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[Mr_Positive]

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[Saint_Ann]

Hello fellow Litsters,

I returned to these forums late last year. I was here for a number of years, until I left circa 2012.
I have an affinity for writing, so most of my time is spent on the Roleplaying forums.

However, I recently started therapy as I have been realising how unappreciated I have been become as a father and as a husband.
I am the father to two beautiful girls, who are my world. But my wife and I, as I have been discovering through therapy, has been slowing drifting from each other since our eldest was born just over four years ago.

I have been making attempts at discussing this with my wife, with varying success. But my biggest realisation I have found through therapy are the glaring ommissions from my marriage - affection, intimacy and support.

Let me make this clear - we are good parents. Our kids always come first. But it has been at the cost of our marriage, which I feel is close to failing.

I'd love to hear from other people in similar positions. How did you handle it? Did it get better, or did you have to make the decision to leave? If so, what was your turning point?​

You have to decide if you still like each other. It's a lot harder than you might think to find a better replacement, both need to take that into consideration.

 

[naughty_stories]

2 cents worth of advice. Actually two peices rolled into one. Your kids are not always going to be there. They will grow up and leave home eventually to live their adult lives. That is why you need to prioritize your marriage even when the kids are younger. Otherwise one day you will find yourself in an otherwise empty home that you are sharing with a person that at best is just a roommate you share a last name with or at worst a person you actually dispise.

 

[Purple_Fronds]

I really feel for you, and I’m glad you’re seeing a therapist, hopefully they’re giving you some good tools. To answer your primary question. I think this is very common and my guess is that your wife probably feels the same way, it just might manifest itself differently.

As others have said as much as kids are wonderful and I love mine to the moon and back, they’re also blood sucking, self involved, pain in the butts. It is very easy to get yourself lost because they will take everything you give them. I would talk to your wife about how you feel, but not make it about her, instead make it about how you’re both balancing these demands and see how she feels. Im not sure how old your kids are because that makes a huge difference too. If you haven’t already I would also check that you’re on the same page in terms of how you’re raising them. Ultimately whatever you decide to do you’re tied together for a long time.

These are some of the things that helped my wife and I.

• Early on, kid was 6 months, I reminded my wife that in 18 years we’ll be lucky to get a phone call.
• Be kind to yourself and give yourselves a break, there’s such a societal pressure to be constantly of service to your children that just didn’t exist before. It’s not all bad but it can get ridiculous.
• Remind yourself and your wife why you got together in the first place.
• Do small gestures to fill back up the caring, work on things to talk about that have nothing to do with house, kids or job.

What you do is obviously dependent on a lot of different factors and how you ultimately feel. I personally decided to make it work for a whole lot of reasons and have no regrets although now my kids are grown, it’s possible that our partnership my end, but again the last 25 years have been wonderful and we have great kids and a ton of fantastic memories.

Anyway I realize that’s a lot so hopefully it’s a little helpful.

 

[SPARTAN047]

Very sorry to hear that and I know it's very common for dads.

 

[Helpme01]

2 happy homes are better than 1 unhappy home. It’s difficult to know when to call ir don’t want to give up to soon but staying to long will just cause heartache for everyone. Best of luck to you all

 

[snide22]

couples therapy??

 

[FreckledSprite]

I have been making attempts at discussing this with my wife, with varying success. But my biggest realisation I have found through therapy are the glaring ommissions from my marriage - affection, intimacy and support.​

What does she say the glaring omissions are from the marriage? Her complaints about you?