Dead Men Walking

[IMsoBRAM]

heres a poem i wrote in my scrapbook a while back, Let me know what you think

DEAD MEN WALKING

we are all just dead men
walking
Our graves are the
footsteps we leave behind us

Our souls are trodden
in soil unknown
Our minds are lost
in rotten groves
Our lives forgotten
our will is broken
Our misery
is still unspoken

We are all just dead men
walking
Our graves are the
footsteps forthcoming



JD BRAM

 

[jd4george]

IMsoBRAM... maybe it's just the meandering of a slightly demented mind (mine) but I have a tendency to tinker with stuff. After I write a piece, I always read it aloud at least three times before I save it to my files. By the second or third read, I find the places where I stumble in the reading. I quickly fix those, and then let it rest.

When I come back to the piece, I start to tinker. I constantly wonder where and if I should cut stuff. I ask myself, when appropriate, if the form got in the way. I add or subract accordingly.

(You might want to reread your poem with that in mind... for example, does the "Our..." enhance or get in the way? No answer here... that's up to you).

I then read it aloud three more times. Are there stronger words? Does the poem sound right? Does it slip off the tongue, or do I stumble? If I stumble, is it good or bad. I tinker a little more, then put it away.

Then comes the hardest part for me. A mentor of mine challenged me about writing, and said that a trick that always worked for her was to go through the piece and pick out the "favorite line" and "favorite phrases". Then to look at the piece with those parts deleted!

You read that right. Imagine your poem without your favorite line, or image. Does it still work?

Often, the answer is yes. Sometimes we create things so clever, (in our minds), that we fail to see that it can be TOO clever, or even cliche and trite.

IMsoBRAM, I think putting words of paper is the easiest part of writing poetry. The finesse, style, voice and music (etc., ad nauseam) is what's hard. That comes in the "finishing".

Don't dismay... even the humblest carpenter sands his wood.

 

[IMsoBRAM]

that is really excellent advice...thank you

JD