captainb
Driving You Mad
- Joined
- Mar 21, 2001
- Posts
- 1,330
OOC: This thread is for myself and MtnAngelWV.
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A distant rumble of thunder rolls across the valley. Two dogs bark briefly in the night, their voices faint and surfacing briefly over the buzz of the insects from the fields. A single sheet covers us, the humid air stirred slightly by the fan whirring in the corner. It's been a long night, one of those where you teeter on the edge of sleep for hours but can't quite make that final step. There was no doubt that I was tired. After four weeks, Highway 72 still had sixteen miles of repaving to go. The hour and a half drive each way was tough enough, but I'd been putting in a lot of overtime, too. The company had offered to put me up in a motel with some of the other workers, but I didn't want to leave Bonnie alone, not now. Kind of funny to say that, considering I only seemed to see her at breakfast. She always got up to feed me in the morning and pack a box full of food. Then a small smile and a kiss, and nothing more until she rolled over sleepily to kiss me goodnight as I fell into bed after my shower.
At least I got to see her. Billy was just a lump under the blankets whenever I looked in on him, whether early morning or late at night. He was too young to understand why I was never there, and greeted me with happy surprise each Sunday like I was a favorite uncle. He knew to call me Daddy, but wasn't getting a real lesson in what it meant. That gnawed at me. Bonnie and I hardly talked except on the weekend, and that wasn't good either. I was working hard to support a family that seemed to be getting farther away each day.
I looked at the silhouette of her back beside me. Strange how two people could be the best of friends, could know each other intimately in body and mind and yet become almost shy about physical contact. It seemed like a long time since we had made love. Of course, she was only a month away from our next child, god willing. Her moods were swinging in chaotic synch with her hormones, and I was trying to be the understanding husband. I mean, I knew what she was going through, I tried to understand what she felt; it was all of this intellectual comprehension that didn't allow me to feel any real anger towards her. Instead it all balled up into frustration. I couldn't lay blame anywhere except at my feet. Even that wasn't satisfying because I had to be doing what I was doing. The pay was good, the overtime was great, and we needed every penny to pay for the doctors and the vet bill and the medicine and the mortgage on this goddamn trailer and the gas bills which kept going up... I rolled onto my side towards her and sighed. No wonder I have such lousy nights. Lucky I don't drink much, but it sure would be easy to go over that line.
I rested my hand softly on her hip, recognizing the feel of her filmy nightgown. Sometimes on the weekends we'd find ourselves in a mad passionate embrace in one of our rare private moments. At times lust would wash over her and I would stroke her until she cried out and shuddered against my hand. But my pleasure had taken a back seat. Her back hurt a lot and she got headaches, and she sometimes got weirded out over the idea of me entering her body where her baby was. God, it would have been easy for me to call her a liar and get angry and stomp out, so easy to say she just didn't care. But I knew. I knew it wasn’t true because I understood, and sometimes I wished to god I didn't. And the whole thing circled around and around and I ended up masturbating in the bathroom, feeling like hell about it.
But I still wanted to please her and I got pleasure out of making her feel good, even if I didn't get the response I need. So my hand slipped over her swollen belly, stroking lightly over the deep inset of her navel, feeling the thin line of pale hair that trailed down between her legs. I know this is just for her, but I don't care because I love her and I want her to know that hasn't changed. She isn't always receptive to my late-night offer, but at the least I can hold her close, feeling her body mold to mine as I snuggle up against her back.
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A distant rumble of thunder rolls across the valley. Two dogs bark briefly in the night, their voices faint and surfacing briefly over the buzz of the insects from the fields. A single sheet covers us, the humid air stirred slightly by the fan whirring in the corner. It's been a long night, one of those where you teeter on the edge of sleep for hours but can't quite make that final step. There was no doubt that I was tired. After four weeks, Highway 72 still had sixteen miles of repaving to go. The hour and a half drive each way was tough enough, but I'd been putting in a lot of overtime, too. The company had offered to put me up in a motel with some of the other workers, but I didn't want to leave Bonnie alone, not now. Kind of funny to say that, considering I only seemed to see her at breakfast. She always got up to feed me in the morning and pack a box full of food. Then a small smile and a kiss, and nothing more until she rolled over sleepily to kiss me goodnight as I fell into bed after my shower.
At least I got to see her. Billy was just a lump under the blankets whenever I looked in on him, whether early morning or late at night. He was too young to understand why I was never there, and greeted me with happy surprise each Sunday like I was a favorite uncle. He knew to call me Daddy, but wasn't getting a real lesson in what it meant. That gnawed at me. Bonnie and I hardly talked except on the weekend, and that wasn't good either. I was working hard to support a family that seemed to be getting farther away each day.
I looked at the silhouette of her back beside me. Strange how two people could be the best of friends, could know each other intimately in body and mind and yet become almost shy about physical contact. It seemed like a long time since we had made love. Of course, she was only a month away from our next child, god willing. Her moods were swinging in chaotic synch with her hormones, and I was trying to be the understanding husband. I mean, I knew what she was going through, I tried to understand what she felt; it was all of this intellectual comprehension that didn't allow me to feel any real anger towards her. Instead it all balled up into frustration. I couldn't lay blame anywhere except at my feet. Even that wasn't satisfying because I had to be doing what I was doing. The pay was good, the overtime was great, and we needed every penny to pay for the doctors and the vet bill and the medicine and the mortgage on this goddamn trailer and the gas bills which kept going up... I rolled onto my side towards her and sighed. No wonder I have such lousy nights. Lucky I don't drink much, but it sure would be easy to go over that line.
I rested my hand softly on her hip, recognizing the feel of her filmy nightgown. Sometimes on the weekends we'd find ourselves in a mad passionate embrace in one of our rare private moments. At times lust would wash over her and I would stroke her until she cried out and shuddered against my hand. But my pleasure had taken a back seat. Her back hurt a lot and she got headaches, and she sometimes got weirded out over the idea of me entering her body where her baby was. God, it would have been easy for me to call her a liar and get angry and stomp out, so easy to say she just didn't care. But I knew. I knew it wasn’t true because I understood, and sometimes I wished to god I didn't. And the whole thing circled around and around and I ended up masturbating in the bathroom, feeling like hell about it.
But I still wanted to please her and I got pleasure out of making her feel good, even if I didn't get the response I need. So my hand slipped over her swollen belly, stroking lightly over the deep inset of her navel, feeling the thin line of pale hair that trailed down between her legs. I know this is just for her, but I don't care because I love her and I want her to know that hasn't changed. She isn't always receptive to my late-night offer, but at the least I can hold her close, feeling her body mold to mine as I snuggle up against her back.