spent a year of my life in absolute emotional and psychological darkness, I've contemplated suicide more than once, and the only thing stopping me is the look on my best friend's face when she finds out I'm dead, and the pain she'll have to suffer. She is my saviour and she knows it. I was in a few car accidents a couple years ago, and they didn't help.. they added to the depression, cus I couldn't be normal. I couldn't sit through classes, I gained about 80lbs from the accident.. the depression, the inactivity, the way I had to work SO HARD just to get back to normal, and then land myself in ANOTHER car accident, which just made everything worse. (I was a passenger in both accents, and neither one was the fault of the driver of my car). I was raped. Gee, that helped. I mean, Depression is a disease that I have, but the events in my life just don't seem to help sometimes, ya know? But I'm working hard at getting better, and I think I"m doing alright...

 

[cactiphile]

I suffer from depression , SAD and OCD.

The OCD I've had since childhood but depressionwise
mine only started early twenties when I realised what
a pointless place the world can be.

I've been though conventional therapy, antidepressants,
and cognative therapy amongst other things. I never
found any anti depressants ( I tried about 20 different types over
about 4 years) that actually helped, most made things worse
the side affects of sleeping too much, brain 'slowdown' and
ruining sex life was too much. Now I just fight it a day at a time.

Fortuanately I have an understanding family and a very
flexible job. The depression seems to have eased with time,
and only gets me real bad in winter due to SAD. The OCD
continues to get worse with time and rituals build up, and I
have to do something soon to break the cycle eg more cog therapy.

But sometimes a cacti smilely flower makes my day seem brighter.

The only advice I can say is talk to people honestly, don't hide
your problems.

best of luck

Cactiphile

 

[teresafannin]

My fiancee was diagnosed with clinical depression nealry 5 years ago. With the help of a wonderful therapist & Paxil, he leads a fairly normal life. I have probably always had OCD in a rather mild form. I am very regimented. I hate my routines to be disrupted, things like that. My therapist also believes I have been sleep deprived most of my life, I never slept like other people do. When my son was murdered in 1999, all of these things combined to throw me into a major depression. I fought it for nearly 2 years & finally had a major crash & burn. I take 20mg of Paxil a day & it helps keep me in balance. I don't have great days very often, but I also don't have the crushing days. I am on more of an even keel. I don't know if I will ever be off medication, losing my son has been the most traumatic thing I have ever had to deal with & part of me will never heal from that. There are so many good doctors & therapists out there, I feel very lucky that mine work together to help me. Take care.