Dealing with being alone.

Betticus

FigDaddy!
Joined
Apr 9, 2004
Posts
12,240
How do you deal with being alone? Do you just give up after a while and stop looking once you can't find someone that you want or that circumstances keep them far away even if they would be right for you? Get a hobby? Pout a lot?
 
Betticus said:
How do you deal with being alone? Do you just give up after a while and stop looking once you can't find someone that you want or that circumstances keep them far away even if they would be right for you? Get a hobby? Pout a lot?
Pout a lot and moan about it to a Dom on another continent
 
Sleep around. Drink too much and feel shitty about myself. Overeat. Cry when I'm alone on Friday nights. The usual.
 
Keep on keeping on. Otherwise I just try and fill the hours of the day as pleasantly as possible.
 
LOL, for me what worked was making sure I had a life complete with interests and relaxation which did not require another person so I would then be at least slightly interesting to that special someone and not appear like I needed them to give me a life....oh and part of those things to do alone was looking for a suitable person to be with. Guess it wasn't difficult though because I have always entertained myself and been happy in my own company. You'll find something or someone to amuse you. :cathappy:

Catalinahttp://www.fullsmilies.com/q/Smiley/dans-eden/smilie_tanz_027.gif
 
.... Maybe depression is a way of life sometimes. Even when I have someone in my life I can get depressed and feel alone.

But sometimes, a good drink can help. ;)
 
Before my Master, I had halfway given up/made peace with being alone. I have lots of hobbies which I enjoy (animals, photography, scrapbooking and card making) I met him by accident here last February.

After my Master, not so good. He's considerably older than me and far away. Recently, poor health has taken him from me. He no longer wants contact with me. That along with other things and I'm not doing well. I watch a lot of tv and eat more. I'm sad because I don't think I'll ever find someone as wonderful as him. I'm trying to move on but it's very hard.
 
Betticus said:
I'm just depressed. It's been two years.

It isn't easy, but as wistfulone says, and you know, depression can be there with or without a partner. Keep busy, motivated and ride out the storm. :rose:

Catalina :catroar:
 
While I do miss hot sex and regular floggings, what I really miss is just day-to-day companionship. Running errands together, watching a movie on TV, a good conversation over dinner, etc. My Dom broke off our relationship in March 2006 (after a 3 yr LDR and that’s a whole other story) and I was incredibly lonely for him for so long. I missed the communication, no matter what the topic. It was frustrating seeing news articles or having experiences at work or otherwise, feelings and revelations, to share with him, that I knew he’d relate to or enjoy, in a great conversation.

The last two months of 2006 I actively did try to find someone to share life with but it has been difficult for various reasons. Somehow, after the first of this year, I have begun to calm down and worry less about finding someone. I adopted a mind set of “expectations can be one’s limitations”. So, perhaps if I don’t have expectations of finding a partner one just might pop into my life. You know that saying (something) about “good things happen when you least expect them, or are not looking for them”. At least, that motto has helped me feel less anxious about being alone, so far.

I do still feel somewhat lonely. Yet, I have found some kind of peace…or patience, in waiting for whatever will happen in my future. I am still actively looking (although not as diligently), but I don’t feel as much pressure about it, or maybe I put less pressure on myself about it.

As Catalina just wrote, keep busy, find pleasures to occupy oneself. Life is as good as we make it.
 
catalina_francisco said:
LOL, for me what worked was making sure I had a life complete with interests and relaxation which did not require another person so I would then be at least slightly interesting to that special someone and not appear like I needed them to give me a life....oh and part of those things to do alone was looking for a suitable person to be with. Guess it wasn't difficult though because I have always entertained myself and been happy in my own company. You'll find something or someone to amuse you. :cathappy:

Catalinahttp://www.fullsmilies.com/q/Smiley/dans-eden/smilie_tanz_027.gif

Honestly, I've always found this attitude kind of condescending. (Not saying you're being condescending in particular; this is pretty much the boilerplate advice given to single people, I've given it myself). The whole "find yourself a hobby and maybe you'll meet someone nice at your quilting class" thing. Because, y'know, I'd like to think I've always been an interesting person and I did have quite a functioning, self-sufficient life when I was single. I'm probably less interesting now that I'm not single. "Working on becoming more interesting so that you meet someone they might like you" doesn't seem like the healthiest way to think about life.

And then, you know, you're a perfectly happy, whole single person for the most part... except that it really sucks to know that there's no one waiting for you to get off work and come home, and while you might very well get laid, you're probably not going to wake up in the morning and have morning sex with sleep in your eyes and spoon with that familiar body and be called ridiculous pet names and generally be in on the permanent joke that is being a couple.

Oh dear, I do go on.

Sorry to hear it, Betticus. It really is pretty fucking shitty sometimes. Keep kicking through.
 
Betticus said:
Hahahahaah.... I just got your username! :) hehehee... good one! :D
Glad I could make you laugh ;) Some have had to pm me for me to define it.
 
Quote from some movie...spoken by Cloris Leachman character:

"There is only one thing worse than being lonely...that is the fear of being lonely."

I agree 100%.

:rose:
 
i'll bite...

ima6uldv8 said:
Glad I could make you laugh ;) Some have had to pm me for me to define it.


do i have to pm you to know or if i ask very nicely now will you explain it?


pleeeeaaase? :rose:
 
myinnerslut said:
do i have to pm you to know or if i ask very nicely now will you explain it?


pleeeeaaase? :rose:
Ha ha! Ok. Maybe I should put it in my sig.
Ima (I'm a) 6ul (sexual) dv8 (deviant)
Now ya know ;)
 
ima6uldv8 said:
Ha ha! Ok. Maybe I should put it in my sig.
Ima (I'm a) 6ul (sexual) dv8 (deviant)
Now ya know ;)


oh, thanks... i just couldnt see it before

:rose:
 
ima6uldv8 said:
Ha ha! Ok. Maybe I should put it in my sig.
Ima (I'm a) 6ul (sexual) dv8 (deviant)
Now ya know ;)

I have tried and tried to figure it out...:)
 
amadaun said:
Honestly, I've always found this attitude kind of condescending. (Not saying you're being condescending in particular; this is pretty much the boilerplate advice given to single people, I've given it myself). The whole "find yourself a hobby and maybe you'll meet someone nice at your quilting class" thing. Because, y'know, I'd like to think I've always been an interesting person and I did have quite a functioning, self-sufficient life when I was single. I'm probably less interesting now that I'm not single. "Working on becoming more interesting so that you meet someone they might like you" doesn't seem like the healthiest way to think about life.

And then, you know, you're a perfectly happy, whole single person for the most part... except that it really sucks to know that there's no one waiting for you to get off work and come home, and while you might very well get laid, you're probably not going to wake up in the morning and have morning sex with sleep in your eyes and spoon with that familiar body and be called ridiculous pet names and generally be in on the permanent joke that is being a couple.

Oh dear, I do go on.

Sorry to hear it, Betticus. It really is pretty fucking shitty sometimes. Keep kicking through.


There's multiple ways of looking at it... Finding a hobby to become more intresting is a bad way to look at it, but really, i've met some damn boring people out there. Watching tv is NOT a hobby. Finding a hobby so that you enjoy what you are doing instead of sitting around and drooling on yourself or crying yourself to sleep... that's awesome. Finding a group to join that's related to your hobbies and intrests is not to make you more intresting but rather to put you in a social position to meet others with like intrests.


As of april 1st i'll have been single for 3 years. I mean i've had flings or i've seen people but no real relationships. Of the 22 years and 3 months i've been alive, only 1 year and 10 months of those were spent in a relationship and 7 of those months were long distance while i was away at college.
Needless to say, I'm ok with being alone. If i wasn't i'd be long dead or i'd be settled with some scuzzball. I went to an all girls highschool. I've seem tons of girls who settle for these jerkoff's jsut becasue they are scared of being alone. They've never developed an independent personality.
As for hobbies. I love hobbies. I have so many. I do a LOT. I've actually shied away from some dating and relationship senerios becasue i thought it would get in the way of what i want to do. Sure reguler sex would be nice, but i'm anorgasmic, in the end regurlar sex will be messy, a nusance, and boring. I'd rather be learning about orgami and tesselations, or how to sew a 14th century tudor hem, or the nuances of ATS bellydance, or how to decorate a goatskin head dumbek without ruining it.
 
ammre said:
There's multiple ways of looking at it... Finding a hobby to become more intresting is a bad way to look at it, but really, i've met some damn boring people out there. Watching tv is NOT a hobby. Finding a hobby so that you enjoy what you are doing instead of sitting around and drooling on yourself or crying yourself to sleep... that's awesome. Finding a group to join that's related to your hobbies and intrests is not to make you more intresting but rather to put you in a social position to meet others with like intrests.


As of april 1st i'll have been single for 3 years. I mean i've had flings or i've seen people but no real relationships. Of the 22 years and 3 months i've been alive, only 1 year and 10 months of those were spent in a relationship and 7 of those months were long distance while i was away at college.
Needless to say, I'm ok with being alone. If i wasn't i'd be long dead or i'd be settled with some scuzzball. I went to an all girls highschool. I've seem tons of girls who settle for these jerkoff's jsut becasue they are scared of being alone. They've never developed an independent personality.
As for hobbies. I love hobbies. I have so many. I do a LOT. I've actually shied away from some dating and relationship senerios becasue i thought it would get in the way of what i want to do. Sure reguler sex would be nice, but i'm anorgasmic, in the end regurlar sex will be messy, a nusance, and boring. I'd rather be learning about orgami and tesselations, or how to sew a 14th century tudor hem, or the nuances of ATS bellydance, or how to decorate a goatskin head dumbek without ruining it.


Word.

I mean, it is good advice for people who sit around and pine all day. But, just sayin', I was never one of those people, and I was single for a really long time. I, too, had an interesting life. (And as I said, I'm more boring now that I'm in a relationship). So the whole you're single therefore get a hobby advice always really irritated, because, I mean, I had (and have) hobbies, but it's unrelated to my desire for a partner. My toolbox full of paints always did make a terrible bed companion, all cold and metallic. I'm cool with being alone, it's pretty much been the normal state of things for me, but yes, there were certainly moments when being single felt like the proverbial* crushing void of loneliness.

*it's a goth proverb, okay?
 
Betticus said:
How do you deal with being alone? Do you just give up after a while and stop looking once you can't find someone that you want or that circumstances keep them far away even if they would be right for you? Get a hobby? Pout a lot?

It is a crap situation, bro... I been there...

Just keep plugging away, bruddah.
 
amadaun said:
Honestly, I've always found this attitude kind of condescending. (Not saying you're being condescending in particular; this is pretty much the boilerplate advice given to single people, I've given it myself). The whole "find yourself a hobby and maybe you'll meet someone nice at your quilting class" thing. Because, y'know, I'd like to think I've always been an interesting person and I did have quite a functioning, self-sufficient life when I was single. I'm probably less interesting now that I'm not single. "Working on becoming more interesting so that you meet someone they might like you" doesn't seem like the healthiest way to think about life.

And then, you know, you're a perfectly happy, whole single person for the most part... except that it really sucks to know that there's no one waiting for you to get off work and come home, and while you might very well get laid, you're probably not going to wake up in the morning and have morning sex with sleep in your eyes and spoon with that familiar body and be called ridiculous pet names and generally be in on the permanent joke that is being a couple.

Oh dear, I do go on.

Sorry to hear it, Betticus. It really is pretty fucking shitty sometimes. Keep kicking through.


Don't think I need a lecture on being alone as I was alone for 15 years, mostly by choice because the right person had not come along. My hobbies by the way did not include things done with other people, nor were they used or done as a means to ensnaring myself a partner, they were things I had always enjoyed doing in or out of relationships (and still do even though they are not F's thing and he doesn't join me in them) and though done mostly on my own, if someone ever wanted to join me they were more than welcome.

The idea about being interesting is based on the fact that I have dated (briefly) far too many people who had no hobbies, were not interested in anything happening around them or in the world, and apart from making them very boring to be with, they were also very dependent on me to provide them with an interest and if I was unavailable (working, visiting family etc.) I was a monster and didn't care about them. Being a whole person and not needing a relationship to provide you with something to do is very attractive....much better to be in a relationship because you both enjoy each other's company and want to be together than because one wants the other to entertain them so they won't be bored. Add to that Betticus has issues with depression, just as I have, and one of the first things a doctor or therapist will tell you is get up, get out, and do something....sitting around doing absolutely nothing only increases the depressive episodes and your risk of going to a dangerous point of no return.

I am just not a person who advocates for anyone sitting around feeling sorry for themselves...it isn't healthy and it doesn't solve the problem. I don´t see Betticus as being like that as he seems to keep himself busy, but sometimes when you are down it helps to have someone encourage you to do what you know you have to whether you feel like it or not, and reminds you people do care. I am not going to apologise for finding a relationship that works, nor for being proactive about finding that relationship. I certainly would not have found it if I had sat and waited for it to come to me without any input from me, nor would he have been interested if I had been a person who had nothing happening in my life, no interests and passions, waiting for him to provide me with a purpose. Most relationships based on that foundation fail eventually.

Catalina :catroar:
 
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