dee_cole erotic story contest

[Deborah]

This dee_cole is some stud muffin. He makes my panties wet every time he says something about himself (which seems to be his favorite subject).

As some of you know I like to write erotic stories about members of this BB. Just ask Roger the Scotsquatch (hi Honey!).

I propose an erotic story contest of which the subject must be the living legend in his own mind himself, dee_cole.

Here's my entry ...

The Cleveland Zoo acquired a very rare black sheep, a female. Within a few weeks the ewe became very onery and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian determined the problem. The new black ewe was in heat. To make matters worse, there were no male black sheep of this rare breed to be found anywhere. The zoo officials decided they must find a surrogate stud.

While reflecting on the problem, the zoo administrator noticed the pooper scooper, dee_cole, grunting "baaa, baaa, baaa" and pretending he was a sheep while chomping on sheep chips and chanting "Good cookie! Good cookie!"

Dee_cole was approached by the zoo administrator with a proposition: would he be willing to screw the ewe for five hundred bucks? Dee_cole showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.

The next day, dee_cole announced that he would accept the offer, but only under three conditions. "First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her." All dee_cole's "women" complained about being fucked but not kissed according to the zoo's background investigation.

"Secondly," dee_cole insisted, "I want nothing to do with any offspring that result from this union. I don't believe in 'child' support. I expect my offspring to support me. Hey, I'll pimp for the little one but that's about it."

The zoo administrator asked dee_cole about his third condition. "Well," said dee_cole, "You've gotta give me another week to come up with the five hundred bucks."

 

[Expertise]

Just make sure to put in how he ensured his own safety by making sure the ewes rear legs were all the way down the front of his rubber boots.

I would hate to see him get kicked or trampled...i'd lose fucking sleep over that.

 

[dee_cole]

now we're getting somewhere

you see ladies, I don't take myself too seriously. As a matter of fact I rather enjoyed that. I've also heard that a sheeps vagina is the closest in structure to a woman's...or was that a rumor started by a sheep herder to get more hired hands....? Perhaps your mate can clear that up for us.

Give me more........More I insist.

 

[Guest]

Goodbye dee_cole

I hope this is an acceptable submission. I do my erotic stories as songs ...

There once was a boy called dee_cole;
He offered to stick all the girls with his pole.

He searched for a woman through all the land;
But alas all he found was his hand.

Dee became famous for his innovative maturbation
Until he beat that meat to the point of castration.

Now poor dee_cole pees sitting down
And joined the circus as the boorish clown.

Hey Hey Hey dee_cole
Hey Hey Hey

The first time dee_cole ever saw some real snatch,
He fainted at the sight, natch.

Now he just cybers and struts online
Where no one can see for sure he is so bovine.

Dee wanted to find him a whore
But he soon became a total bleeping bore.

He prayed to God for a fuck bud
And wound up with that dave-73 stud.

Dee got his answer to who is the best hump
When Dave-73 stuck it up his sorry rump.

Hey Hey Hey dee_cole
Hey Hey Hey
Goodbye dee_cole

 

[Guest]

Deborah, luv, Keith and I just received the news of your contest from our press agent. We would like to submit the following lyrics for your consideration in the dee_cole erotic story contest:

Stupid Cole

I'm not talking about the kind of clothes he wears
Look at that stupid cole
I'm not talking about the way he combs his hair
Look at that stupid cole

The way he powders his nose
His vanity shows and it shows
He's the worst thing in this world
Well, look at that stupid cole

I'm not talking about the way he digs for gold
Look at that stupid cole
Well, I'm talking about the way he grabs and holds
Look at that stupid cole

The way he talks about someone else
That he don't even know himself
He's the sickest thing in this world
Well, look at that stupid cole

Well, I'm sick and tired
And I really have my doubts
I've tried and tried
But it never really works out

Like a lay in waiting to a virgin queen
Look at that stupid cole
He bitches 'bout things that he's never seen
Look at that stupid cole

It doesn't matter if he dyes his hair
Or the color of the shoes he wears
He's the worst thing in this world
Well, look at that stupid cole

Shut-up, shut-up, shut-up, shut-up, shut-up
Shut-up, shut-up, shut-up, shut-up, shut-up
Shut-up, shut-up, shut-up

Like a lay in waiting to a virgin queen
Look at that stupid cole
He bitches 'bout things that he's never seen
Look at that stupid cole

He purrs like a pussycat
Then he turns 'round and hisses back
He's the sickest thing in this world
Look at that stupid cole

 

[Guest]

Here's my story sad but true ...

Splendor in the Ass
by Zeke

"Somedays you fuck the dog and some days the dog fucks you." Those are the words of the wisest of the philosophers of the east, Shintani. Not only did he say it in the "Kama Sutra," he said it in his chapter of the "Literotica Reunion."

Dee_cole is the best I ever had. Not only does he squeal like a stuck pig and cry for his mama, he looks like a dog; except uglier. He makes that poodle in drag named Tootsie who stared in the movie "Dog Bop" look like Angelina Jolie.

Happy humping Dave-73! You are probing the best asshole in the world. Are you a proctologist or do you doggy-do dee_cole because you have pity on him?

The dog shit stops here,
Zeke

 

[Sammyjo]

Deborah...I love it!!! LMAO

 

[Beebeeblue]

ROTFLMAO!!! This shit is too funny.

 

[Guest]

Dee_cole, the man, the myth, the legend

Dee_cole, the man, the myth, the legend

I met dee_cole at the sperm bank where I work. It was the only place the Deester could jerk off incessantly without being conspicuous.

Once dee_cole was sitting in the waiting room, jerking off in a rubber. Dave-73 walked in at that very moment and asked, "What are you doing dee_cole?"

"I'm packing your lunch, Honey," replied the Deester.

The first time (and every time) dee_cole and I had sex he couldn't get it up. Not even mega-doses of Viagra helped. Finally I put his dick in a splint (toothpicks). Talk about a woody and splinters.

I founded the dee-cole fan club. So far there are minus one members.

Queen B#1
"You've never been stung by one quite so well hung."

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

That was so funny I forgot to cum.

 

[Guest]

Hey, there are no sheep at the Cleveland Zoo. I bought them all. Fuck ewe.

 

[Guest]

Love Story

Here is my entry for the contest, it's a dirty story.

A pig (dee_cole) fell in the mud.

Well, WTF, he was squirming and squealing and trying to shake loose. Good thing I had that operation. You know, I had a dog's knot put on my dick.

I expect to win this contest. What's the prize? And don't say another date with dee_cole. I've had my fill of limp diks. What about Roland from Cleveland? I hear he makes them sheep smile.

 

[Deborah]

So far I like Dave's story the best. It is the most realistic. I can just picture dee_cole sucking mud. Maybe that will shut him up for awhile.

But ... I heard a rumor that Siren is working on an "I Fucked the Ass, 'er Dee_cole's Ass" in response to the special request on the "Another Apology" thread where dee_cole said, "What I want more than anything right now is to be anally raped by Siren. Siren, would you please fuck me in the ass?"

 

[dee_cole]

I never got so much attention in my life

Feed me people I need more.....I'm Gumby Dammit. I need more stories....I am the greatest literotican icon of all time....I went from no one to the most Notorious Member ever in less than 48 hrs. Write a story about that....I just finished fucking the shit out of this bi-sexual stripper.
She dances on New York Avenue in D.C. Every man that sees her wants a piece of her ass...But she loves the Dee-ster because he is so fucking handsome and because his dick is so fat...Did I mention that he fucks for hours....?

I murder pussy. I should be against the law...I will post a picture to show you what I do to my bitches...Siren I know you're out there...That doggie doo doo is a dead give away...everyone knows that you have a shit fetish....Wouldn't it be great if you and I could get together and just fuck all of this anger out of you.

Deborah you could get the dick too, if you are hot enough...I know you want the attention of the Dee.

Dee Cole Forever MuthaaaaaFuckaaaas.

More stories

Tell me the one about the sixteen year old cheerleader that lives across the street.

 

[Siren]

Ah sweet Deborah

 

[Guest]

A Cheerleader's Revenge

A Cheerleader's Revenge
by Pom Poms

I am the cheerleader who lives next door to dee_cole he was talking about. He was my first boyfriend although he never had me in the biblical sense, no way. I don't think he really likes girls. He kept calling me Dave. I was just his trophy to show off, the captain of the cheerleaders.

When dee_cole picked me up he would never come to the door; just kept beeping in the driveway. The only place this dude ever took me was on a ride down some deserted road where he would park and whine that I either jerk him off or get out and walk. And he called me Dave.

Then when this asshole dropped me off at home he would order me to go make him a sandwich. "What, am I your waitress and fucking slave?" I spat at him as I got out of his car on our last date. I simply had enough of this crap but I did make him one last sandwich; with Alpo. You should have seen the look on his face as he chewed up that first bite. It was worth the smack he gave me that ended our relationship.

The dude never would have known what it was exactly but he asked, "What the hell is this?" I could have said a new variety of Spam but I burst out laughing and told him, "You are what eat dog breath. That's dog food. You want a Milk-Bone for dessert?" I just couldn't resist the urge to tell.

Well, it was deja vu with the barbecued rat sandwhich I fed dee_cole at the block party in our neighborhood last week. I kept him, I specifically ordered a male rat, frozen until the day of the party. I got the rat mail order from this place in the UK. The rats come frozen and you can choose from four different sizes and several different varieties.

Yes indeed, that rat ended up on the plate of the one who I particularly loathe because of his despicable treatment of women. Oh my, he gobbled up that ratburger like it was filet mignon. I can't believe he ate the whole thing!

Now for the erotic part of the story. I was so turned off by men because of my experiences with dee_cole that I joined a convent. Dang, those penguins can lick pussy!

Pom Poms
"You are what you eat."

 

[Bliss]

Haiku for dog_do


Erotic story site
sexxxy and smart

Obscene rude troll
claiming pizazz

Ladies, petulent dork
cutdown contests

garbageman talks
his tale

dee_coletroll_i's mutha
soooooooo old

her breasts
give powdered milk

*********************************

 

[Deborah]

Hey dee_cole, regarding your "Deborah you could get the dick too, if you are hot enough," you got about as much chance of giving me some dick as the President has of giving Hillary some dick for the second time. If I was stranded on a desert island with Pee Wee Herman and you, dee_cole, Pee Wee Herman would be my boyfriend. You'd have to talk to Pee Wee about your sexual needs. Maybe he'd let you jerk him off when his hand got tired.

Hey dee_cole, what's up with the "I murder pussy" comment? Are you Flagg's pimp?

But not to worry, dee_cole, talking to my girlfriends on this board, we are sending more stories for you per your request. Anything to keep you reading and not talking.

 

[dave-73]

sorry everyone but my story is that good, just thinking about the first line and splat, hot come all over my boxers...better keep it to myself or everones computer screans will be splaterd with hot sticky muck......

 

[Guest]

sad thing is i write most of my posts because my fingers are stuck to the keyboard and i just keep baning on letters until i can get them unstucked....its not like i really think of any of this shit its all just an accident...now i'm all mucked up again

________________________
I AM AN ANIMAL, NOT A HUMAN BEING!

 

[Guest]

I am dee_cole's lover. That's why I am still a virgin.

 

[Guest]

someone's tying to be me again. stop it.

 

[Guest]

Hey Bobtoad, I cybered with you, doesn't that count?

 

[KillerMuffin]

Deborah, wonderful, hysterically funny!

My humble submission to the Dee_Cole story contest.

My next door neighbor, low in funds, recently took in a boarder. She was a bit concerned about doing so, as she had an unbearably lovely daughter on vacation from college. To this day, she is still convinced her daughter is a virgin.

We live in a "ranchette" community, a sprawling development where the residents also keep livestock. To defray the cost of his room, the Deester got up every morning to care for the animals before heading off to work. After a bit, my neighbor began complaining that her ram was acting oddly. He would back up to the wall of his shed and bleat whenever anyone went near him. She was also quite concerned about her daughter, she was acting oddly as well. She couldn't quite put her finger on it.

Finally, one day, her daughter tearfully confessed what was happening. She followed Dee man into the shed one morning, to see what was going on. The ram pawed at the straw and charged, butting Dee_Cole right in the family jewels. He moaned that it made him horny, then grabbed the ram by his horns and proceeded to do the dirty with it! She was disgusted, with a male sheep of all things! The worst of it, she wailed, was that he kept humping the ram in the ear.

 

[Guest]

Have some more popcorn

Dee_cole and I met in a porn theater. I dumped the popcorn out on the floor, opened the bottom and put the box on my lap. Dee_cole, sitting next to me, reached in that box for more popcorn all through the movie.

Yes indeed, that dee_cole is some jerk-off.