Definition masochist?

[kinkyknickers]

As I've looked through these threads I've noticed a pretty common theme. Subs "submit" to their masters without question (well at least in role play, often for life).
Doms expect absolute compliance by their subs.
Problem is are there any others out there like me?
I'm switch, as a general rule. I'm all over the dominant thing, I can switch it on and off whenever and be pretty ruthless.
Here's the thing... my "master" is really bloody confused because I don't always do what I'm told, infact, I hardly ever do. Truth is, I'm a masochist.
I've never used the safe word and if I have my way never will.
The sexual relationship between myself and master is pretty new and he's finding it hard to know which way to take me. He's used to being obeyed. I'm used to getting my own way.
I see handling pain and humiliation as a victory over my captor. I love it. I almost feel invinsible. I like to let him think he's winning when I've already crossed the finish line.
But, at the same time, I know that a lesser person could just walk away or worse still, cause me permanent damage (or even death, my pain-ego gets in the way all too often).
Are there any other masochists playing psuedo sub out there?
For the masters out there- Can you happily put up with this crap? Do you see it as a challenge?
Or am I completely off track and this is the definition of a sub?

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

As I've looked through these threads I've noticed a pretty common theme. Subs "submit" to their masters without question (well at least in role play, often for life).
Doms expect absolute compliance by their subs.
Problem is are there any others out there like me?
I'm switch, as a general rule. I'm all over the dominant thing, I can switch it on and off whenever and be pretty ruthless.
Here's the thing... my "master" is really bloody confused because I don't always do what I'm told, infact, I hardly ever do. Truth is, I'm a masochist.
I've never used the safe word and if I have my way never will.
The sexual relationship between myself and master is pretty new and he's finding it hard to know which way to take me. He's used to being obeyed. I'm used to getting my own way.
I see handling pain and humiliation as a victory over my captor. I love it. I almost feel invinsible. I like to let him think he's winning when I've already crossed the finish line.
But, at the same time, I know that a lesser person could just walk away or worse still, cause me permanent damage (or even death, my pain-ego gets in the way all too often).
Are there any other masochists playing psuedo sub out there?
For the masters out there- Can you happily put up with this crap? Do you see it as a challenge?
Or am I completely off track and this is the definition of a sub?

You are NOT alone. I quit claiming submissive as a part of my sexual nature a while ago. It's not a part of who I am any longer. It has always been (for me) "Give it to me, do it, do it harder, do it NOW and to HELL with the consequences.." Not very safe usually. *shrugs*

One does NOT have to be a submissive to get off on pain play. The two things (masochist and submissive) mean different things to different types of people.
I am a maso Top. Maybe you are as well?

 

[kinkyknickers]

You are NOT alone. I quit claiming submissive as a part of my sexual nature a while ago. It's not a part of who I am any longer. It has always been (for me) "Give it to me, do it, do it harder, do it NOW and to HELL with the consequences.." Not very safe usually. *shrugs*

One does NOT have to be a submissive to get off on pain play. The two things (masochist and submissive) mean different things to different types of people.
I am a maso Top. Maybe you are as well?

Yeah cool, so how do I get around the whole dom sub thing?
It's not that easy to get someone to hurt you if they're not a dom. generally.
Do you still play with a "master" or not? The master I mentioned is not switch himself, which I'm cool with. But he's confused about this whole switching on and off thing That I do.
I'm such a brat that I do it just to spite people.
I love the consequences of confusion, but I don't want to be unattainable.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

You could identify as a 'bottom' or 'maso bottom' someone who only wants to be dominated during sex.

It seems that you're both trying to get what you want and leaving the other unfulfilled. He wants obedience, you want 'punishment' so you don't obey. You get what you want, he doesn't. I can understand his frustration. It might be time to admit you're basically incompatible and call it a day.

It sounds like you just get off on rough sex and pain rather than from submitting or being controlled. As a general rule, subs want to submit and that isn't the case with you. You want a hard nasty fuck and to fight every inch of the way.

If I were you, I'd dispense with the labels completely. Even if you're a textbook example of a sub, there are misunderstandings as these words mean different things to people. I'd be upfront about exactly what you want and what you're offering. That way you know that if someone bites, you're both at least starting on the same page.

 

[kinkyknickers]

You could identify as a 'bottom' or 'maso bottom' someone who only wants to be dominated during sex.

It seems that you're both trying to get what you want and leaving the other unfulfilled. He wants obedience, you want 'punishment' so you don't obey. You get what you want, he doesn't. I can understand his frustration. It might be time to admit you're basically incompatible and call it a day.

It sounds like you just get off on rough sex and pain rather than from submitting or being controlled. As a general rule, subs want to submit and that isn't the case with you. You want a hard nasty fuck and to fight every inch of the way.

If I were you, I'd dispense with the labels completely. Even if you're a textbook example of a sub, there are misunderstandings as these words mean different things to people. I'd be upfront about exactly what you want and what you're offering. That way you know that if someone bites, you're both at least starting on the same page.

Def not incompatible, just finding out what makes each other tick. Have a very solid base in friendship- first and foremost, I probably should've explaind that one to start off with. Intellectually we click like peas in a pod.
Dropping the labels is a good idea, but I've noticed most people have stayed away from this thread after viewing.
Thankyou for your very erudite repsonse in any case, very insightful.
It's not ALL just about pain. I know I'm better than that, so if you want to dominate then you're going to have to prove yourself and fight for it.
Why don't most doms like a challenge?

 

[Homburg]

Why don't most doms like a challenge?

Sometimes it is laziness. Other times it is just being self-aware. If I know that kink is a core part of what makes me happy with a partner, why would I chase a vanilla gal? Well, the same can be said about submission. If I know that submission is a core part of the relationship dynamic I need, why would I chase switches or tops? Why buy myself guaranteed sexual incompatibility?

That said, I'm cool with bottoms. They're a helluva a lot of fun. I just don't generally want to keep em. No offense, but I like my slaves and submissives. It's just me knowing what I need in a long term relationship for my own happiness, and, honestly, knowing that any partner I have will likely be unsatisfied with my style if they are not a slave or submissive.

 

[YourCaptor]

As I've looked through these threads I've noticed a pretty common theme. Subs "submit" to their masters without question (well at least in role play, often for life).
Doms expect absolute compliance by their subs.
Problem is are there any others out there like me?
I'm switch, as a general rule. I'm all over the dominant thing, I can switch it on and off whenever and be pretty ruthless.
Here's the thing... my "master" is really bloody confused because I don't always do what I'm told, infact, I hardly ever do. Truth is, I'm a masochist.
I've never used the safe word and if I have my way never will.
The sexual relationship between myself and master is pretty new and he's finding it hard to know which way to take me. He's used to being obeyed. I'm used to getting my own way.
I see handling pain and humiliation as a victory over my captor. I love it. I almost feel invinsible. I like to let him think he's winning when I've already crossed the finish line.
But, at the same time, I know that a lesser person could just walk away or worse still, cause me permanent damage (or even death, my pain-ego gets in the way all too often).
Are there any other masochists playing psuedo sub out there?
For the masters out there- Can you happily put up with this crap? Do you see it as a challenge?
Or am I completely off track and this is the definition of a sub?

You know I have a few fantasies about a strong willed individual like you, the sex being more like fighting, until one person end up on top and the other submits. That kind of thing I can only see happening as a one night stand though, or as the occasional play partner. Assuming of course that I kick your butt.

In the long term however I think your nature would cause a dom problems simply because of inconsistency. For example I you submitted all week and then on the weekend turned all samy, that just sort of defeats the whole purpose. Makes it appear artificial as opposed to real. This coming from a 24/7 D/s guy, so maybe others see it totally differently.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I think some doms do like a challenge but generally I think they like a challenge if they know that the bottom wants and needs to lose. I'm not really getting that vibe from you. You may need a top rather than a dom. Dom's do generally want to be submitted to, even if they have to fight a bit beforehand.

 

[barefoot_bohemian]

"You know I have a few fantasies about a strong willed individual like you, the sex being more like fighting, until one person end up on top and the other submits. That kind of thing I can only see happening as a one night stand though, or as the occasional play partner."

What you've described right there... this is how sex is most of the time with my BF.
I do not identify as a sub, but I am a bottom.

A bottom who loves her due share of pain.
But, golly, I do put up quite a struggle.

 

[kinkyknickers]

You know I have a few fantasies about a strong willed individual like you, the sex being more like fighting, until one person end up on top and the other submits. That kind of thing I can only see happening as a one night stand though, or as the occasional play partner. Assuming of course that I kick your butt.

In the long term however I think your nature would cause a dom problems simply because of inconsistency. For example I you submitted all week and then on the weekend turned all samy, that just sort of defeats the whole purpose. Makes it appear artificial as opposed to real. This coming from a 24/7 D/s guy, so maybe others see it totally differently.

LOL! I suppose then that I should be happy that the dom in question is willing to keep ummm... plugging away ay it, as it were.
Maybe I should cut him a bit of slack and try some long term sub play. I do love him, after all he's one of my best mates... and his wife too.
Thanks for all of your replies, you've been really helpful. The BDSM community rocks, now if everybody would just beat the living shit out of each other and love each other, the world would be a much happier, black and blue place!
to you all.

 

[diverDr]

i must agree with lots of the above. Whether you are a pure "sub" or a masochist or a rose with thorns the labels don't matter as much as everybody knowing what the limits are and what the rules are and having fun. the rest is all made-up by some "authority" and doesn't really matter in the end.

diver