Death by Fucking

[thebullet]

I've been trying to make sense of some of the feedback I've received about these stories. Some feedback was positive, other feedback was scathingly negative.

Mostly I'm interested in feedback that will make my writing better. To be perfectly frank, I sometimes sit at night under the influence of colored waters and curative herbs and just let the words come out. Since we're not exactly trying for the Pulitzer price here, I may not be as careful in the editing stage as I could be.

I do, however, make every attempt to eliminate spelling and grammatical errors. My word processor fights with me all the time about my choice of words. I'll let it help me with my spelling, but I'm damned if I'm going to let a computer criticize my grammer.

My feeling is that since my stories have been written in the first person, they should reflect the speech and thought patterns of that person. Therefore I left some obvious errors in the text as a means of being true to the character.

There was one glaring error in the "Death By Fucking" series that I was aware of when I posted the last chapter, but I guess I was too lazy to change it, since the edit police were not knocking on my door.

The first chapter took place in Akron, OH, but the action miraculously moved to Cleveland by the fourth chapter. Sorry about that. I knew it when I did it, but hoped it wasn't too obvious.

There must have been other glaring errors that I was unaware of, since one feedback asked if I had bothered to proofread the story at all. Yes, I had. Several times. Back in the days of punched cards, there were two machines, a keypunch and a verifier. A card would be punched on a keypunch, then the same card would be 'dummy punched' on the verifier to be sure that the original was okay. If so, a little notch was made in the end of the card. It was best, however, that the person who did the original punching did not do the verifying, since he was often likely to make the same mistake twice. What I'm trying to say is, yes I should use an editor, but I tried to contact an on-line editor, waited about a week for a response and then just said 'fuck it'.


If a person has a specific criticism like that, rather than asking if I had proofread it, I would prefer a specific reference to where my errors were. I'm actually willing to learn from my mistakes if mistakes there are. Help me out here, people, and tell me what they are.

Some readers are really hung up on pregnancy. They seem to judge the quality of the story by the references to pregnancy, or the chance of pregnancy or some such shit. It takes all kinds, I guess.

One thing that puzzled me a response that simply stated:
"you are one sick motherfucker."

I thought that was an unusual response for a story that contained no violence, no rape, no incest, no non-consensual activity of any kind, no sadism, no humiliation, and no adultery. Maybe I'm sick because my story didn't have any of those things. Please, whoever you are (of course the feedback was anonymous), tell me how I'm sick so I can take the proper remedial action.

If anyone is still with me here, I'll reward you with a little challange. I like to interweave into my story little quotes from popular culture, movies and television. It's just a minor diversion for me, but it keeps me amused. I revealed one such reference in "Death By Fucking Ch 2" when the heroine used the term "if you know what I mean", a phrase used in the TV show "Whose Line is it Anyway?" There are several more such references throughout the four chapters. I leave it as an exercize for the reader to determine what they are.

Email me if you really want to know all of them.


thebullet

Here are links to the four chapters:

Chapter 1: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=103664

Chapter 2: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=103668

Chapter 3: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=105045

Chapter 4: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=105850

 

[Jenny _S]

I've been trying to make sense of some of the feedback I've received about these stories. Some feedback was positive, other feedback was scathingly negative.

Mostly I'm interested in feedback that will make my writing better. To be perfectly frank, I sometimes sit at night under the influence of colored waters and curative herbs and just let the words come out. Since we're not exactly trying for the Pulitzer price here, I may not be as careful in the editing stage as I could be.

I do, however, make every attempt to eliminate spelling and grammatical errors. My word processor fights with me all the time about my choice of words. I'll let it help me with my spelling, but I'm damned if I'm going to let a computer criticize my grammer.

My feeling is that since my stories have been written in the first person, they should reflect the speech and thought patterns of that person. Therefore I left some obvious errors in the text as a means of being true to the character.

There was one glaring error in the "Death By Fucking" series that I was aware of when I posted the last chapter, but I guess I was too lazy to change it, since the edit police were not knocking on my door.

The first chapter took place in Akron, OH, but the action miraculously moved to Cleveland by the fourth chapter. Sorry about that. I knew it when I did it, but hoped it wasn't too obvious.

There must have been other glaring errors that I was unaware of, since one feedback asked if I had bothered to proofread the story at all. Yes, I had. Several times. Back in the days of punched cards, there were two machines, a keypunch and a verifier. A card would be punched on a keypunch, then the same card would be 'dummy punched' on the verifier to be sure that the original was okay. If so, a little notch was made in the end of the card. It was best, however, that the person who did the original punching did not do the verifying, since he was often likely to make the same mistake twice. What I'm trying to say is, yes I should use an editor, but I tried to contact an on-line editor, waited about a week for a response and then just said 'fuck it'.


If a person has a specific criticism like that, rather than asking if I had proofread it, I would prefer a specific reference to where my errors were. I'm actually willing to learn from my mistakes if mistakes there are. Help me out here, people, and tell me what they are.

Some readers are really hung up on pregnancy. They seem to judge the quality of the story by the references to pregnancy, or the chance of pregnancy or some such shit. It takes all kinds, I guess.

One thing that puzzled me a response that simply stated:
"you are one sick motherfucker."

I thought that was an unusual response for a story that contained no violence, no rape, no incest, no non-consensual activity of any kind, no sadism, no humiliation, and no adultery. Maybe I'm sick because my story didn't have any of those things. Please, whoever you are (of course the feedback was anonymous), tell me how I'm sick so I can take the proper remedial action.

If anyone is still with me here, I'll reward you with a little challange. I like to interweave into my story little quotes from popular culture, movies and television. It's just a minor diversion for me, but it keeps me amused. I revealed one such reference in "Death By Fucking Ch 2" when the heroine used the term "if you know what I mean", a phrase used in the TV show "Whose Line is it Anyway?" There are several more such references throughout the four chapters. I leave it as an exercize for the reader to determine what they are.

Email me if you really want to know all of them.


thebullet

Here are links to the four chapters:

Chapter 1: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=103664

Chapter 2: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=103668

Chapter 3: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=105045

Chapter 4: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=105850

It happens all the time, Bullet.

I got a feedback two days ago where this guys goes on and on about what a shit story I'd written. After a page of his bullshit he said the story would have been "great" if the guy had cum in her pussy and not her ass. So he gives me a "1" and signs his crap "Anonymous". I get these and "Great story" or "Lousy story" feedbacks all the time.

It would help everyone if those giving feedback would even bother to say what was good, what was bad, point out the errors or whatever.

For some reason that seems to be beyond many of the readers.

 

[Pure]

Hi, the bullet,

I looked over your ch 1, and found a couple mistakes. I saw one, skimming through ch 2. The kind that go through spell check. Otherwise, it looked pretty careful in spelling, punctuation etc. So, though I have not read every word or every chapter, I'd say there are a handful of errors in each chapter. Not what's in published stories, but more accurate, say than 3/4 of stuff at literotica. IMHO.

Hope this helps.

From the Jenny story Fucked to Death ch1


I’m not offering myself as some sacrifice on the alter of good consulting in order to make our group effort improve. [...]

She just laid there and took it.

From ch 2
Maybe not all the time, but sometimes, once you've decided that you are gong to have sex with someone, it really feels right to have him just take you.

Best,

J.

 

[thebullet]

thanks for the info... exactly what I was looking for.

The problem with spell checkers is that if you happen to misspell the word you want, but the misspelling is a valid word, the spell checker lets it slip. Of course often the grammer checker catches it, but I'm often too proud to pay attention to what the damn computer thinks of my writing style.

Also, I'm embarrassed to admit that one set of verbs I seem to have trouble with is: lay and laid. If I plan to continue to write erotica, maybe I better get them straight.

 

[Pure]

Hi Bullet,

I looked at chapter three in more detail, and its kinda interesting and hot. A bit too mushy in romance, but hey, to each his own.

Comments. A few punctuation probs, but generally 'clean' and well prepared.

There are some weird sentences and misspellings or grammar errors, but only a handful; to wit--


Have you ever said to yourself, "This is going to kill me" and went right ahead and did it anyway?

It was if she had been the model for the Champaign glass rather than Marie Antoinette.

Our eyes locked in a look of passion,

The woman was deep in latent sexuality.

He has a brother and sister, both living
in mid-western cities holding down professional jobs.

I just laid there and let myself be loved.

I collapsed onto the bed just trying to breath

as it spasmed its last shot within me.

Note on the last one: 'spasm' seems to be a verb in erotica and porn. However it's clearly intransitive; no object. "My calf spasmed." NOT "My jumping spasmed a muscle in my calf."

Overall, a neat and conscientious job. These mistakes need a second pair of eyesballs to be caught.

 

[thebullet]

Thanks for the comments. In truth I am a really mushy romantic, and can't avoid writing like one; especially since a lot of this particular story had some personal truths in it about a woman I will always be madly in love with. Sorry.

I knew about the 'spasming' problem. My word processor wanted to send me to bed without my dinner about it. I just liked the sound of the word and used it anyway.

Your other criticisms are greatly appreciated. I look at the sentences you listed and still have trouble figuring out what I should have said, but agree I should have said it diffently.

Thanks again.

 

[Pure]

I did look over Ch 2 and it's pretty clean. Less erotically exciting, I think. If you continue, you have to find a way to introduce new stuff in the 'her' portions, not just slight variation and commentary. Let her notice things he didn't talk about, discuss nuances of feeling that aren't hitherto obvious.

Best,
J.

 

[thebullet]

Thanks for the advice.

The ''two voices - one story' concept was a bit of a conceit that I thought might work in small doses.

I thought it might be interesting to see the exact same events as they appeared to both ends of the relationship. I limited the dialogue in Chapter 2 since Chapter 1 contained all that.

I realized that I should have combined them into one chapter after I started getting feedback from people who had read Chapter 2 and not Chapter 1 and who wondered why there was so little dialogue.

Chapter 4 is the instance where it works best, I think, since as you pointed out, the two protagonists (the second this time being the second twin) only share a little time together, so both threads move independently toward the point of intercourse, if you know what I mean.

 

[damppanties]

I'm jealous!

One thing that puzzled me a response that simply stated:
"you are one sick motherfucker."

bullet,

That was a compliment! Only you didn't recognize it. Don't you know that the measure of your success on Lit is determined by "sick bastard" anonymous mails?

I really am envious now.

 

[Vixandra]

I haven't posted anything up here on Lit yet but I've been writing for a long time and there's a simple truth to life every writer has to accept: Some of the people that read your work don't know enough about literature to describe a woman's face, much less anything more complicated then that, so don't take everything to heart. Now if 50 people are telling you you're sick and only 2 say you're brilliant, ya might want to look into it.
Otherwise, write on, bullet, write on!
May want to avoid hawaian stories though- leih, lay, laid get complicated! LOL

 

[Pure]

Vixandra said,

/Now if 50 people are telling you you're sick and only 2 say you're brilliant, ya might want to look into it./

It depends a bit on who the two are. If they are brilliant authors, well, fuck the 50. I'm sure William Burroughs and the Marquis de Sade and a few others have had 50 persons of the street and a few literary critics in the 'you're sick' category.

OTOH if 50 guys on the street write and say "I cummed good" and only two authors say "it's shit", you may or may not want to listen depending how you're paying your rent, and you presence of 'porn' ambition.

J.

 

[destinie21]

AS far as editing the story you may want to put it in the sdc most who post there will give you a good write up on the specifics of editing.

 

[thebullet]

You got it. The current story I'm writing I will submit there, assuming I can ever get around to finishing it.

Thanks

 

[thebullet]

In response to a "Pure" post:

You really hit the nail on the head with that. I shouldn't listen to that stuff.

I had written about half of a novel about 20 years ago when I showed it to my wife. She said it was the worst thing she had ever read, and I dropped the project right there.

Now I understand that she wouldn't know good writing if it bit her on the ass, and I should have taken her criticism as a complement; because she didn't know what the fuck she was talking about. I went back to that work recently and although I saw plenty to criticize, on the whole it was pretty damn good.

Wish I could remember where I was going with it, but what can you do?