Dear Lit women, can you answer a question?

[Disturbingimage]

ok so a lot of the ads by women say something about dont send the same kind of message or must say something new and not boring but im curious what exactly are you looking for. i promise im not gonna copy and paste it in a PM purely curious. im sure its not just name, age, few likes and probably sex questions right? but what should a stranger say to someone to get given a decent chance? The men on here will deeply appreciate the info im sure. thanks

 

[sdsioux]

answer

the answer is in the following:
men give love to get sex
woman give sex to get love

 

[HelpImLost]

Well for me personally, I did write something similar to that in a post of mine. What I look for is just general charm. And I myself can detect that easily. I like when a man introduces himself, says something witty, talks about his hobbies, INTRODUCES HIMSELF PROPERLY- which these lit men seem to have real damn troubles doing, and asking about ME and how I'm doing aswell. I absolutely loathe when I get a message asking instantly for my age and tit size when I don't know the man at all. Hope that helps!

 

[joe432]

From my experience some people mistake this site for eharmony

 

[AlliaPotestas]

This will vary massively depending on the recipient... there will be no silver bullet. For me, I am not particularly looking, and never have been on here but the small number that have unexpectedly broken through and become friends/confidants/people I give a shit about have been the ones to make me laugh and if you can make me laugh at something I wouldn’t normally laugh at - so much the better...

General turn on’s:
Non sexual interests... if you just tell me your kinks, I’ll run a mile, I want to know what people are like when they are not wanking to my tits...
Compassion/ social conscience
Confidence

General turn off’s:
Arrogance
Vanity
Any sniff of creepy controlling behaviour
Desperation (sorry gents, I associate it with the guys that then get quite stalkery...)

But really just be yourselves, you’ll click with some and not with others, but just be authentic to who are, life really is too short for anything else, xx

 

[Fiddler80]

Just a shot in the dark, but maybe they just want you to put some time and thought into a message. Everyone likes to know a little effort was put forth for them, right?
Now this excludes an add that simply states 28f looking for dirty talk.....fire away then lol. But not those that put a thought out add up, they want the same courtesy back.

 

[ann_alter]

Personally, I don't look for anything specific. I like the possibility of discovering something unexpected. But there has to be something that starts a conversation, be it a detail about the sender, a joke, a question, whatever - doesn't need to be terribly brilliant or unique, just, please don't leave me staring at your message wondering what to reply with.

That, and, of course, be polite and respectful. Sure, it's Lit, but that doesn't mean it's OK to be rude to anyone.

 

[Jada59]

the answer is in the following:
men give love to get sex
woman give sex to get love

Uh... Not not in my opinion.

To me, love is selfless and universal. If I love someone, I want what is in their best and highest good.

Sex is something entirely different. I can say that I do love sex!

 

[Jada59]

I have never taken out an ad here nor would I. Going around looking for men or sex or whatever, is not my thing.

But I can tell you that a lot of men who have written to me out of the blue will say one or more of the following:

What do you look like?

What are you wearing?

What size bra?

Are you into incest?

Can I get a pic?

Do you want my pic?

Can I come to your house and fuck you?

Or just plain, I want to fuck you, eat your pussy, etc.

It's all about his wants, his needs, etc.

Or... They do totally the opposite as in... I only want to please you. I want nothing for myself. Just please you. What do you want me to do?

What do I want you to do? Go away! How about that?

Granted, I am not here looking for a relationship. I have made a lot of friends here and in general, none of them have approached me like that. Especially not with the incest thing. Ugh. No.

I appreciate it if someone starts having a normal conversation with me. Even if that conversation involves sex. Because for me a normal conversation may well involve talking of sex.

And then it may progress from there. In some cases, it doesn't progress. It just stays at the normal conversation level, leaving me to wonder in some cases why it never progressed.

At any rate, for me, there needs to be some sort of equality. I don't want to be your servant. I don't want you to be mine.

 

[formertroll]

Well for me personally, I did write something similar to that in a post of mine. What I look for is just general charm. And I myself can detect that easily. I like when a man introduces himself, says something witty, talks about his hobbies, INTRODUCES HIMSELF PROPERLY- which these lit men seem to have real damn troubles doing, and asking about ME and how I'm doing aswell. I absolutely loathe when I get a message asking instantly for my age and tit size when I don't know the man at all. Hope that helps!

i think it depends a lot on whether it is in reply to an ad or another post. i often will reply to someone's post with just a quick thought and no need for a reply from them. something to brighten the day of someone who is hurting, as an example.

That, and, of course, be polite and respectful. Sure, it's Lit, but that doesn't mean it's OK to be rude to anyone.

this. i don't understand how many guys think that being rude is the answer to "how to get a girl to like me?"

I have never taken out an ad here nor would I. Going around looking for men or sex or whatever, is not my thing.

Granted, I am not here looking for a relationship.

I appreciate it if someone starts having a normal conversation with me. Even if that conversation involves sex. Because for me a normal conversation may well involve talking of sex.

And then it may progress from there. In some cases, it doesn't progress. It just stays at the normal conversation level, leaving me to wonder in some cases why it never progressed.

At any rate, for me, there needs to be some sort of equality. I don't want to be your servant. I don't want you to be mine.

i think this comment and the prior one both talk about a normalcy. there is no need to present yourself as someone you aren't or to focus in on the wrong parts of you. who you are is composed of a million things but which 3-5 you choose to present says all someone needs to know about the other 999,999,995.

 

[Disturbingimage]

Thanks

Great advice people, thanks for taking the time to give it some serious thought. its seems like its more on the person receiving the message as to what they are looking for. i met some many people on CL yet no so much on this place. I only tried to meet people for casual (and maybe some sexual) conversations but no intent to meet for real. anyways thanks again people, keep the opinions coming!

 

[Que]

Well for me personally, I did write something similar to that in a post of mine. What I look for is just general charm. And I myself can detect that easily. I like when a man introduces himself, says something witty, talks about his hobbies, INTRODUCES HIMSELF PROPERLY- which these lit men seem to have real damn troubles doing, and asking about ME and how I'm doing aswell. I absolutely loathe when I get a message asking instantly for my age and tit size when I don't know the man at all. Hope that helps!

"He better be a charming motherfucker...I mean like ten times more charming than Arnold, that pig on Green Acres!" - Samuel L Jackson as Jules Winnfield in Pulp Fiction

 

[Ratzilla]

Okay, so, I'm a bit socially awkward. I really really try not to be, but I am.

I mean, yeah I want to get off. This is a site for people who like sexy writing after all. But, I also want to make friends. I'm trying to focus on the second part, figuring the first will come in time if at all.

I do my best to be funny, interesting, and interested. I always include a joke, tell them a bit about myself, and ask a question about the person I'm messaging. A question that isn't about tits or creeper-level personal stuff. Hobbies, favorite movies, ect. I try to make it all smooth & conversational.

I get that there is a lot of competition for attention, especially as a guy on the internet, but it seems my conversational success rate aught to be better than it is; one running conversation, and she messaged me first.

It's not like I get feedback. I assume I'm doing something wrong, but don't know what it is.

 

[formertroll]

Okay, so, I'm a bit socially awkward. I really really try not to be, but I am.

I mean, yeah I want to get off. This is a site for people who like sexy writing after all. But, I also want to make friends. I'm trying to focus on the second part, figuring the first will come in time if at all.

I do my best to be funny, interesting, and interested. I always include a joke, tell them a bit about myself, and ask a question about the person I'm messaging. A question that isn't about tits or creeper-level personal stuff. Hobbies, favorite movies, ect. I try to make it all smooth & conversational.

I get that there is a lot of competition for attention, especially as a guy on the internet, but it seems my conversational success rate aught to be better than it is; one running conversation, and she messaged me first.

It's not like I get feedback. I assume I'm doing something wrong, but don't know what it is.

Analysis is in order. One running conversation is better than a dozen two message conversations. I suggest building your history on here, participate in threads so ladies can see how you interact.

 

[massivemike]

Analysis is in order. One running conversation is better than a dozen two message conversations. I suggest building your history on here, participate in threads so ladies can see how you interact.

That tactic is really ineffective. I say this because ive gone to lit chat rooms dozens of times and over a very long duration with little effect.

the truth is, that you will either get a chance or you wont... and nothing you can say or do will change that. ill give you an example. person A has in their profile that they would like to talk to someone that is creative, respectful, well mannered and etc.... and person B is more to the point, wanting a filthy, nasty response, involving x number of rps..... no matter how you answer person A or B, the result is just pure silence. you could sit there and be witty, kind, and well manner or even filthier then most and it gets you no where.

does this mean your wrong? not at all, but from my experience in chat it just doesnt seem to matter. the person is either interested in you or not... or perhaps that person is busy and more focused on the countless amounts of men flooding their inboxes (no pun intended) or pms.

so my advice? just be cool, relax and try to engage with the person. dont go straight to sex because every dude ( even this ass hat right here) does it. some chicks want the one and done type of thing and others just want to see if theirs some sparks or even a connection. so just chill, take a breath... if you have your prick in hand.. put the fucker away and talk for a change .

also, dont beat your self down if the person doesnt respond.... do you know how many freaken men in here bombard them? I mean theres alot of dudes on here that want a quick release ( and some women). as someone put it, this is a sex chat site, so its to be expected but believe me when i tell you.... women get annoyed as hell with a billion pms of " hey, wanna fuck?!" or " hey...... lets phone baby...... let me slip my usb key into your filthy port". lol they dont wanna hear it 24/7 but they do. so just take a chance and hopefully one of these wonderful women here will do the same and give you a chance as well...

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

I

What do I want you to do? Go away! How about that?

my favorite take-away from this entire post....lol

 

[slaphammer]

Desperation (sorry gents, I associate it with the guys that then get quite stalkery...)

That... Was... AWESOME! That should be a thread all it's own. The calling out of the "Why won't anyone PM me?"-threads. And the fact you're spreading the word that owners of "whine" threads have a natural propensity for stalking. AlliaPotestas post could help a lot of the ladies avoid a lot of the land mines on the board.

 

[slaphammer]

JaDa, look at the OP's post history. He's not serious enough to provide much of an answer to. Look for a post on a "What's the most romantic..."-threads, he posted:

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1324836


Are you hungry my love? i asked from the kitchen
Hungry for your cock. she replied
no sweeter words were ever spoken.

He's just a multiple account troll claiming sensitivity.

 

[Butterflygurl1]

As a woman who’s been on these boards for quite awhile, I have to say it can be a potential minefield, from which every so often something something good happens.
More often than not, if I take that leap of faith to answer a PM, we may exchange a few messages, find we’re not really interested in each other, and go our separate ways. Every so often, a really nice friendship develops. A few times things have gone on further, we’ve stepped out of Lit, and really taken a chance. I’m sorry to say, there was a bad ending after a promising start. So most women try to guard their hearts. But I urge you men to take that chance, the next PM you send could be the one that changes your life. And if it isn’t , please don’t take it personally. Many of us are just trying to avoid the next heartache.

 

[Disturbingimage]

thank you for your thoughtful imput and experience.

 

[Mei5ter]

A propos, is there any way of verifying that someone posting a personal ad in which they claim to be female actually *is* female? Because I’ve seen a couple of posts here which don’t sound like anything any woman I’ve ever met, personally or online, would ever say in a million years...

 

[formertroll]

A propos, is there any way of verifying that someone posting a personal ad in which they claim to be female actually *is* female? Because I’ve seen a couple of posts here which don’t sound like anything any woman I’ve ever met, personally or online, would ever say in a million years...

my suggestion is talk to people you think you'll click with. enjoy those for a while and when you go to other apps you can do the voice chatting or just send each other silly pictures.

left hand holding toothpaste or campbells soup, random other household items of the other person's choosing would prove gender and status without being revealing.

 

[BBW_T&A_Lover]

I've actually tried everything that all the women have been talking about and I still really don't get anywhere. I am myself and nothing more and I try not to come off as something I'm not. I haven't met anyone on here for quite some time for the conversation to last for more than a day, if that. I'm probably one of the most genuine people on here and I'm up front with what I want, but it just doesn't work. I know this isn't a dating site, but it's hard to express yourself emotionally and sexually on any dating site because women don't express themselves that way on what you would consider a normal site.

I keep trying, which is why I put up yet another personal. But I think after 2018, I'm done with this site and trying to find someone I can click with. It's not worth being let down anymore.

 

[slaphammer]

A propos, is there any way of verifying that someone posting a personal ad in which they claim to be female actually *is* female? Because I’ve seen a couple of posts here which don’t sound like anything any woman I’ve ever met, personally or online, would ever say in a million years...

Ha, ha, ha! Let me know if you ever find a way to "Crocodile Dundee" them online.

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

I don't know how serious OP is, but maybe others will read and actually are. I think with most woman on lit, you are going to have to come up with something better than your name. However, every woman is different, and that is where a lot of men make mistakes. I see so many who have sent me the exact same, even one really interesting message, over and over. The interesting one even got me once, asked for more details, and then our conversation fizzled out because he wasn't that interesting. Point is, they are sending basically a form message, without thought to the personality of the woman.

Jada gave a lot of the good common don'ts. From the obvious don't be an ass ones, to the less obvious, too complimenting or needing direction, to too demanding or dominating. Allia gave some good dos and don't too, and while Allia and I are fairly similar, a few of hers are not for me as she was also more specific. For example, I enjoy a little arrogance, and compassion is not on my lit friend list, I actually prefer to not even have conversations where compassion would be demonstrated. However, like her, funny is very important to me, actually the most important. I also put much focus on avoiding the desperate, again they become stalkery fast. I avoid them even more so than the creepy controlling, (which I also avoid).

How do I do that? Well honestly, I don't answer most messages from someone without an extensive post history. Just as you should do a little research and put a little thought into the person before you message, I should before I respond. I would expect if an active person was creeptastic, they would have gotten called out for it. So, If I can't rule out creepy stalker, your message will have to be really damn interesting for me to reply. I have received 25 messages today, I did not respond to most. Most broke the most basic rules above...like just name sex age location and a list of kinks. Asking if I want to cam. Then the ones I really eyerolled at, "what do you look like", and another who asked if I was married. I mean, what the fuck, not only did neither even bother to look at my profile, one didn't even read my full user name. Others seem decent, just not for me, and I will likely respond, but it is unlikely the conversation will go anywhere. This little bit of research will not only help you, but also protect you. I don't trust users who aren't visibly active anymore. It has got to be harder for guys, as not only do they have to rule out crazy stalker, they also have to rule out men, which is huge. A poster with a post history lets you see if they have been called out before, therefor no post history is a red flag. Plenty of "women" here post pictures and videos of cam girls, porn stars etc as themselves, so having a picture is not sufficient, read if they have been called out on them, etc etc.

Personally, I wouldn't even bother with the personals at all. I read them to see who sets of my "future stalker" radar so I know to run if they decide to message me. Most, of course, don't concern me, but I almost never message them either, as lack of commonality. I wouldn't trust half the women who post personals either, so many trip my "man" alert too. Instead, what I do, and would recommend to others, is be active here in areas that you enjoy. Over time, you will learn about the members with compatible interests, and when you do decide to message them, you will know what to say and not need advice, because you will have common interests and know more about the person. You will know that I like humor, and much more. Same as the other woman who posted. Interact in areas you enjoy, for yourself, with no expectations, make friends, and go from there,