decisions, decisions...

[Nirvanadragones]

What are the most difficult/complicated/ important decisions you have had to make in your life, and how did you go about deciding what to do? Did you rely on emotions and gut feel, or was it more a logical and intellectual decision?

What were the support structures/ elements you had (and needed) while you were pondering your choices? And looking back now, would you want it any differently? Are you still happy with the decision you made?

What makes a decision good or bad? Is it only about the outcome and how it affects you/ other role players?

Talk to me...

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

When there is knowledge on which to base logic, use logic. In the absence of knowledge, use your instincts instead. That's what they're there for; they're the original decision-makers in the animal called Man.

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

You know about one of mine, which was a moral decision. That one had elements of all the above - emotions, gut feel, logic, intellectual - but the over-riding element was a decision about what kind of person I will be, whether I will have the integrity to live according to my beliefs.

But you may be asking about another kind of decision, judgement calls about taking different paths in life. Ben Franklin described a technique I've used a couple times and found helpful in clarifying the issues involved. Write down all the reasons pro and con in two facing columns. Then weigh each and "cancel out" ones on each side based on the weighting. Take a few days with this, thinking of new items and cogitating over ones you have already. Probably all the elements you cite go into it: emotions, gut feel, logic, intellectual. And the one I cited - integrity, being true to yourself.

My experience was that the exercise was very useful in clarifying the issues. In both instances just going through the exercise made the choices pretty clear cut.

Hugs, Nirvana. Don't hesitate to contact me if I can help.
Love,

Roxanne

 

[impressive]

I rely on my intuition. My decisions are internalized. Was just journaling 'bout this very subject, even.

 

[carsonshepherd]

I am in the process of making one of the most important decisions of my life. I've decided to leave my partner of five years and to move home to try to make a life of my own closer to my family. This has not been an easy decision, but my insides have been telling me for a long time that things are not right.
My health is not that great. My immune system is low and stress-related conditions I've had most of my life are worse.
I sleep restlessly and have bad dreams. I drink too much or I try to feel better by stress-eating.
My family is worried about me.
My outsides don't match my insides. That is, my life doesn't match how I feel. I'm not able to be true to who I really am because of my partner's disapproval.
I can't concentrate, I'm restless, my inner peace is gone and when that's gone my creativity is gone. I can't write.
ALl those things add up to the knowledge that I'm not living the life I'm meant to have. I've known it for awhile but it's taken even longer to get to the point where I can take action. I've waited too long, because I've waited until I'm so miserable that I had trouble making the decision. Thankfully my family came through for me and offered me help. I took it. I realized, nothing is going to miraculously change unless I change it. I deserve to be just as happy as anyone else.
So. The signs are there, both inside and out. The logical and intellectual side of me could look at the situation and know it needed to change, and my gut has known for a long time.
Nothing is guaranteed, but if I stay exactly where I am, nothing will change, or it will get worse. It's hard, leaving behind this safe life for a completely new one. But it can't get better, not like this.
Sometimes your head knows and your heart knows. You just have to let your feet take that first step.

 

[Recidiva]

I tend to use a combination of critical thought and emotional impact.

The hardest decision I've had to make was leaving my second marriage and coming to live where I live now, with a man I hadn't spent that much time with in real life, but I felt I belonged with him.

Nobody supported me in this, except the guy who was asking me to leave my life and spend the rest with him, taking my kids away from their grandparents, relatives and the life they knew.

In this case I was moved to want to do it emotionally. I was dreaming about it, which is rare, but so much will happen there for me. Not every day dreams, path-changing dreams.

Logically it made no sense. I couldn't think with it, I just had to feel it. Ultimately I postulated two futures before me. I tried to put myself into those futures, one with him, one without. No pictures, just emotional sensation. The "with" path felt alive, difficult, scary. The "without" path felt...cold, dead, gone.

I knew I had to do it, with my dreams, my heart, my hopes.

From there on I planned it with the efficiency of a battle campaign. That's where the brains came in. Arguing my side of it, maintaining my plan, questioning what I needed to, adjusting when I had to. Coming up with the reasons to put my emotions into words, into a choice.

So on a major decision I might often get a huge intuition, one I can't understand or argue with. The more I resist that intuition, the more tortured I feel.

When I determine the intuition is real, and bears all the earmarks of need and not ego, I'm finished and I get to the battle plan.

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

I am in the process of making one of the most important decisions of my life. I've decided to leave my partner of five years and to move home to try to make a life of my own closer to my family. This has not been an easy decision, but my insides have been telling me for a long time that things are not right.
My health is not that great. My immune system is low and stress-related conditions I've had most of my life are worse.
I sleep restlessly and have bad dreams. I drink too much or I try to feel better by stress-eating.
My family is worried about me.
My outsides don't match my insides. That is, my life doesn't match how I feel. I'm not able to be true to who I really am because of my partner's disapproval.
I can't concentrate, I'm restless, my inner peace is gone and when that's gone my creativity is gone. I can't write.
ALl those things add up to the knowledge that I'm not living the life I'm meant to have. I've known it for awhile but it's taken even longer to get to the point where I can take action. I've waited too long, because I've waited until I'm so miserable that I had trouble making the decision. Thankfully my family came through for me and offered me help. I took it. I realized, nothing is going to miraculously change unless I change it. I deserve to be just as happy as anyone else.
So. The signs are there, both inside and out. The logical and intellectual side of me could look at the situation and know it needed to change, and my gut has known for a long time.
Nothing is guaranteed, but if I stay exactly where I am, nothing will change, or it will get worse. It's hard, leaving behind this safe life for a completely new one. But it can't get better, not like this.
Sometimes your head knows and your heart knows. You just have to let your feet take that first step.

Good for you. You describe very eloquently the first decision: Deciding that you need to do something different. Making that decision is sometimes harder and/or more portentuous than the follow-up decision, which is, "OK, now what do I do?"

 

[Quiet_Cool]

I'm one of the most geniunely rational people I know, although I guess that's more than a little subjective. My decisions are rarely emotionally driven, and when they are, that drive is merely one that prompts me to act when rationality has confirmed its want. It makes no sense to let anger or fear or any other emotion make decisions for me. Then can offer suggestions, but if I want something irrational, I do without.

Intuition does have a say at times, and it is usually right, though I'm very careful when I let it take the reigns, and while I have more faith in it than in emotion, I still need a little backing from rationality, if only in a way where there is no contradiction.

Q_C

 

[Kain__Thornn]

What are the most difficult/complicated/ important decisions you have had to make in your life, and how did you go about deciding what to do? Did you rely on emotions and gut feel, or was it more a logical and intellectual decision?

What were the support structures/ elements you had (and needed) while you were pondering your choices? And looking back now, would you want it any differently? Are you still happy with the decision you made?

What makes a decision good or bad? Is it only about the outcome and how it affects you/ other role players?

Talk to me...

To stay or not. Too many factors, too many decisions.

 

[Nirvanadragones]

I am enjoying your responses so far - thank you all for sharing...

Don't stop!

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

What were the support structures/ elements you had (and needed) while you were pondering your choices?

Follow-up:
Whatever support structures I had, the heavy lifting was all up to me, especially in the initial phase described by Carson. It's kind of sobering sometimes when you realize how much you really need to be independent, how much is really up to you.

 

[carsonshepherd]

Follow-up:
Whatever support structures I had, the heavy lifting was all up to me, especially in the initial phase described by Carson. It's kind of sobering sometimes when you realize how much you really need to be independent, how much is really up to you.

And in my case, I let my family help me make the decision but I've known for a long time that it was the right one. They only offered me the opportunity. The final yes or no was my call.

Without their support, I probably would've waited longer and been even more miserable. I'm lucky to have a family and friends that care that much.

 

[Joe Wordsworth]

I live and breath Reason.

 

[Guest]

Decisions? What are they?

I simply go with gut instinct - it works every time.

You always know, deep down, what the right decision (for you) is.

I just go for it.

Life's too short to sit and contemplate.

One final thing: regrets.

I have NEVER regretted anything I've done. My only regrets come from things I haven't done; opportunities missed.

That's my take, anyway, and I'm very happy with every decision I've ever made in my life.

Lou

 

[Recidiva]

Life's too short to sit and contemplate.

*gasp* Blasphemy!

That's what life's for!

 

[Goldie Munro]

I have only had one really big decision to make in my life so far and it was quite cathartic when I made my mind up about what I had to do. It affected other people but when it came down to it I was totally selfish - I say selfish but in fact it was a liberating decision and although other people were hurt I went with my heart and my brain and it was the right thing for me to do.

I have always found it hard to say no, to confront, to be me - but doing what I did made me so much stronger.

 

[deathlynx]

What are the most difficult/complicated/ important decisions you have had to make in your life, and how did you go about deciding what to do? Did you rely on emotions and gut feel, or was it more a logical and intellectual decision?

Well, for me it's been the usual; finances, relationships, profession...
Although I would love to say that they have been intellectual descissions pretty much every one of them has a major foundation in emotion...How do I feel about the situation as it stands and how do I feel about the possible outcomes...

What were the support structures/ elements you had (and needed) while you were pondering your choices? And looking back now, would you want it any differently? Are you still happy with the decision you made?

I'm not really sure...For the most part I'm fine with the descissions I've made...I learned a long time ago that I would not go back and change anything had I the opportunity...To do so would be to claim that I don't like the person I've become...After all every choice made, every action, every event has helped to forge the person I am today...
Also most of my choices have been made to avoid a rapidly degrading situation...Things might not be that good now but I can easily see how they could be far worse...

What makes a decision good or bad? Is it only about the outcome and how it affects you/ other role players?

A question for the ages that one! Outcome is a very important piece of it to be sure...However the effect on those around you must be taken into consideration...I'll admit that a great many of my choices have more to do with what happens to those around me, those I care about...When given the choice of something that will help myself or help someone else (when the choices are mutually exclusive) I choose someone else virtually every time...

 

[Guest]

*gasp* Blasphemy!

That's what life's for!

*snicker*

I must have missed that section of the manual.

 

[Guest]

.....

 

[Guest]

... But it's hard to reason with your heart.

Exactly! So, why bother? Follow your heart, always.

 

[fifty5]

What are the most difficult/complicated/ important decisions you have had to make in your life, and how did you go about deciding what to do? Did you rely on emotions and gut feel, or was it more a logical and intellectual decision?

What were the support structures/ elements you had (and needed) while you were pondering your choices? And looking back now, would you want it any differently? Are you still happy with the decision you made?

What makes a decision good or bad? Is it only about the outcome and how it affects you/ other role players?

Talk to me...

Biggest decisions: to get married, to leave the place I went to university and come back to Yorkshire, career choices (several big changes in direction).

Hardest decisions: those that were totally trivial, so it really didn't matter...

Basis: much as I value rationality and logic, now that you've made me look at this issue, I realize that the biggies all started from whim and little more - the logic came after in deciding whether to follow the whim, then how.

What makes them good or bad: pure blind, random chance! In all of these big ones, things changed (or not) due to factors that were out of my control - and beyond my knowledge when each decision was made.

Support structures: down to decision number one. I still find it incredible that she said 'yes' to the jerk I was then (without any implication whatsoever about what I am now or since). I won't claim absolute perfection for everything that's happened between us over 35 years (as of later this month), but I'm bloody glad she's put up with me. She's my support - and I try to be hers. On this one, blind chance came up trumps.

Oh yeah, Yorkshire hasn't let me down either. Other parts of the world may be more comfortable (in my case, read that as 'warmer'), but nowhere else I've seen either in the flesh or in any medium, anywhere else in the world, is as varied and beautiful as my native county.

Having kids (the first at any rate) wasn't a decision. Kids were part of the plan, but when the first one cam along, that was an accident. Both of them follow the blind chance principle, but, again in both cases, it's turned out pretty damn good: I respect them both as well as loving them.

Now I've 'finished' writing this, I'm wondering why a vasectomy after the second doesn't count as 'a big decision'. Logic can be used to 'explain' that as due to the outcome being 'nothing', but surely that's still important, isn't it?

Maybe it's because it was based on logic (too many people means too few resources). I think that what you've helped me to discover that, at least for me, rational decisions aren't big ones. If logic points clearly in a given direction, then it simply isn't a big decision to go that way. The big ones have been the gambles, taken on a whim. I'm actually quite awe struck that so far, they've all turned out pretty well until some external factor changed.

Sorry if that's been a bit of a long winded ramble, N, but it's turned out to be a journey of dicovery for me, so thanks for asking the question. I hope it is helpful for you too.

 

[Nirvanadragones]

Bump. I would really love to hear from others... if you please.

 

[scheherazade_79]

What are the most difficult/complicated/ important decisions you have had to make in your life, and how did you go about deciding what to do? Did you rely on emotions and gut feel, or was it more a logical and intellectual decision?

Gut instinct and imagination. I'm usually daydreaming a couple of seconds before, and thinking, 'that would be a cool thing to happen'. The next minute I find myself doing it.

Sometimes I know it's a crazy decision, but I also know that if I don't go ahead with it I'll regret it for the rest of my life. For me, that's the difference between a good decision and a bad decision. Even if what you do goes completely wrong, you don't regret trying it if it was a good decision.

I'm happy with the decisions I made. I wouldn't be the person I am today if I hadn't made them.


I don't think I've ever had a difficult decision, or one that's tied me up in knots trying to make. The ideas usually come pretty quickly. My craziest decision, though, came when I was about to leave my girlfriend in Germany and fly home. She said she was ok, but I wasn't too sure. There was something in her eyes. I thought about it a little while, then ended up taking a flying leap off the train as it pulled out from the station. I got shouted at by the station guards, but it was worth it just for the look on her face. I missed that flight, then ironically I couldn't find the airport to make my replacement one... so I missed that, too

 

[Quiet_Cool]

Hardest decisions...

Swedish or Norwegian?

It's tough to find a good penis enlarger pump these days.

Q_C

p.s. Sorry, just wanted to bump this, and figured we could use a non-serious post to kinda' break the mood. Commence.

 

[Guest]

Go with yer heart