Delectable Sin

[crichtondog]

Take the time to enjoy this Delectable Sin that makes you do naughty, nasty things you never thought possible!

If ya' like my erotica and ya' want some more, then why don't you just ask me?



Although chocolate is a wonderfully tasty sin

It cannot compare to this delectable feeling I'm in

Cinnamon is probably my very favorite spice

But the love that I receive from Beth is twice as nice

She sends her delicious love on the wings of a dove,

Showering Pyper Rain from the heavens up above

If I could just taste her every day it would well suffice,

Pyper Rain would be the strongest, my most addictive vice

Her love is great, but not enough for me to share,

To hell with the others, I don't really care if it is not fair

If you treat her nice, she will be your very best friend,

If you treat her very badly, I will hunt you until the end

Of all of the tasty spices upon my kitchen rack,

My favorite one is Beth because baby got back!

She's too modest to admit that her beauty is quite rare,

In my book, there is no one that can even compare

She deserves the very best, she's better than the rest,

Her spice isn't for sale, to have it you must pass her test

To win her love means more than everything to gain,

I'll do anything it takes to keep my delicious Pyper Rain!

 

[AChild]

Ok heres the thing

hello crichtondog, this is the first poem of yours I've read. I would like to thank you for posting it here. I'm going to be honest, please take this commentary with a grain of salt.

1. The poem is redundant, it's the kind of thing that you would give to a lover because they have the other side of the story that makes the words special.
You got to make us feel it.

2. The word "nice" just rubs me the wrong way in a love or erotic poem. Nice it what someone uses to describe a platonic relationship. The person is neither offensive or inspiring.

3. The rhymes seem forced.

4. Where's the heat? It's supposed to be erotic right? Well I think erotic poetry is the hardest to write because the goal is to get the reader reaching for their junk. Bring out the dirty words, the sweaty words, the words that make you bit your lips to say them.

I hope this helps. Please post more in the future.

 

[WickedEve]

hello crichtondog, this is the first poem of yours I've read. I would like to thank you for posting it here. I'm going to be honest, please take this commentary with a grain of salt.

1. The poem is redundant, it's the kind of thing that you would give to a lover because they have the other side of the story that makes the words special.
You got to make us feel it.

2. The word "nice" just rubs me the wrong way in a love or erotic poem. Nice it what someone uses to describe a platonic relationship. The person is neither offensive or inspiring.

3. The rhymes seem forced.

4. Where's the heat? It's supposed to be erotic right? Well I think erotic poetry is the hardest to write because the goal is to get the reader reaching for their junk. Bring out the dirty words, the sweaty words, the words that make you bit your lips to say them.

I hope this helps. Please post more in the future.

I suppose some erotic poetry can make you reach for your junk. Junk?
But a poet doesn't necessarily need to bring out the dirty words to get the, um... junk hot. Sometimes, dirty words are used by lazy poets who can't come up with anything more original than "fuck my junk."
For some reason, I'm feeling tempted to write a fuck my junk poem. Bite my junk and slap it up, baby. There's something really nasty about junk.

Cdog, the poem is too cute. Ease up on the cuteness. I read your profile and see you're a chef, so I do get why you wrote about all that spice.

 

[champagne1982]

I suppose some erotic poetry can make you reach for your junk. Junk?
But a poet doesn't necessarily need to bring out the dirty words to get the, um... junk hot. Sometimes, dirty words are used by lazy poets who can't come up with anything more original than "fuck my junk."
For some reason, I'm feeling tempted to write a fuck my junk poem. Bite my junk and slap it up, baby. There's something really nasty about junk.

Cdog, the poem is too cute. Ease up on the cuteness. I read your profile and see you're a chef, so I do get why you wrote about all that spice.

Ahhh junk.

baybeeeee.
swell up your junk
and warp your meat
until I wanna feel your heat
deep inside with my canal to guide
your spunk up where your baby maker
hides. Don't deny
you wanna try to ream my slit
and rub my clit with nuthin
but your junk.

I could go on with lines about cream, dream, split and spit but I know you get my drift. It would be a good slam poetry, STC challenge, Junk.

 

[RhymeFairy]

Ahhh junk.

baybeeeee.
swell up your junk
and warp your meat
until I wanna feel your heat
deep inside with my canal to guide
your spunk up where your baby maker
hides. Don't deny
you wanna try to ream my slit
and rub my clit with nuthin
but your junk.

I could go on with lines about cream, dream, split and spit but I know you get my drift. It would be a good slam poetry, STC challenge, Junk.

Lord, this one sounds like one'a mine. What happened ... a mutiny that I missed out on? As always,

Lovin' it ....

 

[champagne1982]

Lord, this one sounds like one'a mine. What happened ... a mutiny that I missed out on? As always,

Lovin' it ....

of everything i've written on lit, i think it will either be this or the ugly unicorn poem that will come back to bite my ass when i'm canada's poet laureate.

 

[WickedEve]

Ahhh junk.

baybeeeee.
swell up your junk
and warp your meat
until I wanna feel your heat
deep inside with my canal to guide
your spunk up where your baby maker
hides. Don't deny
you wanna try to ream my slit
and rub my clit with nuthin
but your junk.

ewwww...
It's still better than some lit poems.
Not many, though.

 

[champagne1982]

of everything i've written on lit, i think it will either be this or the ugly unicorn poem that will come back to bite my ass when i'm canada's poet laureate.

runnels of spunk too... that was an awful bit of acrostickery.