date near 50

[Guest]

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[doncarlos]

This is a legitimate question, and I'd like to ask help from the ladies. I'm getting close to 50 and find myself in the unenviable position of being quite alone. In some ways, I'm fine with that as it gives me time to do a number of things, but on the other side, it would simply be nice to have someone to share the special times in life. So, to the question, how does a relatively attractive, intelligent, and secure guy meet someone similar in today's world. I know . . . try the personals on lit, but there are too many and they are way too confusing. Try the web sites . . . but most of the women there are either window shopping or so angry from their past relationships that meeting them is an invitation to a punching a contest where I'm the convenient target. Bars and nightclubs are foolish at my age; and the idea of approaching a woman at a grocery store makes me feel like a sleazy stalker, so I don't do it. Only fools would troll at work. As to escorts, the point isn't sex; the point is finding a friend to share time and life with.

On a second level, I'd love some advice on the age issues. I guess that I'm a bit prejudiced about the age issues. Anyone below 40 seems to be off my radar screen as I don't want to hear about biological clocks ticking. I find that the best relationships occur with women around my age, 5 years younger-5 years older. I don't want to explain to someone who James Arness was and why I felt sad yesterday. I don't know if that is being too picky.

Anyway, I'd appreciate any ideas through this thread or pm.

Young Man,

and I say Young Man because I have myself passed the 70 year mark and do not have the issues or worries you do. Most likely you have DECADES of fun and love ahead of you if you just take it easy and approach everything with a determined yet relaxed attitude.

Finding a new partner is a NUMBERS GAME just like searching for a new job. You have to accept that and sift through a large number of ladies for example on the numerous dating sites. Expect to email 100 and amongst those meet F2F with perhaps 20 and have second dates with no more than 5.

You are probably too conservative in your target age bracket assuming you are able to 'deliver the merchandise'. I date mostly ladies who are 15 - 20 years younger than me.

In the end the outcome depends very much on what you are aiming for. If you are only amining for 'companionship' i.e. somebody to go out with and somebody who can fill the emptiness of your house, you have a relatively easy job ahead of you. On the other hand if you want a complete relationship it gets harder because as we get older both parties are somewhat set in their ways and may have trouble to adjust. Good Luck.

 

[Guest]

Thank you

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[lovecraft68]

Don Carlos,

Thank you for calling me young. It's nice to hear a different perspective. I know that you are probably right, but if patience is truly a virtue, then I am a very virtuous man indeed; and I'd like to be a little less.

I know you are excluding dating services but I know three couples who met on e-harmony and have been together awhile. Better yet they said that even the dates they had that didn't quite click weren't horror shows. They have a decent process and although obviously their system can only go by what the person is telling it there does not seem to be a lot of whack jobs.

Craigs list on the other hand well.....

 

[Guest]

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[SweetErika]

Do you have any interests or hobbies that might allow you to meet new friends? Even if you meet attached people, they probably have single friends.

Have you tried social groups for your interests, profession, etc.? How about local singles groups? Sites like MeetUp are great for meeting people you have things in common with.

Are you into any social sports, like golf or bowling? If so, join a league or group. If not, maybe you could learn.

 

[rosco rathbone]

You're doing something wrong, because there are many, many, many lonely women in your age bracket looking for the same thing you are looking for.

On closer examination of your post, I found it: the little qualification about bitter angry women still mad at their exes.

Long story short: people your age have history. That's what makes them interesting. They ALL have it...you probably have it too.

Nut up and learn to deal, or you don't deserve the company of well-seasoned females.

 

[CutieMouse]

I am 39. I consider men in the 45-49 year old bracket to be borderline "too young" for me; one reason being that *I* don't want to hear anything about biological clicks, ticking, or time bombs.

Hobbies, dating websites, social event groups are going to ve your best options. Don't discount someone *just* because of their age, and try to stay open minded... Sometimes livers simply fall into ones lap when least expected.

 

[Guest]

thanks

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[SweetErika]

You could also try volunteering and speed-dating. Or even some type of religious or spirtual thing, if you're so inclined.

FWIW, my mom's been fairly single for about 20 years now. Part of it's her own fault for not looking past some things, but a lot of it's because many older guys come with a ton of icky baggage. She looks for guys who are active, take care of themselves, financially secure (because she is, and doesn't want to support someone else's retirement), positive, respectful, are capable of having LTRs, haven't been married a gazillion times, aren't heavy drinkers (apparently many guys in their 50s and 60s like several drinks daily), are not sexist/racist/homophobic, and aren't on the rebound from a divorce or death.

So if you have that stuff going for you, you probably won't have too much trouble finding women, since that's pretty much the golden list for every woman I've known in your age bracket.

 

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[Cattypuss]

Sometimes livers simply fall into ones lap when least expected.

Jeez, I hope that never happens to me... I'm quite squeamish about offal.

 

[Guest]

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[SweetErika]

I've received several nice and encouraging pms from individuals who have helped me to identify the problem. For many years I was married, and I began to look at other women as completely off limits. I took my vows seriously, avoided compromising situations, and stopped looking at women as potential partners. A persistent fault, I've been known to be somewhat of a flirt, but I'm not aware that I'm doing it. It just seems to come naturally and it makes matters easier when you can make people smile. I don't think anything of it, and I'm not even aware when I'm doing it. To me, eye contact is just eye contact; a smile is just a smile; and both things are nice ways of creating a comfortable situation. So, ladies, what am I missing????? I conduct myself as a gentleman. I won't touch a woman unless I see that she is in distress or needs help. Even then, my touch is gentle and safe to the arm or back. I keep a respectful distance, though I attempt to enliven any conversation with humor. I'm successful in my field and active in the community. I think I've just lost the radar that says this lady is interested and go for it. At my age, women can be very subtle, and I know the right one is just hiding in plain sight. Help me to see her.

So, if YOU might be interested in a lady (or even if you'd just like some practice), talk with her. Ask her some questions and see how she responds to you. Is her voice warm? Does she smile when the situation calls for it? Does she make eye contact a lot? Maybe touch your arm, shoulder or back? Invite you to do or show you something?

Then go back to the numbers game thing: engage as many women as possible in an attempt to learn their cues and get to know them. When you click with someone, compliment her, ask to exchange information and/or grab a cup of coffee or whatever. The worst she can do is decline, but eventually you're going to meet some women who accept and/or see you as a prospect for one or more of their single friends.

In short, look for cues and practice, practice, practice!

 

[In Anticipation]

Jeez, I hope that never happens to me... I'm quite squeamish about offal.

I'm quite partial to a bit of liver but prefer it to stay on the plate, liver on the lap is not a good look.

 

[Guest]

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[Nasty_Deeds]

This is a legitimate question, and I'd like to ask help from the ladies. I'm getting close to 50 and find myself in the unenviable position of being quite alone. In some ways, I'm fine with that as it gives me time to do a number of things, but on the other side, it would simply be nice to have someone to share the special times in life. So, to the question, how does a relatively attractive, intelligent, and secure guy meet someone similar in today's world. I know . . . try the personals on lit, but there are too many and they are way too confusing. Try the web sites . . . but most of the women there are either window shopping or so angry from their past relationships that meeting them is an invitation to a punching a contest where I'm the convenient target. Bars and nightclubs are foolish at my age; and the idea of approaching a woman at a grocery store makes me feel like a sleazy stalker, so I don't do it. Only fools would troll at work. As to escorts, the point isn't sex; the point is finding a friend to share time and life with.

On a second level, I'd love some advice on the age issues. I guess that I'm a bit prejudiced about the age issues. Anyone below 40 seems to be off my radar screen as I don't want to hear about biological clocks ticking. I find that the best relationships occur with women around my age, 5 years younger-5 years older. I don't want to explain to someone who James Arness was and why I felt sad yesterday. I don't know if that is being too picky.

Anyway, I'd appreciate any ideas through this thread or pm.

Dating at 50 is a lot different that dating at 20; at 50, women have usually stopped playing coy games, and are more serious about friendship. However, at this age, it can be more difficult to tell if a woman is interested, because at 50, many women have given up on finding anyone and have simply stopped looking.

On the up-side, older women don’t expect, (and usually don’t respond to), come-on lines. All you have to do is be honest and ask. If you know a woman who is not married, (and not in a relationship), simply ask her if she would like to have coffee or dinner, And if she seems a little confused as to why you are asking, tell her the truth, you are alone and would like to have a friend to share conversation and time with.

You mentioned that meeting a woman in a grocery store makes you feel sleazy. It’s only sleazy if you make it that way. You wouldn’t feel sleazy if you asked a man what aisle the coffee was in, or commented that the price of ground beef was going up; it’s no different talking to a woman. Just start a conversation without any expectations, and if she seems to enjoy the conversation, ask her if she would mind if you called her sometime.

Women at 50 have a lot less expectations and act more normal than they did at 20. Just be yourself and be honest, and you will meet someone. Unless being yourself and being honest is an oxymoron.

 

[CuteBrat]

One of The Masters that own me is 51. He gets chicks my age (27) and younger all the time. Its a myth that you need to slow down or lower expectations or any of that. There are plenty of younger women very into older men. And yes, believe it or not, some of us CAN hold a conversation.

 

[Nasty_Deeds]

One of The Masters that own me is 51. He gets chicks my age (27) and younger all the time. Its a myth that you need to slow down or lower expectations or any of that. There are plenty of younger women very into older men. And yes, believe it or not, some of us CAN hold a conversation.

No offense, but I think the key in his original post was that he didn't want to explain who James Arness was. James Arness made his first appearance in Gunsmoke in 1955.

 

[CuteBrat]

No offense, but I think the key in his original post was that he didn't want to explain who James Arness was. James Arness made his first appearance in Gunsmoke in 1955.

And died last week. Younger brother of peter arness. Played sheriff Matt Dillon, America's sheriff.

Don't make assumptions about young chicks.

 

[qrayze]

And died last week. Younger brother of peter arness. Played sheriff Matt Dillon, America's sheriff.

Don't make assumptions about young chicks.

because we know how to google!

 

[Nasty_Deeds]

And died last week. Younger brother of peter arness. Played sheriff Matt Dillon, America's sheriff.

Don't make assumptions about young chicks.

Very good! We all know that Dennis Weaver played Matt's sidekick Chester, but what did Chester do and say in almost every show when there was a crisis? Perhaps you can find an old Gunsmoke script.

 

[Guest]

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[CuteBrat]

Exactly the point. CuteBrat, I'm not trying to make assumptions, but simply stated, there are differences. I don't know what Lady Gaga's real name is nor do I know her latest songs, and I'm sorry for being a jerk, but I really have no desire to know them. I do know that if I were dating someone younger than me and she said, "Did you know that Paul McCartney was in a band before Wings." I'd have to end it or me or both. And, yes, I have heard this statement before. Some of the most interesting and intriguing conversations I have ever had have been with younger people, but when it comes to relationships, I find people my own age to be most compelling. It's nice to know someone who remembers riding in a real mustang or a VW bug; or what it was like to be worried about friends, family members, or the possibility of our own involvement in Vietnam. Technology has changed so much and I do think there is an even greater divide now between young and old. That's not necessarily a bad thing, it just is. It's kind of hard to put into words. I was too young actually to know what Chester said, I was more of the Festus Hagan era; but regardless, for many of us growing up at the time, Matt Dillon was more than just a Marshal. For those of us in fatherless homes, he was a role model and the ideal we tried to live up to. I find myself at an inexplicable loss in knowing that he is gone, but I am also thankful for the model his character set for my life.

Hmm....I think one reason I like older men is they know stuff I don't. And one thing I can offer them (besides the obvious) is I know things they don't. I don't see how that's a negative. I like men who can teach me things. And I like to know guys can learn stuff from my perspective. To me, that's all good.

 

[In Anticipation]

Hmm....I think one reason I like older men is they know stuff I don't. And one thing I can offer them (besides the obvious) is I know things they don't. I don't see how that's a negative. I like men who can teach me things. And I like to know guys can learn stuff from my perspective. To me, that's all good.

I completely agree, although I don't think I'm stuck in the past much, kind of open to all sorts of new stuff.